The Dave
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Con-Chair-Tos all around!
Joined on: Feb 2, 2008 15:29:11 GMT -5
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Post by The Dave on Aug 8, 2015 20:41:02 GMT -5
Perhaps not the cheeriest thread ever but something I thought would be worth talking about. Yesterday I experienced that greatest amount of loss in my life so far with the passing of my father. I'm obviously still in a somewhat state of shock with a certain amount of numbness. He had been battling a serious illness for the last few months and seemed to be on his way to a full recovery but complications from his treatment suddenly took him on a turn for the worst. This is the first and closest death I've had to endure in my adult life and honestly don't know the best way to deal with it.
I suppose I'm just reaching out to others to hear what sort of experiences they've had with death/loss and the types of things they did to start healing and coping. I know the road will be long and tough with lots of roller coaster-like rides of emotions. I also know I will never be the same person again and neither will my life - they'll both just be different. Not necessarily in a bad way, just different. I have some great friends who have been very supportive so far and I know will be the entire way.
That not withstanding, this board has become quite the familiar place to me so I also value whatever types of things people might post here. I'm aware this thread is nothing like what people might expect to see from me but I suppose we all have to get serious at one time or another. I'll try to not make a habit of it though.
Thanks for taking the time to read this and I look forward to what anyone might have to say on this topic.
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Post by King Richius on Aug 8, 2015 20:55:36 GMT -5
First off, my condolences to you and your family.
My grandfather and I were very close when I was a kid. We went sailing a LOT and had many conversations about life (since sailing is mostly sitting on your ass enjoying a good breeze). He was a role model that I still try to emulate today. Flash forward a decade and he was in the hospital with a brain tumor that was untreatable. I made plans to visit him in the hospital before his time ran out but I couldn't go right away because of final exams. My grandfather passed away the night before I was able to get there. As much as his passing hurt me, not getting that one last time to just shoot the breeze hurt me more. To this day (some 20 years later) that is one of the biggest regrets of my life. Guess you could say I haven't completely gotten over it. Everybody deals with grief differently but I know my Grandfather was of the "Irish Wake" mentality so I just remembered all the good times with a cold one. As long as I remember those sailing trips and the holiday gatherings etc. he isn't really gone anyway.
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Post by theMOESIAH on Aug 9, 2015 0:37:59 GMT -5
In exactly one week my dad will have been gone for one year.
He was in bad health and even though he was only in his sixties, he was also in the early stages of dementia. Losing him was still in shock. He just went to sleep and didn't wake up. I think death is shocking even in situations when it probably shouldn't be. Not that we were expecting him to go anytime soon.
He was a Vietnam veteran and had a smorgasbord of mental health issues. Plus his diet was terrible. He had astronomically high blood pressure and wasn't supposed to have salt but he wouldn't stop eating salty, fried and other unhealthy foods. He was diabetic and wouldn't stop eating sugar. Smoking almost killed him three times in the year and a half before he died but that didn't stop him from smoking several packs a day.
The last time we almost lost him he was on life support. He collapsed at home and was rushed to the hospital. He was unconscious for a few days (this was before the life support) and when he woke up he had no idea who he was. He couldn't speak or write coherently. I thought we would have to take care if him fir the rest of his life, but then he lost consciousness again. That's when he was put on life support. A few weeks later his doctor said that he wasn't going to get better and recommended that we take him off life support. That's when I mourned the death of my father. But by some strange miracle, he just happened to wake up hours before they were going to pull the plug.
It was because of this, and the fact that he was never fully the same made his death nearly a year later difficult to fully process. How do you mourn for someone you'd already mourned? Especially when they never fully "came back"?
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Post by SE4NY on Aug 9, 2015 8:40:38 GMT -5
I'm sorry for your loss The first step to dealing with death is accepting the fact that its a part of life, death is like a nasty way of making someone realise how important people really are, but if your religious then of course there's the afterlife and if you are not just be happy that he isn't suffering anymore. Im always here to talk if you need someone.
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Post by The Kevstaaa on Aug 9, 2015 8:49:51 GMT -5
Sorry for your loss.
My dad actually passed away about nine years ago after battling an illness for a while. I remember not feeling very sad initially and I was worried about that. I felt like I should have been a wreck as a 16 year old losing his dad but for some reason I wasn't. That all changed at the actual funeral where I completely lost it.
Anyway, what helped me was that I had a ton of family around. My grandfather had passed away hours before my dad (tough time for sure), so pretty much entire giant ass family was around. After the two funerals, a bunch of us went to my dad's favorite restaurant and ordered his favorite meal. With the funeral mourning done with, we moved on to celebrating his life and that helped a lot.
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Kyle
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Joined on: Jun 18, 2008 22:51:03 GMT -5
Posts: 1,485
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Post by Kyle on Aug 9, 2015 10:36:16 GMT -5
Man, I'm so sorry for your loss. I dealt with my grandfathers passing almost 5 years ago now. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. Cancer killed him slowly and watching him wither away and suffer for several months was far more painful than his death. When my mom woke me up to tell me he had passed I went back to sleep and got the best rest I had in months. It was relieving to know he was no longer in pain. He lived less than 10 minutes from me so I saw him nearly every day for his last few months on earth. Nothing hurt worse than coming to have dinner with him one evening about a month before he passed and being told to leave because he didn't know who I was. The night before, we talked and laughed until he fell asleep. His mind went that quickly and he never remembered who I was after that. I basically began mourning at that point.
Nothing is going to really help you heal except time. You'll eventually only be reminded of the good times instead of the pain you're currently in. Again, I'm sorry for your loss, man.
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Deleted
Joined on: Jun 17, 2024 0:47:15 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Aug 9, 2015 12:00:42 GMT -5
My condolences to you and your family Dave.
Coincidentally, yesterday was the 5th Anniversary of my Grandfather's passing, and I'd completely forgotten about it. When I remembered, I felt absolutely awful about it, even though he was never one for a fuss. When he actually passed, I was very upset, as this was my first experience of a losing a loved one. My other Grandad died when I was 2, so I don't remember that at all. My main focus was to make sure my Nan was OK, and it always has been since then, becaue I promised him that I would take care of her when he was gone. He'd been ill in hospital for several months, and the only comfort I had was that he was no longer in pain.
The only healing process is time. As each day, week, month, year goes by, it will get easier. You might also find comfort in a bereavement group, where you'll obviously be with people who are going through the same thing as you.
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Post by JC Motors on Aug 9, 2015 16:29:25 GMT -5
Sorry for your loss.
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The Dave
Main Eventer
Con-Chair-Tos all around!
Joined on: Feb 2, 2008 15:29:11 GMT -5
Posts: 3,480
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Post by The Dave on Aug 9, 2015 22:07:46 GMT -5
Thank you for the kind words and input guys. It really is helping me. It still hurts so much right now and I know it will for a long time to come but seeing the support here makes things a bit easier and having the freedom to discuss it with others is awesome.
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Post by Brad on Aug 9, 2015 22:09:03 GMT -5
Man I'm so sorry. I've yet to experience a close loss. I can't even imagine. It's something I tend to dwell on and fear.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 9, 2015 22:20:01 GMT -5
My condolences to you Dave; sorry for you loss.
My mother passed away from pancreatic cancer in December 2011; she was diagnosed in March of the same year...it was so hard not having enough time to spend with her and to do our (my brother and I) best to make her remaining time comfortable.
Sadly my uncle is in the same way right now...diagnosed very recently.
As for you, I can only imagine what you must be feeling....I'm not close with my Dad, but having supportive people around you really helps...I'd be lost without my brother, that's for sure.
My thoughts are with you.
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Post by hbkbigdaddycool on Aug 10, 2015 0:58:22 GMT -5
Clearly you know I am here for ya, and have been the last few days.
I would have commented on this sooner but I just noticed it tonight. I wasn't sure if you were even on here lately with what happened with your dad.
You know my story, so I don't need to go into it on here. But you do have a lot of friends - both in person and on here - who are gonna be there for ya!
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Post by AmericanMadeLesGold on Aug 10, 2015 1:24:49 GMT -5
Very sorry to hear that, I hate talking about this kind of stuff, but I feel your pain.
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Post by Darkhawk on Aug 10, 2015 1:52:45 GMT -5
Very sorry for your loss man, I never lost a loved one yet so I can't imagined what you're going through.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 10, 2015 3:20:23 GMT -5
Very sorry to hear about that. Losing someone close to you is absolutely terrible. My condolences.
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PudgieTheSheep
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Joined on: Jun 6, 2012 16:41:55 GMT -5
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Post by PudgieTheSheep on Aug 10, 2015 3:27:58 GMT -5
Lost my mum 5 years ago and it still hurts like a bitch. It gets better, and it gets easier, but it'll take you as long as it takes you. Nobody can rush it.
My deepest condolences and if you need someone to talk to, I'm here.
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Post by Colter on Aug 10, 2015 7:48:21 GMT -5
Very sorry to hear about your loss. Condolences sent man.
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Post by Tim of thee on Aug 10, 2015 11:34:42 GMT -5
I'm so sorry for your loss.
To me my old man is my best friend. I don't look forward to that day at all.
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Post by marino13 on Aug 10, 2015 15:57:15 GMT -5
Sorry to hear this tragic news. If you ever need to vent shoot me a PM and tell me off, I'll allow it.
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Post by Flair Forever on Aug 11, 2015 6:20:57 GMT -5
Very sorry for your loss.... getting older sucks, as I'm learning..... seems like you just keep losing people that you care about.
My Dad passed away a little over two years ago. It was hard, he had some health problems but seemed to be getting better....
I found it very satisfying to speak about him at his funeral. Public speaking, especially during such a rough emotional time, is one of the hardest things you'll ever do... yet, for me, it was just something I had to do.....
Telling my Dad's friends & family about him really helped me with the grieving process.....
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