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Post by legendkiller8 on Jul 26, 2011 1:19:45 GMT -5
Interested in this so far. Things are looking pretty nice so far. The character development is pretty solid so far. Keep it up.
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Post by Rated R on Jul 27, 2011 19:46:18 GMT -5
Episode Two, Part Two (of Two)We pick up on the roof of the truck stop as Jake Dean climbs up, rifle in hand. Already stationed on the roof is fellow convoy member James Richards, the group’s resident loner and sharpshooter. James says that he spotted the newcomers and Jake questions why he didn’t shoot them, James quipping that he doesn’t kill living people; otherwise Jake’s stay on this roof would have been considerably shorter. Jake relieves James from lookout duty, James leaving the roof as Jake settled in for the night. As night sets in the entire convoy call it a night, looking to get a night of sleep ahead of further travelling the following morning. Meanwhile Alan takes the first shift watching the door. While all the rest of the lights in the store have been shut off to avoid garnering attention Alan forgets to turn the one off inside the store room. From out in the open an Infected begins walking towards the light, followed by several more. An hour later Daniel lies inside the RV, unable to sleep, next to a sleeping Kara. He quietly exits the RV and goes out into the open, where he spots the light inside the truck stop. Deciding to check in on Alan he walks towards the store and is spotted from the roof by Jake, who leaves his post and heads down the ladder. Daniel enters into the truck stop where he is caught off guard by Tammy. Tammy explains that she couldn’t get to sleep and needed a cigarette. Sharing a smoke the two talk about Tammy’s brother Jake, bonding over their mutual distaste for him. Tammy explains that he’s always been a handful since their parents died, a conversation that Jake is shown to be listening into. Meanwhile Alan is shown having fallen asleep in his chair while on guard. The large door is pushed ajar by a rotting hand from the inside. At the same time outside the store dozens of Infected close in having seen the light with nobody on the roof to spot them. Tammy heads off to get some sleep, thanking Daniel for the chat. After she has left Jake reveals himself from the dark. He asks Daniel who he thinks he is just turning up and trying to turn his sister against him, Daniel pointing out that Tammy is already against him. Jake questions whether Daniel truly is the loyal boyfriend that he makes out to be, and ponders how Kara would react if she knew he was out in the middle of the night with Tammy. The two look close to coming to blows when a scream is heard from the store room. Daniel and Jake rush to the doorway finding Alan being eaten by several Infected. Jake brings up the rifle and begins shooting. The shots wake up the rest of the convoy, Robert, James and Sam being the first to reach the truck stop. Sam spots Alan being devoured and Robert gets James to force him back to the vehicles, instructing him to get the convoy ready to move. Suddenly dozens of Infected begin pushing through the front of the store. Daniel volunteers to stay and hold the Infected back alongside Jake, Robert throwing him his pistol and heading back to get the convoy mobilised. As Daniel and Jake hold off the Infected the rest of the convoy get ready to move. With no sign of Daniel or Jake Robert is seconds away from running back in when Alexa, seeing how upset Kara is worrying over Daniel, sprints back into the building, risking her own life. Inside the building Jake shouts at Daniel that they need to go. Daniel agrees but coldly shoots Jake in the leg, a sight that Alexa comes into the building just in time to spot. Jake drops to the floor and is besieged by the Infected as Daniel turns, spotting the shell-shocked Alexa. He urges her back to the convoy, Daniel taking one final look at Jake who is being eaten alive. As Daniel and Alexa exit the building Robert asks about Jake but Daniel shakes his head. Solemnly Robert shouts at them to move as Infected pour outside of the truck stop towards them. The convoy departs without Alan and Jake, both having been lost in the attack. Tammy and Sam are both shown lamenting their losses, Tammy stony faced but clearly shaken up while Sam is in tears. Meanwhile from inside the RV Daniel hugs Kara tightly, sharing a guilty look with Alexa.
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Jack.
Main Eventer
Probably out Skating
Joined on: Feb 23, 2009 11:06:38 GMT -5
Posts: 4,907
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Post by Jack. on Jul 29, 2011 6:58:12 GMT -5
I have been following I just haven't been replying to anyone lately. Jake staying on the roof alone could be fatal. I love James' loner character. Alan won't survive, what an idiot, typical twist that you could find in a show like this though. I like the focus on the main characters. I love the fact that Jake was listening to the conversation, this is really detailed in little storylines that make it more interesting. Alan is screwed now, oh well, makes for a good story. I liked the tension between Jake and Daniel, glad they noticed Alan though, I'm guessing one of them won't make it, most likely Jake. Alan dieing was expected. Alexa going back for Daniel is surprising but incorporates more emotion into the story and shows the sister's relationship. I can't believe Daniel shot Jake. It adds a secret to the story and a very good twist, is Daniel evil? I wonder how Alexa will keep this from Kara. Great ending. This was a really good episode, with another great cliffhanger which I would've never thought off. Really looking forward to the next installment. Great job.
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Post by Red Dragon on Aug 1, 2011 7:58:47 GMT -5
Theres some real good writing in here with some great storylines. Daniel shooting Jake is a nice twist and adds to the "anyone can die at anytime" theme you got going. Alan dying after slacking on the guard makes sense I suppose, I just hope Sam doesn't join him soon so I still have a character in this. Still a bit confusing for me personally and I just can't get into it but I'm sure thats just me. Good luck and keep this up.
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Post by Rated R on Aug 7, 2011 9:01:21 GMT -5
Part One (of Two)We open the episode with Robert, James and Morgan inside a truck stop, different to the one the prior episode was set in. As the three quietly comb the store, finding it very short on supplies, Morgan asks if they should really be checking truck stops after the last time. Robert says they’re the best bet to find supplies but James points out that there are barely any supplies here, the shelves having been picked clean. Morgan asks if that means that there are more survivors out there, Robert saying that if there are then they didn’t hang around here. Suddenly an Infected charges at them from the dark but James shoots it dead with a single shot. The convoy have parked up a short distance away from the group. While Daniel and Cub sit on top of the RV working lookout Kara and Evie talk about their respective boyfriends. Evie tells Kara that Cub has been increasingly unstable since the infection began, saying that he isn’t coping well at all. Kara says that Daniel was fine but ever since the incident at the truck stop he has become distant. Evie points out that he saw two men die and that it can’t be good for him. She asks Kara about her mother, who is sitting silently inside the RV. Kara explains that her mother has barely said a word since Kara’s father died and that she is worried that this will push her over the edge. Having heard the gunshot Alexa and Kacy attempt to sneak into the back of the truckstop but are caught out as Robert, James and morgan exit the store, Robert shouting at the girls that they need to grow up and be more careful. He explains to the convoy that not only is the truck stop mostly cleaned out but that they have a second problem – they are running out of ammunition, and without ammo they will essentially be walking snacks for the Infected. Daniel tells them that when he was travelling with the Jacob’s they passed through a small town with a gun shop a few miles from here. Talk turns to whether they should take the risk, Robert arguing that if it’s a small town then the Infected will be scarce, and a small group of them could get in and out quickly. He decides that they will travel towards the town and when they are outside of it he will lead a group of volunteers in. As the convoy prepare to leave for the town Kara and Daniel talk about the supply run into the town. Having seen his expression when the run was announced she begs him not to volunteer himself, saying that she can’t bear the thought of losing somebody else. He doesn’t answer, instead looking guiltily at Tammy Dean in the distance, obviously remembering killing her brother days earlier. The convoy stop once they are a safe distance outside of the town, Robert intending to take the supply group into the town on foot. Asking whether he has any volunteers to make the trip alongside him James, Morgan and Chase all stick their hands up. Morgan’s son Dominic attempts to volunteer as well but Morgan forbids it, saying he won’t put his son in danger for some guns. When Robert asks if that is everyone Daniel slowly sticks his hand up despite the prior protests of Kara. While the supply group begin to prepare for their trip into town Sam sits idly by, looking dejected. He still hasn’t truly reacted to the death of best friend Alan. Lee walks up to him and attempts to talk to him, pushing the subject of Alan, telling him that it is perfectly acceptable to show grief. Sam shouts that Alan died in the same way that he lived – sitting on his ass, doing nothing and sleeping his life away. Sam tells Lee to worry about himself because he doesn’t care anymore. As Daniel prepares for the trip in Kara begs him to change his mind and stay with her. Despite Kara’s protests Daniel refuses to back down, saying that this is something he has to do, causing Kara to walk off in tears. Alexa furiously asks if this is to do with shooting Jake, insisting that she won’t tell anybody and that he doesn’t have to risk his life. Daniel tells her that he did what he did to keep them safe, insisting that Jake was a danger to all of them. He insists that he did the right thing but that every time he closes his eyes all he can see is Jake’s face as he shot him. Alexa questions whether he is trying to get himself killed because of his guilt, an accusation that he vehemently denies, although his expression as she walks off says otherwise. It is shown that Kacy has overheard the entire conversation from around the corner of the RV, and now knows all about Jake’s death. The supply group, lead by Robert and consisting of Daniel, James, Morgan and Chase, talk over their plan of entry with Andrew - a simple get in, get out job with as little interaction with the Infected as possible. Robert asks if they are all they want to do this, telling them he can’t promise that they will survive. All of them insist they are ready and begin marching towards the town.
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Post by Rule 30 on Aug 8, 2011 14:47:28 GMT -5
I've been checking on this on and off. I like how you are starting to give each character something to do, and I really like the storyline with Daniel shooting Jake. There is some fantastic writing in this diary. I'd like to mention I like how you add cliffhangers at the end of each part.
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Post by Rated R on Aug 13, 2011 11:33:49 GMT -5
Part Two (of Two)We return with the supply run group, consisting of Robert, James, Morgan, Daniel and Chase, entering the town. It quickly becomes apparent that it is practically a ghost town as the group can’t even see any signs of the Infected. Chase suggests that the entire town’s population may have left before any of the Infected could reach them but James points out the presence of their cars, asking who would possibly try escaping on foot? Back at the camp Alexa attempts to calm Kara, who is becoming increasingly worried about Daniel’s behaviour and absence. Alexa turns her attention away from Daniel, talking about their mother Harriet, who has barely spoken a word since their father died a week prior. Alexa voices her worries that she is closing herself off from reality. Kara promises Alexa that she’ll take care of it and walks off as Kacy approaches. Kacy asks Alexa if Kara is alright and Alexa says that she is just worried about Daniel. Kacy, who has secretly discovered Daniel’s killer secret, says that she is sure Daniel can take care of himself. Tammy Dean is shown writing something down in private when Andrew approaches her, asking her if she is okay following the death of her brother. She insists she is fine, asking Andrew what he really wants. Caught off guard Andrew assures her he was just worried about her before asking about what she is writing. Tammy refuses to show him and tells him to leave her alone. A dejected Andrew walks away. Back at the town Daniel leads the group towards the gun shop. Morgan questions whether the guns will even be left, Robert saying that they’d better hope so otherwise this entire trip has been for nothing. The group pass by a car, Chase spotting a bag full of canned food inside. Chase goes to open the door but find that it’s locked, the car alarm going off. The group freeze as a horde of Infected swarm out from nearby buildings and alleyways, many of them able to run! The group run off in the direction of the gun store, Daniel taking the rear. Back at camp Evie and Cub sit in the open boot of a car. Cub is anxious over the group who went into the town, admitting that he wasn’t brave enough to volunteer. Evie says that she is glad because she doesn’t want anything to happen to him. Dominic approaches the pair and attempts to make small talk, offering them some of the groups remaining water. Cub, feeling that Dominic is flirting with Evie, threatens him, telling him to leave his girlfriend alone. Dominic tries convincing him otherwise but Evie tells him to leave. Dominic walks off leaving a worried Evie to calm Cub. Back in the town the supply run group sprint away from the oncoming horde. Daniel hears shouts for help and looks up to the roof parallel to the gun store, spotting a women shouting and waving her arms. As the rest of the group run towards the gun store Daniel separates himself from the group and goes after the woman. Robert spots him running off but directs the group to continue into the gun store. Pushing their way in they lock the door behind them. As the Infected hit the front of the store the group turn to find themselves behind held at gunpoint. At the same time Daniel runs into the bottom floor of the other building but finds the door to the roof is locked. Suddenly one of the Infected breaks away from the pack and comes after him into the building. As it runs straight at Daniel he simply stands there, leaving us wondering if he truly is just trying to get himself killed.
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Deleted
Joined on: May 17, 2024 4:24:54 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Aug 13, 2011 14:31:12 GMT -5
Sorry for not replying. This has been really great so far. I like how you always end with a cliffhanger. Was the car alarm thing a reference to the Left For Dead games? Also, this is just a suggestion, but have you ever thought about writing dialouge for this? Not that theres anything with the way it is know, but I think dialouge (at least imo) would make this more enjoyable. It is your choice though. Keep this up!
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Post by SodaGuy on Aug 13, 2011 23:38:10 GMT -5
I went back and read to read the pervious episodes, really enjoying this. This is really well written and I really got into it, also enjoy the cliffhangers. I'm a good sucker for a cliffhanger, heh. I do think that there should be some dialogue, like KOP said. It would just make it that much more.
Got a reader in me.
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Post by Rule 30 on Aug 18, 2011 15:52:24 GMT -5
Another great episode, R. Nice to see that you are giving each character time to develop something and the horde reacting to the car alarm reminded me of Left 4 Dead. Ha ha. Once again a nice cliffhanger, but I'm guessing Daniel won't end up killing himself. I'd like to know who the women is, though.
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