Post by Rated R on Jan 13, 2012 17:46:14 GMT -5
Previously in the life of Trace Demon:
Trace Demon has issues. He’s a former drug addict who has now found himself raising his one month old daughter Eliza with long term girlfriend Alexa. Sounds rosy, right? Well sure, that part definitely is. But then we get to the bit with a drug addict ex girlfriend who he was only with because he was high all of the time. Like really high. Baked off of your skull and seeing pink elephants high. Well, that ex girlfriend is back. Now that doesn’t sound as fun. Sure, she says she only wants to meet up with Trace to apologize for her past actions but who can tell?
But what exactly were those actions, because from what we’ve seen Trace was really a douche to that girl. I mean a total douche. In flashbacks (because the fact life has flashbacks makes sense) Trace has just begun cleaning up his act after finding out that Anna (that’d be the aforementioned ex) is pregnant with his child. He’s just gone to her sister Katherine’s house, who might we add he had secretly been sleeping with the entire time he was with Anna, to apologize and find out what’s happening to the baby drama mama of his kid. But, and here’s the kicker, Anna has overheard about the affair and, as you may expect, she isn’t exactly happy.
In other news, Trace Demon has begun writing his own ‘previously’ narration because he got bored and wanted to talk about himself in the third person.
You know that fourth wall? Consider it broken.
< *** >
Screaming. She’s screaming so loudly. How do I make her stop? What am I meant to do? Haven’t I done enough already? Didn’t I cause this? How do I calm her down? I’ve never been on this side of the crazy before. Never had to deal with the consequences. It was always me on the floor, always me having to be rescued.
She’s still screaming. There’s blood, so much blood. Crying now. Who’s crying? Wait... it’s me...
< *** >
NOW
Trace Demon: F**k.
I wake with a start, sweat dripping from my brow onto the bed sheets. I’ve kicked the duvet off of me in my sleep. If you can call what I’ve just had sleep. When you go weeks without getting a proper night’s sleep you kind of forget what it feels like. You forget about dreams. You forget about nightmares. With all the things I’ve done, all the things I’ve been through I have a lot of material to draw from for my nightmares. I don’t miss them. And ever since we had Eliza I haven’t had to worry about them. She’s always crying, always keeping us awake. Tonight’s the first time she’s slept for longer than six hours without screaming.
I can’t tell whether I’m happy she’s sleeping or whether I’m sad she isn’t keeping me from my dreams anymore. Alexa is still asleep beside me. I’m surprised I didn’t wake her up. I suppose she’s gotten used to me since we’ve been together. For that alone she deserves a sainthood.
I sit up, swinging my legs out of bed and onto the floor, careful not to make too much noise. It’s sometimes hard to remember that Eliza keeps Alexa awake as well, even though I do my best to let her rest. Standing up I slip on a pair of slippers to mask my footsteps as I exit the room. It isn’t until I realize that I’m actually wearing slippers that I start to feel old. I close the door of the bedroom behind me, careful not to let it click any louder than it needs to. Good thing I oiled the hinges yesterday.
Walking through the sitting room I barely avoid standing on Eliza’s rattle. I don’t even think she needs a rattle yet. She’s usually much happier just tugging on my hair. Okay, so maybe the rattle is a good idea.
I reach the kitchen without incident and turn on the tap, pouring a glass of cold water. I take a sip and lean on the counter top. Thinking about it this is the quietest this house has been since we brought Eliza home last month. It’s strange. The hotels I stay in when I’m on the road are quiet at night but that’s just disconcerting. It puts me off sleeping. Here, just knowing that Alexa and Eliza are under the same roof safe and sound makes the quiet comforting.
Safe.
It’s a word I’ve thought about a lot the past couple of weeks, ever since I agreed to meet up with Anna in person. I’ve been putting it off, trying to decide if it really is worth the hassle. And by hassle I mean danger.
My dream flashes before me again. The screaming, the knife, the blood...
Alexa Jacobs: Couldn’t sleep?
I look towards the bedroom doorway where Alexa is standing, leaning against the doorframe. I didn’t even hear the door open. I must be losing my touch. She brings her hand up to mouth but fails to hide the yawn that escape. It makes me smile, forgetting all my worries just for an instance. Even when doing something as simple as yawning she’s the most beautiful women I’ve ever met. Plus she puts up with all of my crazy. She’s perfect.
Trace Demon: Just needed a drink.
She begins walking over to me, gracefully stepping over the rattle. Really should pick that up.
Alexa Jacobs: So it had nothing to do with the nightmare?
She obviously wasn’t as asleep as I thought.
Trace Demon: I’m a big boy; a bad dream doesn’t really bother me.
She reaches me as I finish my sentence and I place my hands on her hips.
Alexa Jacobs: And who exactly are you trying to convince?
She understands me better than anybody ever has. It’s a problem, because I can’t even get away with the simplest secret.
Alexa Jacobs: Is it something to do with why you’ve been acting so weird lately? I mean, weirder than normal?
She adds the last bit on to lighten the mood but it’s obvious to me that she’s worried. I have been acting strangely but it’s only because I’ve had this whole Anna situation playing on my mind. I never was the best at sorting out difficult situations. I’d usually just run away, but I’m trying to do less of that now. I found out long ago that running away from your problems doesn’t get rid of them. It just leaves them further behind you with more room to speed up and ram straight into your back. Okay, so that metaphor wasn’t my best. Long and the short of it is I’m not running away from things. Not anymore.
Trace Demon: Just got a lot on my mind.
That’s not going to be enough.
Trace Demon: Work stuff.
That should do it.
Alexa Jacobs: And when did we start lying to each other?
She says it with an eyebrow raised as if she’s taking a tip straight out of the ‘how to talk to your ex drug addict boyfriend without starting an argument book. Although, if that books ever going to sell it’s going to need a catchier title.
Trace Demon: I’m not lying to you. You know I wouldn’t.
It’s true, I don’t lie anymore. As soon as you start lying you start thinking you can get away with things. And that’s the last thing an addict needs to believe. So I don’t lie, but that doesn’t mean I tell Alexa everything, especially when it comes to Anna.
Alexa Jacobs: Then why are you?
She’s not going to let this go. Her hand runs up my shirtless side, her finger reaching the tip of my scar. Immediately my feet take over and I walk away, looking to make a quick escape.
Trace Demon: Look, I just need a little bit of air and I’ll be fine, alright?
This is a bad idea. She’s going to think I’m hiding things again, and that’s the one thing I said I’d never do to her again. So, if I know that it’s such a bad idea, why can’t I stop myself doing it?
Alexa Jacobs: Trace?
She’s confused. Worried. Upset. A thousand emotions at once. Me? I’m just an idiot making an idiots mistake.
Trace Demon: I won’t be long.
Grabbing a shirt and shoes I walk out the door, closing it behind me. I want to walk straight back in, tell her everything, tell her about Anna being back. Explain what happened, but I can’t. Because I know she’d overreact. I know she’d shout about what happened the last time I saw her and that I’m being stupid.
Or she wouldn’t, because she’s smarter than I am, and she knows that this is something that needs to be done. I think that’s what I’m most afraid of. That telling her means it’s final, that it means I’ll actually have to go through with it and meet her again.
The dream flashes before me again. The screams, the knife, the blood... and how it was all my fault.
< *** >
JANUARY 4th 2010
Anna Dawson: What the f**k is he talking about?
A little context might be helpful here. Anna has just found out that Katherine and I had been seeing each other on and off in secret for the entire time that I’d been seeing Anna. In hindsight that was a very nice thing to do and I completely accept that I was in the wrong. Oh yeah, and she’s six weeks pregnant with my child.
These are the things I usually enjoy not having to explain to people.
The three of us stand there in silence for what seems like hours. I don’t know how much times passes as everyone tries to figure out what exactly they’re meant to say.
Katherine Dawson: Anna, it isn’t what it sounds like.
Anna Dawson: Really, because it sounds like you’ve been sleeping with my boyfriend behind my back.
At the time my immediate thought was ‘since when did I become your boyfriend?’ There was a dozen other important things I should have been thinking about at that moment, but that was the one my mind went to. It was almost like a panic response, my mind trying desperately to shut itself off from the seriousness of the situation.
Anna Dawson: How long?
Katherine Dawson: Anny...
Anna Dawson: How long!
She screams it this time. One of the most common symptoms of narcotics withdrawal is the mood swings, and at a time like this Anna’s are going into overdrive.
Trace Demon: Since the start.
I don’t intend to answer it. I shouldn’t have said anything. Just kept my mouth shut, let those two work it out, run out the door. But the one time my scared little kid survival instincts didn’t kick in was the one time they should have. Then maybe what happened wouldn’t have happened. Maybe I wouldn’t have said something stupid like...
Trace Demon: I didn’t love you Anna. I never did. I was an addict who needed somebody with me. It wasn’t the right thing to do, it wasn’t nice and it isn’t the type of person I want to be.
Anna Dawson: You b*****d.
That right there, that’s the cut down version. Because what she actually said, the stream of obscenities that actually followed, that’s too much for me to even think about.
Anna Dawson: I’m having your kid you...
I cut her off, try to approach her, brush off Katherine’s hand as it attempts to pull me back. Katherine’s in as much shock as I am. She doesn’t know what to do either.
Trace Demon: I know. And I will do everything I can to look after you both...
She cuts me off with a slap to the face. I deserve it. I deserve more. But I didn’t deserve what I got, nobody deserves that...
Anna Dawson: Get away from me, both of you keep away from me!
I catch the start of the tears as she runs back into the bathroom. I hear the lock click into place. Then the shattering of glass, but I don’t move. I stand where I was, holding my cheek where her hand hit. Even after all the matches I’ve been, all the broken bones and blood I’ve spilt, that slap is the single strike that has ever stayed with me.
Katherine Dawson: Anna! Come out, please!
I don’t move as Katherine starts hammering on the bathroom door. I don’t realize that there isn’t a reply on the other side. I don’t notice that Anna, who had been so full of rage and anger, has gone silent.
Katherine Dawson: Anna!
Sometimes this silence is louder than the screaming. Sometimes it’s this moment of silence that I see in my dreams.
Trace Demon: Anna?!
Things blur around me. I don’t notice myself as I push Katherine out of the way and try forcing the door open. I don’t notice as I kick it down. But I do notice her.
Katherine Dawson: Anna!
Katherine screams and pushes past me. She runs into the bathroom. I can’t move again. There’s the shattered mirror. Then a shard of glass, blood tinting the edge. Anna lies on the floor, blood streaming from her slit wrists. She’s silent, unconscious. An empty bottle of pills lay on the floor. Katherine screams, slapping Anna, trying to wake her up.
Katherine Dawson: Call an ambulance!
I’m snapped out of my daze as I realize what Katherine is saying. Running for the phone I dial for the emergency services, hoping that they’ll get here in time.
Sometimes I dream that they do.
< *** >
NOW
I spend a minute just standing outside of the apartment door, fighting an internal struggle. They call it a fight or flight response. Problem with me is that I use up all my fight inside the ring and then whenever anything serious happens I’m left with just the flight. In that minute fight finally wins. I don’t walk off. I can’t. Not now we have Eliza. I can’t have her worrying that I’m just going to walk out on them both when things get hard. Pushing the apartment door open I walk back into the sitting room. Alexa hasn’t moved since I left, leaning against the counter top, a single tear rolling down her cheek. My heart breaks a little.
Trace Demon: I’m sorry. That was... stupid.
She wipes the tear off of her cheek. She looks surprised that I’ve come back. I’d be disappointed if I hadn’t had some doubt myself.
Alexa Jacobs: Trace, what’s going on? Are you...
I cut her off. She wants to ask if I’m using again. I hate that the thought has even entered her mind, but this isn’t the time for an argument. It wouldn’t have crossed her mind if I hadn’t been acting so oddly. Just like always, I created all of this trouble for myself.
Trace Demon: You remember Anna Dawson?
Her eyes narrow at the mere mention of her name. She knows about everything that happened between me and Anna. From meeting her to the pills to the baby, all the way to... what happened between us. I didn’t want to tell her, I’d have preferred to have kept it bottled up, part of my past that never had to see the light of day again, but it wasn’t like I could just shrug the scar off as something that happened inside the ring.
Alexa Jacobs: Of course.
Trace Demon: Well, she wants to see me.
Alexa Jacobs: Why?
There’s a hint of anger in her voice. Is she upset that I didn’t tell her sooner, that I didn’t trust her enough to let her know what was going on? Or is it just anger at the thought of what happened, the thought of what Anna did to me?
Trace Demon: She’s recovering, doing the twelve steps. She needs to apologize for everything she did.
Alexa knows how it works. She’s seen me do it time and time again. Apologize to people for the things I’ve done to them.
Alexa Jacobs: What she did to you can’t be undone with an apology.
I can sense the anger in her voice but she’s careful to keep it quiet. Eliza is sleeping in the other room and that’s so rare that even in her anger she isn’t willing to risk it.
Trace Demon: No. But neither can what I did to her. I ruined that girl Alexa... I turned her into something she wasn’t, and if her apologizing to me is going to help her then it’s the least I can do.
It’s the first I’ve thought of it like that. Maybe I need this as much as she does. Maybe this could bring me closure, closure from all of the dreams.
Alexa Jacobs: But what if...
She starts her sentence, but she nearly breaks into tears midway through, just thinking about what could happen to me. I embrace her, holding her close.
Trace Demon: Nothings going to happen Alexa.
Nothing that could be as bad as last time.
< *** >
JANUARY 5th 2010
I hate hospitals. I hated them then and I hate them now. It’s the complete bleakness of them, the grey walls and smell of sterile medical equipment. The thought that this is where people come to die. But on this day at 2am I found myself sitting in a hospital waiting room opposite Katherine, my eyes focused on her tear stained face as a fresh batch of guilt rushes over me.
Anna had tried killing herself and it was all because of what we did.
We sit in silence for a long time, waiting for any news. Anna was rushed into emergency surgery as soon as we got here. They’d managed to stem the bleeding from her wrists but she’d still downed a bottle of sleeping pills. I want to ask Katherine why she had any kind of pills in the house with a recovering addict there, but that would be trying to place the blame on her, and I’m far more responsible for this than she is.
2:10
Still no news. The clock ticks behind me and I try to focus on it. It’s either that or the sound of Katherine’s sobbing.
2:20
One of the nurses asks us if we want coffee. Katherine doesn’t answer so I say no for the both of us.
2:40
Katherine Dawson: This was our fault.
I look up at her. She’s stopped crying and is looking at me. Her eyes look hollow, cold. She doesn’t know what to do, doesn’t know what to think.
Trace Demon: I know.
Katherine Dawson: What were we doing? I mean, me and you...
Trace Demon: Just being stupid.
Silence again. There aren’t enough words to describe how stupid we were being. A creak from behind me, a door opening. A doctor enters. A man in his mid fifties with a large white beard. If this was any other time I’d have found that funny. But this... this isn’t the time.
Doctor: Miss Dawson?
Katherine is out of her seat immediately as the doctor speaks.
Katherine Dawson: Is she going to be okay? Please, tell me she’s alright?
Doctor: She’s going to be fine. We stopped the bleeding and pumped her stomach. She’s over the worst of it. We’re going to need to keep her in for observation for a few days. But...
A pause. There’s something else...
Doctor: There was a... complication.
I don’t need to ask. I already know what he’s about to say.
Doctor: I’m afraid we couldn’t save the baby. I’m so...
I don’t hear anything after that. You ever had those moments where it feels like the world just falls out from beneath you?
Well it’s a very silent moment.
< *** >
I’ve been getting asked a lot of questions lately. No, I lie. I’ve been asked one question, over and over and over again. People relentlessly chirping in my ear in a never ending loop because apparently all anybody cares about is why I did what I did to Hutton Brown. I mean seriously. There’s not been a single ‘congratulations Trace’ or ‘well done on the win’. No, it’s all been ‘why did you use the chair’. Why did I use the chair? Why did I use the f*****g chair? Are you all stupid? Do you not see? I used the chair because I wanted to win. Because I wanted to beat Hutton Brown! I mean I warned him, I told him that I had no problem with hurting him and yet you still pester me with your pathetic questions.
You all seem to think that just because I’m not running around screwing people over means that I’m not the same man I’ve always been. That I’m not the same man who would purposefully end a man’s career if that’s what it takes to win. I told you that I wasn’t going to be underestimated anymore, that I wasn’t going to be looked down on, but it turned out that I had to prove it to you. So I did. I ended Hutton Brown’s WFWF career with the help of a beautiful little steel chair. Yeah, that’s it, Hutton’s gone! I hurt him so bad that he’s done! And I loved every minute of it!
And that is just the start... oh I have so many plans.
Now, before I move on to my match let me address somebody. Drakz... you like to run your mouth. That’s fine, I don’t care, run your mouth all you like. But watch what you say when you are talking about me. Because it turns out I do have a tipping point. It turns out that if you talk about my family... that I don’t like it. And I don’t like you Drakz, no, don’t cry about it, I know how heart breaking it must be to realize that I’m not a fan. You come in here and you think you can run your mouth about me but seriously, what have you done? What have you done since you’ve been back that gives you any right to run your mouth about me?
Oh that’s right... you’ve been Kyzer’s little B***h! That’s all you are Drakz, you’re a b***h who just follows the big man hoping to get his scraps. And I think you need to learn a little lesson in f*****g respect! And if I have to be the one to teach it to you... well let’s just say it isn’t going to be pretty Drakz, it’s going to be bloody, and violent and it’s going to make Hutton Brown’s arm look like Disneyland. You mess with me all you want Drakz, because I’m more than capable of messing back. You act like a spoilt brat because you hope to get some attention... well guess what Drakz, you got my attention. Not I’m gonna show you exactly why that’s the biggest mistake you’ve ever made.
Now speaking off mistakes, let’s talk about the one the booking team made, shall we? Pitting me, a triple crown winner and the next International Champion, against some kid who thinks he can be a star, simply because he knows how to jump around. Now, I didn’t really have any problem with you Cam... well, other than your ridiculous name, your terrible charisma and complete lack of any noticeable talent. No, I didn’t give a s**t about you... but then I hear you’ve been running your mouth.
I mean, you think you’re crazy? Kid, you ain’t f*****g seen crazy. You ain’t seen half the s**t that I’ve done to people because they didn’t have the sense to run the other way. You have not see what true craziness is because you do not live inside my mind. The craziest thing you’ve ever dreamt up Cam... it’s nothing compared to what I am going to do to you. Maybe it’s because you caught me on a bad day? Maybe it’s because I need to send a little message to a little b***h who doesn’t understand how to hold his tongue? Maybe, it’s because you p****d me off... but you drew the short straw, and then you made it ten times worse for yourself.
Cam, when we’re face to face inside that ring, I want you to look inside my eyes. I want you take a good hard look at the man who is going to maim you. I want you to take a good hard look at the man who is going to ensure that not even the people closest to you will be able to recognise the bloody carcass I leave behind. You want crazy Cam? You want f*****g crazy?! Well I’m going to f*****g give it to you. And when it’s all said and done... and the referee is begging me to let you go... in the moments before I snap your neck right in two... I want you to realize that you brought this on yourself.
Because you asked for crazy... and I’m in the mood to give it to you.[/center]
