Symmetry
Superstar
Joined on: Oct 15, 2010 22:58:13 GMT -5
Posts: 928
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Poetry
Apr 24, 2011 15:15:59 GMT -5
Post by Symmetry on Apr 24, 2011 15:15:59 GMT -5
Any of you guys into writing poetry? This is a short poem I wrote last summer. I don't write poetry very often, so I'm still getting the hang of how it all works. Drowning in despair I lie, as this unforgiving plague of darkness closes in Trapping me within these obscured dimensions for eternity
Suffocating my thoughts and slashing my soul This isolated solitude of time swallows my regrets
Scratching and crawling my way out of this rapture Only for these tides of sorrow to drag me underneath
A vortex of anguish etched within my veins As these nails of crucifixion twist and tear my flesh apart
These symmetric illusions of affection Corrode my conscience
Seeking closure and artificial hope This shore of resentment washes over my faded memoriesLet me know what you guys think!
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Poetry
Apr 24, 2011 15:23:14 GMT -5
Post by stonecold316 on Apr 24, 2011 15:23:14 GMT -5
HOLY !!! WAY better than anything I could write. Very Raven of Jeff Hardy circa 2010 like, it had that dark, tortured, painful feeling to it. Keep it up, man!!!
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Poetry
Apr 24, 2011 15:29:30 GMT -5
Post by Ian from 616Entertainment. on Apr 24, 2011 15:29:30 GMT -5
Not bad, man. Not bad at all.
Thanks for sharing. All of us who try and share what we do around here have to deal with assh*les every now and then (me with my paintings and videos), so expect some harsh reactions, but I'm into it.
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Poetry
Apr 24, 2011 15:34:30 GMT -5
Post by stonecold316 on Apr 24, 2011 15:34:30 GMT -5
Not bad, man. Not bad at all. Thanks for sharing. All of us who try and share what we do around here have to deal with assh*les every now and then (me with my paintings and videos), so expect some harsh reactions, but I'm into it. Dude, I've seen your paintings, and they're pretty goddamn good, if I may say so.
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Symmetry
Superstar
Joined on: Oct 15, 2010 22:58:13 GMT -5
Posts: 928
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Poetry
Apr 24, 2011 15:35:51 GMT -5
Post by Symmetry on Apr 24, 2011 15:35:51 GMT -5
HOLY !!! WAY better than anything I could write. Very Raven of Jeff Hardy circa 2010 like, it had that dark, tortured, painful feeling to it. Keep it up, man!!! Thanks a lot for the kind words, man! I appreciate it. Not bad, man. Not bad at all. Thanks for sharing. All of us who try and share what we do around here have to deal with assh*les every now and then (me with my paintings and videos), so expect some harsh reactions, but I'm into it. Thanks dude! Yeah, I've noticed that there are some a**holes that spam up the art-related threads at times, kind of sucks. I'm not sure why anyone would be negative towards your paintings though, as from what I've seen they kick ass, haha.
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Poetry
Apr 24, 2011 20:05:25 GMT -5
Post by The Future on Apr 24, 2011 20:05:25 GMT -5
It's honestly not bad at all. I feel it resonates with alot of melancholy 'buzz words' such as despair, rapture, plague...but honestly- your alliteration, the way you paint imagery, it's all very polished and on point. I think you have a true knack for it, and should definitely continue writing- but with various topics/approaches to it. Tell a story of your life through a poem, use a line from one of your favorite songs to springboard into an opening.
By the way, I'm a bit overly critical because that's what I'm going to school for. I'm an English/writing major, in my last month of college...then it's off to grad school to get my MFA(Master of Fine Arts) so I can teach creative writing on a college level.
I write poetry myself, had about 12 poems published, started a poetry org. at my university...It's my forte, my passion, my lifeblood. So I mean it when I say I think you have potential.
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Poetry
Apr 24, 2011 20:06:20 GMT -5
Post by yanks on Apr 24, 2011 20:06:20 GMT -5
You got talent man. keep up the good work
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Poetry
Apr 24, 2011 20:13:53 GMT -5
Post by Tim Tebow™ on Apr 24, 2011 20:13:53 GMT -5
I stubbed my toe on a dresser. and now my toe hurts. I beat the out of the dresser, the end.As hard as it is to believe, yours is better.
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Poetry
Apr 24, 2011 21:48:15 GMT -5
Post by mrrocky619 on Apr 24, 2011 21:48:15 GMT -5
im doing a poetry unit in school and i really dislike it. i was kinda exited at first but when we are actually writing the poems we have no freedom at all, whatsoever... it kinda ruined it for me and now im no longer into poetry.
but dude, your peom was sex
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Symmetry
Superstar
Joined on: Oct 15, 2010 22:58:13 GMT -5
Posts: 928
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Poetry
Apr 24, 2011 22:30:18 GMT -5
Post by Symmetry on Apr 24, 2011 22:30:18 GMT -5
It's honestly not bad at all. I feel it resonates with alot of melancholy 'buzz words' such as despair, rapture, plague...but honestly- your alliteration, the way you paint imagery, it's all very polished and on point. I think you have a true knack for it, and should definitely continue writing- but with various topics/approaches to it. Tell a story of your life through a poem, use a line from one of your favorite songs to springboard into an opening. By the way, I'm a bit overly critical because that's what I'm going to school for. I'm an English/writing major, in my last month of college...then it's off to grad school to get my MFA(Master of Fine Arts) so I can teach creative writing on a college level. I write poetry myself, had about 12 poems published, started a poetry org. at my university...It's my forte, my passion, my lifeblood. So I mean it when I say I think you have potential. Thanks a lot for the lengthy reply dude, I appreciate it. I'll definitely try to get better as time goes on. That's awesome your going to school for writing, seems like that'd be a really enjoyable thing to do for college. That's sick you've had so many poems published, I'm super jelly! You got talent man. keep up the good work Thanks! I stubbed my toe on a dresser. and now my toe hurts. I beat the out of the dresser, the end.As hard as it is to believe, yours is better. I'm not really sure how to take that comment.... im doing a poetry unit in school and i really dislike it. i was kinda exited at first but when we are actually writing the poems we have no freedom at all, whatsoever... it kinda ruined it for me and now im no longer into poetry. but dude, your peom was sex Yeah man, I remember being in High School and my teacher would never really give me the freedom when it came to writing either, so that really restricted me too. Thanks for the reply.
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Deleted
Joined on: Sept 30, 2024 16:28:06 GMT -5
Posts: 0
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Poetry
Apr 24, 2011 23:06:01 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Apr 24, 2011 23:06:01 GMT -5
I write on occasion. I really liked your usage of imagery. Maybe I'll post a couple of my works when I'm not dead tired.
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Poetry
Apr 24, 2011 23:42:05 GMT -5
Post by K5 on Apr 24, 2011 23:42:05 GMT -5
every day i get so high find myself now running on back to you but i know that it's not so bad everybodys got something to lose gone to the licquer store, said you're getting more they don't refuse you like we do but now a cigarette, time to forget all the times in your life you've been abused... nothing you can do, nothing to prove nothing you can gain - yea, there's nothing to gain nothing to lose, nothing you can prove, there's nothing to gain, nothing to lose there's nothing that you can do that's the lyrics to a song i wrote recently...it's about a friend who had a traumatic early life and felt trapped by drug use. i actually play it in a video on my old band's website: www.myspace.com/lukeandiband
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Poetry
Apr 24, 2011 23:42:55 GMT -5
Post by Cult Member BriGuy on Apr 24, 2011 23:42:55 GMT -5
Roses are red violets are blue I have a laser gun Pew pew pew
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Poetry
Apr 24, 2011 23:49:46 GMT -5
Post by K5 on Apr 24, 2011 23:49:46 GMT -5
Roses are red violets are blue I have a laser gun Pew pew pew i'm definitely stealing that haha
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Poetry
Apr 24, 2011 23:53:01 GMT -5
Post by Cult Member BriGuy on Apr 24, 2011 23:53:01 GMT -5
roses are red violets are blue steal my poem and your eye will be too
seriously. don't. take. my. poem.
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Poetry
Apr 24, 2011 23:53:14 GMT -5
Post by Jimmy on Apr 24, 2011 23:53:14 GMT -5
oh you didn't know you'd better call somebody it's the d-o-double-g and k-kwik GETTIN ROWDY
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Poetry
Apr 24, 2011 23:54:34 GMT -5
Post by K5 on Apr 24, 2011 23:54:34 GMT -5
roses are red violets are blue steal my poem and your eye will be tooseriously. don't. take. my. poem. but da gurlz vill go vild for itz
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Poetry
Apr 25, 2011 0:47:47 GMT -5
Post by kahnspiricy on Apr 25, 2011 0:47:47 GMT -5
monday monday you are gay i want to stay in bed
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Poetry
Apr 25, 2011 1:03:12 GMT -5
Post by Flava Dave on Apr 25, 2011 1:03:12 GMT -5
Crawling in my skin These wounds they will not heal Fear is how I fall Confusing what is real
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Poetry
Apr 25, 2011 1:52:30 GMT -5
Post by mck on Apr 25, 2011 1:52:30 GMT -5
Straight out of compton Crazy Mother er Named Ice Cube From the gang called *****z with Attitude
When I'm called off I got a sawed off Squeeze the trigger and bodies are hauled off You too boy if ya with me The police are gonna hafta come and get me Off yo ass that's how I'm goin out
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