Jesseversion1
Main Eventer
:)
Joined on: Aug 8, 2009 4:09:46 GMT -5
Posts: 3,909
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Post by Jesseversion1 on Mar 11, 2011 2:12:25 GMT -5
Ermm sorry if there is already one. I havent saw one befor so i though i make one. Try to keep the jokes clean  Here are some: What do you do if a moron throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back at him. Why did the moron climb the glass wall ? To see what was on the other side! I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me.... Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod. A husband and wife were trying to set up a new password to their computer. A husband, "Put 'MYPENIS' " and the wife fell on the ground laughing cause on screen was error, "Error. Not long enough." |
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Post by Lewscher on Mar 11, 2011 6:53:24 GMT -5
I love them all :') But i dont often get offended by any joke  so prepare for this to go downhill like so many other joke threads have >.< but thankyou for the laughs  |
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TheXtremisT
Main Eventer
10 Year Member
This is the way
Joined on: May 3, 2008 8:03:15 GMT -5
Posts: 3,931
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Post by TheXtremisT on Mar 11, 2011 8:19:41 GMT -5
I'm wondering if this is going to get moved to the banter board.
Anyway, let me see;
There were 3 women who were held in prison overnight on drunk and disorderly charges, a brunette, a ginger (redhead), and a blonde.
They wanted to get out as soon as possible, so they began seducing the very young prison officer guarding the cell. He agreed to sneak them out, and the only thing he could come up with was to hide them in burlap sacks.
So one by one he put them each in a bag and carried them to the exit of the police station. But he got caught and another officer asked what was in the bags. So he improvised and said the first bag had kittens in it. He kicked the bag and the brunnette went "miaow". In the second bag he said there were puppies, and he kicked the bag, and the ginger went "woof". The last bag he said contained potatoes, so he kicked the bag and the blonde said "potatoes".
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Post by Grumpyoldman on Mar 11, 2011 10:02:08 GMT -5
What did the snail say when it went for a ride on the turtle's back? SLOW DOWN!
A city slicker shoots a duck out in the country. As he's retrieving it, a farmer walks up and stops him, claiming that since the duck is on his farm, it technically belongs to him. After minutes of arguing, the farmer proposes they settle the matter "country style."
"What's country style?" asks the city boy.
"Out here in the country," the farmer says, "when two fellers have a dispute, one feller kicks the other one in the jewels as hard as he can. Then that feller, why, he kicks the first one as hard as he can. And so forth. Last man standin' wins the dispute."
Warily the city boy agrees and prepares himself. The farmer hauls off and kicks him in the groin with all his might. The city boy falls to the ground in the most intense pain he's ever felt, crying like a baby and rolling around on the ground. Finally he staggers to his feet and says, "All right, n-now it's-it's m-my turn."
The farmer grins. "Forget it, you win. Keep the duck."
A man and his wife are awakened at three o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is three o'clock in the morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it is three in the morning and it is pouring outside!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife.
"Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us?" "I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pouring rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk.
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Post by TheNinthCloud on Mar 11, 2011 16:34:35 GMT -5
What do you call an armless, legless man on your front porch?
Mat.
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Post by slappy on Mar 11, 2011 16:44:55 GMT -5
Chuck Norris isn't homophobic. Homosexuals are Norrisophobic.
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Post by Rule 30 on Mar 11, 2011 16:54:10 GMT -5
Three ducks walk into a courthouse. The first duck walks in and the judge goes;
"What were you doing?"
"I was blowing bubbles."
The seconded duck comes in, and the judge asks;
"What were you doing?"
"I was blowing bubbles."
Then the third duck walks in and the judge says:
"What were you doing?"
"Well, my name is bubbles."
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Post by Oskanowski on Mar 11, 2011 16:58:09 GMT -5
How much drugs did Charlie Sheen do? ----------- Enough to kill two and a half men.
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Post by TheNinthCloud on Mar 11, 2011 17:20:03 GMT -5
How much drugs did Charlie Sheen do? ----------- Enough to kill two and a half men. DAYUM |
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Post by Jericho Is God!™ on Mar 11, 2011 17:22:26 GMT -5
When I was a kid, I used to have an imaginary friend. I thought he went everywhere with me. I could talk to him and he could hear me, and he could grant me wishes and stuff too. But then I grew up, and stopped going to church.
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Deleted
Joined on: Sept 27, 2024 15:43:56 GMT -5
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Mar 11, 2011 17:25:05 GMT -5
Why did the chicken cross the road?
He needed to get to a destination across the road from where he was.
What do you call a 14 year that captures innocent animals, eats mushrooms, and collects men so he can take pictures of them?
Mitch.
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Post by TheNinthCloud on Mar 11, 2011 17:28:51 GMT -5
Why don't they give tests at a zoo?
There's too many cheetahs.
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Callum1993
Main Eventer
Joined on: Jul 21, 2010 13:30:03 GMT -5
Posts: 2,268
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Post by Callum1993 on Mar 11, 2011 17:54:45 GMT -5
BBC News: "Sacked Sheen sues show"...
By the seashore?
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Mr. K.O
Main Eventer
Joined on: Mar 24, 2010 19:04:14 GMT -5
Posts: 4,094
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Post by Mr. K.O on Mar 11, 2011 18:30:40 GMT -5
I'm wondering if this is going to get moved to the banter board. Anyway, let me see; There were 3 women who were held in prison overnight on drunk and disorderly charges, a brunette, a ginger (redhead), and a blonde. They wanted to get out as soon as possible, so they began seducing the very young prison officer guarding the cell. He agreed to sneak them out, and the only thing he could come up with was to hide them in burlap sacks. So one by one he put them each in a bag and carried them to the exit of the police station. But he got caught and another officer asked what was in the bags. So he improvised and said the first bag had kittens in it. He kicked the bag and the brunnette went "miaow". In the second bag he said there were puppies, and he kicked the bag, and the ginger went "woof". The last bag he said contained potatoes, so he kicked the bag and the blonde said "potatoes". Now where have I heard that before? But here's my joke haha found this on the internet. Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?" When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!" The teacher fainted. |
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TheXtremisT
Main Eventer
10 Year Member
This is the way
Joined on: May 3, 2008 8:03:15 GMT -5
Posts: 3,931
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Post by TheXtremisT on Mar 12, 2011 8:25:08 GMT -5
How much drugs did Charlie Sheen do? ----------- Enough to kill two and a half men. WINNING I'm wondering if this is going to get moved to the banter board. Anyway, let me see; There were 3 women who were held in prison overnight on drunk and disorderly charges, a brunette, a ginger (redhead), and a blonde. They wanted to get out as soon as possible, so they began seducing the very young prison officer guarding the cell. He agreed to sneak them out, and the only thing he could come up with was to hide them in burlap sacks. So one by one he put them each in a bag and carried them to the exit of the police station. But he got caught and another officer asked what was in the bags. So he improvised and said the first bag had kittens in it. He kicked the bag and the brunnette went "miaow". In the second bag he said there were puppies, and he kicked the bag, and the ginger went "woof". The last bag he said contained potatoes, so he kicked the bag and the blonde said "potatoes". Now where have I heard that before? Lol I actually never knew about it being used on that show. Funny to see how the joke's changed from it being told to loads of different people. |
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Deleted
Joined on: Sept 27, 2024 15:43:56 GMT -5
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Mar 12, 2011 8:34:13 GMT -5
Three midgets were going for a world record.
Midget one said ¨I bet I have the worlds smallest hands!¨
Midget two said: ¨I bet I have the worlds smallest feet!¨
Midget three said ¨ I bet I have the worlds smallest penis!¨
Midget one went in for the record, came out and said ¨I told you so!¨
Midget two went in for the record, came out and said ¨I told you so!¨
Midget three went in for the record, came out and said ¨I didn´t get the record, who the hell is CM Showstopper?¨
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Callum1993
Main Eventer
Joined on: Jul 21, 2010 13:30:03 GMT -5
Posts: 2,268
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Post by Callum1993 on Mar 12, 2011 8:48:43 GMT -5
Three midgets were going for a world record. Midget one said ¨I bet I have the worlds smallest hands!¨ Midget two said: ¨I bet I have the worlds smallest feet!¨ Midget three said ¨ I bet I have the worlds smallest penis!¨ Midget one went in for the record, came out and said ¨I told you so!¨ Midget two went in for the record, came out and said ¨I told you so!¨ Midget three went in for the record, came out and said ¨I didn´t get the record, who the hell is CM Showstopper?¨  ing Win! |
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Post by z1llaaii on Mar 12, 2011 8:59:44 GMT -5
Three ducks walk into a courthouse. The first duck walks in and the judge goes; "What were you doing?" "I was blowing bubbles." The seconded duck comes in, and the judge asks; "What were you doing?" "I was blowing bubbles." Then the third duck walks in and the judge says: "What were you doing?" "Well, my name is bubbles." Ok, that one cracked me up |
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Post by figurecollector on Mar 12, 2011 11:09:11 GMT -5
Twas in a restaurant that they met,
Romeo and Juliet.
He had no fare to pay her debt,
SO Rom-e-owed what Juli-et.
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Post by Lewscher on Mar 12, 2011 12:34:20 GMT -5
Twas in a restaurant that they met, Romeo and Juliet. He had no fare to pay her debt, SO Rom-e-owed what Juli-et. Very clever  after i took ages working it out  also love the ducks ;D bubbles |
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