MONDAY NIGHT RAW
J.R.: We are LIVE here on Moooooooooonday Night Raaaaaaaaaaaaw (even though we are airing on a Saturday), and bah gawd the arena is buzzing!
JBL: We’re coming to you from The Stadium of Light in Sunderland, the hometown of Keith Lemon, who is squaring off against the ex-Good(Y) JoeCR in tonight’s main event!
J.R.: Uh-Oh John, looks like Dan88 is coming down to the ring to kick things off!
Dan88: ...Welcome to WF:UK...IS...MUNCHICO! And i am the new millennium for the World Wrestling Figures.. Now, for those of you who don't know me, I am Dan88, your new hero! Your gif host! And most importantly, the most charismatic showman to ever enter your living rooms via a computer screen.
Now, when you think of the new millennium, you think of an event so gigantic that it changes the course of history. You think of a dawning of a new era. In this case, the dawning of a new era, in WF:UK!.. A new era is what this once proud and profitable forum sorely needs. Dan88 and The Munchies have come to SAVE the WF:UK!
The new millennium has arrived in the WF:UK and now that the D EIGHT 8 problem is here, this forum, from the admin idiots to all of the amateurs in the dressing room, including my opponent (Gaz) to everybody watching tonight, will never eh-eh-eh-ever be the same again!
J.R.: That was one hell of a promo, and now Dan is milking the boos of the fans, who long to see him get his ass kicked!
JBL: I dunno J.R., a lot of the older fans are cheering Dan, who seems to come off as a cool rebel to them, and one who has a huge penis at that.
J.R.: Hold on a second John. It sounded for a second there like you support the Munchies?!
JBL: Too right I do J.R., you Good(Y) loving freak! I am supporting the winning team, and the team that wins with style at that.
J.R.: Well Dan88 may be able to cut a stylish promo stolen from Chris Jericho, but here comes Gaz to shut him up!
Gaz sneaks up behind Dan whilst he celebrates his promo in the ring, and when Dan turns around he nails him with a Clothesline From Hell. He then gets a table from out under the ring, sets it up in the corner, and waits for Dan to stir. When Dan finally gets to his feet, Gaz spears him through the table. He then proceeds to walk up the ramp, and sit cross-legged underneath the Titantron, before going on to copy CM Punk’s ‘pipebomb’ almost ad verbatim.Gaz: Daniel Burden, while you lay there, hopefully as uncomfortable as you possibly can be, I want you to listen to me. I want you to digest this because before I leave in a few days with your WF:UK Mod spot, I have a lot of things I want to get off my chest.
I don’t hate you, Daniel. I don’t even dislike you. I do like you. I like you a hell of a lot more than I like most people in the back.
I hate this idea that you’re the best. Because you’re not. I’m the best. I’m the best in the world. There’s one thing you’re better at than I am and that’s kissing Jack Specific’s ass.
You’re as good as kissing Jack Specific's ass as Rated R was. I don’t know if you’re as good as Dan though. He’s a pretty good ass kisser. Always was and still is.
Whoops! I’m breaking the fourth wall!
I am the best member in the world.
I’ve been the best since day one when I walked into this company. And I’ve been vilified and hated since that day because Jack Specific saw something in me he didn't like That’s right, I’m not a Jack Specific guy, You know who else wasn't a Jack Specific guy? Adam Marvel. And he split just like I’m splitting. But the biggest difference between me and Adam is I’m going to leave with the WF:UK Modship
I’ve grabbed so many of Jack Specific’s brass rings that it’s finally dawned on me that there just that, they’re completely imaginary. The only thing that’s real is me and the fact that day in and day out, for almost six years, I have proved to everybody in the world that I am the best on this member this place as ever seen.
Nobody can touch me!
And yet no matter how many times I prove it, I’m not on your lovely little collector cups. I’m not on the cover of the program. I’m barely promoted. I don't get the mod spots or any of the perks.. But the fact of the matter is, I should be.
This isn’t sour grapes. But the fact that Dan is a mod and I’m not makes me sick!
Oh hey, let me get something straight. Those of you who are cheering me right now, you are just as big a part of me leaving as anything else. Because you’re the ones who are sipping on those collector cups right now. You’re the ones that buy those programs that my face isn’t on the cover of. And then at five in the morning at the airport, you try to shove it in my face and get an autograph and try to sell it on eBay because you’re too lazy to go get a real job.
The reason I’m leaving is you people. Because after I’m gone, you’re still going to pour money into this company. I’m just a spoke on the wheel. The wheel is going to keep turning and I understand that. Jack Specific is going to make money despite himself. He’s a millionaire who should be a billionaire. You know why he’s not a billionaire? Because he surrounds himself with glad-handed, non-sensical, douche bag yes men, like TRW, who’s going to tell him everything he wants to hear, and I’d like to think that maybe this company will better after Jack Specific is dead. But the fact is, it’s going to be taken over by TRW and the rest of his yes men.
J.R.: Looks like Gaz just dropped a truth bomb on WF:UK!
JBL: I can’t believe that bastard stole my finisher! I’m going to sue him goddamit!
The screen cuts to an advert promoting the Banter Board, which has hit some hard times lately. Himmy! is begging anyone to visit, promising a cookie for the next person to post there. When we return, Ben is about to cut a promo from the back.Ben: So I am representing the good name of the Munchies at inVasion against some potato farmer and guy who's dead? Seems like an easy task. ADJP, you're a no Good(y), drunken potato farmer who's potatoes resemble Jade Goody, after being dead for 3 years. Now, alexxggone, I have known you for a long time. We have many inside jokes and memes, but now the time of reckoning is upon you. I WILL MAKE YOU DEADER THAN YOU ALREADY ARE! Both of you will feel the wrath of my Munchie Moonsault after I end you within an inch of your lives with the Munchie Mowdown! At inVasion, the Munchies will prevail over the Good(y)s and the Mexus, just you wait.
MEH
J.R.: inVasion really is looking set to be a legen-waitforit-dary PPV!
JBL: Looks like next up we have our main event, Keith Lemon vs. the ex-Good(Y) JoeCR.
J.R.: JoeCR is already in the ring, looks like Keith is walking down now with a mic.
Keith Lemon: Tonight, when I destroy JoeCR in our grudge match before the InVasion PPV in front of the superb WF Universe I will promise to take the Good(Y) Guys to new depths in our conquest to take over not only WF:UK but the WHOLE WF. This will mean taking out anyone that steps in my way including you Mexus and especially you Mike.
J.R.: Keith Lemon getting intense there, and now here comes the special guest referee, Mike Giggs!
JoeCR vs. Keith Lemon – Special Guest Referee Mike GiggsKeith begins the match dominating Joe, with his rage at the defection clearly spurning him on. However, just as he looks to set up the Good(Y) Chin Music, Joe ducks and takes him out. Keith quickly gets up but Joe uses his blind rage against him, countering several ill thought-out manoeuvres before aiming to hit his own finisher, the diamond cutter. However, as he goes to set this up Keith counters and throws him against the ropes. Joe runs back towards Keith and is promptly planted on the canvas by Keith’s superkick. Keith goes for the pin and Mike, despite hating Keith and everything he stands for, drops to the mat and counts a legitimate 1-2-3.Winner – Keith LemonJ.R.: What a great victory for Keith! This might just give him the momentum he needs going into inVasion!
JBL: Not if Mike can help it!
Keith loses himself in his moment of celebration, forgetting his arch enemy is in the middle of the ring. He turns around in jubilation only to be Munch Bottomed by Mike, who proceeds to take the microphone and open a verbal can of whoop-ass.Mike Giggs: See Keith, that’s your problem. You can’t stay focused. We all know that, when you’re on your game, you can match almost anyone in the ring. But you never stay on your game for long. We all know that you’ll drop the ball in a moment of weakness, and when that moment comes at inVasion I will be waiting to destroy you! You see, I never lose focus. I am a predator, and you are easy prey.
Lets face it, the Good(Y) guys are just that. They’re too good to ever be able to truly contend with the Munchies, and we will soon crush you like the bugs you are. Keith, you are an awful leader. You’ve already had one defection, and he went to the goddamn Mexus! You must really suck if one of your guys wants to go
there.
The Mexus are weak, and they were lucky to build up as many members as they now have. But let me tell you now Mexus, two can play at the defection game. Come inVasion you’ll see what I mean. But for now, I’ll focus on your piece of sh*t leader. He thinks he can come in here and take over the draft? Let me give you a piece of my mind. You’re a no-good drifter who–
J.R.: Bah Gawd, Marv just laid out Mike with a steel chair!
JBL: He came out from under the ring! And now he’s got a microphone!
M.E.X.U.S: I look across the forums, day in and day out I see a dying board. Lead to it's futile state by false prophets like Mike and Peter. What a sad, sad state this forum is in.
There used to be a time when hundreds of people would frequent the board, topics would flourish and there was a post every minute. Back when Ice Chiller and APS were in the final of the LOTB blah blah blah.
Now because of politics all the best members have been drove out while they're praised and treated like gods by the subnormal illiterates that dwell here. Well, I'm not standing for it any longer. Too long have I sat back in the shadows and watched a house I helped build get overrun and destroyed by selfish gain.
I see guys like Joecr, guys like Bencw. Funny guys, guys that should be legends of the board but aren't because they're held down by the 'Kliq'.
The Mexus are taking a stand. I don't want to have to hurt anyone, I just want a better tomorrow. But if either of you two happened to stand in my way... I'll be more than happy to mow you down.
Pete, I don't hate you, and Mike.. You're okay. But I won't be afraid to hurt either of you to take what's mine. I owe it to the Mexus, I owe it to WFUK... I owe it to myself. Victory, is just a back stab away.
Oh… and one other thing. You two, J.R. and JBL? Both of you are far too anti-Mexus for my liking. Come inVasion I’m getting Michael Cole to join you at that booth!
J.R.: FOR THE LOVE OF SKITTLES, HE CAN’T DO THAT!
JBL: Son of a bitch! Looks like inVasion is gonna be one hell of a night!
Order inVasion now from Sky Box Office for the price of £14.95. The first 5 people to order will receive front row tickets, and some cotton candy.