Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Oct 16, 2013 16:08:34 GMT -5
This should be fun then. Going to try and put out the most awesomess RP I've ever done. I have been working on mine a bit, about a 1000 words into the first draft...so not much done really. However, I plan to be creative one more time for funzies before returning to the usual rp style sort of thing next Revolution. Character progression can't happen without it xD
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Oct 16, 2013 12:43:42 GMT -5
I am dressing up as Mike, and prancing like a nancy man.
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Oct 15, 2013 19:38:52 GMT -5
Enjoying the increase in activity, and comments being dealt out to everyone.
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Oct 13, 2013 21:44:46 GMT -5
Duke Nukem 64 Bioshock Twisted Metal 2
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Oct 13, 2013 20:57:55 GMT -5
I like those quite a bit, progs. I'm gonna go ahead and apologize for my lack of replies this cycle. I've been ambushed with work these past two weeks, and this week looks like it's not gonna be any different. I was lucky to have Thursday night to write my RP, or I would've no showed. Oh, and Pokemon X just came out so that's taking my free time. But despite all of this, I will read and comment on Reverends, because he is awesome, cool guy.
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Oct 12, 2013 17:34:41 GMT -5
I thought this looked interesting, if only because I had been wanting to see some expansion on what happened in the Prometheus movie. Not actually expansion on the movie, but the mythos of The Creators etc...
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Oct 12, 2013 17:33:20 GMT -5
"Dark Horse is remaking the universe. Aliens, Predators, and Engineers will come together in 2014 when the Aliens, Predators, and Alien Vs. Predator comics get completely rebooted, along with the first Prometheus comic series, and joined together in a single continuity next year. We spoke with all four writers — Chris Roberson, Paul Tobin , Joshua Williamson and Chris Sebela — to get all the details." io9.com/exclusive-details-on-the-comic-relaunch-of-alien-preda-1443548904
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Oct 12, 2013 15:58:16 GMT -5
so what does that leave us? Carter and Devilkiller to rp if they are?
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Oct 12, 2013 11:20:09 GMT -5
Alright, not sure if there will be anymore rps from the few stragglers, but I read every rp, and commented. lol
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Oct 12, 2013 11:18:31 GMT -5
The scene is average, "Wrestler hires body guard," and you didn't really invest much in the scene to make it more than that.
The description is at best, "just enough to get by." It tells you just what they are doing, and nothing else.
The shoot monologue is actually solid. Nothing special, but followed the rp, and kept on point.
The dialogue was actually the strongest part, but when weighted by the rest, it hurt it.
The layout/form, is why I figured some experience, it precise, clean cut, but again, nothing exciting.
-REVVIE
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Oct 12, 2013 11:06:27 GMT -5
As with Ace, this was solid work from you. Good Luck!
-REVVIE
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Oct 12, 2013 10:59:23 GMT -5
I have to say I liked this. The creativity of the idea, the execution, even the reference numbers. I liked what you were going for, but two issues.
-You never once really dealt with your match, unless this was allegory, and I really don't think it felt like that to me. Could be wrong though.
-Watch your grammar, usage of commas, etc. It should read how it sounds in your head, with breaths and stops having a fluid voice to them. This seemed a bit jagged, but it didn't really hurt it much.
-REVVIE
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Oct 12, 2013 10:37:10 GMT -5
Enjoyed it.
-REVVIE
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Oct 12, 2013 10:35:29 GMT -5
I think you had a good base here, but you really could have expanded on this piece. The story felt rushed, but I didn't mind your telling of it. I would say maybe next time if you write an rp, rewrite it once for yourself. On the rewrite, try to elaborate more in your description, but definitely keep the first person Narrative, you do a great job with it. Good Luck!
-REVVIE
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Oct 12, 2013 10:31:11 GMT -5
I know this wont sound like much of a comment, but this was a solid roleplay. It wasn't amazing, or bad, but like a vetted solid piece of a work. So yea...my thought xD
-REVVIE
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Oct 12, 2013 10:06:26 GMT -5
My biggest problem is the story telling, and the continuance of your story. This rp was just weird, and a little cliché when I read it. Not always a bad thing, and I don't know if your opponent will rp, so it may not matter at all. I mean you have someone getting someone to calm down by pinning them against a wall, you have a break up at the beginning that doesn't make a ton of sense, and doesn't follow other rps, and it too felt cliché when reading it. Then you move straight on, and Demento deals with none of the trauma mentally one might expect, and then moves right on to another girl in a "sweet" way, without anything else mattering really much at all?
It just doesn't follow for me I guess, the writing was good though, and the monologue was solid. Good Luck Man!
-REVVIE
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Oct 12, 2013 9:50:06 GMT -5
Interesting.
I want to say first that I thought your strongest aspect, is you have one of the most "natural voices" for your character here. With that I think that you have a potential here that is untapped.
In this rp I feel it would have been more effective to use first person Narration through, and actually integrate the Thoughts/Monologue into the story you were going to tell in the rp. If you were to use just straight first person narration, you would get to keep the natural feel of the characters voice, and gain the bonus of an all encompassing experience as well. Read my recent rp, if you are confused what I mean by this, but I am sure you have seen people use it before.
So yea, I really enjoyed this, even if it was time restrained.
-REVVIE
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Oct 12, 2013 9:36:52 GMT -5
To focus on one single aspect, I think you need to work. I want to say that this rp felt "generic." There is a lot of potential in your work, and I think I see some experience, but just generic. For what it was, it wasn't bad.
Also, read others rps here to get a feel more of what I might be talking about it. You have potential. Welcome to WFWF and what not.
-REVVIE
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Oct 12, 2013 9:27:26 GMT -5
Yea, pretty much all of what I might say has been covered right now. Just keep writing!
-REVVIE
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Revvie®
Main Eventer
Somewhere between Reality, and the Absurd
Joined on: Jun 29, 2005 1:04:26 GMT -5
Posts: 4,327
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Post by Revvie® on Oct 12, 2013 9:22:39 GMT -5
I think I kind of liked the "simple" that was this rp. Was it up to your possible standards? No, but it works for this match up I think. I also say that it would be hilarious to have a part 2 to this called "Smelling the Stink." Good Stuff Man. -REVVIE
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