Post by Joe Magnet on Oct 22, 2015 19:54:09 GMT -5
Joe's NJ Apartment
September 22th 2015
After a long night out drinking, Joe wakes up with a massive hangover.
Joseph F'N Magnet. What a f*ckin' boss. Jon Gotch had no chance I mean, when you're up against me, who does?
God I'm awesome.
A week later Joe visits his mom for dinner.
Joe: Yo Mom what's good?
Joe's Mom: Excuse me?
Joe: Chill chill it was just a joke. You see the show last week? I annihilated Jonny Boy.
Joe's Mom: You did alright.
Joe: No! I did good.
Say I did good.
Mom: You cheated, Joseph. You didn't do good. You cheated your way to victory and that's not a habit you should be getting into.
Joe: Why do you hate me?
Mom: Excuse you?
Joe: Cut the shit. Why do you hate me? All you have ever done the past 7 years is nag me and crapon my parade whenever you had the chance. I skipped college, I get it. But why are so god damn sour? I go off to wrestling school, I work hard as hell to pay for it myself and then I become a wrestler.
I go to promotion after promotion, state after state and start making a name for myself. I won promotion titles, and all I ever got when I came home was a bitch telling me I should go back to college.
Mom, I just wrestled in Japan! F*cking Japan, dude! And you're still telling me I'm shit. What the hell is wrong with you? I'm not sure if it's the menopause or you're just naturally a chronic bitch. Jesus Christ man at least show a little bit of support. Maybe just smile once in a while? I don't think you've even said I love you since I left for wrestling. Sometimes I feel like we're entirely different people. Are you even my mom?
At this point, Joe's mom is crying. She doesn't know what to say. Before she can get out a few words.
You know what? F*ck it. I'm out. Dinner was fantastic. Talk to me when you've got your craptogether. Sayōnara.
I learned that in Japan, dick.
A week later and neither Joe nor his mom have heard from each other.
Another day and still no call from good ole Mom. Immature bitch. Why does she think she can get in my head like that? I've got a strong mind. I can't be toyed with like that. Especially by a woman. That's absurd. I am unbreakable.
Ooo that could be a catchphrase! I'm Joe F'N Magnet and I am unbreakable.
Gnarly.
Joe heads to the local bar where he meets up with some regulars.
Regular 1: Hey Joe! What's cookin' boss?
Joe: Oy.
R1: I know that feeling man. It's a woman. It's gotta be a woman. Let me guess. Is it that hottie from down the road?
Joe: What? No I'm, I'm good man.
Joe spots a babe across the bar.
Joe: Speaking of which, who's that dime over there?
Regular 2: Her name's Lydia. Been here a week. She's only staying for a few more days. She's got family in Tennessee.
Joe: Oh tha- how do you know all this?
R2: I have sources. Anyways, go introduce yourself! Maybe you'll get lucky.
Joe: You're weird.
He walks toward her and takes out a five dollar bill from his pocket.
Joe: Hey, uh, I think this is yours. I saw it underneath your chair.
Lydia: Oh, thank you! But you can keep it.
Joe: You don't want it?
Lydia: I like to help out the less-fortunate in every way I can.
Joe: I'm, I'm not homeless, or in need of any money.
What a load of barnacles.
Lydia: Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-
Joe: No you're not. You're just saying sorry to get out of it.
Lydia: Why don't you chill out old man and get a job!
I'm only 26!
Lydia: You know what? I'm leaving. Stay away from me you dirty hobo!
Joe walks over back to the regulars.
R2: She runnin' away because she's excited to get ready?
Joe: Ha ha you're hilarious.
4 days later, the card for the next show, 'Borderlines' is unraveled.
Kali Kendall. Hmm. They need to start giving me opponents that I actually know about.
Joe: Siri, google, Kali Kendall.
Siri: Searching Google for, Kali Kendall.
Joe: Oh my goodness. She's a dime and a half. Look at that hair! And that bod, god damn. Let's see. Former career in modelling, blah blah blah, Playboy, blah wait- Playboy?! Nah nah nah I'll look at thooooooose later. hehe.
Seems like an easy night for me. She has barely any wrestling experience and I'm on a roll.
Call me butter.
Jesus Christ I'm funny.
September 22th 2015
After a long night out drinking, Joe wakes up with a massive hangover.
Joseph F'N Magnet. What a f*ckin' boss. Jon Gotch had no chance I mean, when you're up against me, who does?
God I'm awesome.
A week later Joe visits his mom for dinner.
Joe: Yo Mom what's good?
Joe's Mom: Excuse me?
Joe: Chill chill it was just a joke. You see the show last week? I annihilated Jonny Boy.
Joe's Mom: You did alright.
Joe: No! I did good.
Say I did good.
Mom: You cheated, Joseph. You didn't do good. You cheated your way to victory and that's not a habit you should be getting into.
Joe: Why do you hate me?
Mom: Excuse you?
Joe: Cut the shit. Why do you hate me? All you have ever done the past 7 years is nag me and crapon my parade whenever you had the chance. I skipped college, I get it. But why are so god damn sour? I go off to wrestling school, I work hard as hell to pay for it myself and then I become a wrestler.
I go to promotion after promotion, state after state and start making a name for myself. I won promotion titles, and all I ever got when I came home was a bitch telling me I should go back to college.
Mom, I just wrestled in Japan! F*cking Japan, dude! And you're still telling me I'm shit. What the hell is wrong with you? I'm not sure if it's the menopause or you're just naturally a chronic bitch. Jesus Christ man at least show a little bit of support. Maybe just smile once in a while? I don't think you've even said I love you since I left for wrestling. Sometimes I feel like we're entirely different people. Are you even my mom?
At this point, Joe's mom is crying. She doesn't know what to say. Before she can get out a few words.
You know what? F*ck it. I'm out. Dinner was fantastic. Talk to me when you've got your craptogether. Sayōnara.
I learned that in Japan, dick.
A week later and neither Joe nor his mom have heard from each other.
Another day and still no call from good ole Mom. Immature bitch. Why does she think she can get in my head like that? I've got a strong mind. I can't be toyed with like that. Especially by a woman. That's absurd. I am unbreakable.
Ooo that could be a catchphrase! I'm Joe F'N Magnet and I am unbreakable.
Gnarly.
Joe heads to the local bar where he meets up with some regulars.
Regular 1: Hey Joe! What's cookin' boss?
Joe: Oy.
R1: I know that feeling man. It's a woman. It's gotta be a woman. Let me guess. Is it that hottie from down the road?
Joe: What? No I'm, I'm good man.
Joe spots a babe across the bar.
Joe: Speaking of which, who's that dime over there?
Regular 2: Her name's Lydia. Been here a week. She's only staying for a few more days. She's got family in Tennessee.
Joe: Oh tha- how do you know all this?
R2: I have sources. Anyways, go introduce yourself! Maybe you'll get lucky.
Joe: You're weird.
He walks toward her and takes out a five dollar bill from his pocket.
Joe: Hey, uh, I think this is yours. I saw it underneath your chair.
Lydia: Oh, thank you! But you can keep it.
Joe: You don't want it?
Lydia: I like to help out the less-fortunate in every way I can.
Joe: I'm, I'm not homeless, or in need of any money.
What a load of barnacles.
Lydia: Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-
Joe: No you're not. You're just saying sorry to get out of it.
Lydia: Why don't you chill out old man and get a job!
I'm only 26!
Lydia: You know what? I'm leaving. Stay away from me you dirty hobo!
Joe walks over back to the regulars.
R2: She runnin' away because she's excited to get ready?
Joe: Ha ha you're hilarious.
4 days later, the card for the next show, 'Borderlines' is unraveled.
Kali Kendall. Hmm. They need to start giving me opponents that I actually know about.
Joe: Siri, google, Kali Kendall.
Siri: Searching Google for, Kali Kendall.
Joe: Oh my goodness. She's a dime and a half. Look at that hair! And that bod, god damn. Let's see. Former career in modelling, blah blah blah, Playboy, blah wait- Playboy?! Nah nah nah I'll look at thooooooose later. hehe.
Seems like an easy night for me. She has barely any wrestling experience and I'm on a roll.
Call me butter.
Jesus Christ I'm funny.
