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Post by credits on Feb 11, 2006 0:41:31 GMT -5
The Room Goes Dark Red And Black, A World So Cold By Mudvayne Hits. The Room All Of A Sudden Goes Pitch Black, The Musci Grows Louder Then A Enourmous Orange Fiery Blast Explodes On The Ramp And The Room Goes Red And Black And Blood Thirsty Appears On The Ramp. He Walks Down The Ramp With Green Blasts Going Off As The Sound Of A Gun. Slides In The Ring Then Huge Explosions Of Red And Orange Blow Up Around The Ring, The Music Slowely Fades Away And The Room Goes Back To Normal.
-picks up microphone-
Blood: Ok As You Know I Am New Hear And Soon To Be The Champ But Whatever. All I'm Asking For is A Match Against Anyone ANYWHERE I Know You All Think I'm Cocky Coming Out Here Saying I Want A MAtch And Blah Blah Blah But It's The Truth I Am Blood Thirsty And I'm Here To Send Someone To Hell.....
-drops mic-
A World So Cold Hits
-Slides Out Of The Ring-
-Starts To Walk Up The Ramp Looking Serious And Mysterious-
-Stops At The Top Of The Ramp And Turns Back At The Ring And Turns Back And Walks Through The Curtains And Then The Music Fades...-
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Post by Kyzer on Feb 11, 2006 2:00:52 GMT -5
Try not to capatilize the first letter of every word. use spell check in word on it.
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Post by credits on Feb 11, 2006 2:07:39 GMT -5
Yea But I Like Typing Like That xD
But I'll Try To Stop.
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Post by TZ on Feb 11, 2006 9:11:02 GMT -5
Eh, this wasn't that great of a debut RP. Although, we all can imrpove, and that's why I'm here.
First off, never do an RP at the arena unless your character just must like Stu, and MOD. From what I see of your guy, he doesn't have to.
The description here wasn't that great. The opening paragraph was rather confusing. Although, even though you didn't add a whole lot of detail, you did set the scene which is always good to do. But, you need to expand on that. Go into explaining the surroundings, and what not.
Honestly, the dialouge here needs a lot of work. I know there wasn't that much, but it was really pretty bland, and from what I see of your gimmick, it didn't fit at all. Plus, you didn't even mention your opponent really which is never that good. You need to add more than just a few lines of speech. Dialouge can be the most important part of an RP.
And, like Kyzer said, work on the grammar.
Overall, yeah, this wasn't a good RP, but it was your debut. You still have some time. You can get better. Anyone can get better. Just take people's advice, and remember that.
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