Post by Deleted on Aug 10, 2018 23:37:41 GMT -5
It was a sunny day on July 19th, 2018 when “The Keto Catch King” KC Jones was officially announced as the newest member of the WFWF roster. The YouTube star and self-proclaimed “hottest man on Instagram” quickly let his legion of followers in on his thoughts on the signing when he revealed in a popular (liked by 212,859 people as of this writing) Instagram post that he had been given a hefty sum of twenty million dollars to join the overground fight club.
We here at WFWF.com wanted to dive deeper into who exactly is this “King of Instagram”. After a quick discussion with Lila Sleater…
“What’s KC Jones’ address?”
“Why the f*ck would I give that to you?... oh f*ck… what the f*ck is he doing?!?”
Lila quickly rose from her seat and stared at the television set as Tugarin Zmey literally picked up a motorcycle and chucked it towards security personnel within the confines of the small box. With the destruction of “The Dragon” on full display, she rushed out to try and deal with the situation. With nobody in there to stop him, the pencil necked geek Repor Ter shuffled around some documents on Lila’s desk and found what he was looking for before quickly exiting the room.
I was able to procure the home address of the hot new hot upstart and went on my way to learn a bit more of the WFWF’s newest competitor. I started my journey to the piping hot city of Los Angeles where KC Jones seemed to live…
“Where are you going Repor?”
“Out, ma. I’ve got some extensive wrestling journalism to do.”
“Ok hunny, by safe. I’ll have dinner ready when you get back.”
“K ma, thanks.”
“I’ll even put those mustard smiley faces on the hot dogs just how you like em.”
“K ma.”
“Love ya!”
and I soon arrived at my destination. Behind a community gate, it took a little while to make it inside. The guard wouldn’t let an outsider inside, so I had to play the system. He wouldn’t take the crisp five I had in my pocket, nor would he take a nice ten. I had to be crafty. I found a little hole in the gate and crawled my way through. It was a tight fit, but I managed. (EDITOR’S NOTE: Repor had to order a new 4X shirt online because he ripped his while playing ninja).
After darting past the houses of such stars like Jake Paul and Sernandoe, I had finally arrived at Casa de KC. I rang the doorbell and was greeted by the man himself. He was dressed head to toe in designer outfits and had only the best black Nikes on his feet. He was very welcoming…
“Who the f*ck are you?”
“Hi! uhh… I’m with uhh…”
“T-t-today junior.”
“… yeah. I’m with the WFWF and we’re doing a piece of you for the website.”
“Ok cool. Come in and don’t touch anything… Berta!”
“Yes mister King?”
“Get this man a glass of Zevia… ehh you an orange or black cherry kind of guy?”
“Orange.”
“Orange it is, add some pumps of heavy cream in there.”
After chatting a little bit more, he finally accepted me past his front door and agreed to an interview. As we walked to his office, I couldn’t help but admire the amount of wealth put into this home. Gold plated accents sparkled off the topless cleaning ladies who were all dimes, a marvelous off-white painting pattern adorned the halls. It was truly magnificent.
“so what do you want to know?”
“Well sir…”
“Call me King.”
“… ok. Well we wanted to learn a bit more about you. You seem to be an enigma to our fans and we wanted to get something out before you make your debut.”
“Fair enough, shoot.”
“Let’s start from the top. Who is “The Keto Catch King” KC Jones?”
“… what kind of question is that? What do you want me to say?”
“like tell us about your past. Why are you wrestling? That stuff.”
“ok… you want to know about my past? Well I was once a mouth breathing smelly mark like you until I turned my life around and realized that I had a lot more potential than sitting at an office job for the rest of my life… let me ask you this… how much do you weigh?”
“I… uhh… don’t want to answer that question.”
“Over three?... wait wait.. over four?”
Repor Ter sunk his head and nodded in shame.
“See, I was destined for a sh*tty life much like you have right now. I had to change that. So, I entered my nirvana of ketosis and shed all that fat and became a King. I mean look at me. Could you believe I had let myself get up to three hundred and sixty-five pounds? I was a fat f*ck.”
For some unexplainable reason, Jones took off his suit jacket, untucked his shirt, and proceeded to take it off. He sat there shirtless.
“Take yours off.”
“WHAT?!?”
“Take your shirt off.”
With much hesitation, Repor Ter obliges and slowly takes off his shirt as KC Jones sits opposite him and stares. Ter takes it off and tossed it to the side and felt one hundred percent uncomfortable. Jones snickered, reached out and grabbed Repor’s dangling man boob.
“You see that? Complete fat. Disgusting.”
“… well sir.”
“King.”
“well King… I’d rather you not touch me like that…”
“what are you going to do? Tell Lila that you stole my address from her office and that you broke into my gated community to try to talk to me?”
Checkmate. Advantage KC Jones, who then dropped the boob and puffed out his chest.
“Your turn. Grab my chest.”
Repor had no choice if he wanted the scoop on the debut. He reached out and touched the chest of the King. It was solid. Muscle.
“Can’t grab onto anything, eh? That’s because I worked hard to go from where you were to what I am now.”
After a bit more discussion about his humble upbringings and his YouTube career, I asked Jones about what he plans on doing in the WFWF.
“It’s pretty simple, isn’t it? I like a challenge and I like being on top. I’m gunning for the World’s Championship. I hope to be a positive role model for all the overweight pieces of sh*t in the audience who watch. If they can see somebody like me turn their life around and become the TOP DAWG of this industry… then what the f*ck are they waiting for?”
He is a motivational human being as is evident by his thousands of fans across the world. He showed me his Twitter DMs and they were full of individuals reaching out to tell him that he inspired them to live their best life and to lose weight and be healthier.
“I do everything I do for these people. My words of wisdom have helped so many see the light and learn that their diets have been ruining their chances at greatness. You know Jenna Jameson?”
Jones didn’t seem to care about the name that had just been dropped.
“Look at her now. Tight, fit, and drop dead hot again… all because I was the inspiration… that is what I do for my fans. I want to do the same for the fans of the WFWF. I mean, just look at them. I understand why they look like they do. They’ve been idolizing these worthless idiots over the years. They worshiped Shawn Malakai… you see he got cancer, right? That’s because he had poor dieting choices.”
Following more insane conversation between Repor Ter and “The Butter in your Coffee”, the millionaire invited Repor to travel the road with him from now on…
“I’m going to make you great. I’m going to make you reach your full potential. I’m going to make you hot!”
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Hello friends, it’s the KetoCatchKing here coming to you on this beautiful sunny day ahead of my big WFWF debut. I’ve been getting a lot of questions from you guys since my last video and I’m sorry for the delay in getting this one out to you beautiful people. Before we go further though, make sure you smash that subscribe button and like this video. If you’ve already done that, keep up the good work and know that YOU… yes YOU… are killing it and are a good person.
So lets dive in right to the meat and pass on the potatoes about this whole WFWF thing. As my longtime subs know, I’ve been a professional wrestling fan my entire life. Ever since I was a kid, I was wowed by the sheer beauty of wrestling and the cast of characters involved with it. It is truly a one-of-a-kind experience and I am so so so happy to be able to finally get a chance at doing this!
And thanks to you, Miss Lila Sleater saw my true value and offered me the biggest contract in wrestling history. Twenty million dollars ~ yes, you heard that right! The World Champion Dave Brennan doesn’t even make that much. So I thank each and every single one of you beautiful people that went on Twitter and voiced your love of your KetoCatchKing to Miss Sleater.
I want to take a moment to address my opponent in Tokyo… William Broom. What a guy. Such an inspirational story: the guy is just a lowly janitor who somehow managed to get in the ring with God’s greatest creation.
Come Tokyo, the Keto Catch King will stand tall with twenty million dollars in his pockets because I am just that damn good.
I dont know good luck 
