WEDNESDAY NIGHT SUPERSTARS
JBL: Hello and welcome everyone to the greatest show on earth, Wednesday Night Superstars!
J.R.: We are being broadcast live from Villa Park in Birmingham, and we have one hell of an event for you good folks tonight!
Cole: Tonight the Mexus will destabilise the competition, both physically and mentally, in preparation for SummerSlam, where they will finally take over the world!
JBL: Hey guys, isn’t SummerSlam supposed to come before Survivor Series, not after?
J.R.: Yeah it is. Technical oversight I guess.
Cole: God, you bastards are so
ing boring. Thank God Vinnie Mac is coming down to the ring to shut the two of you up.
Vince McMahon: Ladies and gentlemen we are about to have an amazing show tonight. My pronunciation of a no-contact order between the three brand leaders still stands, but that doesn’t mean there will be a lack of action. In fact, all three leaders will be wrestling, because tonight I am resurrecting the phenomenon that is ‘Pick Your Poison’! Tonight each leader will pick someone from his own brand to face another leader, all for your viewing pleasure.
As well as these fine shows, so far we’ve had two legendary Pay-Per-Views as a result of the draft, and we’re not about to stop now. I am also here to announce that the three leaders will once again square off at SummerSlam. The match type was a problem for me… what could possibly be more destructive than the Extreme Rules match we all recently witnessed? However, I had a premonition in my dream last night. I remembered a match long forgotten due to its brutality, one that we swore would never come back… one that destroyed every man that ever participated in it. I realised that if this feud is going to end, it has to be in a match with the potential for mayhem. It has to be… a Punjabi Prison match.
J.R.: Bah Gawd! We all swore that that match would never return! That it was too dangerous!
Cole: Vince McMahon has clearly realised that Mexus should destroy his opponents in the most vicious match ever to have taken place!
JBL: No one that has ever been in that match has lived to tell the tale! It’s going to be brutal!
The show cuts to the backstage area, where Himmy! is getting ready to cut a promo.Himmy!: When I was selected in the draft to become a Good (Y) I knew that they made the right choice. It was the right fit for me. I was never born to be a Munchie.
Then out of the blue a bunch of degenerates tried to ruin the party, those being the Mexus. So now we're in this power struggle... But rest assure, the Good (Y)'s will come out on top, we're the Premier group in the WF and we're taking over!
Now onto SummerSlam – JoeCR, one of the Mexus. A man I've not crossed paths with before. But one thing I can say about the Mexus is that they're a bunch of garbage. And tonight I'm taking out the trash... I never miss bin day!
So bring your A-game JoeCR, because I will come out swinging. And once I've taken you out, we can finally get rid of the Mexus virus once and for all. Good (Y) power!
J.R.: Himmy!, one of the Good(Y) Guy’s main men, setting out his intention to win at SummerSlam.
JBL: And now Keith Lemon, Himmy!’s leader, is coming down to the ring to announce his poison for Mexus.
Keith Lemon: At Survivor Series I was fortunate to overcome the threat of the Mexus & the Munchies, but i'm being forced into a rematch at the upcoming PPV into what Mr. McMahon calls is a Punjabi Prison match. This match hasn't taken place in nearly 5 years and this is possibly my most toughest prospect yet, some might say I don't know what i've gotten myself into, I mean I barely got through the triple-threat at Survivor Series unscathed but I promise all of my fellow Good(Y)'s and my fans that you will see me fully focused and at my 100% best! You two guys don't know what it's like being in the same cage...with a Good(Y)!
That is of course if Mexus makes it through the poison I’ve laid out for him… ADJP.
J.R.: I can’t believe it! Mexus is going to have to face ADJP! I don’t know if he’ll come out the other side!
Cole: That’s a foolish statement, even for you J.R. We all know Mexus will walk this.
JBL: Don’t be so sure Cole, ADJP will put up one hell of a fight!
The match begins with ADJP catching Mexus out of nowhere with a Brogue Kick. ADJP goes for the pin but is proven to be optimistic, with Mexus kicking out at two. ADJP is not disheartened however, and looks to work Mexus’ midsection with a series of stiff kicks. He throws Mexus into the corner and looks for a clothesline, but Mexus moves out of the way and ADJP runs into the top turnbuckle. The brand leader then begins to work on ADJP’s head, hitting a brainbuster that the Irishman barely kicked out of. However, Mexus then goes for a Sharpshooter, but ADJP is just about able to grab the ropes. Despite getting the rope break the damage is done, and when ADJP staggers up Mexus plants him with a Backstabber for the three count.Winner: Mexus (Mexus)Cole: A great victory by a great leader.
J.R.: Wow Cole, that ass licking was pretty tame compared to usual.
JBL: Looks like Mexus has something to say.
J.R.: Ugh, I hate his whiny voice so much.
Cole: YOU SHUT THE HELL UP WHEN THE GREAT ONE IS SPEAKING!
Mexus: Well, there you have it. Just like every time Alex stepped into the ring, I finally made an example of the opposition. Yes, that's right. I
chose to loose my previous matches and win this one. It has nothing to be with that pathetic excuse for 'poison' I could easily have plowed through any day of the week. ADJP couldn't beat me on his best day.
Why wait so long to win a match? That's simple, pick your battles. Why waste perfect opportunities to showcase my finesse and give away the destruction I'm going to give the Munchies and Good(Y)'s?
Win the war, not the battles. It's like this... Throw a stone into a pond, it makes a ripple. Throw another stone in, it'll give you another ripple. Throw a boulder into that pond and you'll make a splash so big, people will be talking about it for years to come. I'm simply a futurist. It'll be our legacy.
That's why I'm accepting such a gargantuan task of entering the Punjabi Prison and walking out victorious. Forget Cage Matches, TLCs, even Elimination Chambers, those are walks in the park compared to the Punjabi Prison...
4 miles of reinforced Bamboo surrounding the ring. 16 feet high walls surrounded by 20 feet high walls. Spiked tops, no where to run. I thought about what it would be like to survive such a match, then I realised I was thinking about it the wrong way. I began to look at it from a different angle. How much destruction I can do to my so called opponents. When all is said and done, we'll see how easy it is to break bamboo with skulls.
As for tonight, Mike, you fat bastard. I'm breaking in the new blood. I have a caged pitbull waiting to feed, so as your poison, you'll be going one on one with the hungry Dan68. Good luck.
The show cuts to an advert break, which consists of JS sitting in silence staring at the camera for 5 minutes. He then begins to laugh before explaining that he makes so much money modding that he can afford to buy all the advert space for this part of the show just to waste our time. He continues to cackle as the screen fades to black.
We return to Dan88 standing in the back, addressing the camera.Dan88: Gaz, Gaz, Gaz… I feel you got lucky at Survivor Series, and I sure as hell don’t like that you beat me in a form of tag match… As we all know I'm a tag match specialist, so I am challenging you and a partner of your choice to face me and my partner Pepsi at No Way Out! As an ex modding team we know how tag matches work, and you have no chance against the greatest tag team in the world
JBL: The #1 Munchie laying down a challenge for his nemesis Gaz there.
J.R.: It’ll be interesting to see whether Gaz accepts that challenge later on in the show.
Cole: No it won’t. It doesn’t involve the Mexus so it can’t be interesting.
J.R.: Ignoring another snide comment from Cole, next up is Dan68 against Mike Giggs in what promises to be a slobberknocker of a match.
JBL: The Munchie leader will be wary of Dan68’s ruthless aggression and intensity, but will know that if he’s on his game he should be able to get the job done.
The second the bell rings Dan68 runs full pelt towards Mike, who ducks. When Dan turns around, confused he didn’t hit Mike, he gets laid out with the Munchie Bottom, and this one is over before it began!Winner: Mike Giggs (Munchies)JBL: Dan68’s youthful exuberance cost him there, as Mike’s big game experience proved vital in a quick and easy win.
J.R.: Giggs will be pleased the match ended so early, as he will be able to save his energy for the gruesome match he has on Sunday.
Cole: Dan68 was incredibly unlucky there, he was by far the better man in the contest.
J.R.: I’m just glad you finally acknowledged that a Mexus guy lost.
JBL: Looks like Mike is ready to name Keith Lemon’s poison in tonight’s main event.
Mike Giggs: I forgot the Punjabi Prison existed. I think we all did. Somewhere, buried deep within my subconscious, was the knowledge that it might be possible for it to return. However, I prayed it never would. The memories of watching others in that cage have scarred me ever since it was locked away, and the thought of actually entering it makes me physically ill. However, at the end of the day a brutal structure like that will probably be what it takes to end this goddamn feud, and if I need to enter hell to come out on top, then so be it.
Now… as for Keith’s poison. What I don’t understand about you two is why you’re going soft on your picks. Dan68 was a rookie at best, and I defeated him without breaking a sweat. ADJP was Keith’s sixth pick, and Mexus disposed of him as such. I’m giving the best the Munchies have in order to stop Keith in his tracks. Keith is going up against the #1 Munchie, Dan88!
J.R.: Bah Gawd! Keith is gonna have to give it his all to even stand a chance of winning this one!
JBL: The leader of the Munchies just came out with a huge curveball!
Cole: Yawn.
The show cuts to another advert break, where the USA banter thread is highlighted. James Enderson laments that, despite Banter being fun the first week it was back, its now rubbish and TRW prevents anything fun going on. Penguin promotes his In Your Banter set of PPVs (including the Munchies against the Admins in a 5 vs. 5 elimination match), whilst admitting that his writing isn’t half as good as Giggs’.
We return to Gaz standing in the ring, ready to answer Dan88’s challenge.Gaz: Dan, we all know that I was always going to accept your challenge. The really interesting part is that I get to pick my own partner… I get to chose my own fate. But the fact is, no matter who I pick... The Good(Y)s will once again walk out victorious. I could walk on over to PTW, ask Sean Midnight to be my partner, and we'd still win. Why? Because I'm just that damn good. I don't care if Dan and Pepsi think they are the best team, because they've yet to back it up, and unlike them I back it up each and every night. So tonight, I will walk down to that ring with a partner of my choice and that partner is ... The UK'er himself… White Trash Lucha.
J.R.: Gaz has accepted Dan’s challenge, and chosen ADJP as his partner!
JBL: This epic feud between the two #1 picks continues, with both men drawing in reinforcements for what should be a fascinating contest at SummerSlam.
Cole: The rest of this show doesn’t contain the best brand, I’m leaving early to beat the traffic. See you bastards on Sunday.
J.R.: Good riddance.
The show cuts backstage, where Gaz is walking past a purposeful Keith, who is making his way down to the Gorilla Position. Gaz offers his services in Keith overcoming Gaz’s #1 rival, but Keith insists that he must do this on his own. Gaz looks perplexed, but respectful of his leader’s decision.JBL: Well next up is the subject of Gaz’s promo, Dan88, squaring off against the leader of the Good(Y) Guys.
J.R.: The Munchie man may be the toughest challenge Mike could give Keith, but you can be sure that the Good(Y) Guys’ leader will be focused and confident of a win, especially considering his rejection of his teammate’s help.
JBL: We’re all set for one hell of a main event!
Both men stare at one another, with the knowledge that they are evenly matched clearly visible in both men’s eyes. After what seems like an eternity the two men finally begin to trade blows, with Keith landing the first punch but Dan landing the last, forcing Keith onto the mat. However, he bounces up before Dan can press his advantage, and after ducking another punch he takes the Munchie down with a Russian Leg Sweep. He then mounts Dan and proceeds to punch him over and over UFC style until the referee pulls him off. The damage is done however, with Dan’s left eye swollen and his cheeks puffy.
Keith waits patiently for Dan to get up, and when he finally staggers to his feet (using the ropes for leverage) Keith tosses him outside the ring, before following him. He clears the announce table and places Dan on top of it, with the crowd as one realising the Good(Y) Guy’s intentions. Keith rolls back into the ring, and climbs onto the turnbuckle! He crotch chops to the delight of the crowd before launching into a Frog Splash. However, Dan saw this out of his one good eye, and rolled out of the way, meaning Keith crashes into the announce table! Dan staggers up first and rolls into the ring, seemingly content with the increasingly likely possibility of a count out victory.
However, Keith manages to get back onto his feet by 6, and despite having seemingly hurt his midsection he looks like he will get back into the ring in time. However, instead of letting him get back into the ring Dan springboards over the top rope onto the Good(Y)! He then throws Keith back into the ring, and follows him in. Dan waits patiently behind the Good(Y), ready to clothesline him. However when Keith gets up he ducks Dan’s offense, and Dan ends up taking out the referee! Both men are momentarily stunned, but Dan then smiles and attacks Keith out of nowhere. He lays out the Good(Y) and promptly leaves the ring once more, this time returning with a steel chair!
Dan looks set to use the referee’s incapacitation to his own advantage, and when Keith staggers he throws the steel chair at the Good(Y) leader, ready to nail him with the DanDamninator! However, when Dan attempts the spinning kick the Good(Y) leader ducks, and as Dan returns to his feet he’s planted with a steel chair to the face! Keith then picks Dan up and nails him with Sweet Good(Y) Music as the referee returns to consciousness, and Keith pins Dan for the three count!Winner: Keith Lemon (Good(Y) Guys)J.R.: Keith Lemon just won an incredible contest!
JBL: It did take a steel chair though.
J.R.: That’s irrelevant John – Keith was ready to win the match without the chair, it was the Munchie that brought it in.
JBL: Regardless, that match looks to have taken its toll on Keith, especially around the stomach area, and you have to wonder if he’ll be 100% for SummerSlam!
J.R.: Keith wasn’t as fresh as the other two brand leaders before Survivor Series and still came out on top; I’m sure he can do the same again on Sunday!
Order SummerSlam now! For only £14.95 you’ll get an amazing PPV, and we’ll send you a free Zack Ryder wrestling figure, and accompanying Internet Championship!*
*This may be a lie.
