Post by King Richius on Apr 15, 2017 10:52:58 GMT -5
The Hickenbottom Report - Ranking the WFWF Superstars
The following is a transcript from the Hickenbottom Report, a podcast that follows all things wrestling related.
Hola wrestling fans. This is your favorite wrestling podcaster and blogger Mike Hickenbottom about to create some controversy because that's what I do best.
So here we are, at the end of the Supreme Gauntlet Tournament that left a decidedly sour taste in the mouths of many fans. Normally, this is when those of us at the Hickenbottom Report would put out another of our WFWF Power Rankings listing the top ten to fifteen superstars and what we think their chances are at the next PPV. Sucks to be us because this time around we banged our heads against the office walls for several hours and came up with this:
1A David Brennan
1B Joe Bishop
Yep, that’s it. Two speeding trains on a collision course at Ultimate Supremacy. One of them will win and become the next WFWF World Heavyweight Champion. The other will lose and then our Power Rankings will be ONE wrestler, ‘specially if it turns out to be David Brennan who would then have a complete collection of WFWF championship belts. Yes, even we are willing to accept the mass amnesia that has everybody forgetting Brennan was stripped of the tag titles less than five minutes after winning them. I wonder if Brennan plays Pokemon because he sure acts like he has to catch ‘em all.
Want us to predict a winner for their Ultimate Supremacy match? We can't. Flip a coin.
Now we like it when our job is easy as falling out of bed after a weekend long bender but the rest is just a little depressing. Brennan and Bishop have been that dominant in the Gauntlet. The Hickenbottom Report exists to report on all things wrestling and we can only talk about the Legacy Armageddon, or was it Apocalypse, iPPV so much before we decide to take a bath with a toaster. Zzzzzzzzzzap… problem solved.
What? You say you want more? Okay, I give up. We’ll give you a list just so you have something to argue about.
3 Trace Demon
It sure sounded to us like he knew he was going to lose to Joe Bishop and was preparing his excuses. “Even if you win, I win.” “Trace Demon made Joe Bishop.” Nice try Trace but we’re not buying it. Even if it is true, which those of us on the outside looking in would strongly disagree with, fact is Dr. Frankenstein made the monster but guess what? People remember the monster, not the Doctor. Good going Trace on making yourself forgettable. #3 by virtue of his iron clad God status contract and continued influence on other wrestler’s matches.
Oh by the way, for the sake of the few feminist wrestling fans who check our site we have to add that your behavior towards Anna Ahriman and Scarlett Quinn is unforgivable. We hope Ms. Quinn hands you an embarrassing loss at Ultimate Supremacy. Our female intern has a strap-on she is willing to donate to Scarlett. Sorry, she says she ran out of lube.
4 Ante Whitner
He’s Golden Opportunity Champion which makes him the #1 contender to the International Champion. The bad news is that he just lost to the current International Champion in the Gauntlet so a cash in might not go well for him. The good news is that he should be on cruise control against a guy he has beat twice and a rookie still trying to gain his footing. Did we mention that Phillip Schneider has a hard-on for Ante? That has to be messing with his head.
5 Scarlett Quinn
The former champion has returned and looks to be in top form despite the controversial tag match loss. We’re ready to chant “You still got it” if she can topple the Demon.
6 Phillip Schneider
Would be higher, probably much higher, if he was back full time and actually wrestled a few matches. He’s ranked this high based on reputation alone. He’s had a lot say about Ante Whitner so why the f*ck is he wrestling Hugh Jass?
7 Reverend Shadow
The hall of famer is back and has two wins under his belt, albeit one in the aforementioned controversial tag match finish. He’s taking the PPV off so we’ll have to wait until after Ultimate Supremacy to see what he has in mind for his latest WFWF run.
8 Brandon Bison
He’s been a top prospect for a while. Time for him to take the next step. He needs to dispose of Mike Jette quickly and then challenge Ante for the Golden Opportunity championship.
9 Mike Jette
A surprise return from injury accompanied by a new attitude. The former nice guy and one half of the Thunderbirds is now taking what he wants and that is Brandon Bison’s #1 contender status. His new attitude better come with new results because the old Mike Jette never won a singles match.
10 Frank Lynn
Hanging on by a fingernail is Epic Failure Frank. We were really hyping him up last year but he has hit a sophomore slump and can't beat his way out of a wet paper bag without help from Trace Demon. Rumor has it that he almost quit after losing to Ante Whitner. If he can’t bring it at Ultimate Supremacy maybe he should because quite frankly, he is starting to bore us.
The bottom half of the list should be happy that Drakz, Joshua Dean, Anna Ahriman, and Dex aren’t active; that Hugh Jass hasn’t won a match yet; and Austin Hayes departed the WFWF or they might not be on the list at all.
I’m Mike Hickenbottom and that’s the report for today. Here’s hoping all the WFWF stars bring it like its never been brung before for Ultimate Supremacy and beyond so I have something to talk about next time.
The following is a transcript from the Hickenbottom Report, a podcast that follows all things wrestling related.
Hola wrestling fans. This is your favorite wrestling podcaster and blogger Mike Hickenbottom about to create some controversy because that's what I do best.
So here we are, at the end of the Supreme Gauntlet Tournament that left a decidedly sour taste in the mouths of many fans. Normally, this is when those of us at the Hickenbottom Report would put out another of our WFWF Power Rankings listing the top ten to fifteen superstars and what we think their chances are at the next PPV. Sucks to be us because this time around we banged our heads against the office walls for several hours and came up with this:
1A David Brennan
1B Joe Bishop
Yep, that’s it. Two speeding trains on a collision course at Ultimate Supremacy. One of them will win and become the next WFWF World Heavyweight Champion. The other will lose and then our Power Rankings will be ONE wrestler, ‘specially if it turns out to be David Brennan who would then have a complete collection of WFWF championship belts. Yes, even we are willing to accept the mass amnesia that has everybody forgetting Brennan was stripped of the tag titles less than five minutes after winning them. I wonder if Brennan plays Pokemon because he sure acts like he has to catch ‘em all.
Want us to predict a winner for their Ultimate Supremacy match? We can't. Flip a coin.
Now we like it when our job is easy as falling out of bed after a weekend long bender but the rest is just a little depressing. Brennan and Bishop have been that dominant in the Gauntlet. The Hickenbottom Report exists to report on all things wrestling and we can only talk about the Legacy Armageddon, or was it Apocalypse, iPPV so much before we decide to take a bath with a toaster. Zzzzzzzzzzap… problem solved.
What? You say you want more? Okay, I give up. We’ll give you a list just so you have something to argue about.
3 Trace Demon
It sure sounded to us like he knew he was going to lose to Joe Bishop and was preparing his excuses. “Even if you win, I win.” “Trace Demon made Joe Bishop.” Nice try Trace but we’re not buying it. Even if it is true, which those of us on the outside looking in would strongly disagree with, fact is Dr. Frankenstein made the monster but guess what? People remember the monster, not the Doctor. Good going Trace on making yourself forgettable. #3 by virtue of his iron clad God status contract and continued influence on other wrestler’s matches.
Oh by the way, for the sake of the few feminist wrestling fans who check our site we have to add that your behavior towards Anna Ahriman and Scarlett Quinn is unforgivable. We hope Ms. Quinn hands you an embarrassing loss at Ultimate Supremacy. Our female intern has a strap-on she is willing to donate to Scarlett. Sorry, she says she ran out of lube.
4 Ante Whitner
He’s Golden Opportunity Champion which makes him the #1 contender to the International Champion. The bad news is that he just lost to the current International Champion in the Gauntlet so a cash in might not go well for him. The good news is that he should be on cruise control against a guy he has beat twice and a rookie still trying to gain his footing. Did we mention that Phillip Schneider has a hard-on for Ante? That has to be messing with his head.
5 Scarlett Quinn
The former champion has returned and looks to be in top form despite the controversial tag match loss. We’re ready to chant “You still got it” if she can topple the Demon.
6 Phillip Schneider
Would be higher, probably much higher, if he was back full time and actually wrestled a few matches. He’s ranked this high based on reputation alone. He’s had a lot say about Ante Whitner so why the f*ck is he wrestling Hugh Jass?
7 Reverend Shadow
The hall of famer is back and has two wins under his belt, albeit one in the aforementioned controversial tag match finish. He’s taking the PPV off so we’ll have to wait until after Ultimate Supremacy to see what he has in mind for his latest WFWF run.
8 Brandon Bison
He’s been a top prospect for a while. Time for him to take the next step. He needs to dispose of Mike Jette quickly and then challenge Ante for the Golden Opportunity championship.
9 Mike Jette
A surprise return from injury accompanied by a new attitude. The former nice guy and one half of the Thunderbirds is now taking what he wants and that is Brandon Bison’s #1 contender status. His new attitude better come with new results because the old Mike Jette never won a singles match.
10 Frank Lynn
Hanging on by a fingernail is Epic Failure Frank. We were really hyping him up last year but he has hit a sophomore slump and can't beat his way out of a wet paper bag without help from Trace Demon. Rumor has it that he almost quit after losing to Ante Whitner. If he can’t bring it at Ultimate Supremacy maybe he should because quite frankly, he is starting to bore us.
The bottom half of the list should be happy that Drakz, Joshua Dean, Anna Ahriman, and Dex aren’t active; that Hugh Jass hasn’t won a match yet; and Austin Hayes departed the WFWF or they might not be on the list at all.
I’m Mike Hickenbottom and that’s the report for today. Here’s hoping all the WFWF stars bring it like its never been brung before for Ultimate Supremacy and beyond so I have something to talk about next time.
