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Post by Kyzer on Apr 30, 2012 17:55:18 GMT -5
I also saw a few typos and code issues.. Not a big deal but when you still have plenty of time to proofread there is no rush to get it up with errors. I don't know the background of Schneider and Meg; if they have ever had a previous relationship or not, but if it is brand new it is hard for me to see them toss around the word love so soon. If it is true love, you haven't sold me on it yet. I hate I missed EBR when he was around and in his prime because having the top two guys continuously reference him and his affiliations either makes him out to be the greatest ever, or there are some serious sexual favors taking place behind closed doors. Overall I liked the story progression and the ending monologue. I hope Mak puts up another RP, as I stated in the past, I miss the days when people would RP back and forth for a match instead of waiting to the last minute and only posting one RP. I was saying the same thing about going back and forth with rps today. EBR the character had such a large personality that he is very memorable, and he dominated here basically from the time Drakz and I left, until we returned this time. There were a few breaks back then for him, but he was always at the top of the card and in the middle of important angles. E was a great writer in his own right too. Probably one of the best I have come across in e-fedding. I talk to him a lot online and randomly he mentioned I should use EBR as Kyzer's sidekick so to speak and that was how the idea was born from my end. I really no dealings with him character-wise before SB last year. |
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Post by Kyzer on Apr 30, 2012 16:10:02 GMT -5
Great stuff. Much better than the first in my opinion because things make more sense in the overall scheme of what is going on in the WFWF. Other than a few typos and coding issues, the only thing I could find fault with was your portrayal Weinstein. I don't remember him being so crude and crass. He always appeared in E's rps as kind of arrogant and above everyone but he didn't say f*ck every three words. This was the same complaint E lodged when you used him in your ISE rp, you were off base with the character and portrayed him incorrectly then. And now it is almost the same as Weinstein. It may not matter but it just looks silly for him to have a completely different personality than every other time he appears. I assume you did read E's rps when he was active.
Also, I wouldn't mind seeing how Meg and Schneider came together because it just seems strange that she shows up and Schneider is already in love. You just write as if everyone already understands the backstory but the majority of the people in the fed weren't around when Kyzer and Meg did their thing. That was 6 years ago.
The final monologue was good, and everything here is solid minus the Weinstein interaction.
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Post by Kyzer on Apr 29, 2012 14:42:53 GMT -5
I first want to say the ending monologue was better than anything written by anyone (including myself, Schneider and Drakz) all year. It was perfect for the setting, for Mak's mindset, and for everything he has gone through. I enjoyed this. I can see where people say the conversation with Travis was forced, but I didn't really get that feeling. You did well in showing that Mak wasn't really paying attention to anything in his mind other than the WFWF. I thought the scene with April and Katy was good but I didn't see a reason for it in this rp.
This was probably your best rp based on the final monologue alone. This is an excellent showing from you and Obo.
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Post by Kyzer on Apr 26, 2012 17:13:41 GMT -5
I've had a couple of big(ish) storylines in my time here. My first feud was this little mini program I did with Davey Sanchez way back when I first started. Looking back, I would have never beaten him, but it was fun to try and step up and beat someone that no one would've though I could have. Then I did something with a guy that probably no one remembers, Drake Legend. That was my first time writing a segment for a show, so it brought me to a new level of writing here, despite me still not being very good. That was my first win at a PPV and everything. Then I went away for a bit because I didn't feel like I was any good, because I was never winning. When I came back, I feuded with Valorie Evans, which was a lot of fun since me and him talk a little outside of WFWF. That soon morphed into a feud with Braden/Tabitha, which I had fun with again because I'm friends with Brad outside of WFWF. Then we tried the whole Mr Chicken Nugget/Miss Strawberry Milkshake thing, which ultimately failed but it was fun to try to attempt, as small of a part I played. Mini-feud with Flaps that amounted to a no-show win, and then I'm back to not really feuding with anyone again until Kyzer came back, which was pretty short in itself. This thing with Raider/Ripp/Thunder is the most legit thing I've had since then. I like having feuds, but there hasn't been anything for me that was really long and drawn out other than the Valorie/Braden/Tabitha feud that I had for a little while when I first came back. I hope for that to change as I improve, but who knows. I'm still not quite on the level as the top guys here, so we'll see what happens. I have seen some great feuds by people that were considered midcarders, not that I am implying you are a midcarder. It is all about the creativity you put into it and the effort you put into it. It also helps to work with people with an open mind. The most epic feud I ever had was in another fed where we started feuding after Kyzer destroyed this guy's beloved van. It last on and off for 2 years. It made my bones in that fed and had some very creative plot twist and turns to it. This guy was by no means the best, but he was creative as hell and fun to work with, that is how you have memorable storylines. I made my career here without a legit feud until Schneider. Flaps tried to set up a feud with me and Justin Tyme but he was a flake. The thing with Rev was a last minute change after SYE left as Jason Vieira. Nothing else was planned or mapped out around here. |
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Post by Kyzer on Apr 26, 2012 12:25:41 GMT -5
Frankly, I have no idea where I'm gonna take Ripp from week to week. I did the same with Malakai, I flew by the seat of my pants. I've never been a huge fan on angles, as is evident as after I feuded with Reckless years ago (my first BIG feud since I feuded with The Axis, in particular Wayne and Kurt, a few months into my tenure here), I didn't have another feud until I feuded with ZMaster last year (as I don't call what I did with Ashton/Revelation a feud since he no showed the two matches). And then Thunder after ZMaster, and now even with a new character, Ripp really has no feud going on. I mean, Raider and Ace I guess someone could argue...and as for Mak, I consider him Ripp's rival at the moment, not so much part of a full blown feud. But I digress...because I don't have feuds normally, I don't do one hell of a lot of character depth development. I find it a lot easier to write when I am in an angle with someone. Seeing how the story fleshes out is motivation to me to write and participate. I think I would have stopped doing this a long time ago if it wasn't for angles, feuds and what not. I was in one fed for years. It was an angle fed (where matches are more determined off angles than who wrote the better rp, though quality still matters) and the owner wasn't a fan of Kyzer or my style of writing. He was upfront with me that he didn't want to see Kyzer be the world champion, but I still stayed in the fed for a few years after because this guy would help craft some brilliant storylines, angles and feuds. He would also write great shows, which we were having 2 a week at the time. Yeah, it is a shot in the arm to hear that you won't be given the chance to be the top champ, but some of those angles and matches were the most memorable I have ever had. It is all in what you want to get from this. Some do this as a competition, which I do care about winning in some cases, but others care about the story of it. That is typically where I fall but not always. |
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Post by Kyzer on Apr 26, 2012 12:05:04 GMT -5
And also, I was terrible at rping for about the first 2 or 3 years I did it. I was in a fed that joined this site called X-Net. X-Net was similar to Roughkut, if people know what that is, but had weekly and monthly awards for rpers and feds. It was a site that basically helped further e-fedding for a 3-4 year stretch. Anyways I started reading some of the top people they would harp on about, so I could see where I sat in comparison. Reading those rps, I found several people I particularly liked and started reading everything they did. It opened me up to so many different possibilities in regards to writing style and character depth. After trying to take bits and pieces from theirs and make my own, I eventually just experimented with various styles. I do that now still. Even if they don't take and aren't receptive, it is good to branch out and try new things. It makes you a better writer and better creatively. The standard style of rping just bores me to no end, no offense to those who write that way.
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Post by Kyzer on Apr 26, 2012 11:57:00 GMT -5
You write...those...in just one day...? I'm gonna head to my dark corner and sulk now. Writing bit by bit doesn't really work for me. Once I start, I usually don't stop until it is either done or I am too tired to continue. I feel like spontaneity is good in creative writing. There are plenty of times I have sat down with one idea and after I start writing it goes somewhere completely different. That is how I came up with the sober angle I am working. That wasn't where I was going to go with Kyzer after the ppv at all. |
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Post by Kyzer on Apr 26, 2012 11:49:35 GMT -5
The quickest way to get someone to shut up/walk away from you is to tell them you're majoring in English or History/Political Science. You can take my word for those last two. Haha. Anyway, everyone was talking about motivation. The reason I don't post my RP till the deadline day is because generally I wait until the last day to write it. I feel that my best work comes out of me when I'm under pressure. It's the same way with me and university papers, I generally will wait till the night before to write them. Hell, on deadline day last show, I finished my RP and then crushed an essay for my English class due the next day in about a half hour and I think both turned out respectable. As Ace called it, and Kyzer should appreciate the reference living in Seattle, I turned BEAST MODE. Haha. I do appreciate the reference. I am from Seattle though, I live in the fantastic world of South Carolina. That was sarcasm by the way. The only good thing about this place is that it doesn't get very cold during the winter. I have grown to hate cold weather and snow since moving here 10+ years ago. I will jot some things down but I don't usually write my entire rp ahead of time. I have been able to sit down the day of and bust out a top rp in a couple of hours if I feel particularly inspired. |
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Post by Kyzer on Apr 25, 2012 22:33:01 GMT -5
First off this rp is very well written. But I think you really missed with it and it is because you write things so far in advance and because you waited to post this. The parts of the monologue addressing my legacy were weak considering I came out the victor of my match and you missed when you tried to kick me. If you had posted this when you wrote it, it would have been more effective. Also calling Kyzer Stoned Messiah was pretty dated for one, I haven't used that since 2005 and contextually incorrect since Kyzer is sober now.
I like the interaction between Schneider and his daughter, I have a hard time picturing a daughter being so frank with her father about sex. Maybe it is just me and the women I know but at 15 or 16 I don't see them having conversations about their father's sex life.
The ending monologue where you address Mak was solid minus the Stoned Messiah reference.
Really the only thing that hurt you here was the timing of the rp, it really just makes the references in the rp dated and out of context with what has gone on since the last show. Outside of that, I think this is good, not up to some of your stuff has been but still good.
Also, I don't know where you are going with the Justin angle, but I would just suggest you don't over-complicate your character with so many storylines that we get lost. From what you have told me and what I can see here you already have 3 or 4 different plot lines interweaving. You don't want to make it too complicated or you end up with a piece of sh~t like Inception. I am not saying that you are at that point, just something I noticed.
You should definitely be proud of this, this is a good piece of writing.
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Post by Kyzer on Apr 25, 2012 15:11:30 GMT -5
I've somehow gotten lazier while in college. I like to do nothing, yet I hate doing nothing. At this point, the only times I get motivated are writing and that's about it. I have two kids, a full time job and all the responsibilities that go with it. I miss the days when I could be lazy and do nothing. I fully take advantage of them when I can. I miss college sometimes. |
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Post by Kyzer on Apr 25, 2012 12:47:40 GMT -5
I just messaged you Ace. Once Ace gets back to me, I'll message you Kyzer and try to figure out what's up. Potentially we could do what we were talking about now, it would just have to be modified a bit because of the extra show. Story/ RP-wise it does throw me for a loop, but I can make it work. I didn't say it couldn't work. I just haven't gone through the actual process of when things are going to happen. Drakz and I were planning something different because of what I thought was going to happen. Its not a big deal, I just don't feel like doing anything. Recently got Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning, and that is consuming a lot of my free time lately. I am lazy and just want to play video games. |
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Post by Kyzer on Apr 25, 2012 1:12:36 GMT -5
Way to f~ck things up Ace. Not I have to reconfigure all my plans. F~ck you for making me have to do stuff now. Sorry.  But hey, on the bright side, you can have your Kyzer show in Seattle all to yourself. I have to get back to you now on that. I am not sure what route I am taking at this point. All my plans are out of sync at the moment with the extra show. |
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Post by Kyzer on Apr 25, 2012 1:11:07 GMT -5
I'm looking over the current card.. 9 matches.. of those 9 matches, I'm directly involved with 5 of them, and indirectly in 2 ways with a 6th I think your math is off. Schneider is only in one match which would mean, he is only directly involved him in that one match. You may want to go back over your work there. |
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Post by Kyzer on Apr 24, 2012 21:18:22 GMT -5
So I just found out I am a moron. Took me a while, but finally got there. I just was informed by Shawn that there are not four shows between PPVs, but five. Therefore, my schedule post was messed up this whole time, and I had to add a couple of shows. This really affects the few people who have been trying to get on the same page as me in terms of schedule. I really apologize, this is my fault. I hope it doesn't mess anything up for anyone. Kyzer and Raider specifically I apologize to for giving incorrect information. If you guys want to PM me about plans, I would like to talk to you. That goes for anyone. Way to f~ck things up Ace. Not I have to reconfigure all my plans. F~ck you for making me have to do stuff now. |
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Post by Kyzer on Apr 24, 2012 19:17:07 GMT -5
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Post by Kyzer on Apr 24, 2012 19:16:07 GMT -5
I was hoping for a TNE tag match somewhere in there but I guess Elias will do. Good luck there bro.
I will write my match and do whatever else you need.
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Post by Kyzer on Apr 24, 2012 15:59:51 GMT -5
Was thinking about this just the other day. I don't have a clue what half of the people on here's entrance music is as you only ever see "'insert name here' hits the arena p.a." So I was wondering could everyone post their character's entrance theme here as a youtube video and give a little explanation as to why they chose it? Thought it would be nice to actually listen to the tracks without searching through all of the bios, also was hoping it might spark up some conversation. Well you picked mine for me, so you explain it yourself. |
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Post by Kyzer on Apr 23, 2012 21:00:07 GMT -5
Nice results. Enjoyed the promos and the matches that written out. I can't think of anything to complain about here. TNE is dominating, that is always fun to watch.
I am looking forward to the next card and show.
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Post by Kyzer on Apr 22, 2012 1:02:49 GMT -5
I liked this. I honestly was surprised at how much I liked this. I really enjoyed your description throughout the whole thing. The way you describe Pain/Brock was done very well. I can image the intensity of the man with "sapphire eyes". I just dug the wording of the whole thing.
The dialogue is your weak area. In the first part when Pain talking about destroying Tombs and next Nitta, it just seemed generic if that makes sense.
I don't know whether they will count this, but I hope you definitely stick around. I want to read more of your work.
Gnarly stuff bro.
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Post by Kyzer on Apr 19, 2012 12:11:51 GMT -5
I crashed last night and will have the match/seg to you soon. It is a combo thing. If I can have till tonight I can write Drakz/Hutton.
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