Post by brklynbraller on Dec 19, 2007 23:22:21 GMT -5
Turdler manor, a great wondrous and elegant building. Where the ceilings go almost as high as the Alps, the fountains have bottled water flowing from them, and many 58’ flat screens that inhabit every single room in this fine manor. It is weekly tradition that after one of my matches that they be broadcasted the very next day on every TV in the house for a period of 24hrs. On this very day the match that was being broadcasted was Jake Slash vs. The Great and WONDERFUL Yohan Turdler. Our world hero was sitting on the couch with a gut wrenching scowl on his face. There was something wrong.
Yohan: What the hell is this! This is nothing how it went! This is such crap of pile! STD! Get in here now!
STD: What is it boss?
Yohan: Have you seen the taping of my last match?
STD: Ya
Yohan: Haven’t you noticed that something is wrong with the taping.
STD: Ya, they didn’t show you doing anything. They must have edited out everything.
Yohan: That is correct. We must find this idiot that did this and crush his head! To the Turd mobile.
(Cheesy 70’s super hero music plays while Yohan and STD run across the room where a bust of Albert Einstein is. Yohan flips the bust’s head and red button appears. STD hits the button and the wall in front of them moves revealing two poles. Both Yohan and STD slide down the poles. When they hit the ground two girls in scanty clothing run in fear from being injured.)
Yohan: Oh Ya, I forgot that we decided put in a strip club instead of a secret layer down here.
STD: Hey boss did you hire more security?
Yohan: No, why do you ask that?
STD: Then who are they?
(STD points to two men sitting on one of the couches in the strip club. These men look like there are here for purely business and nothing else. They were wearing suits, dark glasses, and tiny ear pieces in there ears.)
Man 1: Hello Mr. Turdler.
Yohan: Who the hell are you?
Man 2: Well lets just say we sent here from the president to make sure you get to the meeting alright.
Yohan: What meeting?
Man 1: The meeting you will be going to this afternoon.
Yohan: Ok…… That still doesn’t explain anything.
Man2: Let’s just get to the point. The president of the United States has summoned you.
Yohan: Why didn’t you just say that? We could have saved a lot of time instead of the little clues. Why did you sneak into my house, you could’ve just rang the doorbell.
Man 1: I know, we just wanted to show how sneaky we where. Plus we really wanted to see your strip club. I’ve heard a lot of good things about it.
STD: You guys should have came on Tuesday that’s half off lap dances.
Yohan: Shut up STD! We will go with you to see your president.
Man 2: Yes sir! Right this way.
(The two men lead them to their car and takes off for the presidential residence. Immediately cuts to the “presidential residency”. Yohan steps out of the car.)
Yohan: So this is what you Americans call the house of white. Kind of small isn’t STD.
STD: Ya, your summer house is bigger than this.
Man 1: Please gentlemen we must hurry, the president doesn’t like people being late because it interferes with mid afternoon nap time.
Yohan: Oh I see.
(Our heroes are taken to an Oval shaped office.)
Man 2: Please wait here the president will be with you in just a moment.
(The two men leave Yohan and STD alone in the office of oval. Yohan instantly starts to snoop around the president’s desk. Yohan grabs a picture from off his desk.)
Yohan: Hey look STD, the president has one of those freak show pictures. Look there is the bearded woman and there is the oldest man alive.
(Right after Yohan says this, the door opens, a man with gray hair and a goofy looking face comes walking trough the door.)
President: HOWDY BOYS! How’s it going? I see that you noticed the picture of parents.
(Yohan and STD look at each other and grin.)
President: Well you’re probably asking yourselves, why are we here today?
Yohan: (sarcastically) Uhhh……Ya,
President: Well boys I have gotten word that you were using weapons of mass destruction. Those could be very dangerous, and America will not stand for them.
Yohan: What are you talking about? No, wait, I think I know what you are talking about, our last video demonstration of our wrestling weapons.
President: Wrestling weapons? Are you sure? No nuclear weapons or nerve gas?
Yohan: No, just the regular cat of nine sausages, sausage chucks and etc.
President: Oh this is bad. I have to make a few calls to clear this up.
Yohan: What are you talking about?
President: Well when I heard that you had weapons of mass destruction, I kinda decided to send troops to attack Poland, but don’t worry one call will clear this up.
Yohan: That’s ok.
President: Well that’s not all of it. I also had the WFWF edit out all your offense to make you look weak.
(Yohan jumps from his chair, dives over the desk and begins to choke the president.)
Yohan: You b*stard! This is unforgivable! You shall die!!!!!!!!!!!!
(STD grabs Yohan, he can’t restrain him. The two secret service men run in and helps STD restrain Yohan.)
(The president regains his breath and stands up)
President: I’m sorry; I will do anything to make this up.
(Yohan calms down looks at the president)
Yohan: Anything?
President: Yes, anything.
Yohan: Well first you can give me every file known to man about this Jimi Hamilton guy.
President: Oh Jimi Hamilton is one of my favorite wrastler, well next to Jake Slash that is.
(Yohan speaks polish to STD and immediately afterwards laughs)
Translation
Yohan: That proves that their president is a tard.
President: What’s so funny? Did I fart?
Yohan: Sorry, Mr. President, it is just some old Polish humor. Now back to business. I want the files and… (Yohan picks up a picture of the president with two hot girls.) I will take these two girls.
President: Those are my daughters.
Yohan: I know you said I could have anything right.
President: Well, yes.
Yohan: Deliver the file on Jimi Hamilton tomorrow morning and your daughter’s tomorrow night.
President: Ok, Mr. Turdler.
(Yohan and STD exits the office of oval)
Yohan: This perfect, we have everything we need to find out what weaknesses J-duhhhhhh g Hamilton. Life couldn’t be any easier. Let’s just hope the president’s daughters are easier.
STD: If their as dumb as their old man it should be easy.
Yohan: Yes, For Poland!!!!!!!!
Yohan: What the hell is this! This is nothing how it went! This is such crap of pile! STD! Get in here now!
STD: What is it boss?
Yohan: Have you seen the taping of my last match?
STD: Ya
Yohan: Haven’t you noticed that something is wrong with the taping.
STD: Ya, they didn’t show you doing anything. They must have edited out everything.
Yohan: That is correct. We must find this idiot that did this and crush his head! To the Turd mobile.
(Cheesy 70’s super hero music plays while Yohan and STD run across the room where a bust of Albert Einstein is. Yohan flips the bust’s head and red button appears. STD hits the button and the wall in front of them moves revealing two poles. Both Yohan and STD slide down the poles. When they hit the ground two girls in scanty clothing run in fear from being injured.)
Yohan: Oh Ya, I forgot that we decided put in a strip club instead of a secret layer down here.
STD: Hey boss did you hire more security?
Yohan: No, why do you ask that?
STD: Then who are they?
(STD points to two men sitting on one of the couches in the strip club. These men look like there are here for purely business and nothing else. They were wearing suits, dark glasses, and tiny ear pieces in there ears.)
Man 1: Hello Mr. Turdler.
Yohan: Who the hell are you?
Man 2: Well lets just say we sent here from the president to make sure you get to the meeting alright.
Yohan: What meeting?
Man 1: The meeting you will be going to this afternoon.
Yohan: Ok…… That still doesn’t explain anything.
Man2: Let’s just get to the point. The president of the United States has summoned you.
Yohan: Why didn’t you just say that? We could have saved a lot of time instead of the little clues. Why did you sneak into my house, you could’ve just rang the doorbell.
Man 1: I know, we just wanted to show how sneaky we where. Plus we really wanted to see your strip club. I’ve heard a lot of good things about it.
STD: You guys should have came on Tuesday that’s half off lap dances.
Yohan: Shut up STD! We will go with you to see your president.
Man 2: Yes sir! Right this way.
(The two men lead them to their car and takes off for the presidential residence. Immediately cuts to the “presidential residency”. Yohan steps out of the car.)
Yohan: So this is what you Americans call the house of white. Kind of small isn’t STD.
STD: Ya, your summer house is bigger than this.
Man 1: Please gentlemen we must hurry, the president doesn’t like people being late because it interferes with mid afternoon nap time.
Yohan: Oh I see.
(Our heroes are taken to an Oval shaped office.)
Man 2: Please wait here the president will be with you in just a moment.
(The two men leave Yohan and STD alone in the office of oval. Yohan instantly starts to snoop around the president’s desk. Yohan grabs a picture from off his desk.)
Yohan: Hey look STD, the president has one of those freak show pictures. Look there is the bearded woman and there is the oldest man alive.
(Right after Yohan says this, the door opens, a man with gray hair and a goofy looking face comes walking trough the door.)
President: HOWDY BOYS! How’s it going? I see that you noticed the picture of parents.
(Yohan and STD look at each other and grin.)
President: Well you’re probably asking yourselves, why are we here today?
Yohan: (sarcastically) Uhhh……Ya,
President: Well boys I have gotten word that you were using weapons of mass destruction. Those could be very dangerous, and America will not stand for them.
Yohan: What are you talking about? No, wait, I think I know what you are talking about, our last video demonstration of our wrestling weapons.
President: Wrestling weapons? Are you sure? No nuclear weapons or nerve gas?
Yohan: No, just the regular cat of nine sausages, sausage chucks and etc.
President: Oh this is bad. I have to make a few calls to clear this up.
Yohan: What are you talking about?
President: Well when I heard that you had weapons of mass destruction, I kinda decided to send troops to attack Poland, but don’t worry one call will clear this up.
Yohan: That’s ok.
President: Well that’s not all of it. I also had the WFWF edit out all your offense to make you look weak.
(Yohan jumps from his chair, dives over the desk and begins to choke the president.)
Yohan: You b*stard! This is unforgivable! You shall die!!!!!!!!!!!!
(STD grabs Yohan, he can’t restrain him. The two secret service men run in and helps STD restrain Yohan.)
(The president regains his breath and stands up)
President: I’m sorry; I will do anything to make this up.
(Yohan calms down looks at the president)
Yohan: Anything?
President: Yes, anything.
Yohan: Well first you can give me every file known to man about this Jimi Hamilton guy.
President: Oh Jimi Hamilton is one of my favorite wrastler, well next to Jake Slash that is.
(Yohan speaks polish to STD and immediately afterwards laughs)
Translation
Yohan: That proves that their president is a tard.
President: What’s so funny? Did I fart?
Yohan: Sorry, Mr. President, it is just some old Polish humor. Now back to business. I want the files and… (Yohan picks up a picture of the president with two hot girls.) I will take these two girls.
President: Those are my daughters.
Yohan: I know you said I could have anything right.
President: Well, yes.
Yohan: Deliver the file on Jimi Hamilton tomorrow morning and your daughter’s tomorrow night.
President: Ok, Mr. Turdler.
(Yohan and STD exits the office of oval)
Yohan: This perfect, we have everything we need to find out what weaknesses J-duhhhhhh g Hamilton. Life couldn’t be any easier. Let’s just hope the president’s daughters are easier.
STD: If their as dumb as their old man it should be easy.
Yohan: Yes, For Poland!!!!!!!!
