Deleted
Joined on: May 5, 2024 22:35:44 GMT -5
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Jun 2, 2010 8:38:45 GMT -5
We see a three men, a little boy with brown hair and two other men in suits. Man in red suit: Kane, how was your day how was your day? Little boy: Hey kane how you doing? Kane: off homosexual aint got no time. (drinks some coffee) who serving this hot ass crap Little boy: kane come on its my mom coffee kane: i dont give a who made this ing bullcrap little boy: kane why you making fun of my mom coffee The other man says MAN: Listen here boy your mother coffee very nice, i like it myself. even though she put cinnamon in this crap boy: thats not cinnamon man: let me finish talking mother er boy starts flipping out going crazy my mom coffee is the best man: stop screaming your starting to pissing me the hell off imma slap yo ass, maid nurse. take this bitch away GLADIATOR CHILDHOOD
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Post by sonstuds on Jun 3, 2010 2:03:18 GMT -5
amazing.
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Post by recklessmatten on Jun 3, 2010 2:14:53 GMT -5
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Deleted
Joined on: May 5, 2024 22:35:44 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Jun 3, 2010 8:51:41 GMT -5
thats my superbrawl rp
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Post by ZMaster on Jun 4, 2010 7:34:34 GMT -5
I'm not active in the rp world but I've been around and this honestly wasn't that good. In fact, I felt you rushed it out. I can understand if you want to make sure you get it done before Super Brawl and nothing wrong with that. I'm willing to give you ideas on what you can do to improve. I'll start with the beginning.
Description: Try to make the setting a bit more descriptive but not too much. There is a fine line of that. Read a few rps that have done description and try to pick up from there.
The match: You didn't really seem to focus on it and just made something and didn't understand it. What made Gladiator want to wrestle? It's okay to have a back story but just didn't flow well relating to your character. It's like you didn't really mention anything about it or even did character development.
I hope this helps you out and gets you a better feel for it. Always do the best you can and keep an open mind to improve yourself.
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Sabin
Main Eventer
Joined on: Apr 1, 2009 16:07:43 GMT -5
Posts: 4,527
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Post by Sabin on Jun 8, 2010 15:00:43 GMT -5
yeah, start reading some other guys rp's. this had nothing to do with your match and It was confusing as crap. No real setting or description.
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Deleted
Joined on: May 5, 2024 22:35:44 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Jun 8, 2010 18:44:27 GMT -5
Thanks I didn't rush it, I planned it like for 3 days
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