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Post by The L.F.C Fan on Oct 27, 2008 17:14:42 GMT -5
Sheer Domination’s eyes slowly opened. It was 9:30am on Friday morning, he was woken up by a bird’s singing from outside his small 3rd floor flat window. Sheer Domination laid down for a couple of seconds before sitting up on his bed which was too small for him. He then got out of his bed. Sheer Domination had only been in America for 4 days since his arrival from Britain were he had struggled to make any money, he was now fully aware of his major anger problem. Upon his arrival in America the WFWF owner assigned him to a 3 week anger management course to help him out of the ring, for when he had to build relationships with the rest of the roster and staff. Sheer Domination took a cold shower taken aback by the lack of temperature at first before his body adjusted; he then changed into black pants and a black vest and went into the main room of his flat. He sat on his sofa and wondered what he could do today. Having not wrestled yet he had minimal money, he was paying for his flat with the little money he’d saved in his bank account from his time in England. Sheer Domination pondered for a few minutes then decided the best thing he could do was to check out the area he was living in, despite living in his new flat for 4 days he hadn’t yet left it to see what was going on around him, so he grabbed his coat, went through the door and onto the main corridor of the set of flats. He walked to the lift and stepped in, the lift was cold and had a unearthly feel to it. His mobile phone rang; he pulled out his newly acquired $50 pay-as-you-go (one of few new assets since his arrival in U.S.A) and clicked to answer the call.
Sheer Domination: Hello?
Thunder: Hey, this is Thunder. I have something to tell you…
Sheer Domination was excited by the call from one of the co-owners of WFWF, he felt it could only be a positive.
Thunder: We’ve managed to get you into a match in the Development centre, it’s Triple Threat against 2 other new comers, we’ve recruited a lot lately for our development territory. You’re up against John Hayes and Jacob Ryler in a Triple Threat match. I have high hopes for you so make sure you perform to the best of your abilities. I am aware that you’ve not even began proper training yet but it’s not like you’re in a title match so try not to feel under pressure. Anyway I have to go, bye.
Sheer Domination was ecstatic. His first professional Wrestling match, okay so it wasn’t the biggest match or even on WFWF’s flagship show but it was definitely a start – and a start he needed. The lift came to a stop at the bottom and Sheer Domination stepped out grinning. He felt happier than he had ever remembered being and was more than ready to take his chance by the scruff of its neck.
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Post by bad guy™ on Oct 27, 2008 17:26:37 GMT -5
Ok, here is the thing. Trace Demon is the on-screen owner of the show, not Thunder. Thunder is the seen but not heard owner. But considering this is your debut RP, you're fine. Just remember that next time. Also remember next time, if you want to use any wrestler here in your RPs, you have to ask their permission first. Good job for a debut though. Decent discription.  |
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Post by The L.F.C Fan on Oct 28, 2008 5:17:54 GMT -5
Ok, here is the thing. Trace Demon is the on-screen owner of the show, not Thunder. Thunder is the seen but not heard owner. But considering this is your debut RP, you're fine. Just remember that next time. Also remember next time, if you want to use any wrestler here in your RPs, you have to ask their permission first. Good job for a debut though. Decent discription. Do you mean my opponents or what? if you mean my oponents I thought we had to include them in our RP's? |
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One Love
Main Eventer
We Suck
Joined on: Aug 12, 2005 10:56:52 GMT -5
Posts: 4,589
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Post by One Love on Oct 28, 2008 5:51:49 GMT -5
You don't have to include them in your rp. You can talk about without needing their permission. However, when you want someone to actually appear in the rp, like talk to you or something, you need their permission first. Hope that clears some things up for you.
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Post by The L.F.C Fan on Oct 28, 2008 13:15:58 GMT -5
You don't have to include them in your rp. You can talk about without needing their permission. However, when you want someone to actually appear in the rp, like talk to you or something, you need their permission first. Hope that clears some things up for you. Okay thanks. I didn't make them appear in my RP though... right? |
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Post by bad guy™ on Oct 28, 2008 17:36:49 GMT -5
You don't have to include them in your rp. You can talk about without needing their permission. However, when you want someone to actually appear in the rp, like talk to you or something, you need their permission first. Hope that clears some things up for you. Okay thanks. I didn't make them appear in my RP though... right? Appearing in an RP is either physically (like them ACTUALLY being in the RP) or elsewhere (on a phone, in a dream etcetera.) |
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Calvin
Main Eventer
visit my myspace and listen to my music
Joined on: Dec 18, 2001 15:13:21 GMT -5
Posts: 3,791
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Post by Calvin on Nov 4, 2008 14:34:57 GMT -5
Sheer Domination’s eyes slowly opened. It was 9:30am on Friday morning, he was woken up by a bird’s singing from outside his small 3rd floor flat window. Sheer Domination laid down for a couple of seconds before sitting up on his bed which was too small for him. He then got out of his bed. Sheer Domination had only been in America for 4 days since his arrival from Britain were he had struggled to make any money, he was now fully aware of his major anger problem. Upon his arrival in America the WFWF owner assigned him to a 3 week anger management course to help him out of the ring, for when he had to build relationships with the rest of the roster and staff. Sheer Domination took a cold shower taken aback by the lack of temperature at first before his body adjusted; he then changed into black pants and a black vest and went into the main room of his flat. He sat on his sofa and wondered what he could do today. Having not wrestled yet he had minimal money, he was paying for his flat with the little money he’d saved in his bank account from his time in England. Sheer Domination pondered for a few minutes then decided the best thing he could do was to check out the area he was living in, despite living in his new flat for 4 days he hadn’t yet left it to see what was going on around him, so he grabbed his coat, went through the door and onto the main corridor of the set of flats. He walked to the lift and stepped in, the lift was cold and had a unearthly feel to it. His mobile phone rang; he pulled out his newly acquired $50 pay-as-you-go (one of few new assets since his arrival in U.S.A) and clicked to answer the call. I like it when people open up with description. And detailed description. However, when you bring up details that have no point, or anything to do with what your trying to prove theme wise (forexample the clothes they wear, the kind of phone they have) it kinda gets irritating. And it makes you ask yourself "why is he mentioning all this?" It's unneeded. Some people think other wise, but to me it just makes it sound like you're adding unnecessary stuff to make your rp seem longer. Whether thats true I don't know. Sheer Domination: Hello? I remember the days when every house show rp had to do with yukio telling them their match. I highly doubt the owner would call everyone and say "hey you have a match." I'm not trying to pick on you or anything, a lot of new comers do it. It just gets repetitive. Because it used to happen every week. And Thunder isn't the on screen owner. Just this week it appears. The biggest problem with this rp is you didn't even get into your opponents. The only word your character said was "hello?" You need to get into your characters mind and get out his feelings. Why is he so excited, what's he going to do to win the match. Where does he want to take this. What makes him different from his opponents. You need to do far more then just describe how he learned he has a match. Who cares how you got the match, what are you going to do with the match is what a lot of people care about. |
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Thunder
Main Eventer
WF 10 Year Member
WFWF Record: 59-60-1
Joined on: Aug 6, 2003 9:44:07 GMT -5
Posts: 2,941
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Post by Thunder on Nov 7, 2008 10:35:53 GMT -5
Aside from the problems of using someone in your RP without permission and it being the wrong owner, there really wasn't much to this.
There was a bit too much over-description here. It's good that you tried this, but we really don't need to know that he had a $50 pay-as-you-go card. When it gets to the point of being that detailed, it just kind of gets boring.
Here's a suggestion: If he has anger problems, don't just say he was in anger management. Show it in the way that he talks. Still don't do things like beating up random people, but I think you get the point.
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