Squatch
Main Eventer
Joined on: Feb 17, 2010 14:16:53 GMT -5
Posts: 3,597
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Post by Squatch on Jun 28, 2011 19:16:22 GMT -5
"Voodoo Child" by Jimi Hendrix sounds throughout the entire arena as people boo him. Hollywood Honor enters the arena with his Chopper and decides to park it at the top of the entrance ramp. Hollywood Honor leans on his chopper and holds a microphone in his hand to speak his mind.
Hollywood Honor: Man do I feel all of my electricity surrounding me! It isn't from seeing all of these people that claim to be a "universe." Nobody knows much about me, I just know that I am number one here already. I will tell you right now that nobody can come close to me in any portion of this business. I certainly didn't come to this place to job out to people in WFWF. The reason I am here is to prove that I am the best wrestler in the world, I am the best on the microphone, and I am the best at everything else I need.
*Crowd boos and starts yelling at Hollywood Honor*
Hollywood Honor: Thank you, thank you. This performance is one of a kind anyways! Man you people know I am the best in the world and you are jealous already. Remember the Third Reich? Well I am similar to the infamous leader, Adolf Hitler. I hope I garner a bunch of heat from you now! I have characteristics similar to Hitler, but I am different in many different ways. I get what I want because I finish it. Hitler killed himself, but I will never kill myself no matter how many people surround me. The best in the world is here to stay you know unless I end up on the J.O.B. Squad! You will see me compete against a man soon, just remember I do this for myself and definitely not for you! |
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Post by Prophet of Ash on Jun 28, 2011 19:26:36 GMT -5
I'm going to copy & paste my reply from Stuntman's roleplay that I replied to about an hour ago, because it fits this very well, and I'm lazy.
As for the actual content of the roleplay, I'd definitely work more on character development than generic wrestling roleplay. Especially when it's just an in ring promo. The roleplays that you're writing aren't happening at a show. They are basically the build up to your matches, why you should win. The hype up to your match. What you were doing between matches.
Consider this more of story telling than wrestling promos. You're writing the story of your character.
Specific to this roleplay:
Watch what you say. It's really foolish to say "I will never lose" in your first roleplay. Because if you lose, it makes you look untrustworthy and that your word is worthless. Then, when you make a threat in the future, it's a mere idle threat, because your word has been rendered worthless.
I personally am fairly offended by the comparisons to Hitler, both because of the person he was, and because they had no relevance to anything. It was like you read Hitler's wikipedia, then wrote down some facts, with no context at all.
I also didn't like how the roleplay addressed a "future opponent", but not the opponent you're actually booked again for the current show, OJ Didn't Do It, Mr. Amazing.
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Squatch
Main Eventer
Joined on: Feb 17, 2010 14:16:53 GMT -5
Posts: 3,597
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Post by Squatch on Jun 28, 2011 19:29:52 GMT -5
I'm going to copy & paste my reply from Stuntman's roleplay that I replied to about an hour ago, because it fits this very well, and I'm lazy. As for the actual content of the roleplay, I'd definitely work more on character development than generic wrestling roleplay. Especially when it's just an in ring promo. The roleplays that you're writing aren't happening at a show. They are basically the build up to your matches, why you should win. The hype up to your match. What you were doing between matches. Consider this more of story telling than wrestling promos. You're writing the story of your character. Specific to this roleplay: Watch what you say. It's really foolish to say "I will never lose" in your first roleplay. Because if you lose, it makes you look untrustworthy and that your word is worthless. Then, when you make a threat in the future, it's a mere idle threat, because your word has been rendered worthless. I personally am fairly offended by the comparisons to Hitler, both because of the person he was, and because they had no relevance to anything. It was like you read Hitler's wikipedia, then wrote down some facts, with no context at all. I also didn't like how the roleplay addressed a "future opponent", but not the opponent you're actually booked again for the current show, OJ Didn't Do It, Mr. Amazing. I was referring to Mr. Amazing.  I understand this a little bit. It is my first RP though. |
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Post by Prophet of Ash on Jun 28, 2011 21:41:56 GMT -5
well, since you didn't reference him at all, directly, indirectly, or by name, how was I supposed to know this, as the reader?
"You will see me compete against a man soon, just remember I do this for myself and definitely not for you!"
That's just referring to some guy, possibly in the distant future, that you'll be facing. Not really a specific opponent at a specific date
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Post by sonstuds on Jul 8, 2011 13:46:55 GMT -5
Schneider had a lot of good advice so I would heed to that, but I will say my biggest complaint was the Hitler analogy. It wasn't necessarily that I'm "offended", it just didn't really work. You say you're similar to Hitler (which naturally just creates the impression you're an anti-Semite, but I suppose that's neither here nor there), but then a sentence later say "but we're also very different". By doing that you create a comparison that you quickly dismiss, rendering it moot. You had a similar thing when you talked about being the best one here but you'll leave if you end up on the "Job squad". It's little contradictions like that which begin to invalid your character's points.
Otherwise, for a first RP this was pretty standard and I think most of us have done early RPs that involve their character coming out to the ring and cutting a promo so can't hate on it. I'd just recommend reading around and seeing how other people do it to get a feel, and then try your own style.
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