Loaded RP: The More Things Change

‘The Way we imagine ourselves to appear to another person is an essential element in our conception of ourselves. In other words, I am not what I think I am, and I am not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am.’
- Robert Bierstedt

The McGurk Residence

The McGurk sitting room is silent as the phone continues to ring. The caller ID, predictably, simply reads ‘work’. Seconds pass before the phone eventually goes silent and the words ‘five missed calls’ flashes up on the screen.

Wayne McGurk: You realize he called me the other day.

Wayne McGurk’s been one of my closest friends since we met around five years ago, just before I joined the WFWF in fact. Unlike most of the people I know he’s the only one whose never tip toed around me even when I was going through my initial withdrawal, which means that if I ever have an issue I go to him. I know he’ll always tell me what he thinks whether I’ll agree with it or not.

Trace Demon: Really? Must be getting desperate.

The man in question is of course my esteemed boss, if you can call him that, Xavier Pierce. Following my little blow up a fortnight ago, and then my disappearing act last week, he’s been trying non-stop to get in contact with me. I’ve always been Mr. Reliable, the kind of guy who’ll always turn up for work no matter what, even if he’s stoned, going through withdrawal and grieving over his mother’s death. Which is why it must come as a bit of a shock to Pierce that the most consistent man in the business has suddenly gone out on his own.

Wayne McGurk: He is.

Trace Demon: He said that?

Wayne McGurk: Didn’t need to, I could hear it in his voice. He was practically begging me to get you to call him.

Wayne returns from the kitchen unit and passes me a glass of lemonade, reminding me that he’s not exactly that warrior that he used to be, before flopping down in the seat opposite me. The guy’s house is a lot bigger than the apartment that I live in, shiny and pristine. Like a model home that a housing developer would use to showcase his properties. If it wasn’t for Scarlett’s toys scattered across the sitting room floor you wouldn’t even be able to tell somebody lived here. Of course that’s all Vanessa’s work, Wayne’s usually too busy messing about with his guitar to do a whole lot of housework.

The state of the house just goes to remind me that right now I’m raising a seven month old daughter in a two bedroom apartment. Sure, it’s an expensive two bedroom apartment, but that doesn’t change the fact that it isn’t meant for a family.

Trace Demon: And here I was thinking this was a social call.

Wayne McGurk: Please, you’ve been coming round here almost every Saturday for two years. Not like I’m suddenly coercing you into it.

Trace Demon: I don’t know Wayne, you’re a crafty one when you want to be.

Wayne laughs. He’s right, I’m not here just so we can talk about work, but as always it’s inevitably going to come up.

Wayne McGurk: What does Alexa think about you not going to work?

Trace Demon: Honestly, the only problem she has with it is that she has to put up with me around the apartment more.

Wayne McGurk: Well you are a terrible person to live with.

It’s my turn to life. When I was trying to pull myself out of the abyss that was my pill and alcohol addiction I ended up spending the first week in Wayne’s spare room. Vanessa wasn’t all that happy with that fact, but then neither would I if I had a drug addled loser as a house guest even if they were as handsome as yours truly.

Trace Demon: But it means I’ve had a chance to spend some time with my daughter, and Emily.

Emily is the half-sister that I never knew I had, the silver lining of sorts around my mother’s death. She’s sixteen and lives out in Hamilton with her grandmother. I’ve only managed to spend a few days getting to know her but she seems like a good kid, a lot better than I was when I was sixteen. Actually, the things I were doing at sixteen can’t be repeated to any kind of audience, so I’ll just leave it to your imagination.

Wayne McGurk: How is Emily?

I haven’t told a lot of people about Emily, because honestly I don’t care enough for that many people to bother. I usually keep my personal life to myself, something that I learnt to do from years of hiding bruises during my childhood. Wayne’s one of the few who I talk to enough to warrant bringing it up. We meet regularly, he basically acts as my sponsor, keeping me on the straight and narrow whenever I look likely to veer off.

Trace Demon: Good. Well, as good as a sixteen year old can be being stuck in that suburban hell.

Wayne McGurk: There’s nothing wrong with the suburbs Trace. A bit of peace and quiet, no worrying about avoiding homeless people and all that, it’s nice.

Trace Demon: For some.

The house phone begins to ring and Wayne rises to answer it. He sees the number on caller ID and looks at me.

Wayne McGurk: It’s Pierce.

Trace Demon: Deville?

Wayne McGurk: Do I look like the type of person who Pierce Deville would be calling?

Trace Demon: I don’t know man, I always suspected you were involved in that dog fighting ring he had going on.

He shakes his head with a smirk, and as if to spite me for that comment, picks up the phone.

Wayne McGurk: What now Pierce?

I listen with passing interest. I don’t expect Wayne to sell me out here. He knows pushing me to do something doesn’t help. When I want to talk to Xavier Pierce I’ll call him, not the other way around.

Wayne McGurk: No, I haven’t seen him... no, I wouldn’t tell you if I had... Pierce, I’ve already told you that I don’t work there anymore so why should I care?

As he pauses I get the feeling that Pierce is making some convoluted argument for why he deserves to know what I’m doing.

Wayne McGurk: Yeah, I’ll tell him... no, I won’t call you.

He puts the phone down and walks back over to the seat. He’s less than impressed that I’m bringing my work life to his home. He’s told me more than once that he’s out of the business now and that he wants to keep it that way.

Trace Demon: So?

Wayne McGurk: He wants you to call him.

Trace Demon: I gathered that from the hundreds of missed calls I’ve been getting.

Wayne McGurk: And you haven’t called him why?

Trace Demon: Because of the whole respect thing I’ve got going on. Have you even been watching the shows?

Wayne McGurk: I’ve been watching, but you’ve never cared about respect before, why now?

I know why he’s questioning it. He sees it all from a friend of an addict point of view. He sees it as sudden mood swings when I’m working, as me skipping out on work, as me turning against the people who I’ve claimed I was doing it for. These are all warning signs of an impending relapse. He doesn’t want to just come out and say it because that’d do more harm than good, but I know it’s what he’s thinking. It’s probably what a lot of people who really know me are thinking. But it’s not because of that. I’m not doing this because of pills or anything else. This is about respect.

Trace Demon: No, I’ve always cared about respect Wayne, I’ve just been damn good at hiding it and after five years of working my ass off, I think I’ve deserved to be a little bit snotty about it, don’t you?

Wayne McGurk: Hey, I’m not going to judge you. I worked with King Kraig for a few months to win the World title.

Trace Demon: Dark times.

Wayne McGurk: Dark times indeed.

Wayne McGurk: Still, you can’t avoid going to work forever.

Trace Demon: I don’t intend to. As soon as I get what I want out of this situation, I’ll go back to beating up people for a living.

Wayne McGurk: And what exactly do you want out of this situation?

All I have to do is grin for him to know exactly what I’m gunning for.

Wayne McGurk: Drakz?

Trace Demon: And that shiny piece of gold that he’s keeping warm for me

Wayne McGurk: You’re doing all of this because you want to be the International Champion?

Trace Demon: No, I’m doing this because I’m tired of being undervalued. The International Championship will just be a very nice extra.

My phone rings again – Xavier Pierce’s personal number.

Wayne McGurk: Just answer it.

Trace Demon: Nah, I want him to stew for another few days. I’m enjoying the peace and quiet. Plus I’ve actually got more fans now than I did when I was trying to be nice... not the right kind of fans though. Like the weird ones that send you all those creepy letters.

Wayne McGurk: Yeah, I had a few of those. Whatever you do don’t ever meet them.

Trace Demon: Why would I meet them?

Wayne McGurk: Just... don’t.

We sit and wait for a few seconds as the phone rings out. Six missed calls now and that’s just in the past few hours. It’s getting hard to argue that Xavier Pierce isn’t the least bit desperate to get me back on board at this point.

Wayne McGurk: So I take it you’re not heading down to Seattle next week?

Trace Demon: As long as everything goes to plan, I’ll be there.

Wayne McGurk: Plan?

Trace Demon: If I told you I’d spoil the surprise.

It’s at that moment that the front door bursts open. Wayne’s daughter Scarlett walks inside the house, Vanessa following closely behind. Scarlett’s eighteen now and has certainly grown up in the past few years, although Wayne makes sure to downplay that fact and claim that her growth to adulthood as been easy flying for him and Vanessa. Scarlett greets me with a smile, something that she certainly didn’t inherit from her mother.

Scarlett McGurk: Hey Trace.

Trace Demon: If it isn’t my favourite of the McGurk girls. No offence Vanessa, you’re just not as nice as your daughter here.

Vanessa McGurk: Oh no, I’m heartbroken.

She shoots a smirk my way as the sarcasm oozes out of her tone. We’ve got a much more functional friendship nowadays, vastly difference to how we were when I was hopped up on pills all the time. Back then she didn’t want me anywhere near Scarlett and rightfully so, I wasn’t in a state to be around other people, let alone kids.

Scarlett McGurk: You staying for dinner Trace?

Trace Demon: Afraid I can’t, I’ve got an interview.

Vanessa McGurk: And what insane person wants to speak with you?

It’s a raised voice from the kitchen, Vanessa going out of her way to get in a little insult every change she gets. I’d be insulted if it was just me, but it’s the way she is. Also, it’s exactly how I am, so it’s not that new.

Trace Demon: Wrestle-net’s One on One.

Wayne McGurk: I thought WFWF had a no interview policy with that show?

Trace Demon: They do.

Wayne McGurk: And you’re doing it anyway?

Trace Demon: No, I’m going to do it because they don’t want me to.

Scarlett McGurk: Because that’s not spiteful at all.

Scarlett might not be like Vanessa in all aspects, but she sure as hell retains the sarcasm gene.

Trace Demon: It’s not spiteful if it’s tactical.

Vanessa McGurk: Wait, so you’re at war with you’re boss... again?

Trace Demon: Well...

Vanessa McGurk: Someone would think you have a problem with authority.

Who in the world would say something like that? I love authority.

Trace Demon: I do it because it’s fun. Scarlett, remember this, there’s nothing wrong with going to war with your bosses.

Vanessa McGurk: Just because you like to wage war on just about every person who gives you an order doesn’t mean my daughter has to.

Trace Demon: She’ll never get anywhere if she doesn’t know how to go to war with corporate.

Wayne McGurk: You know, I really worry about your daughter sometimes.

Trace Demon: You and me both Wayne.

You and me both.

< *** >

The Hall Residence

Emily Hall: So you’re not coming down this week?

Trace Demon: I can’t, I’m up to my eyeballs in business.

Trace Demon is my recently discovered half-brother who I was hoping I’d get to spend some time with this week. He’s only been down here for a few days since the funeral, since we spoke about who we were (that sounds way more philosophical than it actually was). I haven’t even met any of the others, my other half siblings Axel and Faith or Trace’s girlfriend or daughter. He promised me that I would, but living a planes ride away doesn’t exactly make that easy.

Emily Hall: But you’re not even showing up for work anymore.

Trace Demon: Have you been watching the show?

Emily Hall: No, why would I bother watching that crap?

I hear a faint laugh on the other end of the line. As if I’d ever admit to watching something as stupid as wrestling.

Trace Demon: Well it’s guys in tights with their hands all over each other. Isn’t that a sixteen year old girls kind of thing.

He’s got a point.

Emily Hall: Don’t be so gross.

Trace Demon: Thinking about it, it’s kind of gay.

Emily Hall: You shouldn’t use gay as a derogatory term.

As I say it I can’t help but sit up on my bed, speaking with a little too much passion. I haven’t told Trace that I’m gay yet... hell, I haven’t told anybody.

Trace Demon: No, I meant literally, its guys with their hands all over each other... god, why am I thinking about this?

Emily Hall: Maybe you’re secretly gay.

I try to make it sound like a light hearted comment, not like I’m fishing for his views. I know that he’s nothing like that religious character I’ve seen him playing in old wrestling videos but that doesn’t mean he’s going to be... accepting.

Trace Demon: God I hope not.

I feel my heart sink.

Emily Hall: Why?

Trace Demon: Because then I’d have spent all my life living a lie. Imagine how much that would suck.

Emily Hall: Yeah, it’d suck...

This seems to be one of the annoying charms of my newly found brother. He never seems to realize that half of what he says could be considered life changing, that it carries weight. He just makes all of these jokey comments and doesn’t realize that he’s actually spent all day answering my questions about life.

Okay, so that one was meant to sound philosophical.

Trace Demon: Anyway, don’t get too down about it, I’ll try and fly out there next week. Faith might even come down as well.

From what Trace has told me Faith is the more uptight of the Demon siblings. She’s a lawyer in training or something like that, always working hard to keep her business and social life in order like she’s in some kind of sappy television show. Their other brother, Axel, is also a wrestler. I think he works with Trace over in another wrestling company – XWA maybe?

Emily Hall: Yeah?

Trace Demon: Yeah, I’ll make it happen.

Emily Hall: That’d be great.

Trace Demon: Alright Em, I’ve got this interview to do. Freak out a rookie reporter, make some comments that get blown up as ‘insane’ and all that. Oh, you couldn’t see it, but I just air quoted the word insane.

Emily Hall: I figured by the tone.

Trace has a very specific tone that he uses for sarcasm and witty comments. In fact, he uses that tone more than he uses his normal one. I kind of wonder whether he can go a day without making a joke.

Trace Demon: So I’ll call you during the week with the arrangements. I’ll see you soon.

Emily Hall: Yeah, seeya.

As the line goes dead I place the phone down and lie back on the bed, staring up at the white ceiling above me. Speaking with Trace the past few weeks has gotten me thinking about whether I really want to be the kind of person who hides who they are, who sits back and lets life run on around them without ever truly trying to grasp what they want. I don’t want to wake up in ten years and think about all the what ifs, I want to know. I want to find out whether I could have been happy, about whether I could get the girl.

So I’m going to tell Sarah that I’m in love with her.

< *** >

One on One with Trace Demon; Part 1

The screen is black for a moment as some generic rock song plays, then the words ‘One on One with Trace Demon; Part 1’ appears. The slowly aggravating rock song continues before the screen flickers to life and we see a man in a casual shirt sitting, a few papers in his hands that possibly contain all of his great life work... or not, you never know. He sits up straight, trying to make himself look more important than he actually is, and looks into the camera with a forced cheesy smile. This guy looks about eighteen at best. He should be working at McDonalds, not hosting a wrestling review site. But alas, when you agree to an interview with a lowly website you get a lowly man.

Martin Henson: Hello everybody, I’m Martin Henson and welcome to Wrestlenet, the leading wrestling news website.

Leading in that they’re all the same as each other.

Martin Henson: Today I’m here for another edition of Wrestlenet’s one on one series, a series of interviews with the biggest stars in wrestling both past and present. As always we will be posting a new part of this interview everyday this week Monday till Thursday. You’ll all be aware that in the past we have had a complete lack of interviews from anyone involved with the WFWF because of their no out-of-house interview policy, but today we are joined by one of the WFWF’s biggest stars, a former WFWF World Champion – Trace Demon.

The camera pulls out to show the much more suave Trace Demon sitting in another chair opposite Henson. He’s wearing an expensive looking suit, making Henson appear homeless in comparison.

Martin Henson: Thank you for joining us today Trace.

Trace Demon: Well, I’m not working right now so I have to fill my time somehow.

Martin Henson: We will of course get into your ongoing problems with the WFWF in a moment, but first I want to bring up the issue that we usually have with WFWF talent. Because the WFWF likes to organize all of their own interviews for talent when we try to get members of the roster on the show we usually get turned down flat, so for you to agree to this was quite surprising. Can you explain why you’ve decided to break from WFWF protocol?

Trace Demon: The easy answer would be because I can, but then, you want the real story, right? The WFWF like to be in control of their wrestlers, they like to make sure that they can’t spread any negative stories about them. It makes sense, you don’t need any drugged up fool like Drakz making one of his off the cuff comments about paedophilia or pissing on women coming back to bite you in the ass. I mean, the fact that they hire freaks like Drakz in the first place is bad press enough, but if they let him speak his mind on shows like this, where they can’t censor half of the bull that comes out of his mouth... well it would be a public relations nightmare.

Martin Henson looks a little awkward at Trace’s words. He’s heard some stuff in his time of course, but usually that’s from people who’ve just been fired (like Yukio Blaze). Trace Demon is a contracted WFWF star, he wasn’t expecting him to speak about the company or his fellow WFWF stars with such a callous tone.

Martin Henson: And you’re not worried about causing problems for the company?

Trace shakes his head and smirks. He thought Henson understood why he’d agreed to do this interview, but obviously not. Martin Henson just thought he was getting a great opportunity to talk to one of the more controversial stars of the company, he assumed it was all publicity for the WFWF. How wrong he was.

Trace Demon: No, because I’d need to respect the company before I could be worried about it.

Martin Henson: You’ve spoken a lot about respect in the past couple of weeks. Two weeks ago you went off on one in front of the entire arena and then last week you simply refused to show up. Is it safe to say that things between you and the WFWF are at a low point right now?

Trace Demon: It wouldn’t just be safe to say, it’d be the bloody understatement of the year.

Martin Henson: Can you explain to us why you’ve decided to become vocal about your discontent now when you’ve been working there for five years?

Trace Demon: It’s because I’ve been working there for five years that I’ve earned the right to be so vocal about it. All of these news sites, yours included, have never had a problem with talking about my many personal problems in the past five years. Hell, one of your pathetic reporter friends called me the day of my mother’s funeral trying to get a quote from me.

Martin Henson: He probably wasn’t my friend...

Trace Demon: I’m trying to make a point and you’re interrupting to tell me that you aren’t friends with the other dirt sheet writers?

Henson doesn’t answer; he thinks it’s a joke. Trace looks at him in such a way that tells him that he damn well wants an answer.

Martin Henson: I just meant that...

Trace Demon: I’m just busting your chops kid, relax.

Henson breathes a sigh of relief but it’s evident that he’s becoming a little bit nervous here. He’s getting far more than he bargained for.

Trace Demon: But my point is that I’ve had my fair share of problems over the past five years, and yet day after day I put all of them behind me and I go and give one hundred and ten percent in that ring because that is what I’m good at. You know who rang me the day after my mother’s funeral?

Martin Henson: Um... no.

Trace Demon: Xavier f*****g Pierce.

As this is obviously a recorded interview there’s a loud bleep in the middle of Trace’s declaration, but it’s quite obvious what he said. These censors fail to realize that certain words are very easy to make out despite attempts to censor them.

Trace Demon: Xavier Pierce called me the day after my mother’s funeral, knowing full well that I’d requested the time off, and asked me if I could fly down for a show the next day. You know what I told him?

Martin Henson: I’m guessing it wasn’t very nice.

The kid’s learning.

Trace Demon: I told him to f**k off. I told him that I’d slaved with that company for five years and that I damn well deserved some privacy and that if he didn’t want to give it to me he could stop signing my pay checks. I’m making enough over in the XWA to live comfortably on, I don’t need this job. And just like every other weasel of a boss I’ve ever dealt with he backed down. Makes me miss King Kraig. At least he was funny to watch while he ran the company into the ground.

Martin Henson: So this feeling of being disrespected isn’t a new one? It isn’t just exclusive to Xavier Pierce?

Trace Demon: Oh no, it’s not new, it’s just gotten a hell of a lot worse recently. You know who I was originally scheduled to face at Survival of the Fittest?

Martin Henson: No.

Trace Demon: Nobody. Because the people running the show forgot that I even existed. At least before I’d actually get a bit of recognition, now it’s like I’m just there to fill out the top of the card. And that isn’t what I signed on for, I go out there and I bust my ass and they still place everybody else first. Well I decided that I was sick of it, so I went out there two weeks ago and I told everybody what I thought of them.

Trace takes a sip of the bottled water that he has with him. You get the feeling that with the ranting we’ve seen thus far he’s going to be drinking a lot just to keep his voice throughout all five parts of this interview.

Martin Henson: But you made it quite clear that it wasn’t just the owners that you had an issue with, but that it was also the fans, correct?

Trace Demon: Oh yeah. You see there’s these guys, you might have heard of them, call themselves The New Epoch. And there’s one guy in particular amongst them – Drakz. Now I know you’ve got some questions on that little sheet of yours about Drakz that you’ll want to keep for later, and I don’t want to ruin your fun, I’ve got all day, so I’ll refrain from verbally ripping him a new one for a few and just stick to the facts. The guy’s an ass, and that’s not just me talking. He goes out to the ring and he’s a bad guy, and the crowd still cheers for him? Are they brain dead? Are they watching something else through their rose tinted glasses?

Trace again makes an expression that insinuates that he wants Henson to answer, but when it’s clear he has nothing intelligent to say Trace decides to keep going. He’s on a roll.

Trace Demon: He bad mouths everybody every chance he can get and the fans eat it up, obviously because the education system has taught them how to take s**t and like it. But not me, I don’t take s**t, especially from people who couldn’t lace up my boots, and I’m not going to start now.

Martin Henson: So you’re saying that if the fans don’t show you respect then you’ll...

Trace Demon: Not show them any. I mean I’ve earned my respect, what have they done? Absolutely nothing.

Trace takes another sip of water as Henson begins looking through his notes, the interview having gotten away from him. The screen fades out as the words ‘One on One with Trace Demon; Part 2 – Tomorrow’ flickers up.

< *** >

The Lloyd Residence

I don’t know whether you know this or not but the idea of coming out of the closet is absolutely terrifying. And that’s just when you’re thinking about coming out to your family, the one group of people who are actually meant to accept you no matter what. The thought of coming out to your best friend, who also just so happens to be the girl that you’re in love with... well that’s heart attack inducing.

Sarah Lloyd: So when do I get to meet this athlete brother of yours?

It’s comments like that, plus the fact that Sarah has an idiot for a boyfriend, that makes me think that maybe what I’m going to do today isn’t the smartest idea.

Emily Hall: He’s a wrestler, not an athlete.

Although if he heard that I’m sure he’d have some witty reply.

Sarah Lloyd: Aren’t wrestlers athletes?

Emily Hall: Well if you believe that then you’ll definitely get along with him.

She laughs, a sound that sends shivers down my spine and sends the butterflies in my stomach into raptures. A lot of the time when you look up questions about coming to terms with your sexuality one of the first things that pops up is how you figured out that you were gay. I mean it isn’t always as easy as just sleeping with a girl and realizing you liked it (if only it was that simple). For me I knew I was gay from the feeling I got when I was around other girls, that feeling at the bottom of your stomach where you just know what it means whether you understand it or not. I get that feeling all the time when I’m around Sarah.

Sarah Lloyd: Then set me up girl.

She laughs as she says it and I force a laugh out as well. I’ve become very skilled at hiding my attraction to her over the past year, at hiding my attraction to girls full stop. But as she leans over me to grab her bottle of coke I’m reminded of something that Trace told me – ‘There’s no point in living a lie, it’d hurt too much.’ He’s right and it’s at moments like these that I know I need to say something.

It just takes a little psyching up is all.

Sarah Lloyd: So I think Jackson has a thing for you.

And just like that all the psyching up is thrown out of the window.

Emily Hall: What!?

Sarah Lloyd: Yeah, Alex told me.

Alex is Sarah’s loser boyfriend, a complete idiot of a guy. The kind of guy who you never really want to be friends with, it just kind of ends up that way and then it’s too late to get rid of him. Somehow he convinced Sarah to go out with him, I’ll never be able to figure out why.

Sarah Lloyd: So, would you?

Emily Hall: No!

Jackson is Alex’s friend, although I think they only became friends because of their mutual love of weed. His calm, quiet demeanour contrasts with Alex’s brash nature perfectly. If I was into guys I’d probably consider him kind of attractive in that odd indefinable way. But then, I’d have to be into guys for that, and I don’t see that happening any time soon.

Sarah Lloyd: Why not? He’s kind of cute, and then we could double date!

Yeah, because the last thing I want to do is spend even more time watching Sarah and Alex suck each other’s faces off. That sounds like a whole load of fun.

Emily Hall: He’s not my type.

Sarah Lloyd: Then what is? I don’t think I’ve ever even seen you flirt with a guy.

Emily Hall: Probably because you’re always too busy making out with them already.

Or maybe it’s because I’d rather be flirting with girls, but that’s a difficult task when everyone thinks you’re straight. I have been with a girl before, three months ago when I went on holiday with Sarah and her family. There was this cute girl I met by the pool, a year older than me, who ended up inviting me and Sarah to some party nearby, even though we’re only sixteen. Of course we agreed and snuck out. A few drinks became several more and I ended up losing Sarah but finding the girl by the pool – Amy.

She was what you’d call a traditional beauty. She looked wholesome and sweet with shoulder length blonde hair and the kind of body most girls would die for. We spoke for a good few hours and ended up ditching the party and going down to the beach where... well, I’m not going to go into detail there. That’d just be wrong.

Sarah Lloyd: Am not!

Emily Hall: Please, remember New Years?

Sarah Lloyd: Oh yeah.

She laughs again before getting up off of the bed to put some music on. As she flicks through her music to find something to play I try to build up the courage to tell her. It has to be today because otherwise I already know that I’ll just chicken out and then it’ll never happen and I’ll just have to hide in the closet for another two years until college. She eventually settles on this American indie band called Imagine Dragons which isn’t exactly the most romantic of music.

Sarah Lloyd: This alright for you?

I nod and decide that it’s now or never.

Emily Hall: Um, Sarah...

And then someone hammers on the door and I completely lose my nerve.

Sarah Lloyd: Hold that thought.

Emily Hall: Sure...

As Sarah walks out of the room to go get the door my back drops to the softness of the bed, my hands clutched over my face as I let out a silent scream of frustration. I’d nearly done it, I’d nearly told her and now it was all ruined. At least it couldn’t get any worse.

Sarah Lloyd: Hey, look who came over.

Oh look, I was wrong. It got worse.

Alex Saunders: Alright freak show?

Kill me, kill me now.

< *** >

The Offices of Williams & Hale

Jonathan Hale has been my personal lawyer for several years, ever since I got into a bit of an argument with the WFWF’s in house legal team and decided that it would be in my best interest to work with someone who wasn’t on the company payroll. One of the odd things about Jonathan is that he actually seems to be someone you can trust, which is not something I’ve ever said about a lawyer before.

Receptionist: Mr. Hale can see you now.

Trace Demon: Thanks darling.

I flash my signature grin and send a wink at the young, highly attractive but probably under qualified receptionist and watch as she blushes. It’s always nice to send a little happiness someone’s way, especially when it boosts your already sizeable ego. I push open the door to Jonathan’s office then close it behind me. Jonathan greets me in his signature black suit, slicked back hair and less than flattering grimace. It’s like the signature attire for a lawyer. Seriously, if you want to be a lawyer all you’ve got to do is go out and buy a black suit, a lot of hair gel and get a money hungry wife and bang! You’re a lawyer.

Jonathan Hale: What exciting story have you brought me this time Trace?

Jonathan was my attorney before I got clean, so he’s had to clean up a fair share of problems for me, nearly setting a car on fire because I thought it was a church is a particularly memorable one. Even thought nowadays I’m a lot calmer he still prepares for the worst every time I book an appointment.

Trace Demon: Nothing exciting this time Jonathan, just a little contract issue.

Jonathan Hale: There’s nothing wrong with your contract.

Trace Demon: That’s what I want to be certain of.

We are of course talking about my WFWF contract which, as long as everything goes to plan, is going to have a very interesting effect on my... issues with Xavier Pierce.

Jonathan Hale: You booked an appointment just so we could look at your contract?

While I may trust Jonathan with most of my legal requirements that doesn’t stop him being an unappreciative tightwad sometimes.

Trace Demon: I’m paying for the time Johnny boy. Be happy for easy money.

He sighs and starts looking through his files for the hard cover copy of the contract. I look around the office that hasn’t changed in years before I notice a fresh family portrait on his desk. Jonathan recently remarried, which surprises me because there are very few people who could put up with his constant bad mood. I’ve met his new wife before, which is what makes it even more surprising because she’s actually nice. My eyes are drawn to the younger girl in the picture, a girl in her very early twenties. I’m pretty sure I recognise her.

Trace Demon: That you’re step daughter?

He turns to notice me looking at the photo.

Jonathan Hale: Don’t even think about it.

Trace Demon: Think about what?

Jonathan Hale: Trying to sleep with her.

Ah, that’s where I recognise her from.

Trace Demon: Too late.

At the moment he pulls the contract out he spins around, looking even unhappier than usual.

Jonathan Hale: What?!

Trace Demon: Yeah, three years ago before me and Alexa got back together. She’s got this tiny birth mark on her...

Jonathan Hale: You slept with my stepdaughter?!

Trace Demon: Hey, she said she was eighteen!

He half collapses into his seat, dropping the contract on the table, and cradles his head in his hands. For some of the things he’s had to deal with this really isn’t any biggie.

Jonathan Hale: She’s twenty one.

Trace Demon: Thank god.

The last thing you want to do is sleep with the underage stepdaughter of a lawyer. That’s just not going to end well for anyone... well, for you really. Everybody else would be perfectly fine.

Jonathan Hale: You’re a nightmare client, you know that?

Trace Demon: How was I supposed to know that you would end up marrying the mother of a girl that I slept with during spring break?

It almost sounds like something someone would come up with just for comedic effect.

Jonathan Hale: What were you doing at spring break?

Trace Demon: It used to be tradition. I’d get really high and then go party with the recently legal. Made me feel young.

Jonathan Hale: You’re only twenty four.

Trace Demon: Made me feel younger?

He sighs again and wipes his glasses clear even thought they were never dirty. It’s a signal he uses to say that the topic is over. And thank god for that because things would have gotten really awkward if I’d have told him that his stepdaughter rang me up a few weeks after that and told me she’d gotten crabs.

Let me assure you, I was one hundred percent clean.

Jonathan Hale: So what’s the problem with this contract?

Trace Demon: Well hopefully there isn’t one.

He looks up at me with that look that just screams ‘stop with the jokes or I’ll cut your balls off’. It’s a look I’ve seen many times including from a nun.

Trace Demon: Look, you already know about the issues I’m having with the WFWF and I’ve got something in mind to... let’s say resolve a few of them. But I need to know that that contract is ironclad.

He begins leafing through it, looking over the many clauses and pointless bits of small print that preside within. Several minutes pass during which I try to fill the awkward silence with whistling, which doesn’t go down well and I immediately have to stop. Eventually thought he closes the contract and looks up.

Jonathan Hale: It’s all perfectly fine. No lawyer in the world could break through this thing. Whoever drew this thing up is a genius.

Trace Demon: I’m pretty sure that was you.

Jonathan Hale: I know it was, I just like being appreciated for my work every once in a while.

And he says I waste time with bad jokes.

Jonathan Hale: You know what you’ve got planned is only good one time over right?

I wondered if he’d figure out what I was doing, why I needed to make sure that the contract was perfectly unbreakable. And he did so in pretty good times, I guess that’s why he gets paid the big money.

Trace Demon: Wouldn’t be doing it if I didn’t think it was the right time. Regardless, I’m running out of time to use it anyway.

Jonathan Hale: Well, just make sure you get something good out of it.

Trace Demon: Jonny boy, I’m not getting anything good... I’m getting everything I want out of this little baby and I’m gonna make sure Xavier Pierce know it.

Jonathan Hale: Well I look forward to hearing how that goes.

Trace Demon: No you don’t.

Jonathan Hale: No, you’re right, I don’t. And I’ll be charging you for the full hour.

Trace Demon: I’ve been here twenty minutes at best.

He shrugs his shoulders and I’m seconds away from cursing his name from the rooftops before deciding that it’s just too much effort to walk up all those stairs. Instead I go the civil route, leaving peacefully with my contract.

Trace Demon: Oh, and Jonathan. Say hey to your step daughter from me.

Okay, maybe not completely civil.

< *** >

One on One with Trace Demon; Part 2

The screen is black for a moment before that familiar rock song begins playing and the words ‘One on One with Trace Demon; Part 2’ flickers up onto the screen, which soon flickers to life to show Martin Henson, our favourite under qualified interviewer, sitting up straight. He’s trying to make himself look good but fails in comparison to the man sitting opposite him – the one and only Trace Demon.

Martin Henson: So now that we’ve established your thoughts on the WFWF’s management, I’d like to ask you a few questions about your fellow wrestlers.

Trace Demon: I really wish you wouldn’t call them that.

Martin Henson: What, wrestlers?

Trace Demon: No, fellow. That insinuates that I actually like any of them.

Although that single comment pretty much answers the majority of Henson’s questions regarding the state of the WFWF locker room this would be a very short part if he didn’t actually ask them first.

Martin Henson: Well first I want to ask you about the atmosphere in the locker room. How do people feel about the current state of the WFWF?

Trace Demon: Well for me to know that I’d actually have to talk to the other guys first.

Martin Henson: You don’t talk in the locker room?

Trace Demon: Nobody does. The entire place just feels like you’re in ninja school and that everyone is just waiting for you to turn your back before they plunge a shooting star in it. And I should know, I went to ninja school.

Henson laughs at what he perceives as a joke but Trace’s expression tells him that was no joke – Trace Demon by a mother f*****g ninja yo!

Martin Henson: So things are tense backstage then?

Trace Demon: Tense? That’s the understatement of the year. You see nobody likes anybody else in the WFWF. I mean sure, you’ll get the odd friendship here and there but generally everyone is just faking being nice to everyone else. I mean you’ve got the New Epoch running around doing whatever they want and then all of these new guys coming in and vanishing a couple of weeks later. And don’t even get me started on Phillip Schneider.

Martin Henson: What about Phillip Schneider?

Considering he was told not to, Henson got started on Phillip Schneider pretty quickly right there.

Trace Demon: Well for now let’s just say that he’s as big of an bunghole backstage as he appears to be in that ring. And some people put on a happy face when they’re asked about him but the real feeling amongst the entire roster is simply that he’s an bunghole. His work level doesn’t make up for the grief that you have to go through just to breath the same air as him.

Martin Henson: But surely there has to be a few friends you’ve made in the WFWF locker room?

Trace Demon: Yeah I’ve got a few friends. Me and Wayne McGurk are pretty tight but that’s probably because he isn’t in the business anymore. And it’s hard not to respect Hutton Brown even after that whole incident where I messed his arm up with a steel chair.

Martin Henson: I thought that arm injury was Phillip Schenider’s doing?

Trace Demon: Yeah, Phillip Schneider likes to take credit for a lot of things, doesn’t mean he did them.

Trace takes a sip of water and signals for a silent Martin Henson to continue.

Martin Henson: What about Thunder? You two worked very closely in the past.

Trace Demon: Yeah, we were cool once upon a time. But for the past few months I’ve had to watch him flush his entire career down the drain with half assed performances. The guy used to be so good that I went straight to him when I became the acting director of the WFWF because I knew I needed the best at my side. Well, the best and then Reckless as that masked dude, but the less said about that the better. Now Thunder’s just a relic.

Martin Henson: So you’re saying he’s past his prime?

Trace Demon: No, no. I don’t believe that somebody can be past their prime unless your name is Drakz. You can be in this business for as long as you want and still be going strong. But sometimes you just lose what made you great in the first place. Thunder’s lost it. He’s a bygone relic, a man who if he quit a year ago you’d be calling one of the greatest. Now he’s just humiliated himself. He’s like a once great athlete who is now stuck in a nursing home pissing himself. It’s just embarrassing to have to watch it.

Henson looks a little uncomfortable at the crude analogy. Trace doesn’t care but then, what else is new?

Martin Henson: Isn’t that what people were saying about you not so long ago?

Trace Demon: People were calling me an athlete in a nursing home? Well find them so I can apologise for stealing their analogy.

Martin Henson: No, that isn’t what...

Trace Demon: I know what you meant.

The bluntness in his tone sends shivers up Henson’s spine. Trace straightens his collar and sits up. While he enjoys badmouthing others and joking around when it comes to his own career he is deadly serious.

The screen fades to black and the words - ‘One on One with Trace Demon; Part 3 – Tomorrow’

< *** >

The Lloyd Residence

Have you ever been in that situation where you’re in love with a girl who also just so happens to be your best friend and you’re about to come out of the closet and confess your feelings to her, only for her idiot boyfriend to turn up and turn you into the third wheel? No, you haven’t? Well let me just assure you right now that it isn’t much fun. No, wait, nails through your eyes isn’t much fun in comparison to this. This is just soul destroying.

Emily Hall: Will you guys quit it? You’re making me feel sick.

The two finally separate their lips after trying to suck out each other’s tonsils like some kind of lovecraftian monster. Although if they were lovecraftian then my head would probably explode just from seeing them, which would be a vast improvement from just having to watch it.

Alex Saunders: Sorry, forgot you were there.

Emily Hall: Aren’t you a sweet talker.

I’d tried to make my excuses and leave when Alex turned up, but Sarah wouldn’t let me. She’s been begging me for weeks to get to know Alex better because she thinks that I don’t like him. She’s wrong of course, I really don’t like him. But when you’re in love with your best friend these are the things you sometimes have to just grin and bear with.

Alex Saunders: But, look what I brought.

He pulls open his rucksack and pulls out a bag full of weed, at least half an ounce. Just like Trace can’t go a day without making some witty comment Alex can’t seem to go a day without smoking up. You’d think it’d be hard to get weed in a suburb like this but it’s probably easier than picking up in a big city because generally everybody and their dog seems to be dealing and the cops aren’t about to go and lock up everybody.

Sarah Lloyd: I said no weed in my house.

Alex Saunders: Oh come on, it’s not like your parents are home.

Sarah’s parents both work throughout the day so she always has the house to herself until around six in the evening. Despite that Sarah doesn’t like people bringing drugs into her house because her mother’s a doctor and her dads a police officer, which is the worst pairing you could ever get in terms of parent guilt trips.

Sarah Lloyd: Oh, go on then.

But of course when it comes to Alex she’d let him get away with murder.

Sarah Lloyd: I’m going to grab some drinks. Emily, help me out?

Emily Hall: Sure.

I exit the bedroom with Sarah and head to the kitchen, happy to have the opportunity to get away from Alex’s smug little face and spend some time alone with Sarah. I can’t help but think that maybe I haven’t lost my opportunity after all, a hope that seems dashed when she opens the fridge and all she wants to talk about is, yes you guessed it, the idiot stoner in her bedroom.

Sarah Lloyd: I thought you said you’d try and be nice.

Emily Hall: I was being nice. If I was trying to be nasty I’d have just lobbed something heavy at his head. I don’t know why you’re so obsessed with me and him being friends in the first place.

She closes the fridge door and pulls out a bottle of orange juice. She’s been addicted to the stuff since we were little kids. Pulling out three glasses she begins filling them up.

Sarah Lloyd: Because he’s my boyfriend and you’re my best friend and you’re meant to get along.

Emily Hall: If you’ve ever seen any kind of romantic comedy, and I know you’ve seen them all, then you’ll know that best friend’s and boyfriend’s never get along.

Sarah Lloyd: Life isn’t like a romantic comedy no matter how awesome that would be.

If it were then I’d be the one getting the girl and Alex would just be that villainous ex boyfriend that nobody liked. Why isn’t life like a romantic comedy? Things would be so much easier.

Emily Hall: I just don’t like him Sarah, I don’t think he’s good enough for you.

Sarah Lloyd: My god, he was right.

Emily Hall: What?

Sarah Lloyd: I didn’t want to believe him, but he was right.

Whenever somebody says something like that you already know you don’t want anything to do with what they’re thinking.

Sarah Lloyd: You have feelings for Alex, don’t you?

Told you.

Emily Hall: What? Why the f**k would you even say something like that?

Sarah Lloyd: Oh come on, it makes perfect sense.

Does it, does it really? Because the fact that my partner of choice should really be female kind of puts a damper on that idea.

Emily Hall: And how’s that Sarah, what the hell could I have done to make that make any sense what so ever.

Sarah Lloyd: Well I never see you with any guys, hell, I don’t think you’ve ever told me about having a crush on any guy whatsoever!

There was Kermit the frog when I was four, but I don’t really think that counts.

Sarah Lloyd: And then you’re always hanging around when he’s here.

Emily Hall: I’d like to point out that he turned up here. I didn’t have any idea that he was coming. If I did I wouldn’t have even come round.

Sarah Lloyd: Then why are you always so pissy whenever he’s with us?

Uh oh, this has all the aspects of something that is going to go terribly wrong.

Emily Hall: I’m not, it’s just that...

Sarah Lloyd: You are, whenever me and Alex are together you’re always so pissed off and stroppy about it. It’s because you can’t bare to see him with me, isn’t it.

Emily Hall: No, it’s just...

So, so wrong.

Sarah Lloyd: What is it then? Tell me Emily!

Emily Hall: It’s because I’m in love with you!

And there it is.

She stares at me in dumbstruck silence and I just stand there, unable to say anything. Silence just fills the room, taking over every inch of the house like it belonged here all the time. Seconds pass but it feels like hours as we just stand staring at each other, unable to say anything. I know I wanted to tell her, but not like this. And then, the silence is broken, gone like it never existed in the first place.

Alex Saunders: Damn...

I turn around to see Alex standing in the doorway, leaning against the wall with an awestruck grin on his face. I don’t know how long he’s been there, but it makes sense that he heard us with how loud we were shouting.

Alex Saunders: That’s hot Em.

I look at him in disgust, unable to comprehend how anyone could be that much of a disgusting pig. I look at Sarah in hope that she’ll say something, anything, but she doesn’t. She just stands there with a look of surprise. I reach out for her hand, desperate to know what she’s thinking, but she recoils and just like that I seem to have my answer. Before anyone can say anything else I storm pass Alex, shoving him into the wall as hard as I can, before rushing out of the door.

And then I start to run. Run all the way home.

< *** >