Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Nov 11, 2013 9:18:42 GMT -5
Ok, given the content, and nature of this rp. I want to go ahead and give this one a full review.
Good Things:
-The Narrative in grey is wonderfully done. I can say that it sounds natural for the most part, but there are some areas where it felt generic. However, being a wrestler, that sometimes happens; so it affects nothing. But yea, the narrative was well done here, but understand, I am taking into account your time here, BUT DONT SLOUCH! You can always improve xD
Problem areas:
-TOO MUCH FORMATTING. This could be a personal opinion, but all the random formats(which I will name off) play havoc on my eyes attention. This causes me to lose focus on what is important; the story.
*First format, Alternating between Narrative and blatant description. First person Narrative should run as a whole with general description, separating them wasn't really worth it. Especially with how small the general description was.
*Second format: The clock getting bigger was the BIGGEST distraction for my eyes. It gets in the way of your writing, and you don't need that; especially with the raw talent you offer right now. Now, without the font being messed with, mentioning the time was a cool thing in that area.
-Lack of General description. With such a great First Person Narrative, as said before, you should have integrated here. Then you also should have elaborated more. I had no sense of scene for most of the piece, and when I did, it was still lacking. You don't have to write a ton of scene description, but this piece could have benefited from more.
-Great lead in to the ending, lack luster execution of ending. Almost felt rushed. You really should have taken your time there, especially since most of the rp was a build towards it.
-Also, and an important one; working in your match into the theme/plot of your rp. I feel like you really didn't do this.
Overall, your growth has surprised me. With each passing card, you progressively show better form, and skills. Keep up the good work, and good luck!
-Revvie
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Nov 10, 2013 18:57:53 GMT -5
I passed out on my scene I was writing with Mike last night, for my rp, or mine would be up already, finish it tonight, and then edit tomorrow probably.
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Nov 9, 2013 12:48:38 GMT -5
We only got a couple days before deadline, hope everyone is getting close to completion on their rps(if they haven't posted already lol)!
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Nov 7, 2013 14:12:39 GMT -5
If we both are undefeated after S&S, we should have a match at the following Revolution
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Nov 7, 2013 8:11:46 GMT -5
No, that started with forgetting her last name, and then too much laziness to go look...so not so much ego, as lack of care.. mike! haha....xD you too, dude. you too. 4-1. Remember that. xDD That's right, keep telling yourself that, and maybe rainbows will shoot from your arse, and pigs will start to fly as well.
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Nov 7, 2013 7:53:06 GMT -5
just fooling with photoshop xD No I am not making more...xD I find it funny how it just says "Scarlett" and then you have your full name. xD Ego problems there Revvie? No, that started with forgetting her last name, and then too much laziness to go look...so not so much ego, as lack of care.. mike! haha....xD
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Nov 7, 2013 0:49:16 GMT -5
just fooling with photoshop xD No I am not making more...xD
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Nov 6, 2013 22:58:15 GMT -5
Sooooooooooooooooo no other predictions for this card???
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Nov 6, 2013 22:57:30 GMT -5
Yea, we discussed most of this. So yea, still wanted to say HI! lol xD Keep working at it dude. -Revvie
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Nov 6, 2013 17:00:41 GMT -5
I shall write the epic encounter between Scarlett and Revberg! 5-0 baby!
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Nov 6, 2013 14:48:29 GMT -5
I am eager to see you grow as an rper. This was excellent for a first roleplay, and my only real word of advice right now, is read others rps here. That is always the best place to start for any new rper.
Great Job
Revvie-
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Nov 6, 2013 7:36:55 GMT -5
Sooo after the Scars & Stripes tourney started, I kind of go things fuddy duddied on my feud for S&S. When further talking to owners, they don't know much about who is facing who yet at S&S, cept for a few matches.
I guess I am putting out an open challenges for S&S. Message me if you are interested.
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Nov 5, 2013 11:38:34 GMT -5
Oh, so I need match writers. The only matches I know that are taken are the main event, Garrett vs. Random and Malakai vs. O'Deeves. So yeah. I would like to get this sh*t squared away as soon as possible. Please, write a match people. Haha. Mike is writing our match.
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Nov 4, 2013 22:29:48 GMT -5
A question to everyone.
In the roster, right now, that is active. Who would you most like to face and/or feud with?
Personally, in the current active roster, I would have to say Trace is definitely someone I would like to go one on one with, outside a feud.
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Nov 2, 2013 18:42:49 GMT -5
Go do something useful, like make predictions. lol
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Nov 2, 2013 18:10:32 GMT -5
did you just ask a question and then assume the answer? xD
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Nov 2, 2013 10:43:32 GMT -5
Trace Demon vs. Cam Nitta
Going to have to go with Trace this time, his stuff has just been really strong lately. The best parts tied to the bulk of wfwf, and it's ongoing story. Then he takes it up a notch, by wielding the character so effortless. So, while I think Cam Nitta is strong competitor, I just think it is a rough match, but one that could always go the other way. Still a great main event, no matter the victor
Reverend Shadow vs. Scarlett Quinn
I am picking me, because yea, "Revberg, Revberg, Revberg!" (mike knows I am only kidding, should be a great match, and a challenge.)
Thunder vs. Ace Andrews
Thunder is a true blue Veteran, and Ace Andrew's is getting his start here at WFWF. Ace showed some talent last Revolution, but I think Thunders experience will be the deciding factor here.
Mak Cross vs. Dave Demento
This is pretty equally equipped match, but I do think before the last Revolution, I would have picked Demento. His stuff has been great lately, and he is making strides in the right direction. With that said, I have to go with Mak; after his last rp. The truth is, despite a few damning flaws, it showed some real raw creativity, that could truly dominate. He has to integrate it, but I think it makes him a strong choice for winner; if he manages it.
Shawn Malakai vs. Jon O’Deeves
Though I have heard good things about O'Deeves, I just haven't seen the strength in his rps to beat out Shawn right now. Who gave me a heck of a fight at the last Revolution.
Ace Bennett vs. Samael Ahriman
Yea, I am going with Ace.
Joe Bishop vs. Yukio Blaze vs. Dex
Yukio is enjoying his run, but his rp I don't see standing up to Bishops recent run. Dex, though with and interesting tale coming along, hasn't show the stuff it would take to take down Bishop's work lately. That said, Dex has something to prove here, and every show he has stepped it up; so anything is possible in that right.
Whisper vs. Jay Money vs. Chase Landon
So I am obviously basing this on no prior knowledge. Only character bios basically. That said, I like Landon for this one. The character is well thought, and thorough. If the writing is brought with that same approach, then I definitely see a rising talent. That said, my advice to Landon is to go through and read over the last Revolution's rps. To get a feel of how exactly things work, and what style he might want to adapt possibly. Just would be good advice for everyone actually...haha xD -Anyways, I don't always get my picks right...I have been wrong lol..someone around here is keeping track of the numbers I think xD
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Nov 2, 2013 10:00:03 GMT -5
LIVE from the Wells Fargo Center in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania!The Main Event!Trace Demon vs. Cam NittaCam Nitta is back, after several weeks out of action the fan favourite returns to the WFWF more invigorated than ever. Now if that was the biggest news to happen to Cam Nitta then that would be important enough but on this occasion it’s not, but what could outshine that? Well how about a match with the number one contender to the WFWF World Heavyweight Championship, and the owner of the WFWF, Trace Demon. Yes, that’s happening. Trace Demon has been on a blood soaked warpath since declaring that he will challenge for the WFWF World Championship at Scars & Stripes. He has embarrassed, humiliated and downright assaulted Scarlett Quinn and Penny Shannon at every opportunity that has come his way. Now with just one show to go until he gets his title shot, and one week following the most vicious and heinous attack seen in WFWF recently, the question going through everybody’s mind is what will Trace Demon do next? One man who will definitely find out is Cam Nitta, who will shoot himself right into the title hunt if he can manage to pull off the upset of the year and defeat Trace Demon. Want our advice Cam? Fight your ass off, because otherwise Trace Demon might just make an example out of you and we all know how that ends.Singles Action!Reverend Shadow vs. Scarlett QuinnEver since returning to the WFWF at last month’s Battleground pay per view Reverend Shadow has been working very closely with Trace Demon. It seems like whenever Trace needs a message sent or a big mouth silenced he calls on the dark Reverend. But none of those calls have been more personal than this one. For years now Reverend Shadow has been a close friend of Wayne McGurk’s, the pair have a respect for each other than is shared by few others in the WFWF. That’s what makes this match so personal, Reverend Shadow has seen his opponent grow from little Scarlett Quinn to the bona-fide WFWF World Heavyweight Champion and now he must stand opposite her and fight her one on one. Whereas most people would be reluctant Reverend Shadow is not the sort, he’s going to come into this match with the same fight and drive that he always does. Scarlett Quinn would want it no other way, she’s proven herself time and time again since debuting in the WFWF and now with her greatest challenge just upon the horizon, a title defence against Trace Demon himself, Scarlett must run through one of her father’s closest friends to get there. Something makes us feel like she won’t hesitate to do exactly that.WFWF International Championship Tournament Semi-FinalThunder vs. Ace AndrewsThunder is back, at least that’s what people who are really quick to judge are saying. They’re also saying that Ace Andrews is the next WFWF International Champion. Sorry short minded fan boys, at least one of your declarations is going to be proven wrong because only one of these men can advance to the finals of the International Championship tournament and face either Mak Cross or Dave Demento for the strap at Scars & Stripes. Actually when we put it like that this is a massive match, a loss for Thunder would derail any hope he has of proving that he’s still got what it takes to handle it here in the big leagues while a loss for Ace Andrews would make his claims of being a main event talent seem like the delusions of a wannabe. Now we’re not ones to theorize, but if those are the kind of odds on the line in this one then these two men are going to have to push the other to their limits and with so much on the line we really don’t think that’s going to be a problem.WFWF International Championship Tournament Semi-FinalMak Cross vs. Dave DementoReinvention is the name of the game here. Mak Cross and Dave Demento have both promised to recreate themselves in recent weeks, to turn themselves into a better version of themselves. When Trace Demon relinquished his WFWF International Championship and subsequently announced this tournament Mak Cross and Dave Demento both jumped on the opportunity to try and make that reinvention mean something. So far they’ve been successful, both managing to advance to this stage of the tournament and now just one more win will place them in a match for the International Championship, a title that has been held by more former World Champions that we can count (well we could, but we don’t feel like it, that’s how many there have been). Dave Demento has in recent weeks become one of the fastest rising stars in the WFWF and now that he’s notching up victories that popularity has been joined by confidence. On the other end of the scale Mak Cross seeks to finally live up to all the hype that has been placed on him since his debut. One of them will have a chance to continue the recreation of their career while the other will have to continue on knowing they gave up their best chance at becoming a champion. No pressure now.Singles Action!Shawn Malakai vs. Jon O’DeevesThere’s a lot of history between these two men. Okay, we say a lot but really we’ve all got short memories and we’re not paid enough to do our research. Years ago these two men were both involved in a little group they called Revelation. Now at the time Revelation were not only red hot but also provided a platform for the likes of Aaron Ashton (now there’s a blast from the past) and Jon O’Deeves to step up and prove themselves alongside veteran Shawn Malakai who is… well, still trying to prove himself. Now after some time out of the spotlight Jon O’Deeves has returned to the WFWF and while he may have come out on the losing end last week there’s still a great deal of buzz about him. Last week on Revolution we saw a match setup that increased that buzz tenfold. The returning Jon O’Deeves takes on the man who made him into a WFWF star with name value, Shawn Malakai. Malakai has had it rough recently, including being screwed out of the WFWF World Heavyweight Championship, and cannot afford to lose here if he wants to enter the Scars & Stripes battle royal with any momentum at all. It’s very much a master and pupil kind of match, and we do love a bit of emotional drama.The Redemption ContinuesAce Bennett vs. Samael AhrimanSince returning Ace Bennett has been on a path to redemption, attempting to prove that he isn’t the same violent, self-serving sociopath that he ended up being when he last left. Of course he’s doing that by beating people up in the ring in a violent, self-serving manner but if we look into the logic of wrestling then we’re really not going to get much else done. The latest name on his list is WFWF wrestler-turned-commentator Samael Ahriman. Samael has become much more well known in recent times for his role as the WFWF colour-commentator but the fact is he used to be a wrestler round here and he had a bit of a run in with one Ace Bennett. Ever since Bennett’s return Samael has done nothing to hide his lack of respect and downright disgust for Ace Bennett from the WFWF audience. This all led to last week when Ace Bennett challenged Samael to return to the ring one more time and face him this week on Revolution. Being the man that he is Samael was quick to accept and one thing is perfectly clear – he isn’t interested in Ace Bennett’s redemption, he just wants to get his revenge. Well revenge is one thing we do perfectly well here in the WFWF.Winner Picks Their Scars & Stripes SpotJoe Bishop vs. Yukio Blaze vs. DexScars & Stripes is just one show away and with it comes the highly prestigious Scars & Stripes battle royal. The winner of said battle royal will receive a guaranteed WFWF World Heavyweight Championship match at the biggest show of them all, Superbrawl. Of course as with all Scars & Stripes battle royal’s the number that you draw is almost as important as the performance you put on. It doesn’t matter how good you are, if you’re the first entrant you’re going to struggle. So when an opportunity like this comes along you can bet that these guys are going to take it. Joe Bishop, the WFWF National Champion, has been touted as the next big thing in the WFWF for some time now but has yet to make the transition to the main event. Yukio Blaze is a former star who has found himself stuck in a rut since his return. Dex is an unproven talent with a certain craziness about him but a whole lot of talent. It’s easy to call this a clash between the past, the present and the future but in truth the only thing that matters here is that the winner can give themselves the best chance of walking away with that WFWF World Heavyweight Championship match and that is a cause worth fighting for.Triple Threat MatchWhisper vs. Jay Money vs. Chase LandonThere’s a tradition in the WFWF when it comes to newcomers and it’s a pretty simple and effective one – throw them in a match together and see who comes out shining. On this occasion it’s a little bit different though. Jay Money and Chase Landon come into this with no history here in the WFWF. All we know is that Landon’s a bit weird, pet rats and all, and Money is an established veteran who is bringing his trade to the WFWF. Whisper on the other hand is a name known by many in the wrestling community. As part of Whisper’s War the titular Whisper, and the crazed Richard J. Maxwell, have declared war on a number of professional wrestling promotions intending to bring them down to the ground. They’re method is that you never know who is going to be a member of their crusade, meaning any member of the WFWF roster could be aligned with these madmen. That don’t got you worried? No problem, Whisper will change that. Will Whisper begin his war on the WFWF with a victory? Or will he be made to look like a fool by one of his fellow newcomers? This is your chance to shine boys, a first impression is everything.Plus… Jayson Garrett’s Open Local ChallengeJayson Garrett is the number one contender to the WFWF National Championship, an A-list celebrity and, if you believe Joe Bishop and a lot of WFWF’s fans, an A-grade ass to boot. Regardless of what you think of him there’s no doubting that Garrett has risen to prominence since debuting in the WFWF. Now he looks to give some of that prominence back as he invites one lucky local wrestler to face off with him inside of a WFWF ring. Sure, you might think this is just an excuse for Jayson Garrett to make some kid look like a fool and well yes, it kind of is, but it’s also a chance for said kid to get up close and personal with a Hollywood movie star and try to upset the odds at the same time. Should be a good time all round.Remember the Rules. -Play nice- -No getting mad if you don't get picked by someone- -These are predictions, not truth; do your proving in your rps- -No arguments, just predictions, and maybe your reasons why you chose the way you did; nothing else-
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Nov 2, 2013 9:17:27 GMT -5
OH! LOVING THIS CARD!!!!! haha
Looks like a pretty balanced card, with some great matches that are sure to happen. Good luck to everyone!
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Nov 1, 2013 5:36:11 GMT -5
Hey guys. I submitted my character. If you see anything that needs to be changed like I'm using something already used by someone else let me know. WELCOME TO WFWF! haha, seriously though, your profile has me interested, and I am looking forward to seeing what you do with your character.
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