Post by brklynbraller on Dec 28, 2007 17:35:53 GMT -5
Turdler Manor
As I walk through my vast manor, I stopped at the trophy room. I notice all the championships I have won over the years. I have the 28 Polish Championships hanging on the wall like a championship wall paper. There are vast junior world championship trophies that I had won in tournaments. I have won every tournament I have been in since as a child. This tournament will be no different starting with the demolition of BJ Coc…. I mean BJ Rocker. Enough about that I will clearly show my dominance, onto the other trophies. Here are my first place ribbons for winning the science fair. Somehow all the participants all came down with food poisoning. I could have been the bad oysters I gave them that morning. Well onto ….. I forgot this was in here. I haven’t seen this mask in years. It takes me back to many years ago.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!FLASHBACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The time was 1989, I was 17 years old. My mother had just past away. The whole Turdler family was at the National Poland burial grounds. My father and I are standing in front of my mother’s casket.
Yohan: This is not mother!
Yohan’s Father: I know son, your mother couldn’t be put back together after she fell into that sausage grinder.
Yohan: Then who is this?
Yohan’s Father: This is a hooker that kind of looked like your mother.
Yohan: This makes me sick. I’m leaving father.
Yohan’s Father: I know this is hard but, you will have a new mother soon.
Yohan: Very well father. I will see you at the house.
Yohan’s Father: Be careful son, I will see you at the house.
What my father didn’t know was that this is going to be the last time I see him for a long time. I cannot be at home everything reminds me of my mother. She always wanted me to be a wrestler and my father will try to stop me from being what my other and I want. He always says that I must take over the business, but my heart is in the ring. I have to go somewhere that can stay hidden and still practice my wrestling. HMMMMMMMM…………I know, Mexico! It is the only place that nobody in Poland would go and they are rich in wrestling culture. I have reached the mansion, I must pack. As I am packing I am approached by STD.
STD: What are you doing?
Yohan: I am packing STD.
STD: Huh?
Yohan: I will miss you my friend.
STD: (confused look on his face) Wha….
(Yohan grabs a bust of Albert Einstein and knocks STD out.)
Yohan: Sorry STD, I cannot let anybody know where I am going.
I exit the mansion in quickness. I run to the Rolls Royce but, then I start to think. Everybody is going to be looking for me in this car. I must grab an unsusceptible car. I run to the employee lot. I grab this crappy Pinto. I drive to the airport. After an hour of traffic I finally get to the airport. I come to the ticket counter.
Ticket agent: Hello, where will you be flying today?
Yohan: I will be going to Mexico.
Ticket agent: I will need your I.D, your passport, and 900 Zloty (Polish currency)
Yohan: Oh yes, here is my passport, I.D, and here is my credit card.
Ticket Agent: Oh, you’re Yohan Turdler! The most famous teenager to live in Poland! It is an honor to meet you.
Yohan: Yes, I know, but I am in a hurry.
Ticket Agent: Very well, here is your ticket and your flight is at gate 69.
I board the plane and am immediately noticed by the flight attendant. She comes up to me and asks if I would like join an elite club. I said that I am a member of many clubs, but this club was special. Rhonda said that it was the mile high club, and I would have to say that I love this club and I will fly Air Poland very time I got a chance. The plane is landing and finally I have arrived in Mexico. I step outside and look onto the beautif……What am I kidding the place was a total disgusting mess. It looks like an abandoned landfill and kids bum rushed me trying to make me buy these disgusting little pieces of gum. I fled with quickness. I made my way to the nearest phone booth. I looked into there phone directory. I look up the wrestling schools. I found one it said "World’s greatest wrestling school, owned by the EL GRANDE BICHEO”. This is the place. I called a cab and immediately went to Grande Bicheo’s school. When I finally arrived I was quite shocked. All that was there was a barn and a small house. I go to the house and knock on the door.
(Knock, knock, and knock.)
Yohan: Hello, is there anybody there? I am here for Bicheo’s wrestling school.
(An old man comes to the door)
Old man: Que? Si.
Yohan: Are you Bicheo?
Old man: Si.
(A woman’s voice comes from the background)
Woman: Who is it father? Oh, hello my name is Penelope and this is my father Bicheo. I’m sorry but my father doesn’t speak English or any other language except Spanish.
Yohan: Oh sorry, I am here to train for wrestling.
(Penelope translates in Spanish to Bicheo. Bicheo answers back.)
Penelope: My father says that he doesn’t just take anybody you must prove you are worthy by wrestling his second worst student Monkey Blitzkrieg. You will wrestle tomorrow, but tonight you will stay in the barn.
Yohan: Ok.
This Penelope she is absolutely beautiful. She has beauty that no other woman in the universe could have. Her voice was so calm and gentle it could tame a Liger. Yes I said a Liger. It is a mixture between a lion and tiger. It is one of the most vicious animals of all. Penelope could tame any man with her busty figure and round rump. This lady shall be mine, but as of right now I am in the barn by myself. My nether regions burn for her love. The South Pole is riding high. There is only way to take care of this. I begin to shine the South Pole when I think I can hear her voice faintly…Yohan….Yohan….Yohan…YOHAN!!
I quickly bring myself together. Penelope is standing before me with dinner in her hands. Her face has a red all over it and slightly smiling. I quickly stand up still at attention and apologize about what she just saw. Penelope just shrugs, drops off the dinner and leaves. I cannot believe this happened. Never have I been this embarrassed in my life. Oh well, I have to eat and get some sleep for my match tomorrow.
The next day I wake up and there is breakfast, a glass of water and a note sitting next to me. I started to drink the water, while reading the note. The note said
“Don’t worry about last night, I won’t tell anybody.”
P.S. Don’t drink the water.
Oh no I have already drunk the water. There is no stopping that now. I must get ready for my match. I get my ring gear on and step outside of the barn. When look outside Bicheo has the ring already set up for wrestling. My opponent is already in the ring. This is not good time to get the rumbling in stomach.
Bicheo: You! Wrestle!
Yohan: But sir I have to go to the …..
(Bicheo interrupts)
Bicheo: Wrestle!
I enter the ring and my stomach is not feeling to good. Monkey Blitzkrieg is ready and jumping all around. He is about 5’7 and about 120lbs. I have pulled it all together and wrestle this match. The match begins. I want this match to get over quickly to go to the bathroom. Monkey Blitzkrieg comes running towards me and jumps doing a hurricarana turning it to a pin. The pressure on stomach is killing me. 1...2… I kick out. I get to my feet and go after Monkey Blitzkrieg. I pick him up and do a sidewalk slam on my small but fast opponent. Monkey Blitzkrieg instantly gets up jumps on the rope doing a springboard crossbody drop on me. I throw him off me immediately. I am getting very angry. I grab Money Blitzkrieg by the mask and put in two good knees to the head. I go for the pin 1….2….and he kicks out. Now both of us are on our feet. We both begin to lay beating on each other. His small quick punches to my stomach were making me a little uneasy. This must end soon. I have to remember what my former teacher Killer Kornowski said, “If the opponent is to quick, wait for him to come to you.” Perfect!
Monkey Blitzkrieg dropkicks me to the ground. He jumps up on the turnbuckle and does a primal monkey scream. He is signaling his finishing move. Monkey Blitzkrieg jumps from the turnbuckle and is going for a moonsault, when I jump up and catch his head in mid air and do the sausage cutter on him. I turn him over 1…..2…..3…..I win I stand there celebrating, I look at Penelope and Bicheo they are both smiling, but as I am celebrating I feel that feeling again and run for the bathroom.
Bicheo: (In English) He is going to be very difficult, he lacks discipline.
Penelope: I know father but I have a good feeling about him.
Bicheo: Very well, His training begins today. After he gets rid of Montezuma’s revenge.
Penelope and Bicheo begin to laugh.
END OF PART 1
As I walk through my vast manor, I stopped at the trophy room. I notice all the championships I have won over the years. I have the 28 Polish Championships hanging on the wall like a championship wall paper. There are vast junior world championship trophies that I had won in tournaments. I have won every tournament I have been in since as a child. This tournament will be no different starting with the demolition of BJ Coc…. I mean BJ Rocker. Enough about that I will clearly show my dominance, onto the other trophies. Here are my first place ribbons for winning the science fair. Somehow all the participants all came down with food poisoning. I could have been the bad oysters I gave them that morning. Well onto ….. I forgot this was in here. I haven’t seen this mask in years. It takes me back to many years ago.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!FLASHBACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The time was 1989, I was 17 years old. My mother had just past away. The whole Turdler family was at the National Poland burial grounds. My father and I are standing in front of my mother’s casket.
Yohan: This is not mother!
Yohan’s Father: I know son, your mother couldn’t be put back together after she fell into that sausage grinder.
Yohan: Then who is this?
Yohan’s Father: This is a hooker that kind of looked like your mother.
Yohan: This makes me sick. I’m leaving father.
Yohan’s Father: I know this is hard but, you will have a new mother soon.
Yohan: Very well father. I will see you at the house.
Yohan’s Father: Be careful son, I will see you at the house.
What my father didn’t know was that this is going to be the last time I see him for a long time. I cannot be at home everything reminds me of my mother. She always wanted me to be a wrestler and my father will try to stop me from being what my other and I want. He always says that I must take over the business, but my heart is in the ring. I have to go somewhere that can stay hidden and still practice my wrestling. HMMMMMMMM…………I know, Mexico! It is the only place that nobody in Poland would go and they are rich in wrestling culture. I have reached the mansion, I must pack. As I am packing I am approached by STD.
STD: What are you doing?
Yohan: I am packing STD.
STD: Huh?
Yohan: I will miss you my friend.
STD: (confused look on his face) Wha….
(Yohan grabs a bust of Albert Einstein and knocks STD out.)
Yohan: Sorry STD, I cannot let anybody know where I am going.
I exit the mansion in quickness. I run to the Rolls Royce but, then I start to think. Everybody is going to be looking for me in this car. I must grab an unsusceptible car. I run to the employee lot. I grab this crappy Pinto. I drive to the airport. After an hour of traffic I finally get to the airport. I come to the ticket counter.
Ticket agent: Hello, where will you be flying today?
Yohan: I will be going to Mexico.
Ticket agent: I will need your I.D, your passport, and 900 Zloty (Polish currency)
Yohan: Oh yes, here is my passport, I.D, and here is my credit card.
Ticket Agent: Oh, you’re Yohan Turdler! The most famous teenager to live in Poland! It is an honor to meet you.
Yohan: Yes, I know, but I am in a hurry.
Ticket Agent: Very well, here is your ticket and your flight is at gate 69.
I board the plane and am immediately noticed by the flight attendant. She comes up to me and asks if I would like join an elite club. I said that I am a member of many clubs, but this club was special. Rhonda said that it was the mile high club, and I would have to say that I love this club and I will fly Air Poland very time I got a chance. The plane is landing and finally I have arrived in Mexico. I step outside and look onto the beautif……What am I kidding the place was a total disgusting mess. It looks like an abandoned landfill and kids bum rushed me trying to make me buy these disgusting little pieces of gum. I fled with quickness. I made my way to the nearest phone booth. I looked into there phone directory. I look up the wrestling schools. I found one it said "World’s greatest wrestling school, owned by the EL GRANDE BICHEO”. This is the place. I called a cab and immediately went to Grande Bicheo’s school. When I finally arrived I was quite shocked. All that was there was a barn and a small house. I go to the house and knock on the door.
(Knock, knock, and knock.)
Yohan: Hello, is there anybody there? I am here for Bicheo’s wrestling school.
(An old man comes to the door)
Old man: Que? Si.
Yohan: Are you Bicheo?
Old man: Si.
(A woman’s voice comes from the background)
Woman: Who is it father? Oh, hello my name is Penelope and this is my father Bicheo. I’m sorry but my father doesn’t speak English or any other language except Spanish.
Yohan: Oh sorry, I am here to train for wrestling.
(Penelope translates in Spanish to Bicheo. Bicheo answers back.)
Penelope: My father says that he doesn’t just take anybody you must prove you are worthy by wrestling his second worst student Monkey Blitzkrieg. You will wrestle tomorrow, but tonight you will stay in the barn.
Yohan: Ok.
This Penelope she is absolutely beautiful. She has beauty that no other woman in the universe could have. Her voice was so calm and gentle it could tame a Liger. Yes I said a Liger. It is a mixture between a lion and tiger. It is one of the most vicious animals of all. Penelope could tame any man with her busty figure and round rump. This lady shall be mine, but as of right now I am in the barn by myself. My nether regions burn for her love. The South Pole is riding high. There is only way to take care of this. I begin to shine the South Pole when I think I can hear her voice faintly…Yohan….Yohan….Yohan…YOHAN!!
I quickly bring myself together. Penelope is standing before me with dinner in her hands. Her face has a red all over it and slightly smiling. I quickly stand up still at attention and apologize about what she just saw. Penelope just shrugs, drops off the dinner and leaves. I cannot believe this happened. Never have I been this embarrassed in my life. Oh well, I have to eat and get some sleep for my match tomorrow.
The next day I wake up and there is breakfast, a glass of water and a note sitting next to me. I started to drink the water, while reading the note. The note said
“Don’t worry about last night, I won’t tell anybody.”
P.S. Don’t drink the water.
Oh no I have already drunk the water. There is no stopping that now. I must get ready for my match. I get my ring gear on and step outside of the barn. When look outside Bicheo has the ring already set up for wrestling. My opponent is already in the ring. This is not good time to get the rumbling in stomach.
Bicheo: You! Wrestle!
Yohan: But sir I have to go to the …..
(Bicheo interrupts)
Bicheo: Wrestle!
I enter the ring and my stomach is not feeling to good. Monkey Blitzkrieg is ready and jumping all around. He is about 5’7 and about 120lbs. I have pulled it all together and wrestle this match. The match begins. I want this match to get over quickly to go to the bathroom. Monkey Blitzkrieg comes running towards me and jumps doing a hurricarana turning it to a pin. The pressure on stomach is killing me. 1...2… I kick out. I get to my feet and go after Monkey Blitzkrieg. I pick him up and do a sidewalk slam on my small but fast opponent. Monkey Blitzkrieg instantly gets up jumps on the rope doing a springboard crossbody drop on me. I throw him off me immediately. I am getting very angry. I grab Money Blitzkrieg by the mask and put in two good knees to the head. I go for the pin 1….2….and he kicks out. Now both of us are on our feet. We both begin to lay beating on each other. His small quick punches to my stomach were making me a little uneasy. This must end soon. I have to remember what my former teacher Killer Kornowski said, “If the opponent is to quick, wait for him to come to you.” Perfect!
Monkey Blitzkrieg dropkicks me to the ground. He jumps up on the turnbuckle and does a primal monkey scream. He is signaling his finishing move. Monkey Blitzkrieg jumps from the turnbuckle and is going for a moonsault, when I jump up and catch his head in mid air and do the sausage cutter on him. I turn him over 1…..2…..3…..I win I stand there celebrating, I look at Penelope and Bicheo they are both smiling, but as I am celebrating I feel that feeling again and run for the bathroom.
Bicheo: (In English) He is going to be very difficult, he lacks discipline.
Penelope: I know father but I have a good feeling about him.
Bicheo: Very well, His training begins today. After he gets rid of Montezuma’s revenge.
Penelope and Bicheo begin to laugh.
END OF PART 1
new people and 
