WFWF The 2016 End Of Year Show: It Sounds Like A Whisper

That's the best wrestling in the world huh?

A lesbian pirate scraping a barbedwire glove down the back of a comic book character Shawn Malakai plucked from Arkham Asylum and taught to 'wrestle'? An old age pensioner pulling a gun on either an excellent parody of the average moronic 'macho' white American male who brought us Donald Trump or, well, or just one of those average moronic 'macho' white American males? The biggest ego on the planet slicing and dicing a commentator with a sword (yes you read that right) to help the second biggest ego on the planet retain a belt he lost any genuine claim to months ago?

It's not just me is it? Tell me it's not just me?

It must be f***ing comedy gold watching the mess that's being made of professional wrestling if you don't give a s***. If you just pop on to WFWF.com every few months, catch up with the latest cluster f*** and don't give it a seconds thought until next time. It must be f***ing hysterical.

But this is my life.

This is what I love.

And it's a shambles.

The epiphany I had when I took my year out was 'maybe the WFWF has never been all that', 'maybe the WFWF never represented real wrestling', 'maybe the WFWF has never been the best wrestling organization the world has to offer'. And I was right, but f*** me it's never been this bad. Surely?

This is a new low, it has to be. It's honestly difficult to wrap your head around. How has it got this bad?

I don't get it.

And honestly, having to sit here and dissect it, try to sum up what happened at SuperBrawl is making me physically ill. There's no words for the level of bats*** stupidity, insanity, that everybody saw on their TV screens. There's no way of summing up just how shameful it was, and frankly, trying is making me want to end it all.

Add in the Michael Kyzer and Phillip Schneider retirement tours (God I hope they're just retirement tours) and the apparent return of a man who doesn't deserve even a second of my attention, and I'm this f***ing close to the edge.

I probably don't have a reputation for trying to look at the positives. For shining some sort of light on things, but I have to. I've got to polish the turd that was SuperBrawl a little because if I don't, well I'm seriously not sure how I could carry on going out there and busting my ass in that ring.

If there's anything to be said for SuperBrawl it's that it has, fingers crossed, seen the return of The Future to his retirement castle. I can only hope that along with him go all those who think this sport is a comic book, a kids TV show or just a flat out joke. Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

And hopefully, the other success story of SuperBrawl, is that anybody watching who has even the tiniest fragment of common sense, can finally see what I've been saying.

I wish it hadn't happened, obviously. But hopefully SuperBrawl IX can be the circus that makes people stand up. That makes them vote with their feet. That makes them scream from the rooftops 'what the f*** did I just watch and why the f*** should I give you any more of my money'. I can only hope that it's enough to completely discredit those in charge. That the businessman, the sponsors, those with a vested interest in letting it happen, finally get what's coming to them because this time it's obvious to everybody that they've gone too far.

That's my hope. That's all I've really got. I can only hope that this will change professional wrestling for the better, that it will get better from here.

I'd say it can't get any worse, but I'm pretty sure it can. It always seems to find a way.

I'm just having a hard time picturing it.

---

My defeat at The Gate a few weeks ago, it hurt. And when I'm hurt, I lash out. I always have. It's not a good idea, and it's something that I really need to do a better job of controlling. In this case I pissed off the only proper friend I've had over the last year or so, the only one I've had for a good long while. Thankfully Andy's a forgiving guy and he let me off the hook without the need for a long apology or a deep conversation.

And of course, SuperBrawl was, in inverted commas, 'a victory'. It was a success, apparently.

So naturally Andy, Poppy and a few of the guys from his training school were going to use the opportunity to drink copious amounts of alcohol. What fun.

It probably won't come as a huge shock, that while Andy and Poppy were popping champagne corks, I was finding it difficult to get into the celebratory mood. My personal victory, success against The Future, was overshadowed by the despondence I was feeling having sat through the rest of a less than impressive SuperBrawl.

Where they all saw a victory for Joe Bishop, and a nice step forward. I saw a defeat and a big step back. Because impressive as my victory was, it doesn't seem to have made much of a difference.

Andy Yates: You could at least smile, surely winning at SuperBrawl isn't that bad?

Joe Bishop: I guess. It's not going to change anything though is it?

Andy Yates: I don't know.

If you hadn't guessed, I wasn't exactly convinced.

Andy Yates: I mean it's not going to change over night, but it's a good start.

Joe Bishop: Is it?

Because it really feels like SuperBrawl was nothing of the sort right now.

Andy Yates: Sure it is. You're only one man, all you can do is keep winning, it might no happen straight away but people will have to take notice eventually. Trust me, it's a good start.

Joe Bishop: I hope you're right.

Andy Yates: I'm always right.

I'd noticed.

Andy Yates: Come on cheer up, have a drink. Honestly you'll feel better about things in the morning.

And off he went to indulge a little more. Personally, I was having a tough time believing I might feel any better about the WFWF in the state of the morning. It's difficult to see any reason to be positive right now.

Oh good here comes the hackette.

Poppy Yates: Cheer up!

Yeah, I get that a lot.

---

Well he wasn't wrong. I did feel better about it in the morning.

It's amazing how one little thing can change everything. How it can lift your from the depths of despair to the top of the world.

It's even more amazing, to me, that the source of that change in outlook, can be Lila Sleater of all people.

I really didn't see that coming.

But I've got to say I was astonished and excited in equal measure, when I first heard about the Supreme Gauntlet.

It seems Lila Sleater has woken up to what I've been saying for a long, long time. Heck I've been saying it for years one way or another, things have to change.

I might not always have been right about how it needs to change. But it's always changed.

And it seems, miraculously, Lila Sleater has finally had the epiphany I've been waiting years for.

I don't know how it happened.

Maybe she was visited by the ghost of Christmas past, 'a rare attack of “do the right thing”', I think it's more likely she got hit by thousands and thousands of 'WTF was that?' e-mails and phone calls and for the first time though 'you know what? Maybe we should do something about this'.

Truth be told, I wasn't going to ask.

Because what purpose would it serve? I don't need to know. All I need to do, is register my approval for a democratic way of finding a #1 contender. Approval for an attempt to give people who actually deserve them opportunities.

And that's exactly what I intend to do.

The large marching band got a few funny looks, as did the stream of scantily clad cheerleaders following close behind, as we marched down the corridors of WFWF headquarters, looking for the offices of Lila Sleater. But this is a monuments decision that deserves proper recognition.

Upon finding the right door, I burst in, and did my best to sum up an incredibly complex range of emotions.

Joe Bishop: Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

Lila shot me a look of derision as I continued.

Joe Bishop: Ms. Sleater, on behalf of the whole WFWF locker room, I'd just like to congratulate you on your first good idea.

Wipe away tear, slowly clap the WFWF General Manager, avoid her death glare.

...

Okay so it didn't happen exactly like that. What can I say? I don't have our World Champion's sense of showmanship. But in some ways I wish I did. Because this warrants more than the 'good idea Lila' in a hallway that I went with. It warrants more than a pat on the back.

This is the first time, in my six years here, that I've seen anything even remotely resembling positive change. I like to think that it's got more than a bit to do with me, but that's not all that important.

What does matter is that it doesn't stop here. That this decision is the first in a long line of changes that helps rebuild this promotion. That makes it so much more than it has ever been. That makes it the real home of great wrestling and great wrestlers.

But above all, let's take a minute here to pause and say well done Lila Sleater. A #1 contender earning their shot at the World Championship might be quite common outside of this place, but it's a bloody novel idea here. And I could stand here and say 'It's about f***ing time', but that's just not helpful. This is exactly what this promotion needs, so, thank you.

---

If you'll allow me to whip out a cliché, Rome wasn't built in a day. And I'm not naïve enough to stand here and pretend that this tournament is evidence of a complete overhaul. It's a little victory, a small step towards something much, much bigger.

It's important not to get carried away.

As promising a step as this is, you don't have to look very far from home to see that there's always room for regression. The United States of America, for example, elects a truly progressive leader and follows him up with Donald Trump. You can look at the Arab Spring, and how quickly that's gone very very badly – history is littered with examples.

See the thing about overthrowing the establishment, is that it's not worth doing if it's not replaced with something better.

Why is any of this relevant?

Because as much as this tournament is a huge chance to change things for the better, it could just as easily go very, very wrong.

There's no room for celebration. No time to revel in this apparent success. It is imperative that this window of opportunity is seized. That it has a winner that can take the fight to Drakz, and represent something better. Something that everybody who truly loves professional wrestling can believe in.

Does it have to be me?

I'm not sure.

I want to believe that there are wrestlers in that locker room who are as dedicated as I am. As focused. I want to believe that there are guys out there who are here for the same reason I am, to make our sport, this promotion, better.

I know that I need to make some inroads, that I need to help push one or two in the right direction. The new look WFWF, needs people who want to be a part of it. And I know they're ten a penny outside of its doors, but I've no real power to recruit people. I'm fighting to win the hearts and minds of those wrestlers who aren't too far gone, and I know that maybe I haven't done enough in that department.

But I also need to indulge my selfish side a little.

Because I can be sure that I would give anything for this cause. And right now, there aren't many folks around in this company who haven't had, and wasted, a chance to take that belt from Drakz.

I firmly believe that if there's any justice at all, I'll be involved in the Supreme Gauntlet. I've no reason to doubt that Lila Sleater will do the right thing in that regard, she's made one step in the right direction already.

This tournament is an opportunity for me, to make sure that the next man who has the chance to take that belt, that by rights should be Josh Dean's, away from Drakz,is not somebody who's failed already. It's a chance to make sure that the next man to go toe to toe with him isn't somebody who'll cheat, steal, lie or butcher their way to that belt.

The WFWF needs change, and it desperately needs that change to be positive.

Am I the only option that's better than the status quo? I doubt it. But right now, I'm pretty confident that I'm the best option with any hope of getting in on this tournament and I can't let this huge opportunity fall into the lap of anybody who's going to make it even worse.

I need allies in this fight. That's no secret, this war isn't one that can be won by one man. And I will be putting that right. But this isn't an opportunity that can be shared and I don't intend to share it with anybody.

The WFWF needs a champion who cares more about the WFWF, and more about the WFWF World Championship, than they care about themselves.

At the risk of alienating one or two, I am that champion.

---

You know the one thing I miss about being a recluse?

Not having to deal with people who enjoy Christmas.

Boo, hiss.

I know, I'm an awful human being. But in fairness it can be incredibly irritating.

Poppy Yates: I'm so excited.

You're 23 years old.

Joe Bishop: Woo, Christmas.

I narrowly avoided a WFWF themed bauble that she can't think that much of.

Poppy Yates: That's not what I meant.

Do I care enough to ask?

Joe Bishop: Go on then, what did you mean?

Pretty sure I'm going to regret that.

Poppy Yates: I was talking to the WFWF.com guys after SuperBrawl, you know about my career and everything.

Oh God.

Joe Bishop: Yeah...

Poppy Yates: They want me to do a profile and interview with you, a try out sort of thing.

Joe Bishop: Surely I have to consent to that.

She shook her head with a smug f***ing grin stretching from one ear to the other.

Poppy Yates: I don't think so.

There must be laws about this sort of thing?

Joe Bishop: Great.

Contractually obliged to help her pollute pro-wrestling now, fantastic.

Poppy Yates: It is isn't it? How are you doing anyway?

Joe Bishop: Fine.

Poppy Yates: I mean you didn't seem all that excited about SuperBrawl?

Joe Bishop: I guess it's just difficult to watch a show full of matches that sum up everything you think's wrong and not feel a bit down about it.

Poppy Yates: I thought it was great.

Joe Bishop: You would.

Poppy Yates: Oh come on, what was there not to like? Drama, shocks, suspense, it had everything. SuperBrawl IX was f***ing ace.

Joe Bishop: I would have liked some wrestling.

Poppy clearly didn't agree with my assessment.

Joe Bishop: Don't get me wrong though, I'm just ready for the Supreme Gauntlet, believe it or not this is me feeling positive.

And probably for the first time in a long while.

Poppy Yates: Don't worry, you hide it well.

Joe Bishop: Thanks.

As I say, there's room for regression, so I can't start doing cartwheels, but we're a lot closer to some positive change than we've ever been before,.

Joe Bishop: I don't know... I just want...

Poppy Yates: What?

Honestly, I just want to be part of a generation of WFWF wrestlers who aren't desperate to prove that they've got the biggest Trace Demon in their jockstrap.

Joe Bishop: I don't know.

But it's probably easier to just say that. It's always easier to just say that.

---

Cameron Stone, inconsequential as ever, went into the biggest night of his life. The biggest opportunity of his career. And against all the odds, in spite of the deck stacked against him, in spite of the rifts with all his best buddies, he did the unthinkable. He did the impossible. He reached heights nobody could have ever foreseen.

He outlasted an entire wrestler!

A wrestler who is probably a couple of days away from developing Alzheimer's granted, but a wrestler nonetheless.

Shall I see if I can get the marching band back?

I'm going to give you a piece of advice Cam, and it's something I honestly never thought I'd find myself saying it. But this is a rare case. This is a very special exception.

Cam, follow the money.

God I feel dirty.

Follow the money Cam. You can stay here and help stink up the biggest show of the year, you could sit behind that desk and devote your life to calling the action in the ring because you care about the sport. And I get it, you do genuinely care, but the problem is, you're not helping. You're not contributing anything to this sport, not if you have to do Trace Demon's dirty work to get yourself booked. Not if you can only just get past Yukio Blaze.

Ask yourself, is that the best thing for anybody?

Is it the best thing for the WFWF?

Is it the best thing for you?

Of course not.

It's in everybody's interests, for you to pack your bags, head on down to California and pick up those big juicy cheques.

You don't have to feel like you're turning your back on the fans. You don't have to feel like doing it makes you a sell out. It won't. You can be a great actor, you can be a big name. But stay here? Stay in the WFWF, and your future is, to coin a phrase, set in Stone. It's exactly the same as your past and present, it's mediocrity. It's taking up a spot that could be going to a guy who busts his ass night in, night out without even giving a second thought to his pay cheque. It's taking on Joe Bishop for a third time and losing for a third time. It's being given big matches because of your name value, getting paid more than the guys who would give their life for that opportunity, and wasting it.

And not caring that you wasted it, because you're just happy to be there.

That's the truth of it really isn't it Cam? It doesn't really grate that you blew your big chance, because really, you were just happy to have your name on the poster.

Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong. Not by talking about it obviously. If that's not you then come down to Madison Square Garden, show me I'm wrong in that ring. Show me you don't just care, but that you're capable of doing something about it.

But I won't think any less of you, if you take that ticket, head for Hollywood, rub shoulders with the rich and famous and let the real people get on with what we're doing in the WFWF, for the WFWF. Let us get on with building a WFWF for the people who are invested for 12 months a year, a WFWF for the people who love wrestling more than they love themselves. Nobodies going to judge you for it, heck I can guarantee you'll get at least one thank you.

Because your role in the WFWF, what you can really contribute, it isn't in the ring. I can think of two wrestling schools off the top of my head where I could easily pick out a handful of guys and girls that would be in the top 5% of the WFWF. Your role in the WFWF isn't behind an announce desk either, Alecia and Daniel are doing a much better job than you or scarface ever did.

No your role in the WFWF, the best contribution you can make to this promotion, is as a sign post. Make those films, get your name out there, go on The Tonight Show, and tell the American people that they need to be watching Joe Bishop or Frank Lynn or whoever you care to name on the next WFWF broadcast. Star in a WFWF advert for the SuperBowl half time show, shout from the rooftops that the WFWF is where it's at. But just like The Future, your place isn't in a WFWF ring.

Not any more.

See things are changing. This promotion is changing. There's no room for a Future or Toboggan who don't even recognise it as a sport. There's no room for an Obo, Kyzer, Drakz, Ahriman, Demon, I could go on, who are only here to satisfy their own egos. And there's no room for a Jayson Garrett or a Cameron Stone, the actor who thinks of the WFWF as a side project.

That may have been what the WFWF was once about, but it can't be any more.

This promotion needs fresh blood, it needs wrestlers who love this sport. The more and more I let it go through my head, the more I think that there must be at least one or two who fit that criteria in the WFWF locker room. And it's up to us, to make this promotion stronger than it ever has been. To take us from this desperate low, to an unimaginable high.

A lot happened at SuperBrawl. There's a lot of noise, a lot of s*** to wade through, so it might be missed. It might escape people's attention, that things are changing. That attitudes are changing. Even Lila f***ing Sleater has opened her eyes to what's happening in this promotion – even she is starting to do something about it. But I hope the rest of you don't notice frankly. I hope you all keep yours eyes peeled on who Phillip Schneider is going to take a razor blade to next, I hope you all keep yours eyes on Michael Kyzer's next Machiavellian scheme. I hope this revolution comes as a huge surprise to everyone who feels comfortable with SuperBrawl, with the WFWF, with where we are right now. I hope it hits you all like a freight train.

And Cam, I'm sorry, because you're harmless really. You're no threat to this revolution – because you're not a winner. There's just no place for you on the inside of the new WFWF.

---

Poppy Yates: Joe...

Joe Bishop: Yeah?

She thrust the phone into my eyeline, revealing a WFWF.com headline that obviously peaked my interest.

Poppy Yates: Trace has sold up.

Joe Bishop: ...

I wasn't expecting that...


OOC: My sleep pattern is f***ed so most of this was written post-1:00am over the last few days, really wishing I'd taken this show off to be honest but it is what it is.