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Post by buster on Mar 28, 2011 18:25:34 GMT -5
Dear journal, My name is Max Thomas and I have been a wrestling fan ever since the massive Hulk Hogan slammed Andre at WrestleMania 3.
When my hero, Hogan picked up Andre, I was so excited that I picked up my teddy bear (I was 5 at the time)
and gave him a bodyslam. Ever since then, I wanted to become a Pro Wrestler. Now I will be writing in this cheap note pad, about me trying to find the key of success in Wrestling.
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Post by legendkiller8 on Mar 28, 2011 21:42:45 GMT -5
Looks like you are doing something similar to CF9. Good luck, and make sure to work on the format, and make these longer. Just saying something about Hogan picking up Andre isn't a whole journal entry. Maybe you could've added more about your life, and all. PM me if you need any help.
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Post by CF9™ on Mar 28, 2011 21:50:24 GMT -5
Yeah, maybe get a better layout, and add some more detail. If you need help, I'm always here. It's only your first entry, so feel free to spruce the first one up to get a new start.
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Post by Red Dragon on Mar 29, 2011 10:14:45 GMT -5
This seems far too much like your copying CF9. I understand that you might be inspired by it but you need to change it up abit. The entry is far too short for an update and needs some format work. Just keep this up and continue working on it and you'll improve. Good luck.
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Post by buster on Mar 29, 2011 15:17:09 GMT -5
Chapter 1 | "A Different Path" | My Dad was a huge fan of MMA. Every night that MMA was on, me and my Dad would sit there and watch (Even when Wrestling was on). Ever since the night of WrestleMania 3, I knew that I wanted to be a Pro Wrestler. Days before my 17 birthday, my Dad went on a business trip but never came back. My dad wanted me to battle in MMA. He kept saying to his fellow workers that I will be the next MMA champion. I had saved up my money since College for Wrestling School. When I signed up for Wrestling/MMA School in my hometown of Chicago, I went to the building and when I got inside. The lady at the front desk asked me if I wanted to do Wrestling or MMA. I had to chose.... |
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Post by CF9™ on Mar 29, 2011 15:44:15 GMT -5
Well you did improve the layout greatly and the writing did improve, or at least the grammar. You should have explained why your dad never came back and just added more detail all around. I've also never heard of an MMA/Wrestling school. But you improved pretty greatly, keep this up. Detail, detail, detail.
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