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Post by The L.F.C Fan on Oct 11, 2008 12:43:36 GMT -5
Sheer Domination opened his front door with a bang, the man on the other side stepped back slightly, out of surprise at the reaction more than anything. Sheer Domination grunted.
Sheer Domination: Yes?
Man: I’m not sure whether or not you’re interested in new windows, we offer the highest quality range of both double and…
Sheer Domination stopped the man in his tracks, it was the night after he met with the WF:WF owner outside the pub and his anger was still apparent.
Sheer Domination: You want to know something?
Man: Err...
Sheer Domination: I hate two people in this world, idiots and Salesmen, he fall into both categories!
Sheer Domination pushed his arms out, grabbing the anxious salesman by the collar, Sheer Domination then carried him towards his front gate, taking large steps as he went, Sheer Domination then elevated the in-shock Salesman and with incomparable strength threw him over the gate and out of his house’s path.
Sheer Domination: If I ever see you or any colleagues of yours I am going really to hurt you.
The salesman scampered to his feet and made a grab for his mobile phone which was seen in his top pocket, Sheer Domination stormed down to him, opened his gate and made a clean snatch for the mobile phone, Sheer Domination threw the phone to the ground, the sim card fell from the back and Sheer Domination stomped on the mobile with all of his strength, the phone fell into one thousand pieces.
Sheer Domination: Looking for help were you?
The Salesman stuttered and ran, Sheer Domination left and re-entered his house, as if nothing had happened.
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Post by bad guy™ on Oct 11, 2008 14:38:25 GMT -5
Hmm...not bad. I did something similar when I debuted here. (Must be a thing when you have a big dude as a pic base, you have to make them dominant in the debut RP.  ) While the dialogue was pretty generic, you did decent with detail. My main advice is for you to go through the main page and read some of those RPs (specifically Thunder and Revvie's). With Thunder, you get crisp, influential dialogue. With Revvie, you get some of the best detail around. Hope to see more from you as time goes on.  |
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Calvin
Main Eventer
visit my myspace and listen to my music
Joined on: Dec 18, 2001 15:13:21 GMT -5
Posts: 3,791
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Post by Calvin on Oct 11, 2008 15:13:04 GMT -5
why do people always think violence will put them over?
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Post by The L.F.C Fan on Oct 12, 2008 5:34:41 GMT -5
why do people always think violence will put them over? Well my character is a ruthless, conscience-less powerhouse, he does violence. |
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Calvin
Main Eventer
visit my myspace and listen to my music
Joined on: Dec 18, 2001 15:13:21 GMT -5
Posts: 3,791
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Post by Calvin on Oct 12, 2008 5:41:39 GMT -5
why do people always think violence will put them over? Well my character is a ruthless, conscience-less powerhouse, he does violence. how does beating up an innocent man for no real reason show you as a strong violent person? |
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Post by The L.F.C Fan on Oct 12, 2008 7:00:52 GMT -5
Well my character is a ruthless, conscience-less powerhouse, he does violence. how does beating up an innocent man for no real reason show you as a strong violent person? It shows him as a angry man who won't take anything, if something annoys him he does something about it |
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Calvin
Main Eventer
visit my myspace and listen to my music
Joined on: Dec 18, 2001 15:13:21 GMT -5
Posts: 3,791
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Post by Calvin on Oct 12, 2008 17:12:24 GMT -5
how does beating up an innocent man for no real reason show you as a strong violent person? It shows him as a angry man who won't take anything, if something annoys him he does something about it all it tells me is that he goes after people who really have no defense on their side and can't really defend themselves properly. Or something along those lines. I think its just foolish, and doesn't really prove any point but that you enjoy attacking people who arent' expecting it. |
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Post by flaps2 on Oct 12, 2008 19:37:30 GMT -5
That's it Calvin someone new comes to RP'ing so lets give him a hard time and try our damned hardest to make him feel unwelcome. For crying out loud no one is brilliant right off the bat so try giving the guy advice.
Anyway as for the promo it's fine for what it is you just need to try to do more with it. It's hard to give you specific advice since isn't an actual full RP for a match but just try to remember to do more with every aspect of it. All we will know about your character is what you tell us so use every chance you can to tell us for example the house, if you'd described what kind of area it was in a little we'd have more of an idea of the guys background and how you want us to see him. You could have also expanded on the conversation alot more to give us more of an insight into his gimmick but for just setting up your guy and letting everyone see your here it's ok. Besides that listen to what King Dread said and take a look around at some other peoples RP's to get some idea of what this is all about and inspiration for your own character.
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Calvin
Main Eventer
visit my myspace and listen to my music
Joined on: Dec 18, 2001 15:13:21 GMT -5
Posts: 3,791
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Post by Calvin on Oct 12, 2008 23:42:04 GMT -5
That's it Calvin someone new comes to RP'ing so lets give him a hard time and try our damned hardest to make him feel unwelcome. For crying out loud no one is brilliant right off the bat so try giving the guy advice. Anyway as for the promo it's fine for what it is you just need to try to do more with it. It's hard to give you specific advice since isn't an actual full RP for a match but just try to remember to do more with every aspect of it. All we will know about your character is what you tell us so use every chance you can to tell us for example the house, if you'd described what kind of area it was in a little we'd have more of an idea of the guys background and how you want us to see him. You could have also expanded on the conversation alot more to give us more of an insight into his gimmick but for just setting up your guy and letting everyone see your here it's ok. Besides that listen to what King Dread said and take a look around at some other peoples RP's to get some idea of what this is all about and inspiration for your own character. All I'm doing is giving constructive criticism of why you don't do that. I'm giving my reason as to why you should stray away from that. Because its true, all it does is show that your character is a coward and will beat people up without warning rather then giving them a fair shot to fight back. Ask anyone, its how I rate rps. |
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Post by Kurt Burton: Script Doctor! on Oct 12, 2008 23:49:14 GMT -5
That's it Calvin someone new comes to RP'ing so lets give him a hard time and try our damned hardest to make him feel unwelcome. For crying out loud no one is brilliant right off the bat so try giving the guy advice. Anyway as for the promo it's fine for what it is you just need to try to do more with it. It's hard to give you specific advice since isn't an actual full RP for a match but just try to remember to do more with every aspect of it. All we will know about your character is what you tell us so use every chance you can to tell us for example the house, if you'd described what kind of area it was in a little we'd have more of an idea of the guys background and how you want us to see him. You could have also expanded on the conversation alot more to give us more of an insight into his gimmick but for just setting up your guy and letting everyone see your here it's ok. Besides that listen to what King Dread said and take a look around at some other peoples RP's to get some idea of what this is all about and inspiration for your own character. All I'm doing is giving constructive criticism of why you don't do that. I'm giving my reason as to why you should stray away from that. Because its true, all it does is show that your character is a coward and will beat people up without warning rather then giving them a fair shot to fight back. Ask anyone, its how I rate rps. The thing is you haven't caught on to how others take this. Yes, I know you mean no offense by this, but let's put ourselves in someone else's shoes. If I were to say "How do people not get misspellings hurts their chances?" in one of your RP's, you'd probably think I was a dick. Because I didn't say "You had some serious spelling errors here. Next time try to proof that more." As for the RP, decent work for a first timer. Next time though follow Flaps's advice. And remember that the scariest guy isn't the guy who flies off the handle at everything, but the one who is in total control. |
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