Superbrawl IX RP- One More Chance: The Golden Opportunity

Sizzle
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Euphoric Corbin

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Superbrawl IX RP- One More Chance: The Golden Opportunity Oct 30, 2016 21:50:32 GMT -5

Post by Sizzle on Oct 30, 2016 21:50:32 GMT -5

One More Chance: The Golden Opportunity

Brandon Bison was headed into the Bison Wrestling Academy in Baltimore, Maryland where he had to finally decide what he was to do: accept the opportunity to run the school, or focus on his career. A sports reporter and cameraman chased after him as he was walking on the sidewalk.

Hello Mister Bison. May I ask you a few questions about you, Superbrawl, and WFWF?

Bison hesitated. He looked at the camera, then back at the reporter.

Why not? Go for it.

Alright. First off, what are you planning to do about the Bison Wrestling Academy. Are you going to join and be a trainer?

You think I'm gonna tell you that? I haven't even told my uncle what I've decided.

Why not announce it right here on Channel 6 Sports?

No. If your just going to bug me like this I'm gonna leave.

Okay, okay, okay. Superbrawl. At Superbrawl IX you're taking on five other men for a chance at stardom, a chance to get into the match for the Golden Opportunity, a title that grants you a shot at the WFWF International Championship, which in itself, is a path to success in WFWF. How are you feeling going into this bout?

I'd be lying if I wasn't a little bit disappointed. There is no reason I should be relegated to the pre show. When I came into this promotion, there was a huge buzz surrounding me. 'Brandon Bison is the next big thing in WFWF', 'This man will be a world champion in no time', 'Bison's got potential'. All this was said about me... but look where I am. I'm stuck in the pre show with a bunch of nobodies. A bunch of guys that should be opening the show for me! A wannabe Greek god, a foul mouth Brit, a drug addict, actually scratch that, TWO drug addicts! These are a bunch of guys that are only here because they needed some more guys on the card. Instead of putting me on the pre show, why not give me a match on the main show. A real match, not a match like some garbage throwaway match with an egg and a mustache. Instead of bringing old ass wrestlers out of the woodwork, give your "rising star" a match to prove himself.

But I can't complain too much. At least I've got this. I could've gotten stuck with nothing. Pushed off the show entirely and made a fool. I thank WFWF for this one last opportunity for me. This one last chance at gold. I'm going to make the most of this and hopefully walk out of this show as the man who cashed in on his opportunity to earn the Golden Opportunity. Any more questions?

N-n-no. That's great, thank you! That's exactly what we wanted! Thank you so much.

All right then. Peace out.

Brandon continued walking to the building greeting fans and other bystanders that just witnessed the intense interview.

Mark Bison and Brandon Bison sat across each other at a desk in the office at the Bison Wrestling Academy. Papers were scattered all over the desk, but only one paper mattered to the two men at the moment. If Brandon signed that paper he would become owner and head trainer of the Bison Wrestling Academy.

So kid, have you finally made your decision on what you're gonna do? It's crunch time and Superbrawl is coming up so you might want to act quick.

I've weighed the pros and cons for both sides... but I still don't know what to do.

I really think you're gonna like being a trainer. It's a fun thing seeing your guys grow and get booked and eventually become big. I did it for you, but long distance, you know?

Yeah that does sound awesome, but I don't know if I want to shift all my focus from WFWF.

You won't have to. When you've got free time, you can train your guys here and train yourself while your at it.

Brandon I actually already have a guy you might want to train. Brick, come on in.

An eighteen year old kid walks into the office. He is wearing an Legacy Pro Wrestling shirt and jeans. He sits down on a chair set up next to Mark across from Brandon.

Brandon, this is Brick Harrison. He's associated with one of your WFWF guys, Frank Lynn. He got on his bad side and got Frank in trouble so Frank promised to get him some wrestling training to accomplish his big dream. I think you are just the right person to do it.

Ahhh. Mark I was just about to decline the offer. Now you've made me think some more.

I'm glad I did. I really want you Brandon.

Brandon looked at Brick and Mark and smirked.

I'm not gonna let you down guys. You didn't decline when I asked you to train me, Mark. So I'm not going to turn my back on someone like me who wanted this more than anything else in life.

Bison grabbed the pen and signed his name on the dotted line. He was now head trainer and owner of the Bison Wrestling Academy.

The three men stood up in unison. Bison shook the hand of his uncle, then the hand of his new trainee.

You start Monday, Brandon. I'll be here and so will Brick. Have fun, and don't let me down. Not that you will. I know you and you're going to fulfill more than just my wishes.

Mark walked out and closed the door.

Thank you so much Mr. Bison. I am so thankful for the opportunity, but don't be surprised if I end up surpassing you one day.

You've got a lot on your plate, and so do I. Together, we can make the most of it. Let's do this.

Last Edit: Oct 31, 2016 8:00:27 GMT -5 by Sizzle: Coding mistake

Sizzle WF Icon Euphoric Corbin Joined on: Nov 11, 2013 14:16:16 GMT -5 Posts: 14,643	Superbrawl IX RP- One More Chance: The Golden Opportunity Oct 31, 2016 5:12:55 GMT -5 Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Back to Top Post by Sizzle on Oct 31, 2016 5:12:55 GMT -5 Brandon Bison is blue. Mark Bison is green. Brick Harrison is red. Reporter is gray. Description is bold black.

Drakz
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Superbrawl IX RP- One More Chance: The Golden Opportunity Oct 31, 2016 15:59:29 GMT -5 Sizzle likes this

Post by Drakz on Oct 31, 2016 15:59:29 GMT -5

A simple story of where should Bison be pointing his attention and this did what it needed to do. A few things that would have helped this though (and I'm sure it's primarily because you've not had that many matches recently and have missed a step):

Bison seemed undecided on how he felt about his position on the card, which seemed weird based on how confident and almost cocky he came off when first saying it was a joke he was on the pre-show. I really liked the way he commented on old timers coming back and taking spots, but then he was thanking WFWF for giving him this opportunity? It just seemed like two polar opinions on the way the WFWF had booked the show and I for one would have chosen one and stuck with it.

When you read back your dialogue I want you to be asking yourself, does this sound natural? Does it sound like a real conversation? There are certain lines amongst this that came out a little awkward and forced, but like I say I think that is more down to you being a little out of practise than anything else man.

Kudos on getting something written for this show and unless one of the others gets something up before the end of the day you've already made it into the main show match.

-

bad guy™
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"Despair is contagious. Everyone has it."

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Superbrawl IX RP- One More Chance: The Golden Opportunity Oct 31, 2016 16:15:35 GMT -5 via Tapatalk Sizzle likes this

Post by bad guy™ on Oct 31, 2016 16:15:35 GMT -5

Concise and to the point. I like that.

The dialogue felt a bit weird. You got across what you needed to, but the advice I have always given is what I was given when I started out: have a conversation with yourself while you're writing. Imagine yourself with multiple personalities, put yourself in the shoes of each character for each line and speak as if they would, then write it as it comes out. This is all done internally of course, because talking to yourself out loud in multiple personalities is one way to get yourself sent to the looney bin. But you've gotta find a way to make everything sound fluent and fluid. Is this how you would converse with your friends or colleagues in real life? Probably not, because even if you happen to be awkward you won't be so stiff. Something to work on.

I wish you would have been more forceful with Bison's position on the card. This kid is the chosen one. He and Lynn are two of the guys who will fight forever. Bison, in Bison's eyes, should view himself as better than this. He should be in the Golden Opportunity match. He should not have to be in a "win and get in" match. He should be in the match, and he should be the Vegas odds on favorite.

I get writing in some doubtful thoughts, and that can work if you're consistent with it. But there's a difference between doubtful and nonchalant.

Still, a well written piece and it should be enough to get you into the Golden Opportunity and get me a point in the pick 'ems thread. Good outing broski.

1x WFWF Champion
3x WFWF International Champion
4x WFWF Tag Team Champion (Current)
1x WFWF Vanguard Champion (Current)
1x WFWF National Champion
2014 Scars and Stripes Battle Royal Winner
2014 WFWF Hall of Famer
2016 Feud of the Year
2016 Match of the Year

CM Poor
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Superbrawl IX RP- One More Chance: The Golden Opportunity Nov 1, 2016 13:16:16 GMT -5 via mobile

Post by CM Poor on Nov 1, 2016 13:16:16 GMT -5

I'm glad you showed. Of all the guys on the pre show, you above all should be the shoe-in for the extra spot, so it's good to see you take that initiative and get a decent piece out.

This had its highs and its lows. Drakz and Shawn already touched upon the weird duality of being in gratefully grateful for your spot on the card. I'd like to sort of baseline and suggest that for future pieces, you really dig deep and find a more creative outlet for Bison to address his match, even if it's just the tired old monologue. Somehow, even with everyone on board with that methodology, it still somehow lands better than the set piece reporter/friend/whatever being thrown in just to say "so, tell me about your match".

It'll be interesting to see how you carry forward, Bison being a full time competitor and a head trainer at his own academy.

The Final Boss

I dont know good luck

Cameron Stone
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Superbrawl IX RP- One More Chance: The Golden Opportunity Nov 8, 2016 1:07:38 GMT -5 via mobile

Post by Cameron Stone on Nov 8, 2016 1:07:38 GMT -5

Already had the others touch on most of it. I liked the idea of Bison being unhappy with his place on the card, but you did kind of counteract that a bit with the thanking, as mentioned. You didn't really mention opponents at all, which if you had tied together, say how much better you are than these bums type of thing, could have really helped this.

But a solid Little piece with a good underlying story

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Rated R
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Superbrawl IX RP- One More Chance: The Golden Opportunity Nov 10, 2016 12:33:29 GMT -5

Post by Rated R on Nov 10, 2016 12:33:29 GMT -5

Yeah you lost me pretty early on with the reporter. I, possibly more than anyone else, hate the random "oh let's talk about your match" scene. It does my head in because it just doesn't feel creative, it's the easiest way to address a match but also the most overused and, sadly, boring. The rest of this piece was alright, you didn't really talk about your opponents that much or really go into too much depth on anything. It might have been a timing issue but to me this felt way too short. You had plenty of material but just didn't really it any of it as well as you could of. And like Shawn said think about your dialogue, good dialogue can mask almost anything at the end of the day.