Post by havoc7179 on Feb 13, 2020 10:38:02 GMT -5
So, I've been trying something new where instead of hiding my problems with mental health, I am trying to talk about it more. Please excuse what follows as I'm pretty sure this is going to be a stream of conscious posting.
Let me start off with the fact that I bought tickets to see the OC at Wrestlemania Axxess this year. I would like to get my moneys worth but could use some help.:
Since the age of 15 (20 years ago), I've suffered from crippling (physically and financially) anxiety, where, if it occurs, I have to clean or I become a frozen mess. In the beginning, it was more frequent than today, but today it lasts longer. Whereas in my younger years, I'd have to deal with a new attack every two days or so for like 30 minutes, today it's one attack that continues throughout the nights. The end result is me needing to clean a lot (think using a full, brand new, bottle of Lysol wipes (that's about 86 wipes) on just my phone). It ends up breaking things. If I don't do that, i'm basically frozen and can't think of anything else.
Last night, after 2.5 weeks of being free from it, I went with my fiancee to her friend's bday party. The one drawback of being engaged to someone seven years younger, is that her friends are also younger. Anyways, their loudness and overall obnoxiousness (honestly who gets snotty with the waitstaff and complains about tips being included when it's a party of 12) caused me to fall into an episode. I was able to keep it to only a few hours this time because I just said forget about it and buy a new item to replace the one you're concerned about.
Now, I'm fearful that simply going to Wrestlemania Axxess could trigger the event because I'm sure being packed like sardines with loud people will trigger it. I have three options, cancel, just see AJ and the OC, or use the ADA line to get in and out as fast possible.
I am tempted to use option 3, the ADA Line. But, I need reaffirmation that I'm not completely in the wrong or confirmation that I am wrong. I am going to try and go to Wrestlemania Axxess for one day. if being in a crowd of 10 other people caused me to have a small episode, I don't want to really chance one where there will be thousand.
My research shows that this would be acceptable. But I vividly recall many online (not on this site but twitter and other social media platforms) condemning people for using the lines when their condition was not entirely visible. I assume this is either a vocal minority or just the norm. Either way, it frightens me a bit because my mind can cause anxiety simply by thinking that others are looking at me funny.
So, an idea I came up with to HOPEFULLY aid me in this would be this. I trust and genuinely enjoy interacting with many (if not all) of you. If I knew some of you weren't judging me for using it, then I could use that as some kind of crutch to help with me feeling judged. For example, when i start to feel anxiety coming on, I could say "you know there are some people on wrestlingfigs/twitter who i've never met but who are supporting me" and theoretically, I think this would help because I could at least quantify it. I could just ask people I actually know, but I'll always think "They're just saying that because we know each other". At least on here people can say how they truly feel about things because of the anonymous nature of the internet. In theory I'll know how people truly feel. If there's an overwhelming consensus against me using it, then I know to take option 3 off the table because even though allowed, the risk of getting anxiety from misinterpreting looks would not outweigh the risk of anxiety from being in a crowded area (plus I think what really triggered me was the group's obnoxious behavior and I don't think the chances of me having to actually deal with obnoxious sounding people at Axxess is all too high. Yes it will be there, but it won't be in my group)
I know this is all ridiculous, but I figured I'd try it. At this point I have nothing to lose when it comes to trying to find ways to beat anxiety.
And sorry for the disjointed nature of this post.
Let me start off with the fact that I bought tickets to see the OC at Wrestlemania Axxess this year. I would like to get my moneys worth but could use some help.:
Since the age of 15 (20 years ago), I've suffered from crippling (physically and financially) anxiety, where, if it occurs, I have to clean or I become a frozen mess. In the beginning, it was more frequent than today, but today it lasts longer. Whereas in my younger years, I'd have to deal with a new attack every two days or so for like 30 minutes, today it's one attack that continues throughout the nights. The end result is me needing to clean a lot (think using a full, brand new, bottle of Lysol wipes (that's about 86 wipes) on just my phone). It ends up breaking things. If I don't do that, i'm basically frozen and can't think of anything else.
Last night, after 2.5 weeks of being free from it, I went with my fiancee to her friend's bday party. The one drawback of being engaged to someone seven years younger, is that her friends are also younger. Anyways, their loudness and overall obnoxiousness (honestly who gets snotty with the waitstaff and complains about tips being included when it's a party of 12) caused me to fall into an episode. I was able to keep it to only a few hours this time because I just said forget about it and buy a new item to replace the one you're concerned about.
Now, I'm fearful that simply going to Wrestlemania Axxess could trigger the event because I'm sure being packed like sardines with loud people will trigger it. I have three options, cancel, just see AJ and the OC, or use the ADA line to get in and out as fast possible.
I am tempted to use option 3, the ADA Line. But, I need reaffirmation that I'm not completely in the wrong or confirmation that I am wrong. I am going to try and go to Wrestlemania Axxess for one day. if being in a crowd of 10 other people caused me to have a small episode, I don't want to really chance one where there will be thousand.
My research shows that this would be acceptable. But I vividly recall many online (not on this site but twitter and other social media platforms) condemning people for using the lines when their condition was not entirely visible. I assume this is either a vocal minority or just the norm. Either way, it frightens me a bit because my mind can cause anxiety simply by thinking that others are looking at me funny.
So, an idea I came up with to HOPEFULLY aid me in this would be this. I trust and genuinely enjoy interacting with many (if not all) of you. If I knew some of you weren't judging me for using it, then I could use that as some kind of crutch to help with me feeling judged. For example, when i start to feel anxiety coming on, I could say "you know there are some people on wrestlingfigs/twitter who i've never met but who are supporting me" and theoretically, I think this would help because I could at least quantify it. I could just ask people I actually know, but I'll always think "They're just saying that because we know each other". At least on here people can say how they truly feel about things because of the anonymous nature of the internet. In theory I'll know how people truly feel. If there's an overwhelming consensus against me using it, then I know to take option 3 off the table because even though allowed, the risk of getting anxiety from misinterpreting looks would not outweigh the risk of anxiety from being in a crowded area (plus I think what really triggered me was the group's obnoxious behavior and I don't think the chances of me having to actually deal with obnoxious sounding people at Axxess is all too high. Yes it will be there, but it won't be in my group)
I know this is all ridiculous, but I figured I'd try it. At this point I have nothing to lose when it comes to trying to find ways to beat anxiety.
And sorry for the disjointed nature of this post.
your dumbass “list”.