FRIDAY NIGHT SMACKDOWN!
J.R.: We are LIVE here on Friiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiday Niiiiiiiiiiiiight SmaaaaaaaackDoooooooown!, coming to you from Ibrox all the way up in Scotland!
JBL: I don’t understand this place. I asked for a can of soda and they came back with something called ‘Irn-Bru.’ It tastes like sh*t. Its weird.
Cole: We are here to witness tonight’s main event, which is a special edition of Piper’s Pit hosted by the bastard Munchie wyleecyote!
J.R.: That’s not the main event, that’s the opener.
JBL: Yeah, after that we have stuff like Keith Lemon vs. Cult of Pepsi and Himmy! vs. Dan in a modship unification match! It’s gonna be an amazing show!
Cole: That stuff is all Mexus-less, therefore can’t qualify as the main event.
J.R.: Look Cole, we all have our different preferences in this company, but John and I don’t let them get in the way of our professionalism.
Cole: You don’t have professionalism J.R. You’re an old hack who shouldn’t be on television, and if God really existed he would’ve had you run over a long time ago.
J.R.: Look here you f*cking-
JBL: Ok, lets get on with the show! Looks like we have wyleecyote coming down to the ring now for his chat segment.
J.R.: He’s being followed down to the ring by Keith Lemon, who was pinned by Mike Giggs at the inVasion Pay Per View in a slobberknocker of a match.
Cole: He’s being followed by the saviour of the people, the most talented man to ever post on WF, Mexus!
JBL: Last out is Mike Giggs, who famously won the first battle between these leaders at inVasion!
JBL: You could cut the tension in the ring with a knife right now, with all three leaders seething towards each other after the destructive match they had at inVasion.
J.R.: The fact that wyleecyote is a Munchie doesn’t seem to be helping matters, as Keith Lemon is eying him up with disdain. Mexus on the other hand is refusing to look at him.
wyleecyote: Ok guys, we’re here-
Suddenly, out of nowhere, Mexus punches wylee in the face, and proceeds to stomp a mudhole in him until he is held back by several officials. wylee is seemingly out cold, and carried out to the back by several paramedics.Mike Giggs: You son of a bitch! I’ll kick your ass!
As Mike looks to attack Mexus to avenge his fallen Munchie Vinnie Mac appears on the Titantron, making Mike stop dead.Vince McMahon: You may well do that Mike, and you may well not. But either way you’ll have to wait until Survivor Series. If you guys beat on each other when we’re on free TV no one will ever be convinced to order our PPV’s, so I’m issuing a no-contact order between you three on non PPV shows!
Cole: Vince McMahon showing the business acumen that made him a billionaire there. An inspired decision from him!
J.R.: God, you really are a kiss-ass aren’t you?
JBL: You’re just happy because Mexus got spared an ass-whooping from Mike!
Cole: Mexus would’ve beaten that bastard in 15 seconds!
JBL: Then why didn’t he at inVasion?!
Cole looks furious, but is silenced as his bumbuddy Mexus grabs the mic, clearly smug at the fact the other two can’t touch him.Mexus: Here we are. Standing in legacy. 29 years of history leads to day. From the first time Roddy Piper walked onto the set of Pipers Pit. I look across the ring at you two and I realise that we're adding to that history with every breathe we take. We may be at war, but take that in. Just for a second.
I know I'm supposed to address both of you. I'm supposed to send the fans home happy knowing the hatred between the Mexus, Good(Y)s and the Munchies. But I'm not going to do that. I don't need to. They know it, you both know it, I know it. Instead, I'm going to take this opportunity to address my people, address the people that support me and give me a reason to fight.
Team Mexus... This is only a wrestling match. We win it, we lose it... So what.
People who think that are blasphemous. This match means everything, to each every one of us. We do anything. We give anything, to be out in that arena fighting… And we dread the day that it is snatched away from us.
So we stock up on our glories. Keep em' Treasured... right here. *points to chest* In hope that one day when we're old, they'll keep us going. Because they ARE our lives.
I've had the best few weeks of my life. And it's been an absolute privilege to team with each and every one of you. But our victory won't be about us, our victory will be about 11 years of members and posters who have posted where you are and pm'ed where I stand.
Hugh.
Cam.
Vettel, Hermione Granger's Bra.
Hexus.
Gene.
We are united today because of what they did.
Throughout the history of this board, WFUK have always been the Underdogs. No one every expected us to succeed. But some how, this board has managed to get 2 sub boards, spawn two partially successful forums, members modding other boards.
Now it's our turn. Between all the leaders, I know I'm the best. I know it. But only because I've got the best members... I really know that.
If we lose our match at Survivor Series, we are dead men. You're going to look back on the day of the PPV. It's gonna be one of your treasures. 'Cus we are gonna hold on, no matter what they throw at us. And we are gonna win.
We DON'T die that day gentlemen, we go out and we live forever, in the memories of those that took part and those that came to see. Forever, yeah? YEAH?
Cole: YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE WILL WIN!!!!!!!! WE WILL DESTROY THE OTHERS AND RULE THE WHOLE GODDAMN WORLD!!!!!!!
J.R.: Whilst that was undeniably inspirational (if you’re a intellectually- disabled frog who doesn’t speak English and somehow thinks the Mexus idea is cool and not overplayed), there’s two more promos to come yet, and it looks like Keith is about to say his piece!
Keith Lemon: I'm stood in this ring with Michael & MEXUS and trying so hard to maintain my composure, it's hard I'm not going to lie but I am not silly, I will vent all my anger & energy on them this coming weekend at the Survivor Series....live on PPV *cheap plug*
Both of them have hurt the Good(Y) Guys like no one before and it hurts but with them weak links...yeah I'm talking to you Joe and more importantly you C*nt of Pepsi. But now they've gone from us, I feel we have a close knit group that makes us stronger. We will go into Survivor Series full with confidence in winning every match not only for our fans but more importantly our deceased leader JADE GOODY!
Now if you excuse me, I have to get ready for a match against the C*nt of Pepsi...which won't need much preparation at all really.
J.R.: Bah Gawd what a speech! That was truly stunning!
JBL: Slow down J.R., Mike looks ready to have the last word here.
Mike Giggs: The three of us have faced off before. That was the most hyped, most watched, most important match in the history of this business. There is no doubt that all three men involved showed why they are at the top of this profession, and all three undoubtedly did themselves justice while the world watched on in breathless anticipation. Ultimately I came out of that contest a winner. The image of me being hoisted into the air by my fellow Munchies is one that will be ingrained in the memories of everyone around the world. Like Ali defeating Foreman in the sweltering Autumn heat of the Zaire jungle; like Usain Bolt sprinting over the finish line with his arms spread wide in the knowledge of victory in Beijing; like Rooney’s body contorted upside down as he strains to reach the ball with a thundering bicycle kick at Old Trafford; my victory will go down in history as one of the most unique and brilliant sporting moments that was watched by the whole world.
But that doesn’t matter now.
Today is a new day, and as such all past victories must be forgotten. All previous failures have to be shunned away. None of that matters, because soon we will fight once again. This encounter will happen under extreme rules – no count outs, no disqualifications, and its certain that it will end in a bloodbath.
I know that when I step in this ring with these two men at Survivor Series they will be hungrier than ever to beat me and claim that they are in fact the best in the world. Their losses at inVasion will make them even hungrier to claim victory for their brand. They’re starved of success, and this is their biggest shot to gorge themselves on it. Both Mexus and Keith Lemon will be very hungry to win.
Its unlucky for them that I’m always…
extremely hungry…
JBL: Well that was one of the greatest promos I have ever heard, and if that doesn’t convince you to order Survivor Series then you’re probably dead inside.
Cole: Quite frankly I thought that was rambling drivel. If you wanna learn how to cut a promo join the Mexus. If you wanna learn how to win you should also join the Mexus, ‘cos that’s what they’re gonna do on Sunday.
J.R.: I can’t wait to see the Good(Y)s prove you wrong.
JBL: Not if the Munchies have a say in it!
J.R.: Well after that riveting segment it looks like alexggone is coming down to the ring to cut a promo about leading his team at Survivor Series.
alexggone: “We Are One,
We Are One,
We Are One...”
Although we are actually a group of many. I’m not sure how many as I am too lazy to count. But numbers don't matter in this game of Survival. What is this, Maths?
“We Will Stand Together...”
Figuratively speaking of course. I’m sure we all live miles apart from one another. But if some of us are contacts beyond this virtual world, than that’s rad.
“Number One
Number One
The Chosen Ones...”
I was the first to join this group. I was chosen. From that day others have joined, they were all chosen too. I suppose everyone in this draft was chosen. But if you became a Goody or a Munchie then you were chosen wrongly and therefore will never amount to anything. I shun you. We shun you.
“We are one
We are one
We will fight forever...”
Forever seems like an awfully long time, and I’m sure this draft won’t last an infinite time period. And as for actual fighting, well that’s out of our reach too. But we will banter a good battle.
“We are one and we won't tire.”
Some of us may get bored though.
I can't predict the future, but the future is now and since I can tell the present I can tell you the future now present is MEXUS!
JBL: What the hell was that?
Cole: That was an amazing, heart warming promo. I can’t wait to see his team triumph on Sunday!
J.R.: More like rambling bullsh*t!
The show cuts to an advert break, where JS proceeds to read the TOS out for the viewing audience, imploring them to follow each rule strictly lest they be banned. He then has an incredibly self-satisfied smile across his face, before banning several members for having personalities.J.R.: We are BACK here on Friday Night SmackDown!, and next up is a match between Keith Lemon and the ex-Good(Y) Cult of Pepsi.
JBL: Pepsi famously announced his defection by costing Gaz his cage match with Dan88, who seems to be accompanying him down to the ring.
J.R.: Cult of Pepsi better watch out, Keith Lemon is coming to the ring and he looks even more pissed off than he was with JoeCR, and we all remember the ass whooping he dealt out to him.
J.R.: Hey, John, where’s Cole?
JBL: He said something about leaving because he didn’t care about the rest of this ‘Mexus-less’ show. He said he’d be back for the ‘big finale’ though.
J.R.: Wonder what he meant by that?
JBL: Well this is a blatant case of foreshadowing, and quite frankly far too overt – poor writing really. I’m sure we’ll find out in the inevitable twist in the main event. Until then though we have a great match between these two to come!
Keith starts the match strongly, using his superior speed and skill to outmanoeuvre the physically daunting Pepsi. A series of successful moves result in Pepsi laid out in the middle of the canvas, but Keith can only manage a two count after a Clothesline From Hell. He then climbs up to the top rope, signalling for an elbow drop, when Dan88 pushes him off of the corner to the outside!
Dan is quickly expelled from ringside by the referee, but the damage is done as Pepsi takes the upper hand in the match. He uses several physically debilitating moves to weaken Lemon, culminating in a devastating powerbomb. However, the never-say-die attitude of Keith shines through as Pepsi can only get a two count, and as he complains to the referee Keith gets up. When Pepsi turns around he gets hit by Sweet Good(Y) Music, and this one is finished!Winner: Keith Lemon (Good(Y) Guys)J.R.: Keith Lemon sent out one hell of a message there, beating Pepsi cleanly despite interference from Dan88.
JBL: I don’t know if it was a wise move wrestling tonight – Mike and Mexus will be fresher come Survivor Series.
The show cuts to the backstage area, where Gaz is ready to cut a promo.Gaz: At Survivor Series.. Me along with 4 other Goodies will step in the ring and prove just why are the most dominant team in the history of WF:UK. We will take down the MEXUS and the Munchies, because we are that damn good. Not a member of the MEXUS or Munchies matches up to the talent of the Goodies. At Survivor Series, there will only be one true survivor and that will be the goodies. And Dan88, you may have got the better of me last time, but this time it will be a much different story because for you.. it will be game over.
The show cuts to an advert break, which promotes the 1000th edition of Raw next week. It advertises a live sex celebration between AJ and Daniel Bryan (without mentioning what they will be celebrating), but before the free teaser can be shown TRW censors the image with a big sticker of a padlock.J.R.: We are BACK here on SmackDown!, and it looks like Himmy! is coming down to start our main event.
JBL: Looks like he has something to say aswell.
Himmy!: Tonight is the night we’ve been waiting for. When I beat Dan, the Good (Y) guys will finally have control over WF:UK and that’s our first step in conquering the world. Am I worried about Dan? No way. He could never beat me. I’m going to take his mod spot easily, and its appropriate this match is at Smackdown! because that’s what I’m gonna lay on that punk! Everybody knows I’m better than him, and not just in the ring. When I become a triple mod tonight I’m doing it for the Good (Y) guys, no one can stop us. So Dan, you better be ready to sign on the dole, because come tomorrow you haven’t got a job anymore. And if you’re not down with that, I got two words for ya… Jade Goody!
J.R.: A powerful promo by a great superstar, and he looks fired up and ready to kick Dan’s ass!
JBL: Speaking of Dan, here he is now, and Himmy! would be wise not to underestimate this WF veteran.
J.R.: We’re all set for one hell of a contest! The winner of this match will become a TRIPLE mod!
JBL: If Dan wins this one for the Munchies then all 5 UK related mod spots will be in their possession!
J.R.: However, if Himmy! can win then he will tip the modship battle in the favour of the Good(Y) Guys!
These two are evenly matched, and this is shown from the get-go with a series of quick reversals and counters. Eventually Himmy! gains the advantage when he ducks under a Dan clothesline and hits a DDT. From there it becomes clear that he is a fine wrestler, systematically attacking Dan’s head in preparation for his finisher, the Crippler Crossface. But before he can lock it in Dan reverses a potential crossbody, catching Himmy! and throwing him over his head and to the outside.
Dan then proceeds to show his vindictive side, slamming Himmy! against the barrier and then Irish whipping him into the steel steps. He rolls into the ring in anticipation of a count out victory, before realising at 8 that the modships would not trade hands in that scenario and then throwing himself over the top rope onto the stirring Himmy!
Both men are down at this point, and it is unclear which will get up first. As both begin to stir Michael Cole appears on the ramp beneath the Titantron.J.R.: Cole? What the hell is he doing here?!
Cole: You forgot that there was going to be a spectacular finish didn’t you! Well I assure you there will be. May I present to you the brand that will dominate Survivor Series… the Mexus!
Every Mexus member proceeds to pour out of the locker room and run towards the ring, before laying a beatdown on the two competitors. Both are attacked repeatedly before the Good(Y) Guys run down to the ring, attacking the Mexus on Himmy! Almost immediately after several Munchies sprint down past Cole to help their fellow teammate, resulting in a full blown brawl outside the ring!J.R.: Bah Gawd this is chaos! All three teams are involved in the biggest brawl the wrestling business has ever seen!
JBL: No one’s going to come out of this one looking pretty, that’s for damn sure!
At the same time all three brand leaders appear on the stage, about to attack one another before realising Vince McMahon’s proclamation earlier on in the show. Instead they all stare at one another on the stage, before casting their gazes over the chaos unfolding around the ring.No ContestOrder Survivor Series now and be placed in a prize draw to win front row tickets to the event, making your PPV order ironically redundant.