Amusing, socially undesirable randos you know

I had lunch with Pancho Villa one time.

What's the story there?

My town had a lot of weird people. What's strange is how forgettable most of them are, at least to me


- There was this really dysgenic kid. Had a huge belly, nose hairs coming out of his nose, super gapped teeth, pimples, whatever. He came off as more erudite than he was. Think of a Quasimodo character

He was friends with one of my friends though I never got why she'd hang out with him. (They might not have, as much as he hung out where she worked.)

One day, he attended some funeral of hers where she grandparent died. In the rain, he just kissed her. I couldn't imagine how horrifying that was. She told me all about it, after which I unleashed my mocking fury. I'm really restrained otherwise. She turned him down for years



2. Haven't thought about him in years. He was a really awkward, half Japanese guy in the Navy, who had a knack for approaching me during study to tell me about Neocons, while chuckling to himself like Butthead.

I added him to Facebook years ago. He had a noisy neighbor, pulled a gun in self defense, and California, where he had moved, went out of their way to make an example of him. He'd send me random messages for a good two years asking me to sign his petition.

I can sympathize. He was a corpsman and I guess he transitioned to civilian nursing. He risked losing his license. What struck me was how he had an inability to build personal relationships. He wasn't worthy of mockery. Just like "Hi Dave. What's up?" "Neocons."


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Like I said, these people are kind of forgettable unless they're really imposing or aggressive like the one I brought up. The murderer was weird but he was off for a different reason. You kind of knew he had enough loose screws to kill someone. The public thinks murderers are Gacy characters. Most murderers are really just really dumb people with an impulse control problem. The nihilistic murderers are really rare


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3. Thinking about it. I was at a bar ten years ago. You get these weird guys every now and then who think that the more they insult you, the more likely they are to get laid. I told him of my far right connections. He was one of those weird normie types who seems offended by anyone who doesn't think like him. He escalated. I threw a lit cigarette in his face

I knew this guy that insulted a homeless guy and got a bag of meat thrown at his head.

That's clever and funny.

My Dad and I reconnected last month since he's homeless and needed money. I sent him about $750. He was telling me about his ex-wife (his second wife) for whom he fled from my mother (his first wife).

He tells me that his second wife is a nut, used the HOA to levy fines at him after she forced him to move out from a DV dispute. (His story is that she kept going in the bedroom cussing a storm and pulling off his blanket before he was to go to work. She took his car keys, so he called his friend for a ride. As he's leaving, she's cursing a storm and he called her a bitch. On those grounds, he was forced to move out. How true that is, I don't know because he is a pathological liar, even if he's amusing enough for me to still love him.)

He told me a story that when his son (my half brother) was put in the toddler's seat, her phone went missing. My dad was doing mercenary work in Africa at the time. He told her never to call him there since lines can get tapped. But she called. Then called again. Until he answered... She starts barking about how she left her phone on the roof of the car while seating the kid, and someone took her phone. Dad is like "Did you see anyone take it?" "No." (I already knew that this story was hokey because no one's going to do a grab-and-go over a cell phone from that position.) My dad suspected that the phone fell as she was driving off. Anyway, he's like "Just buy yourself another phone. I only make $100,000+ a year tax free."

Fast forward a few years later, my dad is cleaning out the car and finds it snugged under the back seat. He shows her the phone

She lost her mind, started to accuse him of having sent his "CIA friends" to steal her phone from her, so that he could plant it a few years later to gaslight her. Dad was telling me "She really believes this."

I never had a bad relationship with his second wife. She was kind of high maintenance, but my dad left when I was a toddler, so his leaving was never "disruptive" to me like it was to my brother. However, I did see signs that, for the sake of peace in the annual two week stay there, I chose not to broach. Things like when she'd be bad and start chain smoking in the kitchen like a cowgirl (she wasn't a smoker), getting into a screaming match with my dad about having "abandoned his kids [in the hood]" (the divorce was driven by her and him), and loading up green beans with salt and looking at him with psycho eyes as he's eating it, with his face all red, asking "Do you LIKE IT?" I haven't seen her in 20 years.

My dad is probably embellishing but he told me that he kept me away from his family since she's a nut. Maybe but an advanced warning should have been issued. He disclosed that she beat him with clothes hangers. I advised that he needs to be careful next time since he likes danger, and guys like that fall into the vice of dangerous women

And despite that history, my mother called me up two days ago, telling me that my dad called her, telling him that his "weiner is cold" and that he would like a warm bed in which to sleep. My mom is like me, in that we're very detached and live like nuns. I think she finds him amusing. (I do too.) He then suggests that they make a porn tape to send to his ex-wife. That was all after he whined to her a few months ago about his relationship (fling, turned Double Income No Kids, turned married) that he left her over. He never apologized for having abandoned us, saying he was young (he was 32 years old).

The other day, he tried to send me a birthday text but accidentally sent it to my mom, who then told him of his error. I'm like "That's cool. Don't worry about it. Glad you two are getting along." He's like "Does that make you happy?" "Dad, you know I don't believe in happiness. I believe in the denial of self." Had no idea on that day that he was trying to sext my mom a few days before that.

My husband is the one bailing him out. It's kind of cringey to see that he hasn't learned a thing from his own transgressions. We just hope that he's not blowing money on hookers. It's entirely plausible that he killed someone before. He once took me to an isolated lake when I was 14. He's like "See you this?" It's an antique gun. Then he chucks it into the lake: "No one will see this gun for another hundred years." I'm like "Uh? Wow." Looking back, he probably killed someone, having gotten rid of the murder weapon 🤣 Did he kill a prostitute? A guy banging his second wife??

Husband is like "You have a way of introducing the most interesting characters to my life."

Jack Spycific

Really? lol. I grew up around so much weirdness that him being a merc is almost not outlandish. Maybe it is

I don't know much about it tbh. This is what I do know

A bit after the Iraq War, he got contracted by the State Department to work in Niger. I just got a lot of pictures from my mother a few weeks back, which I'm thankful to have given that I have so few of him.

I have kept up with my dad over the years because I have a lot of connections myself. He got in trouble with the French Army there. This is all reconstructed.

My dad speaks fluent French. He learned this from his time in the country back in the 70's and 80's, early into the time of such when he married my mother. My grandpa never wanted her to marry a Parisian. My dad was some young guy in the Marines.

My grandma, which I found out on Christmas from my mother, is a lot like me. She was frequently apocalyptic, read far right editorials, thought a world war would break out every week (I don't think that way but I'm also more educated), and she had some kind of ties of General Raoul Salan, who was Commander in Chief of the French Union Forces in Indochina, then later ran Algeria, after which he joined the OAS (Organisation de l'armée secrète), which waged terrorist attacks against Charles de Gaulle for almost a decade. My mother grew up in the hottest environment of that scene. My dad met Raoul Salan through that; then, when he was stationed in Germany, he became pals with a lot of SS officers, one of whom even sold him a Benz that he couldn't afford.

When he was courting my mother, he told them that he was part of the Last Stand in Vietnam circa 1975. My grandma believed him, grandpa remarking that he looked a little young. On the day of their wedding, he told my mom that he was 20, not 23 years old... like, she should've gotten an annulment but didn't.

He told her that he would return to France to join the French Army. I've told my mother since that that was never going to happen unless he joined the Foreign Legion. Why? 1. They weren't going to let him transfer as a sergeant to the mainland French Army. They're not going to take barking orders from a stupid American. Second, in what branch would he have joined? He would have been too old to join the French Marines (naval infantry). He could have joined the Army but he wasn't going to get rank. Fact is that he never had a French citizenship so all of that was moot. His one recourse was to join the French Foreign Legion. Possible but you wouldn't transfer into the Legion as a sergeant. He would have started as a "simple soldat" for about 2 years. Pay sucks. He could have done an acceleration course on condition that he was top of his class. Then, he would have been placed as a "caporal chef." It's not impossible but he would have been competing against Eastern Bloc refugees, Africans, French felons in flight, etc. Going from staff sergeant to a low rank like that is rarely done unless you're legit crazy. There's no chance that he would have gone into the mainland army, certainly not with a rank transfer

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It's in that subtext where, in Africa, he started to tell people that he was in the Foreign Legion. It was really stupid because he was in French territory. Yes, France doesn't run the Empire anymore, but a lot of mercenaries, retired army professionals, far right types (like Marine Le Pen's niece), French combat forces live out there. It wouldn't have been that hard for my dad's con to get unraveled, which is what happened

The Legion has something called "the Gestapo," who are army people trained in private investigation. That's how they screen out recruits. They will find out everything.

Like I said, I have a lot of connections there. People know me. It has a lot to do with my academic work. Eventually I got a tip to a Facebook page. Note that I didn't know the investigator who led what was uncovered

It was a page made about my dad in Africa. Lots of posts. What struck me is that a few posts got made about him that he

a) got booted from the army for beating up a recruit as a drill instructor

b) got booted from the Marines for choking his ex-wife (my mother)

I told my mother years ago about B. She protested, saying that was impossible. I pushed harder. This is the earliest memory of my life. My dad rushed into our apartment. I remember he opened up a can of what might have been sardines, wolfing it down. They got into a dispute. He took this huge portrait and broke it on the floor. Glass was everywhere. In the midst of this - I don't remember this but I always knew of the event - he choked her out. I equally remember a social worker coming to the apartment. I also remember screaming at him to stop. I hit him with something. I want to say that he kicked me in the face.

I asked my mother what happened with the social worker. She told me that she really wanted to have charges be pressed. "Did you follow through?" She told me "No," that we would have risked being put in foster care, she had no job, barely spoke English, and nothing good was going to come out of it.

Well, obviously the Gestapo knew what happened, so obviously it was in his military file. It was clear that the social worker minimally told his commanding officer. My mother wouldn't have known either way, but my guess is my dad either got court martialed or took a severance package. I do know that he ended up with a lot of money. He claims to be retired. He might be legally. But he was out of the service after 16 years... I'm not familiar with how those legal intricacies would have played out exactly

The Gestapo also noted that he was cheating on his wife in Africa. My view is that, though his second wife was undoubtedly a Borderline case, I find it hard to believe that my dad didn't cheat on her. He's a porn addict (I found his porn account, including his weiner pic in the avatar), cheated on my mom all the time, and has always been into swinger stuff. (My mom is like me, priestly, so we're both inherently monogamous. He did want her to swing. She didn't. My dad found women elsewhere. Also, his second wife got ovarian cancer and I wonder if that came from an STD, especially if he's messing around in Africa.)

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A few years ago, my dad called me up. I want to say that this is about 2018. He explained why he left to me. He said my mother didn't want to attend a Marine Corps ball with him, after he worked for a year from 6 AM to midnight to become the top recruiter in the State of California. He found another woman (the one from whom he's now divorced), he was young (29 at the youngest), so he bailed.

In that talk, he told me what happened in Africa...

He said that they led anti-terrorism training for Nigerian forces. Upon their graduation, there was a ceremony where their flag was to be hoisted either on par with or below the French flag. My dad, ever being the hero, came in and had the Nigerian general put the Nigerian flag above the French flag. Because of that, he got heat

He also said that he had an African woman villager make serval boots for him.

Once at home, the Environmental Wildlife and Fishing agency stopped by his house, saying that they got a tip that he was importing animals to the country and that he was facing felony charges.

My dad claims that they offered a bribe, that they searched his house, took the gator boots, and the boa constrictor belt that had nothing to do with his sejour into Africa.

He blamed it on an environmentalist within his mercenary team

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Aligning the facts and never once telling him what I knew (which was a lot), I think

1. He told people he was in the Legion. Why else would the Legion have a hard-on for him?

2. You could explain away that the Legion had it out for him over what happened at the graduation ceremony of the Nigerian Army. Problem is that the story sounds implausible. You mean to tell me that HE interceded in a ceremony about their flag and pwned the French Army? What would his commanding officer (to whatever degree they exist in these outfits) have thought? It would have been an act of profound insubordination, the kind of story my dad would tell just to get himself over. The Americans don't have that kind of reach into Africa. They don't know the region. A few US Army Rangers got lit there a few years later, saved by the French Air Army. I find it unbelievable that an American commander would have let him take those kinds of liberties. I mean, American influence can be weird and petty but c'mon

3. Conspicuous is that my dad never once mentioned the Foreign Legion. The guy who led the Facebook page had been in the Foreign Legion for 40 years, was a PI within the Legion (Gestapo), and ran a private security firm somewhere in Africa. I don't remember where. But he is a total spook character. I only got connected to him through third parties. I did send him a message once through LinkedIn.

4. What I didn't know is that the spook had read my message, though he never replied to it. How? Because the Facebook page where they bury my dad no longer has any reference to the fact that he choked his ex-wife (my mother). He understood that I was his daughter. I didn't ask him to remove anything but to tell me what my dad did. My guess is that the spook thought that he might have broached a code of honor, which is heavy in French military culture

5. It seems pretty obvious that the Legion gave him away to US authorities about importing endangered species, not some unknown "environmentalist" of his own American mercenary team

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Final anecdote. I asked my dad what French units had beef with him. He gave a short reply: 5e Régiment interarmes d'outre-mer (5th Overseas Interarms Regiment).

Here's the problem with that. One, the 5e RIAOM is not based in Niger. In fact, I don't recall the unit ever losing men in enemy combat. They're (historically) a penal battalion "of the ones damned" that has stayed in the army. They lead training. They are extraordinarily tough people stationed in Djibouti. And frankly, I suspect they would have killed my dad. (In fairness, the Gestapo PI told my dad not to come back to Africa.)

Assessing what I know, what he told me, and just using sound reasoning, especially since my dad never seems to bring up the Foreign Legion, I think he's scared that they tap his phone lines and would put a hit on him. (He used to write to Charles Manson, who would send him drawings. One day, Manson threatened my dad in letter, saying that he would kill him when he gets paroled. He moved over that lol). Seems clear that he lied about his service in Africa, got investigated, did some illegal deeds (like importing animals) and immoral deeds (like cheating on his wife), and then got banned from returning to the country, leading to financial issues that he now has.

That's the story.

A lot of it is very woo and very typical of the LARPers. Eastern mysticism/spirituality and the fortune cookie wisdom is a powerful distraction tool, and a big part of what lures people in. The word(s) tradition/traditional are thrown around a lot and people put up with a lot of abuse based on so-called traditions. A lot of westerners in particular will make reference to the Far East and how they live, traditions there, superstitions and so on. Having spent a bit of time there, I have found much of it to be untrue, greatly exaggerated, dated, or it’s only practiced by particular groups of such and such a lineage.

Lineage and association are often more important to people than how good the person is at martial arts or fighting. Anything that can be used as a distraction from actually training with aliveness. Injuries are a big one. Either someone can’t train because of this or they won’t train because they don’t want to experience that. Fair enough. However they do want to keep on LARPing and playing a character. 

It’s the same with most things, in all areas of life. And whatever, but a lot of people are taken for a ride, do get abused. Uniforms/belts, certificates, “tradition”, mysticism and woo woo nonsense are all tools that people use. Eastern mysticism is of some interest to me, but a lot of the spiritual wisdom found there is universal, and it’s not really anything that you won’t read about in Christianity.