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Post by JC Motors on Mar 5, 2017 18:53:48 GMT -5
I don't date. I ball straight call. That's the only way to go
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Post by WarrenC_Y2JFan on Mar 5, 2017 18:58:57 GMT -5
I'm the godfather & Val Venis of retail
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Post by marino13 on Mar 5, 2017 19:00:51 GMT -5
I'll try to keep this short and keep it PG.
So while in high-school I had this girlfriend named Beth. One day she came over to my house. Since my family was there, we went up to my room. Didn't take long, but things were getting pretty "heated". So we're fooling around and I hear someone walking down the hall towards my door. I assumed it was my lil brother and I planned to stand in front of him to block the fact that she had a lil amount of clothing on. Turns out it was my mom. She was taller than my brother so she was able to look over my shoulder. Didn't help that my face was all red. I have no idea what she saw. Well my mom told me I had a phone call and she walked away. She didn't seem happy. I pick up the phone and it was some goof I barely liked. I yelled at him and told him I couldn't talk. We were both very embarrassed.
To make things a little less tense, Beth says she wanted to go down to the kitchen and dye my hair. I used to have fantastic hair. So we go downstairs and my mother is now cleaning. So Beth starts to dye my hair in the kitchen sink. While my entire head is covered with the dye, I hear my mom yelling. She was trying to clean the windows and it started to fall on her. She wasn't strong enough to lift it back up. So I go to run to her aid. Beth yells that the dye is going to run into my eyes and that it was going to burn. So without thinking I turned around really fast to rinse the crap out of my hair. I forgot my metal sink had a divider in between the two sinks. I absolutely destroyed my face right off the divider. Hard. Right down the center! I looked at Beth and my eyes rolled back in my head. I dropped to my knees and dye starts running down my face. Beth is concerned, and my mom is still yelling. So even though I was dizzy and still had dye all over my face, I had get up, run over, and help my mom with the window.
I had a welt down my forehead, my nose, and partly on my chin. But my hair looked fantastic.
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The Dave
Main Eventer
Con-Chair-Tos all around!
Joined on: Feb 2, 2008 15:29:11 GMT -5
Posts: 3,480
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Post by The Dave on Mar 5, 2017 22:00:49 GMT -5
What's a date?
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Post by WarrenC_Y2JFan on Mar 5, 2017 22:28:45 GMT -5
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Post by Focalin on Mar 5, 2017 22:31:26 GMT -5
Last night, after a show I went to a chicks house for the night. I got a shower, once she passed out, I woke her up to tell her I was leaving. For some reason, I think this is the funniest story ever.
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Post by Grumpyoldman on Mar 6, 2017 12:42:18 GMT -5
My list keeps going Yesterday at walgreens I had one of my axe smells on Nintendo shirt & did a return on one of my figures Made the cashier giggle I'm a charm with retail girls also going to college ones that are in early 20s I will stop or go?! My bank said I'm A++ Customer & I get hook up for bday & 13th yr Annv w Safeway on May 2 oh i bet you are I bet he misspelled "intellectually- disabled" as "retail".
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Deleted
Joined on: Apr 25, 2024 1:16:03 GMT -5
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Mar 6, 2017 20:52:04 GMT -5
Last night, after a show I went to a chicks house for the night. I got a shower, once she passed out, I woke her up to tell her I was leaving. For some reason, I think this is the funniest story ever. Did you go over just to shower?
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Post by Focalin on Mar 6, 2017 22:14:45 GMT -5
Last night, after a show I went to a chicks house for the night. I got a shower, once she passed out, I woke her up to tell her I was leaving. For some reason, I think this is the funniest story ever. Did you go over just to shower? I *WAS* going to spend the night, cause I had a 4 hour drive home..but then she started snoring so I left.
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Post by Mongo Bears on Mar 6, 2017 22:35:13 GMT -5
A friend and I went out to a cool bar out by the beach when I lived in Florida (we took my car). A very pretty girl with quite a large chest comes over to our table and sits next to me and eventually asked me to take her home to my house for the night. She was not intoxicated, i suspect she was getting even with an old boyfriend or something like that. I had a girlfriend at the time but I agreed and she wanted me to go with her in her car. I hand my friend my car keys but he says "I can't drive a manual transmission/stick shift". My car was a stick, I gave him the bad-wingman look. Surprisingly the girl follows me and my friend in her car for about 20 mins all the way home. She was obviously on a mission. I take her into my room and completely fail to perform due to having my girlfriend on my mind the whole time. She asked me if I was gay lol. I didn't want to tell her I had a girlfriend because I didn't want to feel like a complete a-hole. She slept over but nothing happened. Poor girl haha
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Post by ET had AIDS on Mar 7, 2017 0:28:07 GMT -5
i ditched a date through the fire escape when i said i was going to go take a piss.... it was horrid.
another fun memory is a blind date with this girl from erie, penn, and she had worked with the people who ran the pizza joint where the infamous 'pizza collar bombing' bank heist-gone-wrong happened.... the guy had been a driver there forever. she worked with the owners' son, who was autistic, if i recall. i asked her if she had ever met the driver whose head popped off in the bomb collar etc. and all sorts of stuff. other than a band, Brother's Keeper, and her, I had no knowledge of anything Erie PN.... except the pizza collar bombing...
look it up if you want to see a tripped out case. (pizza collar bomber)
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Post by ET had AIDS on Mar 7, 2017 0:37:10 GMT -5
Would anyone believe me if I said I ask the hot customers if they wanna have lunch then bang in their soccer mom van Joking aside But thought i ask with the amount of replies and random b.s. you've shared in here + your avatar, i don't think anyone is believing anything you say. don't try so hard and maybe you'll have better luck...and i truly mean that. i was awkward when younger for various reasons but when i stopped caring, i had no problems with girls. some of your stories are random and stupid... what are you doing here if you're out banging soccer moms? I mean, are you 40?... why are you trying to impress an age-range around 13-15, maybe 16 on avg.? I mean... i don't even want to go into my exploits because it's not appropriate. it's about funny (assume that means bad or some sort of humor involved) first dates. your posts are just... incessant rambling about hooking up with random people, or flirting with some girl at a store. ok i say hi and thank you and you're welcome to all the girls at cvs and walgreen's, doesn't make me a mack daddy. i ed a stripper for awhile. again, no mack daddy. just met someone cool for awhile. dunno who you're trying to impress in here man but it's coming off desperate.
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Post by ET had AIDS on Mar 7, 2017 0:41:12 GMT -5
I bet he misspelled "intellectually- disabled" as "retail". i bet by "soccer mom" he means he sneaks pictures of his best friend's mom while in her minivan and saves them for naughty night times.
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Post by WarrenC_Y2JFan on Mar 7, 2017 4:35:39 GMT -5
I'm actually a fun kick back guy to talk with Sorry for my random not funny seem 2 be desperate but not postings on here I'm more of the friend zone guy haha Single is fun like freedom do my thing pay bills if have extra then go see a movie or have lunch with family or friends Already up Here in az 2:35am Have a fun & good day fellow people on funny date moments
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Post by rowdy1971 on Mar 9, 2017 14:42:06 GMT -5
I have a few but my favorite was at the end of one first date with this girl Alyssa. She worked at a bar my friend was a manager at and we went out. Needless to say the night ended REALLY good. During that her on again off again BF comes home, she jumps off and puts on a winter coat, nothing else under, and I hear her ex scream "WTF, you have company tonight!?!?!" I yelled back, "she sure does!" A few seconds later you hear the door slam and then she comes back for round 2. That was pretty funny.
Not to sound boastful, but nearly all my first dates end REALLY good. I was with this one girl and then her little son walks into the bedroom. That was awkward and funny.
I was once in a graveyard with this really freaky girl. The police helicopter did fly over us and flash the spotlight. We didn't get in trouble but we did get out of there fast. I haven't laughed so hard as when I watching this 98 pound punk chick run and try to get her thongs back on and falling over headstones!
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Deleted
Joined on: Apr 25, 2024 1:16:03 GMT -5
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Mar 10, 2017 12:16:22 GMT -5
I accidentally told her I collect plastic wrestling figures meant for kids.
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Post by 5th Horsewoman on Mar 10, 2017 15:15:50 GMT -5
We had to go pick up her younger brother for shoplifting a DVD player.
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Post by Adam on Mar 10, 2017 17:23:08 GMT -5
One of the first dates with my wife, I went in for a kiss and she belched in my face. Oh was she mortified.
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dixol
Main Eventer
Joined on: May 26, 2012 12:33:57 GMT -5
Posts: 2,091
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Post by dixol on Mar 11, 2017 10:22:22 GMT -5
Went to a bar, started talking to this chick. We decide to go outside to her car. We start making out. Then she stops. Stares at me, and sloooooowly opens the door, never taking her eyes off me. At the last second she turns around and pukes out the door. Then she turns around and, with a string of puke still hanging from her chin, says, "ok, where were we?" and leans in for more. I back away and ask if she wants to clean herself up. I take her into another bar and she goes to the restroom. It's a girl I just met and to this day I don't know why I didn't bail at that point. We go back to the car, but now the moment has passed as far as I'm concerned. We're just talking and she pukes like 2 more times out the door. The last time, her friend, who was stopping by to tell us she was leaving with some guy, sees this girl puking and jumps into help-friend mode. We drive to a fast food restaurant, the friend and guy in one car, I'm driving the pukers car. We're standing outside the restroom as the girl continues to puke. Eventually, the friend says "I have to take her home." So the night ends with the other dude driving me back to the bar so I can get my car. Even at the time, I was laughing to myself thinking that this was NOT the way either one of us guys thought the night was gonna end.
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Kyle
Main Eventer
Joined on: Jun 18, 2008 22:51:03 GMT -5
Posts: 1,485
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Post by Kyle on Mar 11, 2017 17:54:02 GMT -5
This is easy for me. I had been talking to this lady for about 2 weeks and she met me at my work when I got off (around midnight). We took her car back to her place and left mine at my work and spent the night together. Mostly talked, made some food, swapped some spit, etc. She dropped me back off at my car around 8 that morning and as we are saying our goodbyes (she's sitting in the driver's seat and I'm leaning in through the passenger side window) without thinking, I let the hottest, wettest, loudest fart out that I could ever muster. I have no idea why it happened and for some reason I wasn't even embarrassed. She just looked at me and said "wow".
We've been married for almost 3 years now.
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