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Post by Kyzer on May 23, 2015 21:47:34 GMT -5
Most Championship Reigns: World Heavyweight Championship - Destroyer - 7 International Championship - Saku & Thunder - 3 National Championship - Joe Bishop - 3 Tag Team Championship - Alex Sean - 5 Not going to give that an official section as in my eyes winning a title that many times also means you've had to lose it that many times lol. Destroyer was always such a f~cking tool, same with Saku.
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Post by Kyzer on May 21, 2015 23:16:28 GMT -5
F*ck. Completely unrelated to any title history, but man, if you really want to feel ALIVE, I can't recommend a good old fashioned panic attack enough - the real good kind with the hyperventilation and all that. That sh*t happened on Monday or Tuesday and my lungs STILL feel like they've been scorched by the unholy fires of hell. Valium is your friend.
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Post by Kyzer on May 19, 2015 12:27:09 GMT -5
So after recently coining the nickname "Sol Inviticus" for Drakz, something I've referenced in my last couple of RPs, this happened: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sol_Invictus_%28album%29Having never heard the name until recently it seems funny that now it's popped up again in the media. The last run I had, every rp was named after Faith No More songs.
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Post by Kyzer on May 19, 2015 11:50:32 GMT -5
I really dug this for the most part. The monologue is pretty generic in my opinion. You pretty said what everyone says about Kyzer. Granted your experience has only been recent and I have heard all this stuff for years. It may just be generic to me.
Everything is well written and you didn't disappoint.
Good luck.
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Post by Kyzer on May 18, 2015 0:17:36 GMT -5
I guess. I can't help it. I am a procrastinator who does all his writing in the middle of the night because I don't sleep. Toddler. Yay for insomnia! Ha. I have been like this since I was kid. I have never slept on a normal cycle. My kids are both the same way which sucks because they are both have school and whatnot.
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Post by Kyzer on May 17, 2015 23:23:41 GMT -5
Seems that way since mine is up. Have we unintentionally made this a thing? I guess. I can't help it. I am a procrastinator who does all his writing in the middle of the night because I don't sleep.
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Post by Kyzer on May 17, 2015 22:38:08 GMT -5
Mine is coming. I am taking advantage of the 24 hour extension. Last two again it looks like. Seems that way since mine is up.
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Post by Kyzer on May 17, 2015 22:37:42 GMT -5
There was once a time when the WFWF was like a pond stocked full of largemouth bass. Everywhere you turned, you bumped into a World Champion or Hall of Famer. Everyone had ambition, everyone had ego and drive. The place I entered in 2005 was vastly different than the current era.
2005 was the era of Stars and Icons.
2015 is the era of Clowns and Goldfish.
I came into a place that had mountains of talent. I could rattle off names that no one would recognize except for the three people left from that era.
Drakz. Philip “Obo” Schneider. Michael Kyzer.
Schneider can boast about how he stuck through the place longer and more consistent than anyone. Proud accomplishment. That is like when my son came and told me about using the toilet for first time. Congrats, you didn’t sh~t your pants. Do you want a f~cking award?
It doesn’t matter that I have left and come back a few times. Some people just can’t accept the ten inch c~ck in the room without being jealous regardless of circumstances. Schneider has penis envy of me. It is cool, most guys do.
My point is ten years after I first set foot in the WFWF, I recognize three people from my first day. And with the c~ck sucking Jew retiring, it only leaves two.
Just me and you big boy.
We will be the last relics of a better era. A “Golden” Era.
When I came into the WFWF in 2005, I made people talk. I brought something that no one had ever seen before, I did things people didn’t do at the time. I took a big piss on the past, on the Hall of Famers, on the relics from the previous Era. I called out each and every one of them I could.
And I beat each and every one. I showed no respect. Why should I? Because they accomplished something before I arrived on the scene? I am Michael Kyzer. I was…am beyond reproach. I did…do anything I want.
I skyrocketed to the top. I was pegged as “unstoppable” to such a degree, I was pulled out of The New Breed Tournament. Too many people had me slated to win it before it even happened.
People were scared to face me. Everyone fell. I venture out into the world in forbidden taboo places that aren’t spoken of in the WFWF.
Same story there.
In 2005, I wasn’t a rookie. I cut my teeth elsewhere. But 2005 is the starting date for Kyzer Calendar in the WFWF.
2005 was the year of Kyzer in the WFWF. I was the most feared, most talked about, most controversial, most hated person in the company.
Now it is ten years later…
I am the Hall of Famer, I have been the World Champion. I am the things I spat on when I entered this place.
Should I worry about some brash upstart spitting in my face?
Should I worry about being treated the same way I treated the ones who came before me?
Am I hypocrite to demand respect for what I have accomplished when I never showed any to anyone else for any reason?
Am I a piece of sh~t because I do drugs or do I do drugs because I am piece of sh~t?
Is there a clone of Michael Kyzer lurking somewhere in the shallow roster of the Clown and Goldfish Era that I need to fear?
Are Josh Dean and Dave Demento cool because they are edgy good guys who smoke pot and have lame plot twists?
No one has the balls do what I did. No one has the drive or the ego to be as brash and disrespectful as I was. There is a lack of talent, a lack of ambition, a lack of creativity in the WFWF in 2015.
I thought Daniel Kirkbride could be that person that pushes me like I pushed everyone back then. I thought he had the potential to make his bones at my expense.
He was a disappointment. I had to leave him broken as a result.
Is there anyone who can challenge me like I challenged those that came before me? Is there anyone?
I want to be challenged.
Will little pretty Nikki be that person?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It is time to play that game again…
Kyzer goes to see the baby mama…
Well he makes it to her house anyways…
As I pull up to the house that I once lived in about fifteen years ago, I can tell she isn’t home. I haven’t seen Ashley in two years or so. Not since the plug was pulled and I decided to take my pilgrimage to Asia. It might be longer than since I have seen Serenity. She has to be around twelve now? Sh~t, I can’t even remember my daughter’s age.
I win sh~ttiest dad of the year award. Again.
I step out of my car. I don’t know why, nostalgia maybe…
I can remember the day we bought this house. That was another life ago. I was a different Michael Kyzer. Ashley was the same as she is now. Or at least as she was the last time I saw her, always throwing her heart out there for everyone.
What happened to that 23 year old who bought this house with his new bride?
What happened to the man who carried his bride across the threshold?
You think anyone would believe me if I told them that Michael Kyzer fixed this place up himself?
The God of F~ck is a carpenter. Take that Jesus.
As I stroll across the yard, I can see her face when I told her this was going to be her house. I bought her a house. Hearts stop. Kyzer did something nice for someone else. He did something that wasn’t rooted in selfishness. There was a Michael Kyzer who did a lot of unselfish and kind acts. Sometimes I wonder if I could ever get back to that person. Am I too far gone?
Have I reached the point of no return?
Probably. I know I could never go back to Ashley. Not after that last time, she was broken. In one week I broke three people. Drakz wasn’t alone in pain that fateful week. And like Drakz, Ashley can’t forgive me for what I did. I can’t blame her. I did what I always did but worse.
But is there still a chance for redemption?
Could I still find someone who I feel gives meaning to my life? The CUNTS certainly don’t have a purpose beyond the obvious. Intelligence and deeper emotional ties aren’t going to spring from a couple of Thai sluts. It might have to do with the lack of integrity in the women I tend to associate with. Beyond Ashley, I can’t think of one that would be considered an upstanding citizen.
I actually thought I had at one point found that person. Elise. I even stopped the drug binge for her. Then she cheated on me. A woman cheated on Michael Kyzer before he did anything to screw it up. Needless to say, I Ray Riced her. I was smart enough to do it off camera. Drakz, ironically, was the person who kept me from killing her that night.
Walking this yard is stirring some unwanted emotions in me. It is like bad acid flashbacks are hitting me.
“Daddy…”
I stop in my tracks. I haven’t heard that voice in so long. A more affectionate father would say it is the voice of an angel. I don’t want to turn and see her face. I know what face will be right behind it. I know what unpleasant tense conversation is about to happen. I know things about to go to sh~t.
I turn around.
Before me is not my daughter.
I see no one.
Maybe I am hearing things. Maybe it is just this place. Daytime nightmares playing tricks on my mind.
I shake it off and continue my excursion into the back yard. The patio I put in shortly after moving in, needs some maintenance. So does the yard as I start to take notice of my surroundings. The house has a green film in spots, the gutters are overflowing with a bog that been created from decomposing leaves.
What the f~ck? Ashley has never left this place in such neglect. Then I notice there is no patio furniture. I walk to a window.
It is empty.
No one lives here.
She finally let go. I don’t know how to feel. There was a time when I would be ecstatic at the idea of not having her be a pain in my ass. But now that it is a reality…I don’t know. I think I got used to the fact that she was always there despite how sh~tty I was. She always saw the good in everyone especially me. She always held out hope because her love for me was pure and genuine. We grew up together. We were always in love. She was always in love. It is one of those generic stories of childhood love. She refused to ever let that die even after I did everything I could to kill it.
This house was the proof of my love to her.
For her to get out of here, for her to leave this…
As I am walking back around the house I can’t get my mind off of this. I am actually in a state of shock. She owned this house. She lived here for fifteen years.
I finally killed it. I finally destroyed the most pure and genuine thing I have ever known in my life. Shouldn’t I be rejoicing? I mean this is what I wanted for so many years right? I don’t know how to act. I don’t know what to feel.
After I get back into my car, I can’t bring myself to do anything but sit there. I am just so shocked about this. A buzzing in my pocket breaks me out of my trance. I pull out my phone to a text message that I have been waiting for. I am facing Nikki Dean at the next show. I slap myself to try and shake all this other bullsh~t. The glove box pops open through Kyzer magic and a magic blunt floats over to my hand. More magic, it is lit.
Inhale.
Ashley is done with you. She has left. She has moved on. She is dead to you.
Exhale.
The magic of the kush enters my body instantly providing relaxation. That little something extra I added, starts to put my mind right.
Inhale.
F~ck Ashley. You don’t need this. You are beyond and above this. This is what you want.
Exhale.
I can see the smoke play in the air. I wave a finger in the air sending the smoke spiraling around.
Inhale.
You are Michael F~cking Kyzer. Remember who you are. Remember your birthright as the God of F~ck.
Exhale.
My eyes close as I feel myself settling down from today’s revelation. I am high.
Inhale.
You wrecked Kirkbride. You are getting what you want. You got Nikki Dean. Follow the Steps of Conquest.
Exhale.
I open my eyes. My car is filled with smoke. This is the way to relax. Drugs are good.
Inhale.
Stay focused. Stay focused. One b~tch at a time. One b~tch at a time.
Exhale.
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Has there ever been a p~ssy that has conquered the land of Kyzer?
Of course not. One came close admittedly. Now she looks like a garbage pail kid.
Will Nikki Dean be the first?
Absolutely not.
Should I be scared of the wife of “The Franchise” Josh Dean? Should I be scared of the National Champion? Should I be scared of the little Nikki Dean?
If I say yes to any of those questions, then I would be telling a lie. Eagle Scouts don’t tell lie. That would be breaking the Scout Oath.
I don’t lie.
I honestly thought Daniel was going to push me to my limits. Instead I left him half dead. If only he had met me instead of that Brennan, then he would already hold a victory over the current World Champion. I know I could teach that kid how to put a b~tch like Drakz in his place. Daniel would know how to deal with his bottom b~tch. Now his future looks a lot less bright.
And that is the plan.
I made my name on the corpses of the respected veterans of the “Golden Era”. This time, I solidify my legacy by extinguishing each and every rising star out there. Each and every hero, every good guy, every G.I. Joe out there.
Daniel was the first.
Nikki is the second.
I am sorry poor girl. Wrong place…Wrong time….
Never.
I do everything for a reason. There is a method to my madness. Don’t dismiss my cunning and guile just because I take a few bong rips with my Xanax.
This path was paved in stone long before I returned to the land of the living. Nikki’s name was always on it from the beginning. Fate, destiny, whatever the f~ck you want to call it, this was always going to happen.
Sweet Nikki was always going to deep throat the Kyzer. Sweet Nikki isn’t going to be so sweet.
I am going to turn her out.
I am going to turn you out, Nikki.
But why?
Why put her on the Steps of Conquest?
Why punish you, Nikki?
That is simple.
I want to shatter that pretty little world of yours. I don’t know if it is because I am envious, just malicious or simply that bored. Probably all three if I had to guess.
I don’t like you. I don’t like Josh. I don’t like Drake. I don’t like Hunter. I don’t like Dave. I don’t like Penny. I don’t like your world.
It is just one of things. You haven’t done anything to me personally but just everything about you makes me want to vomit. Your whole life story reeks of unoriginality. Get married young, bad marriage, divorced with a kid, get married, have another kid, get divorced, get married, have another kid, get divorced. Isn’t that the story of every piece of white trash that comes from West Virginia?
Wait…Nikki, are you related to Jesco?
Whatever you think you have seen to this point in wrestling isn’t going to prepare you. I know I have hype. I know I am shrouded in mythology. I know people say I have too much hype. I know people say I am nothing but a myth like I am not real in the slightest.
But I don’t get why?
As I began to carve out my path of blood in the WFWF, I kept hearing the same things.
All hype. Overrated. Smoke and mirrors. Nothing but talk. An illusion.
And yet every one of those people fell.
Daniel didn’t think I was the real deal.
No matter how long I have stayed away, I have always came back and exceeded expectations. Ring rust doesn’t exist in my world. Time off doesn’t mean anything.
I am always ready for war.
And this is the last war.
Take this seriously.
Don’t dismiss this.
This is the biggest match of your career to date. Beating me would do more for your career than that sh~tty title ever could. This is Nikki. This is your shot at greatness. You can dethrone a legend here. You can slay a God.
Nikki The Godslayer.
It has a decent ring to it. I don’t think your p~ssy is fierce enough to pull off such a nickname though.
Here is a story.
Woman meets man. Woman opens legs and out comes a bastard. Woman leaves man. Woman meets man. Woman opens legs and out comes a bastard with crabs. Man brings woman to work with him. Woman decides to wrestle. Woman wins meaningless title. Woman is filled with a false sense of importance. Woman thinks she matters. Woman doesn’t matter. Man tells woman she does matter. Man is wrong. Woman believes man. Woman meets God. God beats woman. God crushes woman. God abuses woman. God rips out woman’s uterus. God does world a favor by sterilizing trash. Woman goes back to man. Man fights God. God laughs. God walks away with disinterest. Woman leaves man because of his impotence.
Nikki, if you can’t figure out who you are in that story, then do your kids a favor and let the Whites raise them. They would be better off.
I am going to murder the love in your life.
I need something to use as my bath water tonight.
I wish it could be different. I wish there could be another way. It doesn’t look like there will be though.
It is going to end with one result.
I am going to break your f~cking face tonight.
Shout out to my man, Fred.
Tell Hunter and Drake that you miss them and that the same mommy isn’t coming back. You will be a completely different woman after being split open.
Hopefully you will make better life choices in the future. Like not be so f~cking unlikable. And stop hanging with all those tools in the S.O.S.
You will understand that my limp dick is more man than all of them.
I will pray for you Nikki.
Pray that you find yourself a f~cking clue.
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Post by Kyzer on May 17, 2015 22:11:36 GMT -5
Mine is coming. I am taking advantage of the 24 hour extension.
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Post by Kyzer on May 16, 2015 23:50:26 GMT -5
Mine is coming in the next few hours. My youngest wouldn't go to sleep. Apparently my woman friend let the kid get high on sugar.
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Post by Kyzer on May 16, 2015 21:44:27 GMT -5
I'll be posting at around my same time. Hope no one minds. Ha, you and I are always the last two it seems. I just got off work so mine will probably be in the same ball park.
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Post by Kyzer on May 16, 2015 11:34:19 GMT -5
My rp will be up tonight. I actually started this one before the deadline.
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Post by Kyzer on May 6, 2015 14:37:16 GMT -5
I have used 5 characters over the years. All of them have intertwined at some point except one. Kyzer was my first and primary. I just feel the urge to be creative and try different things so new characters get created.
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Post by Kyzer on May 6, 2015 11:49:32 GMT -5
I have every rp I have written since I turned my main character Messiah into Michael Kyzer. Anything I wrote before that point, I have deleted due to its awfulness. I have saved somewhere around 300 rps written over the last 11 years.
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Post by Kyzer on Apr 25, 2015 7:07:50 GMT -5
The Bada Bing II Seattle, Washington 4/25/2015He betrayed and lied to me. He deceived me. He used me. I have been used before. But this was different. I know what I am to people like DMK. I am a weapon, an object of intimidation. I am a pawn on a chessboard. I am a soldier. I take orders and execute said orders. There is no deceit on my part. I am not being emotionally and mentally manipulated. I should have seen through it. I didn’t. DMK: Tugarin! His voice snaps me from my murderous thoughts. DMK: I need you to get your head together. He looks over at Samael and Ante. We are all scattered across his office as he delivers another pep talk about the upcoming show. My focus is far from that though. I want to rip apart the snake. DMK: We can’t be leaving this show with any less gold than we came in with. I don’t want to see all this go up with smoke. It has already been a tragic last few weeks with Justified going off the air. I am sure it is hard for you all too. Raylan is still alive though and in Miami thank god. I have no idea what he is talking about. DMK: The absolute bullsh~t that we have gone through over the last few months is all going to be worth it at End Game. We are going to walk out with my goddam titles or I am going to start gutting motherf~ckers with my new bowie knife. Seriously, Jayson Garrett and whatever bitch he has with him need to be put down once and for all. This is an old game that I am growing tired of playing. Samael: Diamond Jack Sabbath. DMK: Who? Samael: That is the name of Garrett’s partner. He is a legitimate threat though. We shouldn’t dismiss him. DMK: I am not dismissing sh~t. I am carving sh~t up. DMK pulls a 12 inch bowie knife from his desk drawer and brandishes it like a sword. I used to have people that would find him amusing despite his efforts to be intimidating. DMK: Diamond isn’t harder than motherf~cking steel. No one says anything as he swings the knife through the air. Ante: Pretty sure it is. DMK: But is flesh? I say we grab that guy Jack’s girl and hold her as blackmail. Or we just devastate him emotionally but cutting her up to where not even Christian Troy can save her good looks. I don’t know who that is either. DMK is fond of referencing people I don’t know or haven’t heard of. I don’t understand his fixation with murdering all the competition. This is an athletic sport albeit with lax rules and oversight. Isn’t it just enough for me to go into the ring and kick Jayson’s head off once and for all? Samael: And people think I am crazy with my swords. Ante: You are. DMK: And you worship Satan. Pretty crazy bro. It doesn’t seem any crazier than any other religion to me. DMK: Well at End Game we are all part of the same persecuted religion. We are being surrounded on all fronts by the enemies. We are the central powers with Russia on one side and France on the other. We will say the S.O.S. are the **** Frenchmen and Hollywood Unhinged are the gay bears of Russia. He begins moving things on his desk with the knife. All he is accomplishing is knocking papers everywhere. I think he believes he is drawing war plans. DMK: Those c~ckqueens are going to assault us here. He points to his AVN award from 2009. DMK: We need to chop the head off the snake. His knife takes the award down. DMK: Dave Demento is the head. He is the one who needs to be crushed first. Josh Dean is just some whipped eunuch who follows the lead of everyone else. They lost their meaning when that dyke stopped competing. Now we get rid of that yeti and they will be without their muscle. Samael: Are you on something? Ante: I was wondering the same thing… They look at each other slightly puzzled. I don’t know if they are following the logic in his words but I am. DMK: We need to end this threat now once and for all! He stabs the knife into the desk. DMK: I am so sick of these little sh~ts trying to steal our airtime, our spotlight. It is our f~cking fame and glory. It is our faces that need to be plastered all over the television. These ‘good guys’ think they can play things like they happen in the movies. F~ck that! (pounds fist) We are going to make this sh~t real! (pounds fist) We are going to kick their f~cking teeth down their f~cking throat! (pounds fist) His face is turning red. DMK: Jack Sabbath with his catchphrase, Josh Dean with his wholesome little family, Jayson Garrett with his pretty boy face, and Dave Demento with his sense of justice, honor, being a knight for the impoverished. Let me just take a sh~t on all of that right now. Their virtues, values, style, swagger or whatever the f~ck…none of it f~cking matters. They are the goddam enemy. This is a war. It is everyone versus us. It has become obvious there isn’t anyone else that we can trust. He is right. These are the only people I can trust. Before it was just blind loyalty, now it is bound loyalty. All of us bound by a common purpose. To steal all the glory, titles, spotlight, fame and fortune…are we pirates? DMK: We are The KKK Army. We are together for the common purpose of all of us getting to the top. It isn’t about destroying or taking over a company. I don’t want to remake the promotion into something else like Trace Demon and Michael Kyzer both tried to do. I just want us to be the focus of whatever it is. But there are infidels, traitors to the crown amongst us. They come in the form of all of our opponents at the pay per view. Even that harlot Nikki. Kyzer probably did turn that trick out. They stand between us and my motherf~cking glory. Beat Garrett until he wishes he was with Chase and his pet rock. Beat Diamond Jack until he goes back to that sham XWA. Beat Nikki Dean until they call you Ray Rice. Beat Dave Demento…f~ck that, just shoot him like old yeller. Bitches get bullets. And just go ahead save Josh Dean the trouble and hang him now so Nikki doesn’t have to find him in the closet in 10 years. Maybe she will find someone nice while she is still young. He pauses momentarily in his rant. DMK: F~ck that, Ante, beat her until no one will ever like her again. She needs to learn that this isn’t her world. This iS MY !!!! He screams and falls back into his chair. I nearly expected his head to explode. Within seconds his eyes close. Samael: Is he asleep? Ante: Dude, he is insane… Samael: More than usual. I don’t have anything to say. His words struck home for me, especially what he said about us only having each other. I never saw loyalty as a two way street. I always saw it as I owed my loyalty to whoever was employing me at the time. Then someone exploited my one soft spot in order to deceive me. Now I see things with a different perspective. Samael: He is right though. This is important. We have everything to lose. Zmey: We won’t lose. Ante and Sam both look at me. I think I caught them off guard by speaking. Samael: You have something to add to that statement of confidence? Zmey: No. Ante laughs. I am not going to lose. I won’t let down DMK. I won’t let down Ante Whitner. I won’t let down Samael Ahriman. I will maim, break and cripple if I have to. We will walk into End Game with gold and out with gold. Maybe I will get to kick Kyzer’s head off too… /////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////////// The last few months have been a blur of violence, blood and pain. Emotional and physical. The physical I can block out. The emotional I used to block out. Now all I feel is anger.
Anger for being lied to. Anger for used. Anger for betraying DMK Anger that my people are being threatened…
My people, I have people again.
The epic started off with the Dragon Puppet flying through the air burning everything it could. Then someone decided to poke the Dragon in the eye and run away. The Dragon thrashed severing its strings. The Dragon realized what loyalty was.
No longer am I just some emotionless automaton.
I didn’t have motivation to fight beyond being ordered to. Now I have the motivation to feed the fire in me.
The Dragon learns how to control its fire breath. He learns how to focus all his strength, rage, and power into one spot.
Scorched Earth.
I am burning everyone at End Game. I am burning everyone at End Game. I am burning everyone.
Dave…Josh…Jack…Jayson…Nikki…Amy…
Everyone…
I am taking their heads as trophies….
I am lining my walls…
I will swallow the Dean children whole. I will kick Demento’s head off. I will snap Jayson’s neck like I am killing a Thanksgiving turkey. Sabbath will be broken in half for entering a war that didn’t want him.
DMK is right. Everyone is against us. But we will persevere. We will stand tall as heroes. And I will fight until I can fight no more. But that will only be when I am dead. Long Live The KKK ARMY….
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Post by Kyzer on Apr 25, 2015 7:05:56 GMT -5
How do I begin this? I have been away for so long. Where did I go? What has Kyzer been doing?
Is this déjà vu? Oh wait…probably. I do leave and come back frequently in grand style.
Why? Boredom? Ego broken after a loss? Or something as simple as I got the clap and needed some medical time off? I could give you a long and in depth response to these questions. It wasn’t boredom; it wasn’t because my ego was shattered into pieces because Philip Schneider got the best of me ONCE. And sorry to the haters, no clap here. The Kyzer gets tested regularly and believe or not, I don’t f~ck the bottom of the barrel. Brennan always batted cleanup in the Epoch days.
The reason for everything that happened on that fateful day will come to light eventually.
Truthfully I just don’t feel like indulging the world. People can ask or wonder all they want. I am sure there are plenty who could care less simply because I am the world’s biggest bastard.
Can’t please everyone. At least I got my nut.
I always get my nut.
So forgetting the question as to why I came back, I came back.
And of course it was in style. Michael Kyzer is always a f~cking stud.
***** arrived in style.
The look on his face when he saw me, I knew I touched him deeply with the video montage celebrating his career. It was a historic career. I could see that all he wanted to do was give me hug. There is no denying the bromance. Drakz wanted to lick my balls after seeing me return and save him from an angry midget. The eyes told me everything I needed to know. I saw the fear, the frightened little boy that was left alone after his father abandoned him, the frightened crippled little boy.
That little G...
I stepped onto the stage and the kind of reaction only I could get in my hometown. I thought the bad guy always got cheered in his hometown. Apparently I am such a piece of sh~t that even Seattle hates me.
But not Drakz.
He wanted to f~ck me. He had those eyes. Those eyes you see on a chick that is at an EDM festival after her third hit of Molly. And not to stray too far off the topic of Drakz wanting to f~ck me, but when the f~ck did it become all about Molly. Give me some triple stack Mercedes anytime. I want my ecstasy cut with coke or heroin. Kids these days are p~ssies about their drugs. But back to the topic at hand, Drakz wanting to f~ck me. As I walked closer to the ring, I could see him lick his lips in excitement, in a creepy pedophiliac way. That is the Drakz I had known for years.
Drakz always had this weird Brian Molko going for him, like you can’t tell if he likes women or is just down with the brown. And he has always looked like a transgendered alien. But his Brian Molko eyes were locked on me as I walked to the ring. As I took those steps up, I thought he was going to act like a puppy and pee everywhere out of excitement. His long lost love had returned.
Drakz was finally reunited with his bro Michael Kyzer.
And then he got planted by a size 19 boot to the back of the head.
Again, I had to break his heart.
How I stole a dragon from a midget that is a story for someone else to tell.
I almost hated to do it, to steal the thunder of my dear friend DMK, to crack the back of the head of the man in heat because of my very sight, to ruin the spectacle that would have been DMK vs Drakz.
I wasn’t though. After it all happened, after the shock of my return and subsequent heartbreak of my good friend Drakz, I wouldn’t have changed a f~cking thing.
DMK gets mad…f~ck him. Drakz gets mad…f~ck him. Tugarin Zmey gets mad…f~ck him. The WFWF fans get mad…f~ck them.
I have always done what I wanted, and everything has always been done with forethought. Even in the era of anarchy that existed when I ran the place, the chaos was pre planned.
For the most part anyways.
Drakz knows why I am back. He knows that me snapping his back in half like I am motherf~cking Bane to his Batman isn’t nearly enough punishment for the offenses tendered towards my family.
This is will be a f~cking bloodbath…
When I decide it to be one. I have to admit, I stole this idea from Schneider when he served me with papers after Brennan put him on point.
Poke the bear. Spit on the bear. Slap the bear. Punch the bear. Kick the bear. F~ck the bear. That bear is going to f~cking kill you.
But what happens when that androgynous bear is filled with rage but is kept away from its agitator but a piece of paper and 50 feet? That bear goes crazy. And will keep going crazy because I don’t intend to stop pissing on the bear.
I killed Bart the Bear back in 2000. It wasn’t the cancer. I am not scared of a little abused baby black bear.
Get out of here with that sh~t, punk.
I am Michael Kyzer. I have so many nicknames that they each have bastard children of their own.
But I am one thing…
A motherf~cking space pirate…
Showtime Diner Baltimore, Maryland 2/6/2015
****S 1: Why are we eating in such a sh~thole?
Kyzer: Are you talking about the town or the establishment? Say what you will about the town, I hate Baltimore and I loved The Wire. Go figure. But this place is owned by a dear friend of mine. I would ask that you show some respect and class.
But I know that will be hard for her. Thai sl~ts are so fun but so whiny.
****S 2: Will I be safe going to the bathroom here?
Kyzer: Probably not.
She goes quiet. I think she doesn’t realize I am joking. She is crazy if she thinks I am touching her while she is growing a yeast infection down there. This diner looks like every diner you see in the movies. You can see where Tom Stall killed two robbers. People eat with their faces buried in their plates while either reading the paper or something on an electronic device. All these people and no social interaction, it is makes no sense to me. But what am I saying, I am sitting here with two Crazy Ultra Nasty Thai Sl~ts, and they aren’t exactly kept around for the intellectual conversations we carry on.
Kyzer: Are either of you going to eat?
As I ask this, a young waitress walks up. She has a girl next door kind of vibe that seems out of place in Baltimore. But girls look up her and immediately getting that bitchy look in their eyes. I don’t have to look at their faces to know they are both ready for a catfight. Bottom Bitches claiming their man. I can’t complain, but the Thai girls are better looking than this waitress. She has the look of a woman whose lack of experience would lead to her just lying there and flopping around like a fish out of water. Just flailing limps and turning your body every which way doesn’t mean you know what you are doing in the bedroom. No one wants to f~ck a fish.
Waitress: Sir, do you know what you would like?
Her question breaks me out of my inner monologue. I look at the menu briefly. Everything is named after him, the Bolt of Blazing Gold omelet, the Phenomburger, Alexcakes, Sean fries with gravy…I thought my ego was big. I would never name food after myself. Even I have some limits in pretentiousness.
Kyzer: I am good. I can’t have food loaded with smugness.
She just looks lost as I hand her the menu. I have no clue with the ****S ordered anything but she walks off.
“There has to be a reason why I am finding Michael Kyzer in my diner?”
That voice can only belong to the owner of this fine eatery, Alex Sean. I look up and see Alex Sean walking towards me. He grins as he sees the company I bring with me.
Alex Sean: You mind if I sit?
Kyzer: Have at it, it is your place and you are the reason I am here. I just don’t randomly drop into Baltimore.
He takes a seat next to ****S 2. She lost the coin toss. She is the first to suffer the wrath of the Alex Sean eyef~ck.
Alex Sean: So I see you found yourself some exotic beauties here.
Kyzer: Yep, in Eugene.
He looks at me.
Alex Sean: Eugene Oregon?
Kyzer: Yeah. I met them in a club there.
Alex Sean: So what brought them from Thailand to Oregon?
I like how we are talking about them as if they aren’t just sitting right next to us.
****S 1: I am from Scottsdale, Arizona. Dick.
****S 2: Portland, Oregon. Dick.
Alex is at a loss for words. It amuses me. Thai girls travel in packs, write that down.
Kyzer: They were students at Pacific. Thai girls travel in packs. And now they are going to travel together to the bathroom…outside to get a smoke…or anywhere that isn’t right here…
They obviously don’t realize that I am talking to them as they both just stare at me. Curse these wonderful blue eyes of mine. Piercing.
Kyzer: Yo, ladies, leave the table.
I slam my hand on the table for emphasis. They both show me their bitch face before standing. They know better than to object, I am their meal ticket.
****S 1: Let us get out of your way.
Apparently one of them understands sarcasm. They finally leave me alone with pretty much my only remaining friend.
Kyzer: They earn their keep through other means than being polite or listening.
Alex Sean: I assumed.
Kyzer: They are around until I am bored with them basically.
Alex laughs.
Alex Sean: So the reason you are slumming it in Baltimore?
Here it goes.
Kyzer: I assume you don’t keep up with the storyline of the day with the WFWF anymore do you?
He laughs again while answering.
Alex Sean: I didn’t pay attention to them when I was there on the roster. I certainly don’t now.
I guess he wants to forget getting stabbed by a spear from Native American EBR. I can’t blame him there. He got punked.
Kyzer: Then you should know you are pretty much the only left in the Kyzer camp. Bridges have been burned with just about everyone.
He doesn’t seem surprised.
Alex Sean: It was bound to happen eventually. You still got Drakz with you right?
He really doesn’t pay attention.
Kyzer: Nope. That bridge got burnt when I broke his back.
Now he seems surprised.
I have never made any excuses for the type of person I am. I don’t expect people to like me. I go out of my way to antagonize them. I am a high grade heady called Douchebag. Drakz was always the guy that never got burned. Can’t say that anymore.
Kyzer: There were reasons for it that I don’t care to discuss at the moment.
Alex Sean: You got to do what you got to do. I have done that.
A kindred spirit.
Kyzer: Well I am about to set fire to a bunch more things than bridges here in a few days.
Alex Sean: I am going to take a wild guess and say that you just disappeared months and months ago and now it is your return?
He knows me so well. This is what a best friend is like, Drakz.
Kyzer: More or less. And there is going to be more than just Drakz that is going to be mad about my impending return.
Alex Sean: I don’t think anyone would expect less from you.
He is right. I have a legend to live up to. I have a myth that I have to give credibility to, something that I don’t think my last run did enough. I have to put down some foundation. I have lived off the myth and legend too long. I have gotten complacent and slack. That is how I got beat by Schneider. Who would have thought that the Megalomaniac would fall because of over confidence? Oldest story out there.
Kyzer: I could walk in there in a few days, do what I am going to do, and then find myself at the head of the line. I did it when I returned and took the title from EBR right after he beat you. I remember when I started in 2005. I mowed through everyone. I created my reputation, my legend, my myth with blood. I craved up everyone put in front of me. No one looked at me thinking that I was undeserving of my spot. No one saw me as overrated. I backed up everything. Then during The New Epoch era, I just coasted on my legend. I lost because of it.
Alex goes to say something but I hold up a finger to let me continue.
Kyzer: I am going back to the WFWF to finish things with Drakz. But there is more to it than that. I could just go, beat the piss out of him and break him in half again. He deserves so much more than that. He deserves to see himself get swallowed in my shadow until I come to take away everything that is precious to him.
The statue of my dick needs to be bigger than the statue of his.
Kyzer: So I have come up with a strategy that accomplishes that. I have decided that I am going to take a grassroots campaign this go-a-round. I am going to take every hero, every good boy, every angel and I am going to beat them. I am going to pick apart each one until there is nothing but Drakz in front of me. Until Drakz can’t see anything but I cast a shadow over his universe.
I pause to let my words sink in as if I am a great philosopher or something.
Alex Sean: Why are you telling me this and what does this have to do with me?
Well that is deflating. I open up and this is the response. Probably should have expected that.
Alex Sean: I don’t mean to sh~t on what you are telling me or anything. But I don’t keep up with that world anymore; I am not any use to you. I couldn’t even give you advice.
I wasn’t asking for advice. I wouldn’t ask for advice from a guy who got speared literally on television. Who doesn’t run for cover when a white guy comes to the ring in full Native American garb and riding a buffalo while also carrying a war spear? Yep, definitely wasn’t asking for advice.
Kyzer: I wasn’t asking for anything from you.
About to get soft here.
Kyzer: I haven’t exactly been surrounded with company that understands that world in the slightest. I don’t have anyone else that I can talk to about that world.
He doesn’t say anything for a second as if he is in deep thought.
Alex Sean: So you came all the way to Baltimore just to talk to me about wrestling? You could have just called me on the phone.
What the f~ck is wrong with face to face interaction? Why does everyone want to do everything over the phone, via text, via Facebook? Talking face to face is becoming less and less valued.
Kyzer: Because I didn’t want to use up all my minutes.
I wonder if he understands sarcasm. Doubt it.
I look around and notice we are the table with any kind of conversation going on. It is disgusting.
Kyzer: Maybe I have missed have face to face interactions with someone who isn’t a) trying to f~ck me or b) on drugs.
Michael…you are a **** now.
Alex Sean: I guess man, I don’t see the point but it was your dime.
Kyzer: I don’t remember you being this much of a dickhead back in the day.
Alex Sean: I think my brain has gotten rattled around at these jujitsu tournaments I enter.
Of course he turns to the most boring thing on the planet to watch. This was a horrible f~cking idea.
Kyzer: Well I think it is about time for me to get out of here…
Alex Sean: Look if there is one thing I can say to you advice wise, when you return look for one of the rising stars in the company. Somebody with some promise. Then you pick a fight with them, beat them, and get over. That is the strategy used by me and everyone else for years. Normally you get over at their expense and take their spot in the pecking order. You are just looking to level it altogether. Use the rising star as an example. Completely obliterate him as a message to everyone.
That is the only semi-smart thing he has said since sitting down. I already have a better plan in mind but thanks Sean. I stand up and look down at this shell of a man. He may be my only friend left but he is a sad f~cking excuse compared to the man he used to be. This is a warning to me about the future. I will f~cking kill myself before I let that happen though.
Alex Sean might as well be R.I.P.
Kyzer: Well Alex, this has been a near complete waste of time.
As I am walking away…
Alex Sean: Aren’t you going to tip your waitress?
Without stopping or missing a beat…
Kyzer: I don’t tip slam pigs.
The God of F~ck doesn’t tip slam pigs.
But he does clip the wings of angels and crush stone throwing little boys before they can slay the giant. And now he gets the f~ck out of Baltimore.
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Some Bar Some City Some Day In The Past
I see the hunger in his eyes. I can appreciate the desire. I never have the same hunger and desire. I honestly don’t even remember how or why I got into wrestling. As long as I can remember I have been doing it and I have been good at it. I am 37 now so I am guessing somewhere in the 20 year range. It has put food on my table and drugs up my nose. But at no point did I ever have this hunger to win titles. When I came into the WFWF I was all about showing people an alternative lifestyle. It was never about titles or fame. But then I just kept winning and winning. The Kyzer Machine’s considerable ego got even bigger.
Kyzer: F~ck.
I didn’t mean to say that out loud.
Guy: Something wrong?
Kyzer: No sorry, I just had a little epiphany.
He shrugs and takes another bite out of his steak. The restaurant he chose is nice. Points. He has some class which is always nice. I get tired of slumming it with junkies all the time. Speaking of junkies, my nose itches.
Kyzer: So like I was saying, I am regretting my current situation where I have pretty destroyed all my alliances in this place. So out with the old friends and in with the new ones.
Guy: And that brought you to me?
Kyzer: Well I wasn’t completely ignorant to what was going on here when I was gone. I had people in the inner workings of this place. Information and knowledge are everything my friend. What I saw of your work, I found impressive.
Guy: So you want a tag team partner?
I take a sip of my drink. I want to give him the illusion that I pondering that and being introspective.
Kyzer: That could be part of it. I am aware that this is probably going to be the last leg of my career. It is my last chance to secure my legacy. There is nothing better in doing that than have a successful protégé.
Guy: I am going to be successful no matter what.
No doubt.
Guy: Is this because you are afraid of Drakz?
I can’t stop myself from bursting out into laughter. I calm myself a moment later.
Guy: Are you scared that DMK is going to come after you? Word around the locker room is that he wants your blood.
Kyzer: I have known DMK longer than anyone outside of his family. Everything he has, everything he is, is because of me. I saved him. He can remember the past or try and twist things any which way he wants but he isn’t changing the truth. That said, if he wants blood, he can come and try to get it. As far as I am concerned, he is doing his own thing that has nothing to do with me. I have no qualms about violence towards midgets on a general level though.
I would f~ck DMK up. I’ll kick the Dragon’s teeth down his throat too.
Guy: I am not going to lie to you. I took the dinner because I definitely wanted to see Michael Kyzer up close and personal. But I am not sure I am looking to change when I stand amongst the ranks. Shouldn’t you be getting more ready for your match with Kirkbride instead of wining and dining me? Haven’t you been away for a couple of years now?
Just because I wasn’t in the WFWF doesn’t mean I wasn’t in a ring somewhere. I take my training very seriously…
No one believes me…
Kyzer: Didn’t you lose to Kirkbride?
His expression turns a little sour. Must have hit a nerve there.
Kyzer: I am taking Kirkbride seriously. I am not overlooking him in the slightest. But you also have your training methods and I have mine.
Cocaine and sit-ups.
Guy: If you say so. You are the veteran.
Veteran? That is probably the first time I have been called that and actually taken notice to it. I can appreciate one meaning of the word because I have been around for a while and know my way around a ring but it also implies old. I am not sure how I feel about that.
Kyzer: Daniel is going to be a welcome challenge to me. I am looking at this through different lens than I normally would. I am not disregarding him. In fact I am according him all the respect he deserves up to this point in his career.
I play with the straw in my drink. It stirs a lime through the ice and vodka.
Kyzer: Don’t get it twisted. I am not going to hesitate turn Daniel into Daniella. If he forces me to, I will choke him out with his own vas deferens. I think I would be sad if I have to do that.
I look him in his hungry eyes. He wants stardom. He wants to stand at the top of the mountain. He has ambition.
Kyzer: As much of a fan as I am of you, I wouldn’t hesitate to do the same to you if I have to. You learn a long time ago to throw away your conscience in this business. You have to f~ck people over from time to time to get ahead. You have to do things you didn’t think you were capable of in order to win the big one. One of my defining moments was my first fight with God. I won, of course. I know Kirkbride isn’t Reverend Shadow. They are two different animals with the same inherent weakness. And as long as they have that weakness, they will never win. It is a tragedy really, to blindly follow insanity.
I might actually cry when I kill Daniel. He is going to die a virgin.
Guy: You are something different than the stories.
Kyzer: Most of those stories are lies.
I am the one who started them.
Kyzer: Look if you change your mind, let me know. The offer stands. I am sure we will cross paths again.
I stand up from the table as he is in the middle of chewing.
Kyzer: I need to be taking my leave now.
He quickly swallows as I turn to leave.
Guy: Aren’t you paying?
Kyzer: I don’t pay tabs.
The God of F~ck don’t pay restaurant tabs.
He did get me thinking about one thing. I haven’t wrestled in the WFWF in 2 or 3 years. I can’t let Daniel get to second base on my first date since being back out there.
F~cking Kirkbride…the exact opposite of me…so lame…
/////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////////////////////////
I am intrigued by you.
Your religion… Your associations… Your performances… Your values…
Dedication.
That is all it takes to be a good Christian. It just takes being dedicated to God, to the Church, to being morally sound, to the commandments, to the Bible.
It only takes one thing to be Daniel Kirkbride.
Dedication to something that isn’t real. Something that is a fabrication by man to describe the unexplainable years ago.
I admire you.
I admire how you stand up for what you believe in. You stand strong in your faith when you face the Goliath’s of your life. You put everything into it. That’s heart.
I am pretty sure that was the sh~ttiest of the rings that summoned Captain Planet.
Daniel, I want to throw something out at you.
David Brennan took you under his wing. He acted as a mentor while you tried to save him.
You hooked up with wrong member of the Epoch. Brennan is a washout and always has been. Nothing will ever change there. It is sad because I had high hopes for him. Now who knows where he is.
But there is hope.
Come let me mentor you. Let me show you the advantages of the Dark Side. We can be Sith Lords. There are always two. I can show you things that would open up your eyes to the world.
No longer would you live with blinders on. You will see the world in all of its non-judgmental beauty. No buying the latest Joel Osteen book or making sure you are part of the next cult mega church. You can even finally understand what they are saying in all those three six mafia songs about getting head.
I am offering you a new way of life. A new start, everyone needs a fresh start sometimes.
Let me help you get a second chance at living life. Let me help you lose your virginity. I know a couple of hot Thai sl~ts.
Daniel Kirkbride, you have all the potential in the world. Everyone witnessed it when you nearly took down the Shell of Cray. But you need something to get you over that small hurdle. I can do that.
I can offer you help…
I can offer you another chances…
Join me…
Be my Sith apprentice…
Darth Kurgan…
It has a nice ring…
I can offer you Salvation…
Salvation… from boredom… from judgement… from oppression… from living in a f~cking bubble…
I know I am everything that you probably despise in the world. I am rude, insensitive, vulgar, immoral, hedonistic, deceitful, and egomaniacal. But I am also free, happy, and uninhibited by the judgement of some imaginary figure in the sky.
I can embrace any whim, any desire.
If I see a hot woman, I can f~ck her…if she obliges. Rape is wrong.
My point is I am not restricted by some bullsh~t that decides whether or not you are a ‘good boy’ or a ‘bad boy’.
I offer happiness.
When was the last day you struggled? I can’t remember mine. When was the last time you were unhappy? I can’t remember mine.
Daniel…Daniel…Daniel…
So much potential in you And I feel like it is all being wasted.
This is my last attempt to cement my legacy as the greatest ever. I will overshadow everyone. But with what I can teach you, young Daniel, your legacy can surpass mine own.
But it won’t happen while you fight with handcuffs on.
Let me free you.
Let me be your Messiah.
Worship me. Because I don’t want to kill you.
And I will if I have to...
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Post by Kyzer on Apr 24, 2015 22:38:08 GMT -5
I just got home from work. Everything from me is going to posted in the next several hours.
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Post by Kyzer on Apr 22, 2015 18:24:39 GMT -5
So because Proggy hasn't had time, does anyone else fancy writing the Tag Team Title match? Should be a barn burner. I don't want to write the match but I am doing the entrance for The KKK Army.
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Post by Kyzer on Apr 22, 2015 18:13:28 GMT -5
I wouldn't be surprised. Civ 5? STOP ENCOURAGING HIM ANTE. Damn. EU4. And mine are being worked on as we speak.
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Post by Kyzer on Apr 3, 2015 23:47:51 GMT -5
Where's that guy I'm facing at the PPV? Apparently not liked enough to get one.
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