Post by Deleted on Sept 2, 2018 3:55:37 GMT -5
Cry Baby, prt. 2
July 15th
2:10 PM
Mama Bear’s house; Los Angeles, CA
“I’m just so emotionally drained right now so I think I’m going to end the vlog. Thank you so much for listening to me ramble on and cry again. I hope this wasn’t too much. It probably was. I really hope to see you lovelies in Chicago! Just call me Mesh the Cry Baby from now on. I love you all! Byeeeeee!”
I stand in the doorway, watching Melanie sobbing uncontrollably. I don’t know exactly why but then I realize where she is – sitting on the bench that her father made for her in her favorite place. I remember that day like it was yesterday.
She’s always been curious about him despite her knowing the truth, finally. I'm super proud of her for how she took it. For years, I always feared the worst - that she would hate my guts for, essentially lying to her for most of her life but thankfully, she took it like a champ. I just watch her, tremble with her head buried between her legs
“How long have you been standing there?” she asks, wiping tears from her eyes.
Busted.
“Not that long,” I respond, “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I'm fine,” she sniffs, “I talked about dad in my vlog.”
I close the sliding door to the kitchen and approach my blue haired bundle of joy. Scooting alongside her as she moves closer towards me, allowing my arms to be wrapped around her.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I know it’s dumb to think about now but,” her head resting on my shoulder, “The guy I’m wrestling at the show had a brother that died. That made me think of dad."
“How sad. What happened?”
“Addiction.”
I don’t know what to say, so I simply frown.
“Guess he’s the only person in the WFWF that I share so much with, you know?”
2:10 PM
Mama Bear’s house; Los Angeles, CA
“I’m just so emotionally drained right now so I think I’m going to end the vlog. Thank you so much for listening to me ramble on and cry again. I hope this wasn’t too much. It probably was. I really hope to see you lovelies in Chicago! Just call me Mesh the Cry Baby from now on. I love you all! Byeeeeee!”
I stand in the doorway, watching Melanie sobbing uncontrollably. I don’t know exactly why but then I realize where she is – sitting on the bench that her father made for her in her favorite place. I remember that day like it was yesterday.
She’s always been curious about him despite her knowing the truth, finally. I'm super proud of her for how she took it. For years, I always feared the worst - that she would hate my guts for, essentially lying to her for most of her life but thankfully, she took it like a champ. I just watch her, tremble with her head buried between her legs
“How long have you been standing there?” she asks, wiping tears from her eyes.
Busted.
“Not that long,” I respond, “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I'm fine,” she sniffs, “I talked about dad in my vlog.”
I close the sliding door to the kitchen and approach my blue haired bundle of joy. Scooting alongside her as she moves closer towards me, allowing my arms to be wrapped around her.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I know it’s dumb to think about now but,” her head resting on my shoulder, “The guy I’m wrestling at the show had a brother that died. That made me think of dad."
“How sad. What happened?”
“Addiction.”
I don’t know what to say, so I simply frown.
“Guess he’s the only person in the WFWF that I share so much with, you know?”
"What's his name?"
"The guy I'm wrestling? Chris Priceless."
“Was he close with his brother?”
“Chris pretty much looked up to him.”
Another sniff.
“He was bullied too.”
“Everyone’s been bullied at one point, honey,” my attempt at trying to comfort her, “I was bullied too, and I didn’t speak English. Imagine how hard that must've been for me.”
There’s a long pause.
“People suck, they really do.”
I couldn’t help but smile at that.
“Yup, they do.”
Melanie stays quiet, her head still resting on my shoulder. There's a comfort in the sounds of birds chirping. I gently rock back-and-forth as a way to console her, just like when she was a baby. My baby.
“You know, I still have some of his things saved in my closet if you want to see them.”
Her pretty brown eyes look up at me.
“Really?”
“Yeah, you wanna see them?”
“Chris pretty much looked up to him.”
Another sniff.
“He was bullied too.”
“Everyone’s been bullied at one point, honey,” my attempt at trying to comfort her, “I was bullied too, and I didn’t speak English. Imagine how hard that must've been for me.”
There’s a long pause.
“People suck, they really do.”
I couldn’t help but smile at that.
“Yup, they do.”
Melanie stays quiet, her head still resting on my shoulder. There's a comfort in the sounds of birds chirping. I gently rock back-and-forth as a way to console her, just like when she was a baby. My baby.
“You know, I still have some of his things saved in my closet if you want to see them.”
Her pretty brown eyes look up at me.
“Really?”
“Yeah, you wanna see them?”
She nods.
With my arm still wrapped around her, we head back the outside where it’s nice and cool. Walking past the kitchen, there’s Kimchi, sunbathing in the window. The sun is shining down at the cat as black and brown fur He sees us walking in and simply stares with his bright green eyes constricted. We walk past the kitchen, past the bathroom and at the very end of the hall is my bedroom. Quiet thuds then turn into smacks as the khaki colored carpet transforms into brown hard wood.
As soon as you enter my bedroom, my closet is to the left – two sliding doors with lots of dresses with organized boxes of shoes with labels on them. On the very top shelf is where I keep all my things from the past. Three boxes of stuff and photo albums , twelve to be exact. Those too are labeled.
“You have a lot of stuff.”
“Look who’s talking!”
I reach up and bring down the box. It’s not heavy at all, but I can feel some of the smaller things roll around inside. I set it down on my bed and for some reason my daughter looks nervous. She’s biting her lip. As the lid comes off, there’s an aroma emerging from the box. It smells like William’s cologne.
“Are those all pens?”
“Yeah, your dad liked collecting them.”
She reaches inside and examines one of the five rectangular boxes. Inside is a black and gold pen with Alan’s name etched on the side in gold, held in by gold brackets surrounded by dark red velvet. Another pen is one that Alan’s mother got after she retired from the hospital.
“He was so silly,” she says, clicking the push button a couple of times, “Wasn’t he like, a super clean freak too?”
Oh God.
“He was such a perfectionist! His clothes would always be organized by color. Watching him shave was one of the most fascinating things ever!”
“Why?”
“If one hair was longer than the rest, he would pluck it out with pliers and really check his face to make sure all the follicles were even.”
“Seriously?!”
I wish I was kidding.
She continues to smile as she rummages around the box as do I. There's a large cardboard box inside. It's like a buried treasure of sorts, considering I don't remember what exactly William saved. My heart then skips, I see the one thing that I thought he got rid of. A shiny teddy bear, holding a heart with his initials on it.
“I made that for him,” I tell her, gently holding it in my hands as if it were a baby bird, “I made it out of dough.”
Her eyes widen. I look underneath the bear and it's golden brown. It's smooth and shiny, yet coarse.
“Awwww! That’s so cute!”
I get nostalgic too, I can’t help but smile either. I put it in her’s hands, admiring one of my earliest attempts at being artsy. Next to the bear is a salmon colored napkin, gently folded. I unravel it and see my old phone number scribbled on it.
“This is how I gave him my number when we first met.”
“That is too cute! I can’t believe he saved that!”
I couldn’t either. Quite the contrast for the man he would become later on. Melanie hands me the napkin just as something else catches her eye. It appears to be a bunch of cards and folded pieces of notebook paper.
“Are these love letters?! Awwwww!”
I glance over and yup, they’re love letters that he wrote for me. I noticed some unopen cards as well. Are those the envelopes that I made for Valentine’s Day? Oh, wow.
“Yeah, your dad was a bit of a charmer.”
“It’s weird seeing all of this considering what happened, you know?”
She totally read my mind. I don’t know how to respond, again so I just nod. I think she's enjoying looking through some of these things. Oh my, she’s actually reading through the letters. All I’m able to make out is,
To my loving wife, Maria…
Oh, William.
His handwriting was atrocious, but he was such a romantic.
I see her wiping tears from her eyes, I guess she thought the letter was too cheesy.
Not really.
“That was so adorable.”
I smile and give her a hug.
“I just don’t want you to think your dad didn’t love us or anything, you know?”
“Despite everything that happened, did you still love him?”
“If I didn’t, I wouldn't have saved his things." fighting back the urge to cry myself.
There’s a silence between us as I hug her as tight as I can. The thing with her father is and always be complicated but I’m so relieved that she understands.
With my arm still wrapped around her, we head back the outside where it’s nice and cool. Walking past the kitchen, there’s Kimchi, sunbathing in the window. The sun is shining down at the cat as black and brown fur He sees us walking in and simply stares with his bright green eyes constricted. We walk past the kitchen, past the bathroom and at the very end of the hall is my bedroom. Quiet thuds then turn into smacks as the khaki colored carpet transforms into brown hard wood.
As soon as you enter my bedroom, my closet is to the left – two sliding doors with lots of dresses with organized boxes of shoes with labels on them. On the very top shelf is where I keep all my things from the past. Three boxes of stuff and photo albums , twelve to be exact. Those too are labeled.
“You have a lot of stuff.”
“Look who’s talking!”
I reach up and bring down the box. It’s not heavy at all, but I can feel some of the smaller things roll around inside. I set it down on my bed and for some reason my daughter looks nervous. She’s biting her lip. As the lid comes off, there’s an aroma emerging from the box. It smells like William’s cologne.
“Are those all pens?”
“Yeah, your dad liked collecting them.”
She reaches inside and examines one of the five rectangular boxes. Inside is a black and gold pen with Alan’s name etched on the side in gold, held in by gold brackets surrounded by dark red velvet. Another pen is one that Alan’s mother got after she retired from the hospital.
“He was so silly,” she says, clicking the push button a couple of times, “Wasn’t he like, a super clean freak too?”
Oh God.
“He was such a perfectionist! His clothes would always be organized by color. Watching him shave was one of the most fascinating things ever!”
“Why?”
“If one hair was longer than the rest, he would pluck it out with pliers and really check his face to make sure all the follicles were even.”
“Seriously?!”
I wish I was kidding.
She continues to smile as she rummages around the box as do I. There's a large cardboard box inside. It's like a buried treasure of sorts, considering I don't remember what exactly William saved. My heart then skips, I see the one thing that I thought he got rid of. A shiny teddy bear, holding a heart with his initials on it.
“I made that for him,” I tell her, gently holding it in my hands as if it were a baby bird, “I made it out of dough.”
Her eyes widen. I look underneath the bear and it's golden brown. It's smooth and shiny, yet coarse.
“Awwww! That’s so cute!”
I get nostalgic too, I can’t help but smile either. I put it in her’s hands, admiring one of my earliest attempts at being artsy. Next to the bear is a salmon colored napkin, gently folded. I unravel it and see my old phone number scribbled on it.
“This is how I gave him my number when we first met.”
“That is too cute! I can’t believe he saved that!”
I couldn’t either. Quite the contrast for the man he would become later on. Melanie hands me the napkin just as something else catches her eye. It appears to be a bunch of cards and folded pieces of notebook paper.
“Are these love letters?! Awwwww!”
I glance over and yup, they’re love letters that he wrote for me. I noticed some unopen cards as well. Are those the envelopes that I made for Valentine’s Day? Oh, wow.
“Yeah, your dad was a bit of a charmer.”
“It’s weird seeing all of this considering what happened, you know?”
She totally read my mind. I don’t know how to respond, again so I just nod. I think she's enjoying looking through some of these things. Oh my, she’s actually reading through the letters. All I’m able to make out is,
To my loving wife, Maria…
Oh, William.
His handwriting was atrocious, but he was such a romantic.
I see her wiping tears from her eyes, I guess she thought the letter was too cheesy.
Not really.
“That was so adorable.”
I smile and give her a hug.
“I just don’t want you to think your dad didn’t love us or anything, you know?”
“Despite everything that happened, did you still love him?”
“If I didn’t, I wouldn't have saved his things." fighting back the urge to cry myself.
There’s a silence between us as I hug her as tight as I can. The thing with her father is and always be complicated but I’m so relieved that she understands.
"Did you ever try and find out what happened to your dad on your own?"
"No, I didn't."
"You don't resent me or anything for keeping the truth from you?"
"No, of course not! You were just trying to protect me, I understand."
Now I'm blushing.
“Don't you ever feel weird for being different,” I say, almost whispering in her ear, “You’re always saying how you don’t fit in with everyone else in the WFWF, well that's a good thing!”
She smiles.
“It’s hard sometimes though.”
“I know it is but being the way you are is what makes you special!”
“Thanks, mom.”
Suddenly, there’s a low hum that breaks the quiet in the room. Mesh breaks off from me to check her phone. I start to put William's things away, unsure of when we'll look through them again.
“Oh! It’s Kat!”
Katherine, my second daughter.
I do love her if she was one of my own.
For somebody that’s been through so much in her life, Kat is such a lovely person. Headstrong but intelligent. Very opinionated. Tough and genuine. She has a dry sense of humor which I don't always understand but it makes Melanie laugh so I guess it's not that bad.
I appreciate her taking care of my baby when they were on the road together.
Ever since she stopped wrestling, Kat has been super invested in her job, which means we don’t get to see her as often. I love seeing how happy Melanie gets whenever her and Kat hang out. There's a light in her eye
September 1st
12:20 AM
12:20 AM
Riverside County, CA; on the way to Mexico City
Hey guys, it’s Mesh! We’re on the road right now – yes, I said we’re. I want you guys to meet somebody very special in my life.
Hey guys, it’s Mesh! We’re on the road right now – yes, I said we’re. I want you guys to meet somebody very special in my life.
Without moving her phone, Mesh looks to her left.
She’s my biggest inspiration in life, besides Keef Flint.
An audible “Wow!” is heard in the background.
She’s the reason why I’m the way I am.
She’s the reason why I never quit.
To never give up.
To never make excuses.
To do things to the best of my abilities.
I always talk about this woman.
Some of you guys may know her as Mama Bear.
Everybody, I want to introduce you guys to…
My mom, Maria!
Mesh turns her phone to her left where her mother, both hands on the steering wheel, glances over and waves to the viewers.
Hi, everyone! Hope you're all having a good day!
We’re on out way to Mexico right now for El Grito de Dolores which for those of you don’t speak Spanish, means Cry of Dolores.
It was the battle cry that sparked the war of independence for Mexico. It really irritates me when people think that Cinco de Mayo is “Mexican Independence Day” so hopefully this serves as a bit of a lesson to some of your fans.
Now first things first, I want to talk about the last show, which was uh-maze. The fans there were great and I had soooo much fun! I even made a new BFF there. Shoutout to Jenny Broom!
It was a tough match but I beat Lance, which means I'm moving on to the semi-finals! Lance is a good guy, I like him! I know he feels like he’s past his prime but if you saw our match in Japan, the guy can still go!
I hope he sticks around since I like his baseball jokes. They're punny.
But are they a hit though?
Mesh snorts, completely thrown off guard by her mom's comment. Mama Bear watches on with a smile on her face.
That was too funny!
Anyway, so I tweeted it out earlier that I was going to livestream our adventure, do like a Q&A session and I already see hundreds of questions in the chat. Wow! We have 1,069 people watching us right now!
Right now?
Yeah, isn’t it crazy???
Wait, are you implying that sitting in a car with me isn’t fun??
No, of course not! I just think it’ll be fun letting all the lovelies get to know you, that's all.
I'll start out with a question of my own, what part of Mexico are you from?
Hermosillo.
Hooow convenient! I totally asked that on purpose.
Eres Mexicana, por eso eres tan dura.
I’m not that tough – I’m not Frank.
You are tough though! Even Kat says that.
Kat speaks nonsense!
I happen to agree with some of the things she tells you.
I'm afraid of confrontations.
Kinda ironic, don't you think?
I realize that.
What’s your favorite color?
Purple. Best color. Your argument is invalid.
I'm going to disagree on that one.
You want to me to pull over right now???
They share a laugh.
Umm….what is your biggest fear?
Drowning.
Oh my Gosh! Mine too! Especially when you can't see the bottom!
I remember when you were afraid of Monstro.
You just had to say that! Now everyone is going to tweet me pictures of him!
Don't be silly, honey. He’s a cartoon whale!
Monstro isn't just a cartoon whale, he's the stuff of nightmares. Everytime I see a shadow in the water, I freak out!
The chat immediately spams 人◕ ‿‿ ◕人 upon the shocking revelation.
The chat is already rubbing it in!
What are they doing?
Spamming whale face!
What is that?
An emoji.
In between all the whale face spams, Mesh patrols through the seemingly never ending fan interaction, trying to find a question or two amidst the chaotic chat.
What is your dream job?
The one I have now. Being a nurse is my dream job because I worked my ass off to get it just like you did with yours. Besides, I like helping people.
Somebody in the chat said that your dream job should be being a parent.
Oh, yeah. That too!
They both laugh, sarcastically.
Seriously though, when you do something that makes you happy then that’s your dream job. Like yours.
This livestream is about you, not me!
Girl, please. You’re Mesh! The Pixie of Positivity!
And now accountabilibuddy to one Sean Casey.
Not going to lie – he’s kinda hot.
MOM!
What? He looks like movie star. He’s super handsome.
ANYWAY…
Mesh scrolls through the chat, trying to change the subject as quickly as humanly possible.
Had I been a boy, what would you have named me?
Your dad and I actually talked about this. I think we’re going to go with Zachary.
Why Zach?
Your dad really liked that name and it was also the name of his best friend from high school.
'Isn't that right, Zach?' - Mesh can't help but smile at the reference and the quick wit of her chat.
Did you and dad plan on having more kids?
Because we both saw how it was having siblings growing up and didn’t want to deal with that. Besides with you, it was enough.
What ever do you mean?
You were a handful! You had the energy of four kids.
I’ll take that as a compliment. Here’s a good one, what is the TL;DR version of your life?
What does TL;DR mean?
Too long, didn’t read.
Oh, so you want a quick summary of my life? Let’s see…a hard-working immigrant that came to America so her beautiful and amazing daughter would have a better life.
You’re the best.
So are you. You are the best thing that ever happened to me.
You’re going to make me blush on stream, mom.
Now the chat decides to spam hearts.
This one should be interesting, the best memory you have of me?
I don’t know why this one sticks out right now but there was one time when you played softball and there was this girl on your team that never left you alone…
Noelle.
Her, so you were sitting in the dugout and I’m guessing she said something to you that upset you because I remember you took her brand, new batting gloves and filled them up with clay! Back then, they would use clay on the fields which under really hot temperatures, it turns rock hard.
I totally remember this!
Needless to say, Noelle’s new gloves were pretty much ruined.
Didn’t her mom demand that I buy her new gloves?
She did but I confronted her and revealed to her that her sweet, little innocent daughter was actually a bully. She apologized to us and left.
That’s the best memory you have of me?
Well, one of them. I think its relevant considering nowadays, you’d never do anything like that.
Because it’s mean.
The girl was a bully, she had it coming to her. That’s what you should be like today. Some guy breaks your nose with a bat – you don’t just laugh it off. You go and find that guy and break his nose.
Mesh stays quiet, she knows what her mom is saying is true.
What’s one of the weirdest things I did as a kid?
Do I have to name just one?
Hey!
You used to eat carpet powder.
Her eyes widen as she slowly turns to look at her mother. The chat, all at once spam 'WTF!?'
Really?
Yup. Back then, we would put carpet powder on the floor before we vacuumed so it would smell nice afterwards. Every, single time I would scatter the powder all over the house, there you’d be, licking it off the floor.
'WTF!?!?!' says the chat. Mesh just sits there with her mouth open.
I’m serious!
I guess that explains a lot about me and my decisions.
Probably.
What’s my favorite word? What a weird question.
Shiny?
I like shiny but it's not my favorite word.
Hmm….the only other one I can think of is the one that starts with an F.
I don’t say it that much….
Food?
They both laugh.
What is your most treasured possession?
You. Just kidding!
I was about to say….
No, if I had to say one thing…it would probably be the medal I got for winning that marathon.
Oh, right! I remember that! Why though?
Well for starters, I only did that marathon because Tia said that I couldn’t do it but also, I had never done a marathon before, so I guess to me, it’s just a reminder to never let anyone tell you what you can and can’t do.
That’s what you always told me, growing up.
Because it’s true. People that say things like that are usually just jealous because they failed at whatever it was their dream was, you know? And look what happened with you.
Mesh smiles.
Somebody in the chat really wants to know if you were alone in a room with Sean Casey, what would you do?
I’m afraid I can’t say it on stream.
GROSS.
Here’s one for me, how do I feel about wrestling Chris Priceless again?
Good. They say in wrestling that the second match is always better than the first.
Except now, the stakes are even higher!
He knows what I’m capable of and I know what he’s capable of.
This time around, we’re both going to bring it.
Because this tournament is a pretty big deal.
To Chris, Shuggy, Billy and myself.
I want it just as badly as they do.
Probably more.
To me, winning this tournament is going to prove to everyone that Mesh belongs in the WFWF.
That I’m not an easy way out.
There’s a saying, to never judge a book by its cover.
I have proved that on more than one occasion.
Chris, you gave me a fight in our last match.
Give me another because no matter how hard you hit me, I’ll hit you harder.
You knock me down, I’ll get back up.
What I lack in size, I make up for with heart.
The positive vibes from the crowd – they’re like energy.
They are what keep me going, so bring your Price Checks and your Red-Eves because none of that will be enough for you to win.
You survived an encounter with Bat Boy – something I barely did.
You can do things in the ring that I could never do and that’s why you should be feared.
But I'm not afraid of you.
In fact, we have more in common than everyone else in the back.
That's why I'm excited to wrestle you again.
This tournament is the only way I’m going to show everyone, people like Daniel Knight or that Ichabod Slipp guy – that I’m not just “a little girl”.
I’m a pro wrestler.
Sorry Chris, but this tournament is going to be my moment.
You’ll get yours eventually but not now.
2018 is my year.
You can hear her mom in the background go, “Preach, sister!”
That was a very long-winded answer but that’s how I feel. I really hope you lovelies enjoy the show!
That was a very long-winded answer but that’s how I feel. I really hope you lovelies enjoy the show!
I think I'm going to end the stream here, you guys asked a lot of...interesting questions and I really appreciate you all for coming out and participating!
Say bye, mom.
Bye for now!
We'll be in Mexico probably by...tomorrow?
Yeah, more or less.
I hope I get to meet some of you while we're here.
Byeeeeeeeee!
I dont know good luck