Sonnen
Main Eventer
Joined on: Aug 16, 2010 8:42:36 GMT -5
Posts: 3,261
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Post by Sonnen on Dec 14, 2011 0:24:37 GMT -5
HelloHey everyone, this is my first time trying this out so bare with me and feel free to give me any constructive criticism, I'm going to start with WWE's RAW episode from December 5th and go from there and see if I can make a go with this. I've always lurked around and enjoyed a lot of your guys work. BackstoryWith the year coming to a close in 2011 and the decline in some of the recent PPV's buyrates. Vince McMahon brought in new additions to the creative team. Having the December 5th script for the show written up, the new creative have been given the go ahead to make restricted alterations and left to go from there to make a decision on there future. 
Alberto Del Rio
Alex Riley
Beth Phoenix
Brie Bella
Brodus Clay
CM Punk
Curt Hawkins
David Otunga
Dolph Ziggler
Drew McIntyre
Epico
Evan Bourne
Eve
Goldust
Jack Swagger
Jerry Lawler
John Cena
John Laurinaitis
JTG
Justin Roberts
Kelly Kelly
Kevin Nash
Kharma
Kofi Kingston
Mason Ryan
Michael Cole
Michael McGillicutty
Mr. McMahon
Nikki Bella
Primo
R-Truth
Rey Mysterio
Ricard Rodriguez
Santino Marella
The Miz
Tyler Reks
Vickie Guerrero
Zack Ryder
AJ
Aksana
Alicia Fox
Big Show
Booker T
Christian
Cody Rhodes
Daniel Bryan
Ezekiel Jackson
Heath Slater
Hornswoggle
Hunico
Jey Uso
Jimmy Uso
Jinder Mahal
Johnny Curtis
Josh Mathews
Justin Gabriel
Kaitlyn
Kane
Layla
Lilian Garcia
Mark Henry
Natalya
Randy Orton
Rosa Mendes
Sheamus
Sin Cara
Tamina
Ted DiBiase
The Great Khali
Theodore Long
Trent Barreta
Tyson Kidd
Undertaker
Wade Barrett
William Regal
Yoshi Tatsu
WWE Champion: CM Punk WWE United States Champion: Dolph Ziggler WWE World Heavyweight Champion: Mark Henry WWE Intercontinental Champion: Cody Rhodes WWE Tag Team Champions: Air Boom WWE Diva's Champion: Beth Phoenix I hope the initial set up here is good guys, let me know if not. I have the brief notes for the first show set up and I will have them uploaded once I write them out in length. |
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Post by Red Dragon on Dec 14, 2011 8:47:07 GMT -5
Welcome, everything looks good so far man. All is neat, you've used a good layout, colour and pictures. Great stuff. Looking forward to your shows, good luck and keep this up.
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Post by Chris Hammers on Dec 14, 2011 8:56:55 GMT -5
At least you're not one of the new people that decide "I don't like so and so even though there's likely no way WWE would release them randomly, but I'm getting rid of them anyway" I'm looking forward to see what you do with this.
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Sonnen
Main Eventer
Joined on: Aug 16, 2010 8:42:36 GMT -5
Posts: 3,261
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Post by Sonnen on Dec 14, 2011 17:12:51 GMT -5
 Welcome to Monday Night RAW
The video opening for the RAW Super Show rolls before the camera cuts to the arena, fixing to the stage as a the pyros go off bringing out a huge pop for the audience in attendance. The cameras then go to the fans as we're welcome to Monday Night RAW by Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler. After discussing the events involving John Cena last week plus some annoying bickering and comments made by Michael Cole which was sure to cause some viewers to mute there TVs, John Cena's music hits to a mixed reaction which consisted of mainly booing.
Opening segment
John Cena stood center of the ring with microphone in hand awaiting for the fans to quiet down, the normal wide smile was across his face as he proceeded to address the incident from last RAW regarding Piper's pit. He assured the WWE universe that nothing was wrong, he would stay true to who he was and unlike The Rock, no matter what reaction these fans gave him. He'd turn up week in and week out.
The mixed reactions continued before Cena got to his point of challenging CM Punk once more for the title, to have yet another epic encounter in which the fans popped for. This resulted in the interruption of Alberto Del Rio who also staked his claim to the WWE Championship, that CM Punk cheated and he should be the champion right now.
After Cena and Del Rio continued to bicker, the fans erupted in a loud boo as Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler appeared at top of the stage, as Vickie shrieked "Excuse Me!"at the top of her lungs. Much like Cena and Alberto, Dolph believed he had a valid reason to be champion, that he has had such a successful reign, it was time for a step up in competition. Which would cause the fans to chant loudly "We want Ryder".
This would result in The Miz coming down to ring, after dropping his "really really really?" line and note the fact he was awesome and he deserved a title shot, John Laurinaitis would interrupt and put the stipulations that Del Rio, Ziggler and The Miz would all be put in matches to qualify for a TLC title match against Punk.
However, John Cena would be placed in a "social experiment" later tonight. And The Miz's match would be up next!
Randy Orton Vs The Miz
This was your typical opener, it consisted of a nice quick pace between both of the individuals, Randy Orton getting the better of The Miz in the early going until he was cut off to an old school eye poke. Which allowed The Miz to work the heat for the duration of the match until Orton made the comeback dropping the Miz with his normal sequence of moves. He'd attempt to hit the Miz with the RKO, but Miz held on to the ropes, keeping his balance up as Orton drove himself in to the mat.
The Miz stalked Orton for the Skull Crushing Finale, just then the crowed popped, the camera's panned out to show John Morrison who'd jumped the barricade. He proceeded to get on the apron which distracted the Miz one second to long, leaving Orton to catch him with the RKO. The Miz won't be going TLC! Following this, John Morrison was escorted out the arena by security on order of John Laurinaitis.
Randy Orton watched as all this went on whilst celebrating his win, with his back turned to the entrance way, Wade Barrett had come charging down, sliding in to the ring and clubbing Orton in the back before proceeding to lay him out with Wasteland, raising his arms in the air in celebration.
It Begins Promo
Follow in trend to the other videos from past RAW's the newest of the It Begins video packages airs, and then cuts back to the current broadcast.
Daniel Bryan Vs Alberto Del Rio
A great contest between the two which was very open through out with momentum going between the two until Alberto caught Daniel Byran's taped up ribs with a stiff kick. He had Ricardo distract the referee as he removed the turnbuckle pad, perhaps to send a message to CM Punk for the loss from last week. Only to have it used on him again as Daniel Bryan sent Del Rio face first in to the exposed steel with a drop kick to the back, followed by a roll up. Alberto Del Rio won't be going to TLC!
The Social Experiment
John Laurinaitis is shown with John Cena and Zack Ryder backstage, he made the two aware they'd be facing off tonight, and that if Cena won, he would receive as WWE title shot at TLC, and if Ryder won, he would receive a U.S title shot he'd being trying to get for weeks now. The match was made leaving Cena and Ryder looking unhappy and in an awkward position.
Diva's of Doom Vs Eve & Kelly Kelly
The feud between this two continued, it was a quick tag team match which resulted in Kelly Kelly getting the pin fall on Beth Phoenix, following the match Beth and Natalya began arguing before leaving the ring.
Kane Resurrected
A strange cryptic video featuring Kane and his old mask burning airs before cutting back to the current broadcast.
John Cena Vs Zack Ryder [/color] Another open match tonight as Zack Ryder was made to look very strong, each guy got there trademark moves over. The finish ended with John Cena reversing the Rough Ryder and getting the 3 count by using the F-U. After the match Cena helped Ryder to his feet. Ryder look on at John upset. He shouted "this was my one shot bro!." After a few moments Cena said "wait there" and rushed off to the back. John Cena and John Laurinaitis Confrontation[/color] John burst in to Laurinaitis' office and gave him an ear full, he said the match didn't need to happen and that Zack Ryder should be given the shot. Laurinaitis gave Cena a choice, he could give up his title match for Zack to get a chance of getting his. After a brief moment of thinking about it, John Cena made a hard to decision. Cena agreed to play the interim GM's games because someones gotta give Zack a shot, something no one did for him. Zack Ryder vs Mark Henry[/color] Zack Ryder stood in the ring still, smiling and nodding as he looked up the ramp, knowing it's his time to get what is his. Then Mark Henry's music hit, the emotion in Ryders face changed. The two stared each other down in the ring, the size difference being very clear. Mark Henry toyed with Ryder, beating him down and shouting abuse as he did so. As he picked Ryder up for the Worlds Strongest Slam, Ryder countered with an in side cradle, only for a two count. Which resulted in a huge pop. From there on in, Ryder gained a huge amount of momentum, building up to the Rough Ryder, only to be countered again, this time in to the spam, 1 2 3, this one was done. As Mark Henry left the ring, Cena entered to go check on Zack Ryder. Once getting Ryder up to his feet and asking him, "are you okay". Ryder nodded as he held his ribs before turning to exit the ring, feeling battered and defeated. As he did so Cena turned him a round with some force, lifted him on his shoulders and planted him with the F-U. The fans erupted with boos as Cena looked down at Zack whilst shaking his head. Why on earth would Cena, the man who just gave up his title shot for this guy now assault him? Kevin Nash Promo[/color] Kevin Nash stood backstage with a sledgehammer in hand, he told the WWE universe about how he destroyed his old friend for not helping him out after his fantastic return at the Royal Rumble, how he got the biggest pop of the night and he got nothing, he continued ranting on about there history of how he was always the true leader of the Kliq, looking out for everyone on the team. And Triple H needed to return the favor. He went on to say that if Triple H can drag his ass out of the hospital, he's willing to finish what he started come the TLC PPV. Dolph Ziggler Vs Sheamus[/color] Dolph got a lot of heat at the beginning of the match, he had Vickie Guerrero and Jack Swagger at ring side helping him with audience participation and making a show of himself, though it was soon cut off by Sheamus. The two would have your standard match. The heel Ziggler controlling the pace until the two of them collided resulting in a double 10 count. Both men having gotten up to there feet at 9, Vickie and Swagger got on ringside on two different sides. Vickie distracted the referee whilst Swagger attempted to grab a hold of Sheamus, only to be knocked off the apron. But that was enough for Ziggler to hit his finish move and pick up the pin fall. A picture on the titan torn was shown, a picture of Dolph Ziggler vs CM Punk at TLC! Dolph Ziggler pointed up at the image before looking down at Sheamus, he proceeded to bark instructions at Swagger to pick him up so that he could send a message to CM Punk. Which was soon interrupted by the Cult of Personality, CM Punk sprinted down to the ring chasing Swagger and Ziggler off before posing with the WWE Championship. The WWE broadcast end logo popped up as Michael Cole said to join them next week for a 3 hour edition of RAW. DARK MATCH: CM Punk & Sheamus defeat Ziggler & Swagger[/size] Hope that wasn't to terrible, let me know what you guys think.[/center] |
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Jack.
Main Eventer
Probably out Skating
Joined on: Feb 23, 2009 11:06:38 GMT -5
Posts: 4,907
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Post by Jack. on Dec 17, 2011 16:53:20 GMT -5
RAW Supershow: Lets see what you've got going on here, Cena opening up seems about right. We don't need to see Punk vs. Cena again, or Punk vs. Del Rio to be fair. Ziggler getting involved is fine, however he is still involved with Ryder and that should be the main focus for him right now no matter how great he is. Miz getting involved is good too, he needs to turn back into a credible threat for the title. John Morrison interfering in Miz's match is great, and something abit different, although his injury should still play a factor if your going down the Miz vs. Morrison route. Barrett ambushing Orton is fine, good way to remind the crowd about their feud. Now, Del Rio vs. Bryan should have been the first hour main event, but since this is your first show and your still learning, it's fine. Bryan going over is great for the momentum he needs on the way to 'Mania. Cena vs. Ryder happened on TV but it's okay. Divas matches don't interest me, but you need to build up the Divas of Doom. Ah, I see your going for the same thing they did on TV, that's fine. You could have used a different way and I'm still not a big fan of Mark Henry also beating Ryder. It does nothing for Henry and makes Ryder look weak. Zack is so popular, he should be getting a push. I find that you just letting Henry squash Ryder is pointless and Cena did that job. Ryder vs. Cena feud? This could be good and to be honest he was the best person for Cena to turn on at the moment, I'm still iffy on this though, we'll see how it goes. Nash's promo hyping his feud is all good. I feel that the Ziggler vs. Sheamus finish isn't strong enough and Dolph was already involved in a feud with Ryder. Also, I would've put Cena's heel turn at the end of the show as it would be a huge part of RAW history. Pretty decent start though. You've got a nice layout and decent writing skills but I feel that your trying to cram in too many things you want to do into one show. Take my advice, space it out a bit or your other shows may not end up exciting or you may not find anything interesting to write for some shows. You've got a good start though, just keep it up;D
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Sonnen
Main Eventer
Joined on: Aug 16, 2010 8:42:36 GMT -5
Posts: 3,261
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Post by Sonnen on Dec 18, 2011 18:50:46 GMT -5
Wanted to see if anyone had read it yet before posting Smackdown! So I'll get that posted up over the next couple of days, started a new job, so that's time consuming. Thanks for the feedback!
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Jack.
Main Eventer
Probably out Skating
Joined on: Feb 23, 2009 11:06:38 GMT -5
Posts: 4,907
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Post by Jack. on Dec 18, 2011 19:01:45 GMT -5
The Majority of the board read or atleast skim over anything that is posted, it's replies that you won't get alot of. I'll try to reply as much as I can but don't worry if you don't get a reply for one show and it's been four days, just post the next one anyway as people will see that your sticking with the diary and that YOUR enjoying it.
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Post by Rule 30 on Dec 18, 2011 19:41:23 GMT -5
I'll edit this with my reply later, but a lot of simmers here follow the "reply for reply" code, so if you make efforts to reply to other dairies, they will most likely reply to yours.
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Post by DTP. on Dec 19, 2011 21:24:05 GMT -5
WWE RAW Supershow: Monday 5th December 2011...I think this is the first modern day WWE diary I have replied to since the Summer. Congrats. For a new simmer, you definitely seem to know what you're doing in terms of show format and layout. Like Red Dragon mentioned, take up the 'reply for reply' code, and you should get more feedback. Also, if you have any queries feel free to contact me via PM. It was pretty good to see the show open up with John Cena as in real life explaining Piper's Pit. Nothing really changed in the opening promo; I'd have personally liked to see you do something original here, just to kick the diary off in an original stride. Randy Orton and The Miz was pretty fair, was a good opening contest in all honesty. Proved its purpose additionally. I'm really pleased that Miz didn't win like in real life; can only imagine he'll be going into another match with John Morrison instead. I actually like that though. Just don't go too far with pushing Morrison though. I personally didn't like Wade Barrett still attacking Orton though; it just ruined the effect of what just happened. Daniel Bryan and Alberto Del Rio should have made the first hour main event if I'm honest. It would have made a bit more sense than slamming it immediately after a hot opening contest. Nice win for Bryan, you need to start giving him some clean wins though if I'm honest. I do wonder who will challenge for the WWE Championship at TLC in this case. Wish you did something other than John Cena vs Zack Ryder really. It does make sense though, admittedly. Kelly Kelly and Eve with the win was a nice change, as Beth Phoenix and Natalya have had way too much power as of late. John Cena beating Ryder and then making it up to him by getting him the match with Mark Henry was lifted from real life. I liked Ryder cleanly beating Mark Henry though; but it made Mark look weak; which is never good going into a match with the Big Show for his World Heavyweight Championship. I wish Big Show had just interfered. Also, could have spaced this out more throughout the show. The first hour of RAW destroys the second hour, if you look at it in terms of star power. Kevin Nash's promo set up the match with Triple H at TLC: Tables, Ladders and Chairs, and please let that end the feud. Dolph Ziggler and Sheamus is an odd main event, as it doesn't contain any of the usual scene, but I guess it works. Ziggler winning and gaining the match with CM Punk is a big rub. I do like that a lot. Kudos to that; please let Ziggler get some more air time going into the match with Punk at TLC, no matter how predictable it is that Punk will retain in two weeks. Overall, a nice starter show, you need to improve obviously, as all newcomers do. The ordering was your main downfall, and don't be afraid to derive from the real life product too much.
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