Deleted
Joined on: Sept 29, 2024 10:39:27 GMT -5
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Oct 12, 2013 3:32:44 GMT -5
So, I gave myself a few liberties and tried a completely different style. As such, this style would not work properly on Proboards. So I used Google Drive instead. You'll have to click the link below. docs.google.com/document/d/1SahjrPEdoEXQu2Y6QcStZ0YvEJyf8sLi3aWSdpedVpI/edit?usp=sharingIf it doesn't work, either get rid of the "s" in "https", or if no one can edit at all, let me know ASAP, so I can change the visibility to anyone on the Internet can view as opposed to just anyone with the link can view. Warning: Chicagoan perspective. Sorry for all you other people not as lucky to understand it. But you'd probably be the asshats who were fine with it, so  |
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Oct 12, 2013 10:59:23 GMT -5
I have to say I liked this. The creativity of the idea, the execution, even the reference numbers. I liked what you were going for, but two issues.
-You never once really dealt with your match, unless this was allegory, and I really don't think it felt like that to me. Could be wrong though.
-Watch your grammar, usage of commas, etc. It should read how it sounds in your head, with breaths and stops having a fluid voice to them. This seemed a bit jagged, but it didn't really hurt it much.
-REVVIE
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Post by Markw on Oct 13, 2013 16:17:37 GMT -5
So I spend three weeks reading history books and then when I finally sit down to unwind the first RP I read has footnotes, I hate you. I agree that it was a nice concept and I think you pulled it off really well, the bits that I understood were entertaining. Having said that it kind of felt to me like something that should, if time had allowed, have actually been posted on WFWF.com or at least should have been part of a two-part RP. It didn't really cover your match and I don't think it really did a lot to develop the character (Yes it gave us an insight into his background, but not anything that I could see having any real influence on how I see Mak Cross in the future). In some respects my response to this is pretty similar to how I feel about Yukio's recent RP's, they're fun to read and I imagine fun to write, it's something different and I like that. But it's incredibly difficult to judge it against other RP's and in a way that probably hinders your chances. As a one off though or if it's something you really enjoy, it's fine and it's always nice to see something a little unusual. Glad you're back/have been able to start RPing again. |
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Post by Rated R on Oct 15, 2013 6:38:10 GMT -5
Honestly I don't really know how to do a plus and minus list for this one. It wasn't really fed related in any way other than that it's written by Mak so I can't judge it in those terms. It was really well written, I'll give you that, and I appreciated the viewpoint and the message behind it. I like that you went with something risky and I think as a piece of writing it came out well. Hopefully it'll pay off for you.
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