I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.Nelson Mandela
Something that I’ve asked myself over and over is,
Do people respect me?
It’s a question that is usually intertwined with a million more just like it.
My insecurities not creeping up on me, but exploding into my brain all together and all at once.
Telling me I’m not good enough.
Telling me I don’t belong here.
Now you might be asking yourself, where are the voices telling me I don’t belong?
In the WFWF? On this Earth?
Or you could be like me and be asking yourself, what’s the difference?
Well in the end, the bottom line is I don’t think people respect me.
That’s something I have to change.
I think the only question I have a definitive answer for is,
How do I earn everybody’s respect?
Now here lately I’ve been honestly shocked that I have heard some people cheer for me.
I know what I have done here in my past, and I thought that I was irredeemable.
I’ve heard what they have said before.
Calling me a monster.
A savage.
Saying that I have no heart.
I’ve made it through a lot in my life, and I do have a heart that I’ve worn on my sleeve for everybody to see.
So if I have any fans out there, even just one.
Thank you.
I’m trying to get better.
I’m trying the hardest I ever have and I’m still here.
I’m still f*cking here.
But I’m also scared.
Scared of what you’re bringing out of me.
Scared that you’re going to make me become what I used to be, and make all the fans cheering for me disappear.
You are the last hurdle I have to jump over until I can cement my legacy here and show everybody why I’m The Future Hall Of Famer.
You are the WFWF and everything it stands for.
You are the WFWF that abandoned me.
That thinks I’m not good enough and never will be.
That took my heart that I left in the ring and swept it under the ring skirt to move on to the next match!
You are the WFWF Mesh!
All Scars, No Stripes
I love wrestling more than anything currently in my life.
I say currently because I once had a son.
I love him more than wrestling, but he’s dead.
You died on me too wrestling. but you came back.
I’m happy that you’re back, don’t get me wrong.
But as much happiness there is, on the other side of that coin is resentment.
You left me with no warning. No goodbyes.
I was still standing in the f*cking ring when you set it on fire.
All the work that I had done was meaningless to you.
All the things I planned on accomplishing turned to dust.
I was left to burn.
To feel my own skin melt until my legs give out and I turn into the nothing I am without you wrestling.
And that’s exactly what happened.
It felt like you were gone forever.
Then you came back and it was as if you never left to begin with.
I thought I was going to start being me again.
Turn back into the animal that everyone knew me as.
Erase all the work I’ve been trying to do to better myself.
There was a small part of me that almost didn’t want to do this anymore.
That wants to live a normal life.
But the WFWF is my home.
I might be dumb, stupid, or whatever you want to call me, but I’m going to continue putting my all into this.
And you just hate that don’t you Mesh?
It’s been made obvious to not just me, but the entire world, what your intentions are.
Time after time I’ve tried to smooth things out between us, but I’m done with that.
You’ve turned your back on everyone who is around you, and why? Why Mesh?
Only you know the answer to that question.
But I do know that you turned your back on yourself a long time ago.
I am remorseful about what happened at SuperBrawl when we had our last match.
I brutalized you when you weren’t in your right state of mind.
Not to say that you are now, because clearly you’re not.
This time is different though.
You are different.
If you ask me, you’re not the same masochistic little girl anymore.
Not all of that brain is damaged, because you’re smart.
Like the way you keep trying to get into my head.
Your morals are completely gone and you thought I was going to be the bad guy in this situation.
You’re not confident enough to believe in yourself anymore after everything that’s happened to you, so you latch on to me and try to pull me lower than you are.
You thought that the crowd was going to have their pitchforks out and calling for my head when you attacked me.
That they would somehow think it’s my fault.
That I instigated it, and had bad intentions when I tried to shake your hand multiple times.
You were wrong
I might wear my heart on my sleeve, but you wear your deception on your face.
Like a mask that you thought would help shield you from the disease that has been rotting inside you for way too long.
You and I are different, although we have had similar struggles.
But I’ve let mine shape me into what I am now.
I’m still the Vanguard Champion, and get better every single time I’m in that ring.
While you have let your struggles break you down.
What you are now is a far cry from what you were when you were the Vanguard Champion, and every time that you get into that ring, your fans cringe and have to look away, hoping that they don’t see you hurt or even dead.
Is that what you wanted at Superbrawl?
Were you wanting me to finish you off Mesh?
I’d like to tell myself that I’m not capable of that.
But you survived, so none of that matters anyways, and now you’re coming for your revenge.
You’ll take any opportunity you can to get an advantage on me.
But at Stars and Stripes, there won’t be any cheap shots.
We’ll get to see who the better wrestler is once and for all.
You’ll live through it either way, but I’ll never have to deal with you again, one way or the other.
You will not kill the good that is left in me, and I won’t let you make me kill it either.
In the dead of night, the illumination of a car’s headlights lead the way through the rain fall and up the road, into a parking lot of a hotel.
A neon sign at the entrance says vacancy, as it seems like there’s not very many people willing to stay in one of the run-down rooms.
The driver of the car is Ava, the woman from the elevator that Johnny met not too long ago.
The woman that he instantly became infatuated with.
Coincidentally, they met a few more times, which added fuel to the fire and in turn, caused the Icebreaker to crack and ask her out on a date.
Then another, and one more after that.
She parks her car in front of room number six, and looks into the mirror making sure her makeup is on point, before stepping out onto the precipitation glistened concrete, and dashing her way under the roof so her hair doesn’t get messed up by the rain.
Opening the hotel room door, Ava announces that she’s made it back, to which she hears the response of an “Okay I’ll be out in a minute.” that is muted and drowned out by the sound of the shower.
She sets her purse on top of a table before taking a seat in one of the chairs right next to it.
Looking around the room, she sees that the bed is unmade, with the blanket hanging off of it and the pillows sprawled across it.
She also observes the multiple wrappers and pieces of trash that sit on top of the counter next to the mini fridge.
That must be where the smell is coming from.
Disgusted, she thinks about the cockroaches she seen scatter across the floor the other night when she turned one of the lights on.
Trying to take her mind off of the filth that surrounds her, she hears the shower shut off.
“We need to do something about this nasty room. Maybe we can have one of the workers come clean it. Or we can just get a room somewhere different.”
No response.
“I mean, I’d be more than happy to clean it for you if you want me to.”
Ava sees him grab a towel to dry himself off with.
“I don’t really mind the mess darling.”
Coming around the corner, standing in nothing but a towel around his waist, is none other than Tyson Watts.
He stops and stares into Ava’s brown eyes
“You look beautiful baby. Come give daddy some sugar.”
She doesn’t hesitate to get up from her chair, as Tyson’s towel drops, and she leans over his bulbous bulge of a stomach to start making out with him.
Things are finally starting to look up for me.
After all the work I’ve put into life and wrestling, I’m finally starting to see some results.
I don’t deserve anything from anybody.
What I have, I’ve earned, and now it’s time to earn everybody’s respect.
I’m going to end this between us
I know you’re not the same person you used to be.
Hell, I’m not the same person I used to be either.
But for one night only I’ll dance with you Mesh.
I hope that you do it like you used to do it before.
Before you found out how cruel the world actually is and turned into what you are now.
In fact, close your eyes and imagine you’re six again and your mom Maria is cheering you on.
She’s always wanted you to be the best that you could be.
You did it Mesh.
You’ve earned the adulation of the world that you have left a permanent mark on, but I’m here to tell you that it’s over.
The truth is that deep down in the pit of your stomach you know what I’m saying is the truth.
Everything you became is everything you hate.
Everything you fought against your entire life.
You don’t have to keep up these false pretenses.
We will remember you by how great you were in the past.
But I hope that you’ll remember that I’m the future that came to tell you the charade is over.