How the Royal Rumble will be booked (it's a parody, sheesh)
Jan 16, 2016 18:19:07 GMT -5
BCizzle, RBW, and 18 more like this
Post by T R W on Jan 16, 2016 18:19:07 GMT -5
I have clearly marked this is a parody of how I believe the WWE will book this years Royal Rumble for those who somehow couldn't grasp that before.
How I think the Rumble is going to go this year.
Prior to the Rumble starting, Vince comes out and announces that Roman Reigns will begin the #1 entrant to the Rumble this year. And says “Good Luck, you’re going to need it, because you have NO CHANCE IN HELL!”
Roman comes out fuming. “Cole: I’ve never seen Roman so mad, and so determined. JBL: HAHAHAHA MAGGLE THAT’S WHAT HE GETS!!”
#2 entrant is Dean Ambrose. They don’t look happy about it. Dean shrugs his shoulders, jumps over the top rope, and leaves smiling.
Roman cocks his fist and points at the Wrestlemania sign until the buzzer goes off and #3 comes out.
Cole: IT’S STARDUST!!!!!
Stardust hits the ring and immediately gets a Superman punch. Suddenly he becomes confused, and he has turned back into Cody Rhodes! MY GOD! Then Roman gives him another Superman Punch, and now he has turned back into Dashing Cody Rhodes! Another Superman Punch, and now he has turned into Moustache Cody Rhodes.
The buzzer goes off and #4 comes out. Goldust!
Cody and Goldust stare at each other. Roman Superman punches them into each other, and they morph into Dusty Rhodes! HOLY COW! Then Dusty starts punching Roman and hitting him with bionic elbows. He throws Roman into the ropes and he rebounds with a spear! He hits Dusty so hard that he splits back into Stardust and Goldust. Roman then presses them both over his head and tosses them onto the floor as the buzzer goes off.
# 5 comes out and it is Jimmy Uso! He and Roman just stand in the corner talking and smirking, and don’t fight at all.
#6 comes out and it is Rikishi! He joins Roman and his son and they talk some more.
#7 comes out and it is Jay Uso! He joins the party and they all do the too cool dance in the center of the ring.
#8 comes out and OH MY GOD IT IS THE ROCK!!! He stares down with roman, then raises his hands in the air! They all dance more!
#9 comes out and it is CESARO!! HE’S BACK!! He is immediately mobbed by everyone else and is beaten down. Rock Bottom. Stinkface. Whatever the hell the Usos do for a finisher. People’s Elbow! Superman Punch, Spear!!! They discard him over the top rope like a bag of trash
#10 comes out and it is Braum Stroman. He is swarmed by everyone but manages to keep himself from being eliminated
#11 is Luke Harper! He and Braum are swarmed but manage to stay in.
#12 is Eric Rowan! He joins Stroman and Harper and things are more even.
#13 is Bray Wyatt! What are the odds of that? Stroman manages to eliminate both Usos by himself as Wyatt and Roman face off, and Harper and Rowan face off with Rikishi and the Rock. Rikishi goes for a clothesline on Rowan and is tossed out. The Rock has Harper setup for a Rock Bottom, but Stroman comes over from behind and tosses The Rock out. Roman turns around and he is in a staredown all alone with the Wyatts. The buzzer goes off
#14 is Neville. He rushes in and stands beside Roman. The Wyatts laugh. Roman looks at Nevillle, and pie faces him backwards over the top. The WYatts all rush Roman and beat him down, he then rises up and pushes them all away in explosive fashion! They are all staggered and standing in a straight line. Roman hits the ropes hard and runs back and SPEARS ALL OF OF THEM AT ONCE!!!! THEY ALL TOPPLE LIKE DOMINOS OVER THE TOP ROPE!! Roman is alone in the ring and grabs a mic. He says “Vince, is that all you got…..TATER TOT?”
#15 is Rusev! He comes out with Lana and is hesitant to get in the ring. Lana gets on the apron, and taunts Roman. Roman kisses her. Rusev gets in the ring and starts to attack Roman. He turns around and yells at Lana who kicks him in the junk, kisses roman again, and then proceeds to strip to her underwear and twerk on Roman. “JBL: WE HAVE A TWERKING RUSSIAN MAGGLE!!! I LOVE IT!!!!” Roman tosses Rusev over the top and he leaves sobbin. Lana tries to kiss Roman again, and he pushes her away and winks to the crowd. The slaps her on the ass and says hit the bricks toots.
#16 is Alberto Del Rio. He comes out and doesn’t get in the ring.
#17 is Kalisto! He runs out and tosses Del Rio in the ring. Roman sits down in the corner and suddenly has a bag of Doritos and a mountain dew he took from cole and snacks. Kallisto and Del Rio brawl
#18 is Dolph Ziggler. He runs out and helps Kalisto take down Del Rio. Del Rio is eliminated by Kalisto. Roman is still enjoying his snacks.
#19 is Sheamus. He goes after Roman but is intercepted by Dolph and Kalisto. And they all three brawl while Roman still is enjoying his snacks. The buzzer goes off and it’s..
#20 AJ STYLES!!! He is here!!! He gets in the ring and stares down Roman. Roman, stands up. Wipes dorito cheese on his vest, and then asks for a mic. He then says, who in the hell are you tater tot? AJ rushes him, but gets a superman punch for his trouble that send him flying over the top rope and into the thrid row of fans.
#21 is KURT ANGLE!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!! HE IS HERE!!!! He hits the ring and goes after Roman. Everyone in the ring brawls. Angle takes Roman down with an Angle Slam out of nowhere! Then he puts on the ankle lock!
#22 is HHH!!!!! He comes in, stares at Angle, and then grabs roman’s other leg and puts it in an ankle lock. Roman then begins to smile, and pushes up on his hands. He pulls his legs in and pushes out sending angle and HHH flying into the ropes where they get a spear for their troubles!! Sheamus attacks Roman from behind, and they brawl. Kallisto, Dolph go after HHH and Angle.
#23 IS THE NEW DAY! Vince comes out and says that they are one unit so they can come out all at once! They help HHH and Angle and combined they toss Kalisto and Dolph out of the ring and eliminate them. Now it is Roman alone with Sheamus, HHH, Angle, and The New Day. They all rush him but can’t get an edge. Roman is JUST TOO STRONG!!
#24 is Kevin Owens! He joins the beatdown of Roman. But they still can’t quite keep Roman down. He is fending them off. “COLE: THE ROMAN EMPIRE ISN’T DEAD YET!!!”
#25 is FINN BALOR! OH MY GOD! The Demon runs out and tries to help Roman, but is quickly overwhelmed by HHH, Angle, Owens, New Day, and Sheamus. But that distraction is all Roman needed. He hits Sheamus with a devastating Superman punch which sends him flying over the top. Then spears Angle. Then Superman punch to HHH who goes over the top. Owens, Kofi, Big E, and Xavier circle around him, but Roman then cocks his fist, jumps into the air, and hits the ring with an earth shattering superman punch that sends all 4 men flying backwards over the top rope and into the crowd! Angle gets up groggy turns around, sees Roman, and begins to pee down his leg. Roman then picks him up and throws him out of the ring so hard he rolls up the entrance ramp all the way backstage. Leaving Balor as the only man left in the ring. They stare, and Balor closes his eyes and accepts his fate with a smile. Reigns hits him with a devastating Superman punch. Balor goes flying over the top, but he was hit so hard, his demon makeup stays hanging in the air in the ring where his body was. Before slowly fading into thin air. Roman is all alone in the ring.
Back stage you see Vince scream, I don’t care dammit get out there!
#26 is SETH ROLLINS!! The crowd goes crazy! The runs after Roman, but then his knee completely shatters. Roman laughs, picks him up and tosses him out of the ring. Roman grabs a mic and says “YOU’RE OUT OF MEN TATER TOT!”
Vince Is irate, and you see him say “I DON’T CARE ABOUT THE PR, GET HIM OUT THERE!!!”
#27 is HULK HOGAN! Roman looks scared, and Hogan hits the ring looking like he is 20 years younger. He hits Reigns with a series of punches. Then a big boot. And a leg drop. Then another leg drop. And another. The crowd is going crazy. Then picks up Roman, tosses him into the ropes, and goes for another big boot. But Roman watches it and then wags his finger no at Hogan. The then hits Hogan with a series of punches, throws him into the ropes, and then spears Hogan in the midsection so hard that his weight belt actually cuts him in half. Roman picks up the two halves of Hogan, and tosses them out of the ring like hefty bags.
Cut to Vince saying please you have to help me!
#28 is Shane McMahon!!! “JBL: HERE COMES THE MONEY MAGGLE!!! HAHAHAHAHA” He hits the ring and does his stick and move punches and Roman no sells them completely. Shane tries to suplex Roman but he won’t budge. Shane stares at him scared. Then Roman gives a mighty blue eyed wink at Shane and the strength of the wind from it sends him flying backwards over the top rope!
Backstage Vince is seen giving Paul Heyman a briefcase of money. Oh My!
#29 is Brock Lesnar!!!! Brock hits the ring fast and furious. They stare down, and then Brock laughs. Then Roman laughs. Then Brock Laughs. Then Roman Laughs. Brock. Roman. Brock. Roman. Brock. Roman. Then they laugh together. Brock gets a mic and the briefcase from Heyman. He says, “Roman, I just want you to know, I respect you. Here you deserve this” and he gives him the briefcase. Brock hops over the top. He grabs Heyman’s hand and they skip to the back arm in arm.
Vince comes out on stage. ROMAN REIGNS YOU SON OF A BITCH!!! I HATE YOU!!!!! YOU LEAVE ME NO OTHER CHOICE!!!!!!! DAMMIT!!! COME ON OUT!!!!!!
#30 is STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN!!!!!! The crowd goes CRAZY!!!!!!
He stomps and curses his way to the ring. He and Roman stare down for a long time. Austin throws the first punch and they are brawling!! The action goes back and forth!! Austin hits the Lou Thesz press! RIGHT HANDS! RIGHT HANDS! Roman stumbles up, and Austin flips him the bird. STUNNER! STUNNER! Austin picks him up, flips him off and tosses Roman over. But Roman catches himself and slides back in under the ropes. Vince is irate and Austin can’t believe it. He hits him with another stunner. And another Roman finally looks defeated. Austin picks up and goes to toss him out as Vince is gloating on the mic. Then Reigns grabs the ropes. Winks his beautiful blue eyes at the crowd. Then begins to shake the ropes with his arms. Austin is beside himself. He goes to punch Roman but Roman grabs his fist inside his hand. Then he says, “Not today Tater Tot!” and crushes Austin’s hand like a grape! Austin is in pain. Then Reigns cocks his fist. He begins to glow and the winds begin to howl. The sky turns dark and the crowd is freaking out. Roman begins to scream! OOOOOOOO-AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! There is lightning all around him! Austin is staring in disbelief. Poop begins to flow out of his pants. “JBL: AUSTIN HAS CRAPPED HIS PANTS MAGGLE!!! HAHA!!! I LOVE IT!!!”
Roman jumps up in slow motion and hits Austin with a Superman Punch so powerful it creates a sonic boom. Austin’s head explodes into a fine mist and soaks the crowd like a Gallagher concert! Then fountains of beer erupt from Austins frozen, headless body standing in the center of the ring. Roman grabs a mic. He then begins drinking the beer from Austin’s neck hole. He then says, “SUFFERIN’ SUCCOTASH! NOW THAT’S REFRESHING TATER TOT!” and then kicks Austin’s headless body in the crotch so hard it flies out if the ring and lands on top of Vince. Who very comedically begins to slip around in the beer still pouring from Austin’s neck hole.
Then Paige, Bayley, Lana, Rene, Sasha Banks, Trish Stratus, Lita, Molly Holly, Torri Wilson, Stacey Keibler, Becky Lynch, Charlotte, The Bellas, Gail Kim, and Mickie James all come down to the ring. They all strip to thongs and have a live sex orgy with Roman in the ring . Once over, The camera gets a close up of Roman, who then winks at the camera and says, “THAT’S ALL FOLKS!”
Fade to black
How I think the Rumble is going to go this year.
Prior to the Rumble starting, Vince comes out and announces that Roman Reigns will begin the #1 entrant to the Rumble this year. And says “Good Luck, you’re going to need it, because you have NO CHANCE IN HELL!”
Roman comes out fuming. “Cole: I’ve never seen Roman so mad, and so determined. JBL: HAHAHAHA MAGGLE THAT’S WHAT HE GETS!!”
#2 entrant is Dean Ambrose. They don’t look happy about it. Dean shrugs his shoulders, jumps over the top rope, and leaves smiling.
Roman cocks his fist and points at the Wrestlemania sign until the buzzer goes off and #3 comes out.
Cole: IT’S STARDUST!!!!!
Stardust hits the ring and immediately gets a Superman punch. Suddenly he becomes confused, and he has turned back into Cody Rhodes! MY GOD! Then Roman gives him another Superman Punch, and now he has turned back into Dashing Cody Rhodes! Another Superman Punch, and now he has turned into Moustache Cody Rhodes.
The buzzer goes off and #4 comes out. Goldust!
Cody and Goldust stare at each other. Roman Superman punches them into each other, and they morph into Dusty Rhodes! HOLY COW! Then Dusty starts punching Roman and hitting him with bionic elbows. He throws Roman into the ropes and he rebounds with a spear! He hits Dusty so hard that he splits back into Stardust and Goldust. Roman then presses them both over his head and tosses them onto the floor as the buzzer goes off.
# 5 comes out and it is Jimmy Uso! He and Roman just stand in the corner talking and smirking, and don’t fight at all.
#6 comes out and it is Rikishi! He joins Roman and his son and they talk some more.
#7 comes out and it is Jay Uso! He joins the party and they all do the too cool dance in the center of the ring.
#8 comes out and OH MY GOD IT IS THE ROCK!!! He stares down with roman, then raises his hands in the air! They all dance more!
#9 comes out and it is CESARO!! HE’S BACK!! He is immediately mobbed by everyone else and is beaten down. Rock Bottom. Stinkface. Whatever the hell the Usos do for a finisher. People’s Elbow! Superman Punch, Spear!!! They discard him over the top rope like a bag of trash
#10 comes out and it is Braum Stroman. He is swarmed by everyone but manages to keep himself from being eliminated
#11 is Luke Harper! He and Braum are swarmed but manage to stay in.
#12 is Eric Rowan! He joins Stroman and Harper and things are more even.
#13 is Bray Wyatt! What are the odds of that? Stroman manages to eliminate both Usos by himself as Wyatt and Roman face off, and Harper and Rowan face off with Rikishi and the Rock. Rikishi goes for a clothesline on Rowan and is tossed out. The Rock has Harper setup for a Rock Bottom, but Stroman comes over from behind and tosses The Rock out. Roman turns around and he is in a staredown all alone with the Wyatts. The buzzer goes off
#14 is Neville. He rushes in and stands beside Roman. The Wyatts laugh. Roman looks at Nevillle, and pie faces him backwards over the top. The WYatts all rush Roman and beat him down, he then rises up and pushes them all away in explosive fashion! They are all staggered and standing in a straight line. Roman hits the ropes hard and runs back and SPEARS ALL OF OF THEM AT ONCE!!!! THEY ALL TOPPLE LIKE DOMINOS OVER THE TOP ROPE!! Roman is alone in the ring and grabs a mic. He says “Vince, is that all you got…..TATER TOT?”
#15 is Rusev! He comes out with Lana and is hesitant to get in the ring. Lana gets on the apron, and taunts Roman. Roman kisses her. Rusev gets in the ring and starts to attack Roman. He turns around and yells at Lana who kicks him in the junk, kisses roman again, and then proceeds to strip to her underwear and twerk on Roman. “JBL: WE HAVE A TWERKING RUSSIAN MAGGLE!!! I LOVE IT!!!!” Roman tosses Rusev over the top and he leaves sobbin. Lana tries to kiss Roman again, and he pushes her away and winks to the crowd. The slaps her on the ass and says hit the bricks toots.
#16 is Alberto Del Rio. He comes out and doesn’t get in the ring.
#17 is Kalisto! He runs out and tosses Del Rio in the ring. Roman sits down in the corner and suddenly has a bag of Doritos and a mountain dew he took from cole and snacks. Kallisto and Del Rio brawl
#18 is Dolph Ziggler. He runs out and helps Kalisto take down Del Rio. Del Rio is eliminated by Kalisto. Roman is still enjoying his snacks.
#19 is Sheamus. He goes after Roman but is intercepted by Dolph and Kalisto. And they all three brawl while Roman still is enjoying his snacks. The buzzer goes off and it’s..
#20 AJ STYLES!!! He is here!!! He gets in the ring and stares down Roman. Roman, stands up. Wipes dorito cheese on his vest, and then asks for a mic. He then says, who in the hell are you tater tot? AJ rushes him, but gets a superman punch for his trouble that send him flying over the top rope and into the thrid row of fans.
#21 is KURT ANGLE!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!! HE IS HERE!!!! He hits the ring and goes after Roman. Everyone in the ring brawls. Angle takes Roman down with an Angle Slam out of nowhere! Then he puts on the ankle lock!
#22 is HHH!!!!! He comes in, stares at Angle, and then grabs roman’s other leg and puts it in an ankle lock. Roman then begins to smile, and pushes up on his hands. He pulls his legs in and pushes out sending angle and HHH flying into the ropes where they get a spear for their troubles!! Sheamus attacks Roman from behind, and they brawl. Kallisto, Dolph go after HHH and Angle.
#23 IS THE NEW DAY! Vince comes out and says that they are one unit so they can come out all at once! They help HHH and Angle and combined they toss Kalisto and Dolph out of the ring and eliminate them. Now it is Roman alone with Sheamus, HHH, Angle, and The New Day. They all rush him but can’t get an edge. Roman is JUST TOO STRONG!!
#24 is Kevin Owens! He joins the beatdown of Roman. But they still can’t quite keep Roman down. He is fending them off. “COLE: THE ROMAN EMPIRE ISN’T DEAD YET!!!”
#25 is FINN BALOR! OH MY GOD! The Demon runs out and tries to help Roman, but is quickly overwhelmed by HHH, Angle, Owens, New Day, and Sheamus. But that distraction is all Roman needed. He hits Sheamus with a devastating Superman punch which sends him flying over the top. Then spears Angle. Then Superman punch to HHH who goes over the top. Owens, Kofi, Big E, and Xavier circle around him, but Roman then cocks his fist, jumps into the air, and hits the ring with an earth shattering superman punch that sends all 4 men flying backwards over the top rope and into the crowd! Angle gets up groggy turns around, sees Roman, and begins to pee down his leg. Roman then picks him up and throws him out of the ring so hard he rolls up the entrance ramp all the way backstage. Leaving Balor as the only man left in the ring. They stare, and Balor closes his eyes and accepts his fate with a smile. Reigns hits him with a devastating Superman punch. Balor goes flying over the top, but he was hit so hard, his demon makeup stays hanging in the air in the ring where his body was. Before slowly fading into thin air. Roman is all alone in the ring.
Back stage you see Vince scream, I don’t care dammit get out there!
#26 is SETH ROLLINS!! The crowd goes crazy! The runs after Roman, but then his knee completely shatters. Roman laughs, picks him up and tosses him out of the ring. Roman grabs a mic and says “YOU’RE OUT OF MEN TATER TOT!”
Vince Is irate, and you see him say “I DON’T CARE ABOUT THE PR, GET HIM OUT THERE!!!”
#27 is HULK HOGAN! Roman looks scared, and Hogan hits the ring looking like he is 20 years younger. He hits Reigns with a series of punches. Then a big boot. And a leg drop. Then another leg drop. And another. The crowd is going crazy. Then picks up Roman, tosses him into the ropes, and goes for another big boot. But Roman watches it and then wags his finger no at Hogan. The then hits Hogan with a series of punches, throws him into the ropes, and then spears Hogan in the midsection so hard that his weight belt actually cuts him in half. Roman picks up the two halves of Hogan, and tosses them out of the ring like hefty bags.
Cut to Vince saying please you have to help me!
#28 is Shane McMahon!!! “JBL: HERE COMES THE MONEY MAGGLE!!! HAHAHAHAHA” He hits the ring and does his stick and move punches and Roman no sells them completely. Shane tries to suplex Roman but he won’t budge. Shane stares at him scared. Then Roman gives a mighty blue eyed wink at Shane and the strength of the wind from it sends him flying backwards over the top rope!
Backstage Vince is seen giving Paul Heyman a briefcase of money. Oh My!
#29 is Brock Lesnar!!!! Brock hits the ring fast and furious. They stare down, and then Brock laughs. Then Roman laughs. Then Brock Laughs. Then Roman Laughs. Brock. Roman. Brock. Roman. Brock. Roman. Then they laugh together. Brock gets a mic and the briefcase from Heyman. He says, “Roman, I just want you to know, I respect you. Here you deserve this” and he gives him the briefcase. Brock hops over the top. He grabs Heyman’s hand and they skip to the back arm in arm.
Vince comes out on stage. ROMAN REIGNS YOU SON OF A BITCH!!! I HATE YOU!!!!! YOU LEAVE ME NO OTHER CHOICE!!!!!!! DAMMIT!!! COME ON OUT!!!!!!
#30 is STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN!!!!!! The crowd goes CRAZY!!!!!!
He stomps and curses his way to the ring. He and Roman stare down for a long time. Austin throws the first punch and they are brawling!! The action goes back and forth!! Austin hits the Lou Thesz press! RIGHT HANDS! RIGHT HANDS! Roman stumbles up, and Austin flips him the bird. STUNNER! STUNNER! Austin picks him up, flips him off and tosses Roman over. But Roman catches himself and slides back in under the ropes. Vince is irate and Austin can’t believe it. He hits him with another stunner. And another Roman finally looks defeated. Austin picks up and goes to toss him out as Vince is gloating on the mic. Then Reigns grabs the ropes. Winks his beautiful blue eyes at the crowd. Then begins to shake the ropes with his arms. Austin is beside himself. He goes to punch Roman but Roman grabs his fist inside his hand. Then he says, “Not today Tater Tot!” and crushes Austin’s hand like a grape! Austin is in pain. Then Reigns cocks his fist. He begins to glow and the winds begin to howl. The sky turns dark and the crowd is freaking out. Roman begins to scream! OOOOOOOO-AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! There is lightning all around him! Austin is staring in disbelief. Poop begins to flow out of his pants. “JBL: AUSTIN HAS CRAPPED HIS PANTS MAGGLE!!! HAHA!!! I LOVE IT!!!”
Roman jumps up in slow motion and hits Austin with a Superman Punch so powerful it creates a sonic boom. Austin’s head explodes into a fine mist and soaks the crowd like a Gallagher concert! Then fountains of beer erupt from Austins frozen, headless body standing in the center of the ring. Roman grabs a mic. He then begins drinking the beer from Austin’s neck hole. He then says, “SUFFERIN’ SUCCOTASH! NOW THAT’S REFRESHING TATER TOT!” and then kicks Austin’s headless body in the crotch so hard it flies out if the ring and lands on top of Vince. Who very comedically begins to slip around in the beer still pouring from Austin’s neck hole.
Then Paige, Bayley, Lana, Rene, Sasha Banks, Trish Stratus, Lita, Molly Holly, Torri Wilson, Stacey Keibler, Becky Lynch, Charlotte, The Bellas, Gail Kim, and Mickie James all come down to the ring. They all strip to thongs and have a live sex orgy with Roman in the ring . Once over, The camera gets a close up of Roman, who then winks at the camera and says, “THAT’S ALL FOLKS!”
Fade to black