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Post by Kyzer on Jul 14, 2014 9:11:48 GMT -5
I am definitely the holdup in regards to results. To not go into graphic detail, I got distracted by a chica, who I am sleeping with, who has never seen The Sopranos. Needless to say, I have watched the first two and a half seasons over the last many moons. Not a decent excuse in the slightest. I am working on my stuff now though.
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Post by Kyzer on Jul 9, 2014 23:45:24 GMT -5
I am definitely one of the hold ups if not the only one. I have to finish my match with ACM and a segment. I meant to do it yesterday but had some unexpected guests which didn't leave until today, and I am far too hungover to finish it tonight. I apologize and will most likely get it done tomorrow. At least there is no reason why I shouldn't.
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Post by Kyzer on Jul 6, 2014 11:27:27 GMT -5
I felt like I was all over the place. Maybe I should have separated it into two scenes or something. Truthfully, I just didn't want to create another location.
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Post by Kyzer on Jul 6, 2014 11:25:36 GMT -5
been mod twice here, once on the micros board, and three times on the text feds/fantasy booking. It's not really anything important. you just clean up nonsense and then deal with superiors who don't actually do anything to help you. It's like a job, except there's no pay Were you ever MOD of the House Shows? I cannot remember if Rev and C ever gave you that spot back in the day or not, pardon my memory. I gave it to him.
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Post by Kyzer on Jul 5, 2014 15:08:00 GMT -5
Last match as Brennan: win via no show. First match as Kirkbride: win via no show. :-( At least the name is spelled right.
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Post by Kyzer on Jul 5, 2014 10:38:59 GMT -5
I say this with no offense intended, but when Shawn handed the title over to you, he really f*cked your legitimacy as champion. I understand why he did it but it put you in a hole that you have to climb out of. Now you are doing a good job but you have way more to prove than anyone who was champion before you because you didn't win it against anyone. If you lose the title in your first defense, your character is going to fall hard. You are kinda stuck in a can't lose situation for the time being. I think you have the talent to be champion, but the way you got the title did you no favors. That said, I like how you admit that in the rp. You need to keep playing up that Dex has to still prove himself. Addressing that helps take the sting out of what your opponents say in that regard. You are on a rough road ahead but if you keep writing like this, you could very well do it. Good job here. Thank you Kyzer. Anything notable that I should work on in my next RP? Keep doing what you are doing. I thought this was going along the path you needed to go so you can be seen more legitimately. I don't have anything specific to tell you at the moment. I feel like you are doing well considering the situation you were thrust into.
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Post by Kyzer on Jul 5, 2014 10:34:12 GMT -5
I don't know what kind of experience you have in e-fedding but this wasn't too bad. You solidly make Nikki come off as a face which I hope was your intention. I think there are a lot of people who say they are faces but don't pull it off well. The part with Penny Shannon didn't do much for me but I understood the purpose of it. I liked the interaction between Josh and Nikki the most. You write them great as a couple, just don't turn it into a romance novel. All in all, good stuff. Nikki has definitely made Josh more interesting to me, no offense to Josh. It adds depth to both characters. I see no reason why they cannot turn it into a Fabioesque romance novel. We have had one, maybe two real life couples come into this place (Kat/Kurt and not sure if Schneider/Meg had a thing when they were younger...always assumed) and neither of them were lovey dovey RP wise. It would be unique, and I as owner look for content and quality and am open to reading (on here) genre's I may not personally enjoy elsewhere. She could be a breath of fresh air to the place if they went that route, especially since it is real and something they know. Good work Erica. Not sure how much coaching Josh did, but you turned out a solid piece for your first stab at competitive writing. Nothing about Kurt and Kat was a Fabioesque romance novel. Having a romance in rps is one thing, turning it into a romance novel is different. I was just saying don't do it because I would completely lose interest in the characters. Also Meg and Schneider were never a couple in real life. She was real life friends with Brad and Immune though. Why she was friends with Immune, I haven't got the slightest idea though.
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Post by Kyzer on Jul 5, 2014 3:39:38 GMT -5
Well I lied. I couldn't sleep so I read and replied to all of the rps written. I feel like everyone should read all the other rps out there. A lot of them had very similar ideas and themes. It makes it harder for people to stick out when it is like this.
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Post by Kyzer on Jul 5, 2014 3:33:40 GMT -5
I intentionally left this for last to read. I was curious on how this character would turn out but I can't say that I am disappointed. I don't have any complaints on this. It kept my attention the entire way through and was great for a debut rp with a new character. You addressed your opponent well and worked it in nicely while establishing the type of character Kirkbride is. Great stuff.
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Post by Kyzer on Jul 5, 2014 3:26:42 GMT -5
You are probably tied with Drakz for my favorite to read at the moment. Everything you have put out since your return has been golden, this included. I have nothing to say as far as critique goes. You are putting out some great stuff. Keep it up.
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Post by Kyzer on Jul 5, 2014 3:20:08 GMT -5
I think if you would just stick to one character, you could do some nasty things. I was always entertained by your goofy rps when you first showed up, and you have only gotten better. I don't have any advice to give you that hasn't already been said but I do hope you stick to Demento just so you can build up some solid momentum.
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Post by Kyzer on Jul 5, 2014 3:15:29 GMT -5
What about if it's a tribute band though? I stand by my statement even if it is a tribute band.
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Post by Kyzer on Jul 5, 2014 3:13:57 GMT -5
I felt this served more as a background piece for your character rather than an actual rp against an opponent. You scarcely mention your opponent and even then you pretty much ignore every detail about Tyger himself. Like Dean said, this didn't work for me. I don't know what else to say that hasn't already been said.
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Post by Kyzer on Jul 5, 2014 3:01:45 GMT -5
I say this with no offense intended, but when Shawn handed the title over to you, he really f*cked your legitimacy as champion. I understand why he did it but it put you in a hole that you have to climb out of. Now you are doing a good job but you have way more to prove than anyone who was champion before you because you didn't win it against anyone. If you lose the title in your first defense, your character is going to fall hard. You are kinda stuck in a can't lose situation for the time being.
I think you have the talent to be champion, but the way you got the title did you no favors. That said, I like how you admit that in the rp. You need to keep playing up that Dex has to still prove himself. Addressing that helps take the sting out of what your opponents say in that regard. You are on a rough road ahead but if you keep writing like this, you could very well do it. Good job here.
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Post by Kyzer on Jul 5, 2014 2:43:52 GMT -5
Well I am glad you expounded on what you showed me earlier. I seriously think that you are getting better with every rp and I love the effort you have put in since starting here. I would agree on the advice that SYE said, and run with the part of this character that is an extension of yourself. I like that there is no confusion as where Kyle stands on the spectrum of good and bad in this. You are fleshing out your character better and I think it is starting to work for you. I am happy that I am doing this feud with you because you just keep trying and you keep improving. Good job bro. I liked this.
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Post by Kyzer on Jul 5, 2014 2:33:46 GMT -5
Ignoring my opinion of you personally, you are a very good writer. I thought the beginning and end here were spot on. The only thing I can complain about is your formatting with the dialogue. It can make it somewhat confusing as to who is talking. Outside of that, no complaints. The stuff you and Trace are doing is interesting. I am intrigued how it plays out. Good job.
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Post by Kyzer on Jul 5, 2014 2:26:25 GMT -5
First off, I am happy this wasn't a novel. You are a great writer but in the past I think you sometimes get too wordy and your rps get way too long. This was the perfect length for what you wanted to accomplish.
Second, I agree with Bishop which I never thought would happen, most because I hate his opinion typically. The Anders part was fantastic. It almost seems like he thinks Trace is going crazy because of his desire to get rid of Lila. It goes well with the revolutionary theme because most of the people you listed in the beginning were seen as crazy at one point or another. I think this is the most I have enjoyed Trace, granted it has been awhile since I have really read any of your stuff.
I stoked to see you with this, I liked you tying Demento to Sleater like you did. It continued your main angle while covering your match nicely. Good stuff here bro. Keep this up, I see the title back on your waist if Drakz doesn't get it first.
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Post by Kyzer on Jul 5, 2014 2:10:24 GMT -5
I read this earlier today and my only comment is that using Mötley Crüe and soft cock doesn't work together. Everyone knows the Crüe in any form or fashion inspires nothing but hard cock and wet panties bro.
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Post by Kyzer on Jul 5, 2014 2:02:27 GMT -5
It is hard for me to get a gauge on your character with this. You said you struggled with the dialogue but I think the dialogue you have could work if you had built it up more with a bit more in depth description.
I will say with the ending scene, I am glad you didn't go in depth about a bad childhood and took the opposite route talking about a good memory. One that motivates Shapiro. It always seems to be the opposite in rps. So kudos on that route.
Just keep at it and everything will come easier to you. You just need something that helps your character stand out a bit more.
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Post by Kyzer on Jul 5, 2014 1:51:49 GMT -5
I don't know what kind of experience you have in e-fedding but this wasn't too bad. You solidly make Nikki come off as a face which I hope was your intention. I think there are a lot of people who say they are faces but don't pull it off well. The part with Penny Shannon didn't do much for me but I understood the purpose of it. I liked the interaction between Josh and Nikki the most. You write them great as a couple, just don't turn it into a romance novel.
All in all, good stuff. Nikki has definitely made Josh more interesting to me, no offense to Josh. It adds depth to both characters.
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