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Post by Deep Figure Value on Dec 17, 2019 13:44:19 GMT -5
I don't know why this has been floating around in my brain space lately, but it always makes me laugh, and I figure maybe some of my fellow WFers have similar stories about people who pathologically pad the details of their own lives to compensate for whatever it is they feel they're lacking. Might be good for the L O Ls. Years ago, this guy named G A R Y who worked for me at a dying American retailer used to tell anyone who'd listen that he was a Vietnam veteran whose name was inscribed upon the memorial wall in Washington D.C. His story went that he was in whatever branch of the military, and was scheduled to ship out on whatever day, and ol' Gary O V E R S L E P T. Apparently nobody in the military thought to roust his supposedly lazy ass from bed in the midst of one of America's most preeminent military interventions, and so his whole platoon got scooped up and shipped off to war while Gary was tucked away cozily in his cot. And wouldn't you know it - Lady Luck must've taken a shine to Gary, 'cause as he was just meeting the day after sleeping clear through his wake up call, his entire platoon's copter was tragically shot out of the sky, leaving no survivors to tell the tale. Now, you might be saying to yourself "well, Gary survived!", you'd be dead ass wrong on a clerical technicality. You see, downtrodden with survivor's guilt and knowing he'd be in for it, having inadvertently deserted his brethren in combat, Gary skipped town. His name, however, was on the manifest for the flight over, because that's a thing, and so ol' Gary, nowhere to be seen and only reasonably presumed to be skybound at the time of the attack, was presumed KIA, and bound to the pages of history as a casualty of the conflict in Vietnam. Wewie...he'd tell anyone with a moment to spare this tale of harrowing cowardice, but one day, he told the wrong fella...this big bear of a guy who worked for me named Richard who was a Vietnam veteran. Rich not only took due umbrage with Gary's concoction of lies, but he made a veritable production out of using the old Windows 98 OS computer system in store to show Gary just how easy it was to zero in on the names engraved upon that sacred memorial. Gary had himself a thousand tall tales, detailing his alternating years as an insurance agent, a bail bondsman, an accidental collegiate all-star, a war hero, and his status as the top salesman on my team just prior to my arrival, but none were as tall as the tale of his "death" in the jungles of Vietnam. Now lay 'em on me...who among you knows a similar Forrest Gump wannabe? Just make sure your stories about their stories are T R U E. Nobody likes a liar.
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Post by screech on Dec 17, 2019 14:24:53 GMT -5
first off, GR8 thread.
my favorite totally $100% true story involves a total non-athlete getting invited to join his university's basketball team after they were down one single man and apparently desperate for backup. Acc. to this person, he was taller than most of the 6'3"+ lifetime athletes, which led to him being begged to join the university basketball team, even though he had no athletic abilities at all and was just a self-described "water boy" before. Then the team almost won state championships because of this person.
of course no one believes it but ya know, some people just have to lie about themselves to try to look cool or whatever. i personally find pathological liars to be very dangerous people, even when telling pointless lies like this one.
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Post by Deep Figure Value on Dec 17, 2019 14:28:58 GMT -5
first off, GR8 thread. my favorite totally $100% true story involves a total non-athlete getting invited to join his university's basketball team after they were down one single man and apparently desperate for backup. Acc. to this person, he was taller than most of the 6'3"+ lifetime athletes, which led to him being begged to join the university basketball team, even though he had no athletic abilities at all and was just a self-described "water boy" before. Then the team almost won state championships because of this person. of course no one believes it but ya know, some people just have to lie about themselves to try to look cool or whatever. i personally find pathological liars to be very dangerous people, even when telling pointless lies like this one. That story sounds Zakk W Y L D E. I figured we WFers probably knew more than our fair share of lying liars than the petty sort of truck driving uncle stuff we often L O L over so I thought these would be fun to share.
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Post by Grumpyoldman on Dec 17, 2019 15:38:41 GMT -5
Oh hell, the guy I work with. Every day.
He's maybe in his late 20s, early 30s. He's done the following:
He was the lead singer in a heavy metal cover band for 6 years. They were signed by Sony Records. Just as they were about to make it huge, their lead guitarist got involved in a murder-for-hire plot & had to go AWOL. The band that ended up getting their push was Steel Panther.
He used to buy his dr*gs from "The Grateful Dead family".
He had s*x with 2 of the girls from the Jersey Shore.
Every time he goes out clubbing, a crowd gathers around him when he dances. He's been told numerous times that he should be on "So You Think You Can Dance?"
He carries an AR-15 in his car & the cops know it & let him go on about his business whenever he gets pulled over.
He beat Jean Claude Van Dam in arm wrestling.
There are so many more, but those are the ones that come to mind.
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Post by rkmo: The FOCUS Method on Dec 17, 2019 16:08:56 GMT -5
Hear lies each and every day that infuriate me to no end, but I hesitate to divulge due to their nature
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Post by Deep Figure Value on Dec 17, 2019 16:22:56 GMT -5
Hear lies each and every day that infuriate me to no end, but I hesitate to divulge due to their nature L O L I used real names. IDGAF
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Post by rkmo: The FOCUS Method on Dec 17, 2019 17:04:23 GMT -5
Hear lies each and every day that infuriate me to no end, but I hesitate to divulge due to their nature L O L I used real names. IDGAF I meant, I broached a topic before on another Lounge thread that ended up being locked lol
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Post by Deep Figure Value on Dec 17, 2019 19:03:37 GMT -5
L O L I used real names. IDGAF I meant, I broached a topic before on another Lounge thread that ended up being locked lol This is a thread to air that sort of laundry. All attendees are encouraged to embrace the holiday spirit.
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Post by JC Motors on Dec 17, 2019 19:05:48 GMT -5
I don't know why this has been floating around in my brain space lately, but it always makes me laugh, and I figure maybe some of my fellow WFers have similar stories about people who pathologically pad the details of their own lives to compensate for whatever it is they feel they're lacking. Might be good for the L O Ls. Years ago, this guy named G A R Y who worked for me at a dying American retailer used to tell anyone who'd listen that he was a Vietnam veteran whose name was inscribed upon the memorial wall in Washington D.C. His story went that he was in whatever branch of the military, and was scheduled to ship out on whatever day, and ol' Gary O V E R S L E P T. Apparently nobody in the military thought to roust his supposedly lazy ass from bed in the midst of one of America's most preeminent military interventions, and so his whole platoon got scooped up and shipped off to war while Gary was tucked away cozily in his cot. And wouldn't you know it - Lady Luck must've taken a shine to Gary, 'cause as he was just meeting the day after sleeping clear through his wake up call, his entire platoon's copter was tragically shot out of the sky, leaving no survivors to tell the tale. Now, you might be saying to yourself "well, Gary survived!", you'd be dead ass wrong on a clerical technicality. You see, downtrodden with survivor's guilt and knowing he'd be in for it, having inadvertently deserted his brethren in combat, Gary skipped town. His name, however, was on the manifest for the flight over, because that's a thing, and so ol' Gary, nowhere to be seen and only reasonably presumed to be skybound at the time of the attack, was presumed KIA, and bound to the pages of history as a casualty of the conflict in Vietnam. Wewie...he'd tell anyone with a moment to spare this tale of harrowing cowardice, but one day, he told the wrong fella...this big bear of a guy who worked for me named Richard who was a Vietnam veteran. Rich not only took due umbrage with Gary's concoction of lies, but he made a veritable production out of using the old Windows 98 OS computer system in store to show Gary just how easy it was to zero in on the names engraved upon that sacred memorial. Gary had himself a thousand tall tales, detailing his alternating years as an insurance agent, a bail bondsman, an accidental collegiate all-star, a war hero, and his status as the top salesman on my team just prior to my arrival, but none were as tall as the tale of his "death" in the jungles of Vietnam. Now lay 'em on me...who among you knows a similar Forrest Gump wannabe? Just make sure your stories about their stories are T R U E. Nobody likes a liar. Sounds like a case of Stolen Valor
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Post by RuthlessFigs on Dec 17, 2019 22:03:01 GMT -5
"I don't need this figure"
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Post by Deep Figure Value on Dec 18, 2019 8:53:08 GMT -5
I don't know why this has been floating around in my brain space lately, but it always makes me laugh, and I figure maybe some of my fellow WFers have similar stories about people who pathologically pad the details of their own lives to compensate for whatever it is they feel they're lacking. Might be good for the L O Ls. Years ago, this guy named G A R Y who worked for me at a dying American retailer used to tell anyone who'd listen that he was a Vietnam veteran whose name was inscribed upon the memorial wall in Washington D.C. His story went that he was in whatever branch of the military, and was scheduled to ship out on whatever day, and ol' Gary O V E R S L E P T. Apparently nobody in the military thought to roust his supposedly lazy ass from bed in the midst of one of America's most preeminent military interventions, and so his whole platoon got scooped up and shipped off to war while Gary was tucked away cozily in his cot. And wouldn't you know it - Lady Luck must've taken a shine to Gary, 'cause as he was just meeting the day after sleeping clear through his wake up call, his entire platoon's copter was tragically shot out of the sky, leaving no survivors to tell the tale. Now, you might be saying to yourself "well, Gary survived!", you'd be dead ass wrong on a clerical technicality. You see, downtrodden with survivor's guilt and knowing he'd be in for it, having inadvertently deserted his brethren in combat, Gary skipped town. His name, however, was on the manifest for the flight over, because that's a thing, and so ol' Gary, nowhere to be seen and only reasonably presumed to be skybound at the time of the attack, was presumed KIA, and bound to the pages of history as a casualty of the conflict in Vietnam. Wewie...he'd tell anyone with a moment to spare this tale of harrowing cowardice, but one day, he told the wrong fella...this big bear of a guy who worked for me named Richard who was a Vietnam veteran. Rich not only took due umbrage with Gary's concoction of lies, but he made a veritable production out of using the old Windows 98 OS computer system in store to show Gary just how easy it was to zero in on the names engraved upon that sacred memorial. Gary had himself a thousand tall tales, detailing his alternating years as an insurance agent, a bail bondsman, an accidental collegiate all-star, a war hero, and his status as the top salesman on my team just prior to my arrival, but none were as tall as the tale of his "death" in the jungles of Vietnam. Now lay 'em on me...who among you knows a similar Forrest Gump wannabe? Just make sure your stories about their stories are T R U E. Nobody likes a liar. Sounds like a case of Stolen Valor I'd say so too, but this guy was so abysmally clueless about anything regarding the military's operations that even our legit vet there eventually got past his anger and just saw it as sad. Nobody makes up lies like that, or the ones told by Grumpyoldman's coworker, or by screech's friend, without sorely lacking for something in their lives. It's a tough line to toe, harboring pity for people like this and the desire to just completely call them out on their sh*t and expose them for the living frauds that they are.
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Post by Kill Em' All on Dec 18, 2019 13:57:02 GMT -5
I was told WWE wrestlers were just robots, programmed to fight. I was told your height was based on how long your parents had sex.
Of course these were childhood ones
I knew guy who lied literally about everything. My friends and I would get him, i'd just say random name of someone I knew. But they lived say in another school district. Do you know so and so. Or i'd say made up names that had inner joke. He'd save pictures of girls and say it was his girl. And then explain how they broke up. He started to make up place he worked and saying he worked at Walmart while it was robbed at gun point by 16 year olds for a bottle run? He talked about being a boxer, and being from LA. And his dad before his marine days having enemies from the hood. As well as him one day calling cops pigs and bashing trump. To supporting Trump and being pro police. Then he'd talk about being a true Catholic, and then he lied about going to rehab. And would always say he's losing weight? Or I remember asking him if he was at the Korn concert, and he said he'd walk over to me; but he was like at home. I never knew with that dude.
I remember meeting one of my best friends during like the 2nd or 3rd week of my 8th grade year. He was saying he could play like all of the Black Album from Metallica. And I kept trying to get him to play and he'd wouldn't. And he knew like less then I did, and I sucked. It was funny watching him play to say the least.
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Post by Deep Figure Value on Dec 18, 2019 14:57:34 GMT -5
WEWIE
I just thought of another one, and boy, it's a doozy!
Years ago, I lived *clap clap clap clap* deep in the heart of Texas. This all kinda happened when I was about 8, and this kid (who also subbed as my best friend L O L) used to swear up and down that he was the creator of Sonic the Hedgehog.
Let that sink in.
Now, before you get ahead of yourself, I'll just go ahead and confirm that no, I was not best friends with Naoto Ohshima when I was 8 years old. I was best friends with a fellow white, middle class, suburbanite 8 year old with a vivid imagination and (and this is the kicker) sh*t drawing skills. One day my third grade class challenged him, as the sole creator of the character, to just draw the thing. An hour long sketch turned out a million excuses..."I'm drawing him with sunglasses". "He's wearing a hat". You know...any sort of cover you'd need to obscure the fact that you can't draw for sh*t.
Eventually I moved away and I think he actually got into animation, but I'm fairly certain he still hasn't created any characters of pop-cultural renown.
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Post by Stuart? on Dec 18, 2019 15:23:26 GMT -5
When we were about 16, my childhood best friend's girlfriend at the time faked having cancer to get out of the relationship and was dating another guy about 3 weeks later. She fabricated the whole thing instead of doing the right thing and telling him why it wasn't working out despite him doing her absolutely no wrong for the 3 years they were together. Ironically enough, she actually did get cancer for real in our senior year which she has since overcome. What goes around comes around some might say.
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Old Zeke
Main Eventer
'Fraid old Zeke, he rides up here with me. Can't trust a pig with watermelons, you know.
Joined on: Jun 24, 2019 13:46:50 GMT -5
Posts: 3,322
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Post by Old Zeke on Dec 18, 2019 17:18:09 GMT -5
Anything my Dad told me.
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Post by ¡Twist Of Lime Green Jello! on Dec 18, 2019 17:23:29 GMT -5
“Just one more episode”, and Jussie Smollet.
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Post by IRS on Dec 19, 2019 12:36:34 GMT -5
It wouldn't be as long of a wait for the next GN'R album.
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Post by Deep Figure Value on Dec 19, 2019 12:41:15 GMT -5
It wouldn't be as long of a wait for the next GN'R album. Do you count The Spaghetti Incident? Either way, I can't believe it's been over ten years since Chinese Democracy dropped. I remember the GNR nerds here going wild waiting for that one back in the day.
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Post by Grumpyoldman on Dec 19, 2019 15:27:45 GMT -5
Hi. It's me again.
I talked to a few more people at work who worked with "R. Gonzales" & they told me a few doozies that he told them.
When he was on vacation in California, he was walking down the street shirtless. A manager from Abercrombie & Fitch ran after him & said he would pay him $500 to pose in front of the store for a few hours. While posing, Jenna Jameson (famous adult film star) saw him & gave him her card. She said if he ever wanted to get into the adult industry, he should call her.
He's outrun the police on his motorcycle more times than he can remember. Because he has nitrous oxide hooked to the engine.
People in his MMA class tell him he should go pro.
He's saved his local 7-11 from being robbed at least 4 times. Must be from all that MMA training.
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Post by Deep Figure Value on Dec 19, 2019 16:22:09 GMT -5
Hi. It's me again. I talked to a few more people at work who worked with "R. Gonzales" & they told me a few doozies that he told them. When he was on vacation in California, he was walking down the street shirtless. A manager from Abercrombie & Fitch ran after him & said he would pay him $500 to pose in front of the store for a few hours. While posing, Jenna Jameson (famous adult film star) saw him & gave him her card. She said if he ever wanted to get into the adult industry, he should call her. He's outrun the police on his motorcycle more times than he can remember. Because he has nitrous oxide hooked to the engine. People in his MMA class tell him he should go pro. He's saved his local 7-11 from being robbed at least 4 times. Must be from all that MMA training. That R. Gonzales sounds like a real straight shooter.
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