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Post by theoutlaw1999 on Mar 31, 2017 17:25:59 GMT -5
I've been going into a local shop for years and know all the staff in it. However there is this girl who works in it and I've known her for a long time and we are very friendly with one and other and would chat everytime I am in. We share a mutual friend on Facebook and yesterday I sent her a friend request and messaged her to tell her who I was and that I would like us to be friends if she didn't mind. One day later she hasn't responded to the message and to be truthful it has broke my heart.
Now my question is can you find out if someone has read a message that you have sent them? because I'm not sure if she goes on it regularly.
If she completely ignores the request and message I fear that I will have blown it big time and how could I ever go back into that shop? I can imagine walking in and all the staff laughing and talking about me and to be truthful I can't even eat thinking about it.
I'm no good with dating and girls but did I do the wrong thing sending the facebook request?
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Post by ET had AIDS on Mar 31, 2017 17:34:24 GMT -5
I'm sure she hasn't seen it. Go to chat and bring up her message and it will say "Read as of ..." or last read or something like that.
Also, when I was last using Facebook, you had to be a friend of a friend simply to send me a request and ALL msgs outside my friend list--even friends of friends--went to a "message request" filter.
So she may not have seen it. relax. You're good.
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Post by theoutlaw1999 on Mar 31, 2017 17:45:12 GMT -5
I'm sure she hasn't seen it. Go to chat and bring up her message and it will say "Read as of ..." or last read or something like that. Also, when I was last using Facebook, you had to be a friend of a friend simply to send me a request and ALL msgs outside my friend list--even friends of friends--went to a "message request" filter. So she may not have seen it. relax. You're good. So if you send a non friend a message they don't directly get it?
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Post by ET had AIDS on Mar 31, 2017 17:53:25 GMT -5
It may go into a filter. For me it would. I have it set that way and a lot of people do nowadays. Can't say for sure what her settings are. If you open the message from your inbox it should say "Last read" or something at the bottom if it was opened. I would assume she just hasn't checked it.
A lot of my friends think I've offed myself when I take 30 day breaks from facebook and stuff and I dunno why. I always tell people to call or email me, but everyone is so centered in with that site. It can drive me nutty and I just go AWOL a lot. Maybe she's of the same mold. I know some people who get that way, I know I'm not the only one.
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Post by ET had AIDS on Mar 31, 2017 17:57:12 GMT -5
I mean, last time I had logged in which was weeks or a month ago, I had 6 unopened pms and about 10 I had to reply to. Some people just use Facebook to chat when they're bored, others send long messages, and some people don't even check their inbox often regardless (see: me). I know that out of the 10 msgs in there, based on who sent what (my list is very small..) that it probably doesn't matter for 7/10 people and is just a "hi" or "what's up"... Lots of people dodge Facebook msgs. She may be ducking someone else and not noticing your message, for all you know, and you're worrying about nothing. Or she may not have even seen it. Do you have her email, or a way to directly try to initiate contact without it being odd? If not, just go in the store as if nothing changed. People are too busy to focus or hyper-focus on one person. They aren't laughing at you behind your back, trust me. I used to think like that but it just leads to more negative thoughts and walls. The world is too busy to give a crap about me, I finally realized. Chances are she hasn't even seen it yet and when she does, will accept it. You're fine man.
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Post by theoutlaw1999 on Mar 31, 2017 18:09:08 GMT -5
It may go into a filter. For me it would. I have it set that way and a lot of people do nowadays. Can't say for sure what her settings are. If you open the message from your inbox it should say "Last read" or something at the bottom if it was opened. I would assume she just hasn't checked it. A lot of my friends think I've offed myself when I take 30 day breaks from facebook and stuff and I dunno why. I always tell people to call or email me, but everyone is so centered in with that site. It can drive me nutty and I just go AWOL a lot. Maybe she's of the same mold. I know some people who get that way, I know I'm not the only one. Thanks for the info it has settled my nerves lol.
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Post by ET had AIDS on Mar 31, 2017 18:12:30 GMT -5
No worries. A lot of people take long breaks from Facebook lately. A lot of it can be related to all of the political banter, sometimes people just tire of the politics on the site itself (intermingling and gossip etc.) and all of that among friends... It can feel like an incestuous zone. I need to take breaks from it.
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Post by Nivro™ on Mar 31, 2017 18:35:41 GMT -5
I would have played it better then just dropping her an add request. Next time you saw her I would have asked her about the mutual friend. Tell her you were on his facebook/sending him a message and noticed her on his friends list. Chances are if she wanted to be friends she would have said something along the lines of "Oh well why didnt you add me?" by just adding her out of nowhere you might come off as someone that hunted her down and facebook stalked her.
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Post by Valbroski on Mar 31, 2017 18:38:24 GMT -5
i wouldn't of even acknowledged you added her. I don't think girls read that much into random friend requests. I had girls add me on facebook I went to school with who never said anything to me ever in person or on facebook. It was that way with 90% of the people who would add me on it.
I feel like asking if it was okay after the fact seems weird.
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Post by GBGav on Mar 31, 2017 18:39:35 GMT -5
I'm sure she hasn't seen it. Go to chat and bring up her message and it will say "Read as of ..." or last read or something like that. Also, when I was last using Facebook, you had to be a friend of a friend simply to send me a request and ALL msgs outside my friend list--even friends of friends--went to a "message request" filter. So she may not have seen it. relax. You're good. The message request filter is a pain. I wasn't even aware of it for the longest time. I'd get messages from friends just fine but then I discovered a hidden file with messages going back over 6 years that I didn't know about. Fortunately most weren't important and just standard messages from pages I had liked. So yeah, there's a strong chance this woman just hasn't even seen the message.
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Post by theoutlaw1999 on Mar 31, 2017 18:49:39 GMT -5
i wouldn't of even acknowledged you added her. I don't think girls read that much into random friend requests. I had girls add me on facebook I went to school with who never said anything to me ever in person or on facebook. It was that way with 90% of the people who would add me on it. I feel like asking if it was okay after the fact seems weird. I wanted to be polite.
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Post by Valbroski on Mar 31, 2017 18:52:21 GMT -5
i wouldn't of even acknowledged you added her. I don't think girls read that much into random friend requests. I had girls add me on facebook I went to school with who never said anything to me ever in person or on facebook. It was that way with 90% of the people who would add me on it. I feel like asking if it was okay after the fact seems weird. I wanted to be polite. yeah no I'm not trying to knock you I just meant like you aren't over stepping any boundaries by shooting somebody a facebook invite, you know?
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Post by ET had AIDS on Mar 31, 2017 19:56:56 GMT -5
i get what Val is saying. All he is saying is you're completely fine for simply adding her as a friend. One of my good friends is semi-famous and has nearly 5k maximum on her list, but she admits that she needs to clear off at least 500-1k once it gets full, probably. She knows a lot of people, yes, but she also accepted random requests ages ago. I actually met her via eBay in 2010 and then befriended her on FB in 2013 way after the fact and after being a fan of her work thru the '90s and onward, but it was a coincidence and a neat one. That said, most people don't have nearly 5k friends, but a lot of people who AREN'T even famous--maybe just attractive and in a lot of FB groups--have a lot of friends they hardly know on their list who just send reqs and they accept without looking. I accepted for awhile but I evetually would just clean off random people I didn't know at all or people with no mutual friends, and with all the weird hacking these days, I just keep my list to the 80 people on it right now... when I log in. But a lot of people "Friend collect" even if they don't intend to. All he was saying is it's not impolite to send a req. I accept most if they're friends of friends who I speak to in var. feeds, and sometimes I'll send a request to someone if they're interesting and we're conversing in a mutual friend's feed. But most FB friends I know from somewhere or thru someone else. Again though I like meeting new like-minded people and use FB as an avenue to sometimes, but I don't add aimlessly. If you're mutual friends it probably is no biggie to her. I'm sure you're fine, man. I mean, if you truly feel like you need to, retract the request but that probably is not necessary. More likely she just doesn't overuse social media which is a good thing
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Henchmen4Hire
Main Eventer
Joined on: Jan 12, 2016 23:48:35 GMT -5
Posts: 1,311
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Post by Henchmen4Hire on Mar 31, 2017 20:03:24 GMT -5
As someone who doesn't use FB, this whole thread is bizarre to me lol
Why can't you just go ask her out in person? If she says no, so what, nothing changes. No one is gonna talk about you. No one gives a fig about you, and I mean that in the most benign way possible. I worked retail for years, I never gave any customer a second thought, cared even less about co-workers' lives.
Walk up to the counter and say to her "Hey, what's up Suzie? Alrighty, I'll take a bottle of whiskey, 2 Slim Jims, a pack of Magnum condoms, and your phone number, babe."
And if she acts all weird and offended, she's just playing hard to get. Lean in slowly closer over the counter and in your sweetest voice say "It's alright, maybe it didn't work out today, but I'll get you someday..."
Then wink and walk away all smooth as hell.
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Post by Escape The Rules on Apr 1, 2017 2:14:13 GMT -5
A day? Jesus Christ dude, give it time. This is so weird because I'm in a similar situation! I've seen this woman over the last few months who works weekends at my local Tesco and I think she's really cute but I've always been too shy to talk to bother. I'm just not bold enough to chat to a girl I like while she's at work, I'd feel too creepy. Well I recently found out her first name and used the information I had to find her on Facebook... well actually my friend did it for me when I told her about the girl and described what she looked like haha! Anyway, I sent her a friend request yesterday morning and am currently waiting to see what happens. She probably won't know who I am as my profile photo is a selfie of a t-shirt that I'm wearing, but doesn't show my face. She has hundreds of people on her Facebook though so I'm sure she's likely to accept my request. I'm hoping that she might message me asking if she knows me and then I can introduce myself to her and just say that I recognised her photo(I'm not going to tell her I ing looked her up!). I'd honestly just like to get to know her, even as a friend. I just really want her to know how beautiful I think she is... even if nothing ever comes out of it. Just knowing that I made her smile or feel appreciated would make my day. I know I would be so flattered if I found out that a girl I didn't even know, had a crush on me. You never know just how much you mean to someone.
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Post by Grumpyoldman on Apr 1, 2017 7:12:57 GMT -5
In my day if you saw a girl you liked, you'd just throw a pine cone at her.
I wish you the best of luck.
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Post by k5 on Apr 1, 2017 10:29:36 GMT -5
this kind of paranoia from social media has completely detached me from using it as a dating service. i did everything old school with the girl i'm currently seeing - i've seen her for a few months and i still haven't added her instagram or facebook. to me those things are simply for comforming the user into escaping their insecurities through being the same as everyone else.
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Deleted
Joined on: Apr 18, 2024 20:41:45 GMT -5
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2017 10:36:48 GMT -5
Some chick with some mutual friends sent me a friend request 7 months ago and I just now remembered to accept it thanks to this thread. Cheers!
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Post by hbkbigdaddycool on Apr 1, 2017 10:57:45 GMT -5
What you do is you make a fake account and add her to that. But also have your real account added to that fake one as well. If she okays it, then add her to your Facebook. You know if she okays the fake one you made, she will okay yours. Then message her, tell her that the guy she added (the fake account one) is a real douche and dick, and likes to kick kittens and punch puppies, and that you would never do that. Then she will delete that fake account you made, and say, "Thank you for telling me! As a reward, you may make sweet love to me tonight."
The end.
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Plastic Cowboy
Main Eventer
Joined on: Dec 19, 2011 15:59:19 GMT -5
Posts: 1,426
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Post by Plastic Cowboy on Apr 1, 2017 11:53:45 GMT -5
My gawd, are all males such pansies today. If you like a girl just go ask her out face to face, or tell her you like her, or think that she is cute.
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