Death has always been something that's been in my life
But not like this
Throughout all of the years family members have passed and I've felt.... nothing.
Don't get me wrong It's sad and I've been the shoulder to cry on for others
But I was never the one seriously grieving and needing somebody
But now the tides have turned and guess what
nobody's in my corner.
My parents are in their estate in Canada
Apparently coming down here to be with me is to much of a inconvenience
They never really were in Bryce's life
They disapproved of him because Cathy and I had him when we were 17 before we got married.
I miss Cathy
Not who Cathy turned out to be
Rather the old Cathy
I loved her so much
A love that was unmatched until the birth of our son Bryce
During his younger years I wasn't there enough although not by choice
If it was up to me I would of been with him every single day and night but cathy wouldn't let me
I had.... issues to say the least
Suicidal and depressed over a lot of different things really
But mainly the death of my hope of being with Cathy for the rest of my life
And now she's gone
she's really gone
And now my baby boy is hanging on
He isn't going anywhere though
He can't.
Hope
Johnny is sitting in his bathroom
Tears in his eyes
His mind going 100 mph
He closes his eyes and drags a razor into his arm
He opens his eyes to the sight of a gap in his arm
The gap soon slowly starts to fill with blood until the gap is filled and is dripping on the floor.
Johnny throws the blade across the room and takes some toilet paper to apply pressure on the cut after realizing what he had just done.
After it's done bleeding he removes the toilet paper and realizes that he needs stitches.
I can't go to the hospital
What would people think of me
I'd be fired!
He gets out a first aid kit and decides he's going to have to stitch it up himself.
As he weaves in and out he doesn't feel any pain,
Just numbness.
This is a feeling Johnny vividly remembers.
In his late teens he used to be addicted to self harming.
An addiction he thought that he overcame.
Johnny's relapse came at the lowest point in his personal life.
After the death of his ex Cathy and the tragic state of Bryce, who is now in a coma.
But perhaps the highest point in his career after he got his first win in wfwf over Daisy.
Johnny gets himself all patched up just in time for the knock on the door.
He hurries and throws on a long sleeve shirt and walks down the hallway.
He winces when passing Bryce's room
His door is open and toys scattered just how he left them
He takes a deep breath and opens the door to his apartment
It's his neighbor Brandon.
Hey Johnny are you doing okay?
Johnny avoids eye contact as he mumbles,
Yeah I'm holding in there
That's great
Here I have something for you
Brandon bends down and grabs a fruit basket and hands it to Johnny.
Uh I'm sorry Johnny I never was any good at trying to make someone feel better
But I hope you like it
Yeah it's great
I appreciate it a lot
There's a awkward silence before Brandon says,
Hey I seen your match. You looked great out there. It's only a matter of time until you are a wfwf champion!
I-I did it for Bryce says Johnny as he can tell Brandon is just trying to make him feel better.
I have no doubt Johnny
you did great
I'm going to the store do you need anything
No thanks Brandon
Well if you change your mind let me know
I will
Be safe
You too Johnny
you too
Johnny closes the door stares at his fruit basket.
A f*cking fruit basket says Johnny as he grins
The first time he's even remotely smiled since the accident
I should of asked him if he could of stayed
I don't want to be alone
I don't trust myself anymore
Johnny gets in the shower before he leaves the house to go see Bryce
His arm stinging as the hot water beats down on him
Once he's done he gets out and gets dressed.
Some jeans and a long sleeve black shirt
He closes Bryce's door as he makes his way out of the apartment.
Johnny arrives at the hospital
Almost all of parking spots are taken so he has to park all the way in the back row.
Once he gets in the hospital he stops by the gift shop and picks up a couple balloons and a stuffed animal cow.
Cows always were Bryce's favorite animal
Ever since he could talk he'd yell out Moo Moos! everytime he seen them when we were in the car.
Once he makes his way up to his room the nurse is just getting done.
Hey Johnny how have you been holding up
I've been doing alright I think
I'm trying to hang in there
It's just so hard
I know honey but this boy needs you to be strong for him
Johnny nods his head as the nurse puts her hand on his shoulder
I'll give you some time alone with him
Thank you
It means a lot
Of course
Johnny pulls up a chair to the hospital bed
His son lies there
Tubes in his nose and down his throat
He grabs Bryce's hand.
Son, I won the match
I won it for you
He looks at Bryce wanting him to say something back
You're going to get better soon
I know it
Look I got you a cow
He lays the stuffed animal in Bryce's lap
And balloons
He ties the balloons to a chair next to Bryce
I love you son
Johnny gets up
kisses his son on the forehead and then leaves
On the car ride back home Johnny dreads going back to his secluded apartment.
I'm so tired of being alone
Who can I call
who can I call
Brandon seemed pretty busy
Who am I kidding
I got nobody except my son
Johnny opens up his wallet to look at a picture of Bryce and a piece of paper falls out
Hannah's phone number
Johnny calls the number
just when it's about to go to voicemail Hannah picks up
Hello
uh hi this is Johnny,
johnny mason
You mean icebreaker?
I seen your match
it was... disturbing
But I'm so sorry about your son
he looked so happy when I seen him
uh thank you
I hope that he was
He IS Johnny
I know it
Do you wanna get some drinks or something
uh sure Johnny but I was actually making dinner
Oh I'll let you make your dinner maybe we can some other-
how about this icebreaker
I'm making dinner and I have some wine
wanna just come over here?
Sure that sounds good
Johnny arrives at Hannah's house
while they eat the dinner she made Johnny realizes all of the small talk is going smooth,
like natural.
If only for a minute Johnny could forget his harsh reality.
After dinner they go to Hannah's living room.
they sit on opposite sides of a leather couch
So have you found out who your next opponent is going to be Johnny
Actually yes I have Johnny confidently blurts out
A female that goes by the name of maim
this is her debut in the wfwf and I'm looking to get another win under my belt
You should watch the match.
Well Johnny you should take me says Hannah as she can't help but to smile
no offense Johnny but I hope it was nothing like your match with daisy
It was brutal
the way she screamed out in pain
I know you weren't in your right mind
and I know she is insane
but Idk
I don't want to see you in matches like that anymore
I... understand
I'm sorry if this isn't the answer you want to hear but I'll do anything
Anything for my son
and I told him i was going to win that match for him
And I did
by any means necessary
Yeah I guess I understand too Johnny
but to answer you I'd be happy to take you with me
have you ever been
no I haven't but I've always wanted to
Well you'll have the backstage pass
After a night of talking it is suddenly 1am.
I better get going home soon I'm going to see Bryce tommorow
okay Johnny
I hope everything goes good and to hear from you soon
You definitely will
their eyes meet and then slowly close as they move in for a kiss
Tommorow morning
Johnny wakes up next to Hannah to the sound of an alarm going off.
I set an alarm because you said you wanted to see Bryce this morning
thank you
You're right I better get ready to go
Johnny gets dressed and once again kisses Hannah goodbye
He can't help but to smile as he walks out the door
The happiness soon fades to the color of Johnny's word
grey
Son I have a match against a lady named maim
I-Im going to win again for you
I'll make you proud of your father
and when you get better you can see all the work I've been putting in for us
When you get better things will change
I'll take you to every show
I'll spend every possible minute with you
I need you
can't you see I need you
wake up
WAKE UP!
Sir are you okay says a nurse that opened the door
Johnny says nothing as he's to busy
Infatuated with looking at the blank wall.
Sir are you okay!
finally Johnny speaks
although maintaining his cold gaze at the wall.
Help?
Me?
Who the f*ck helped him!
Johnny looks at his son then down at the floor.
I-Im sorry
can I have some time alone with him
uh yes sir
let me know if you need anything I'll be right outside sitting at my desk
I'll come back and check on you soon
if you want
okay
she closes the door leaving Johnny and his son Bryce in the room together once again
He walks over to Bryce, bends down, and hugs him
I know what I need to do now son
thank you
Johnny kisses Bryce on the forehead and leaves
On the car ride back home all that is on Johnny's face is a blank expression
no more tears he thinks to himself
I know what you want now Bryce
I know what i have
no need to do
Johnny makes a stop at a store
not the typical store Johnny walks in to
as a matter of fact a store Johnny as never been in
I need a gun
Well sir this is a gun store
what kind of gun
rifle? shotgu-
pistol
okay here are our pistols we have in at the moment
this one says Johnny as he points at a handgun
Oh the glock 19
Can't go wrong there
Johnny signs some paperwork and buys the gun
surprised at how easy it was
He gets back into his car and out onto the road
as he drives down the highway while usually attentive he's back to the nothingness that he had at the hospital
He pulls into a parking garage and finds a spot
He then pulls out his new toy and loads it full of
Full of hope
Maim
what a name
it's like a calling
Johnny is going to maim me
Well that's where your wrong
You don't really know how wrong I am either
I'm not going to maim you
I'm going to kill you
Johnny looks at the glock and his blank face is interrupted by thoughts
thoughts of Hannah
how she thought the match with daisy was too much
How she thought i wasn't in my right mind
Maybe she's right.
Johnny pulls the gun up from its downward position and up to his own chin.
He thinks of Bryce
then cathy
Hannah and then Bryce again
He mouths the word goodbye as he closes his eyes and pulls the trigger.
CLINK!
Johnny opens his eyes to a terrible sight
an unfortunate one
the safety was on
Johnny empties the gun from its bullets and throws both in the nearby trash can.