Post by Prophet of Ash on Jul 15, 2011 20:42:22 GMT -5
WFWF That Purple Stuff
7_xx_11
2011_12: The Saga of the Dog with the Itchy Ass
RE: Carter Contra
Are we there yet?
Almost.
We‘ve been driving for hours now. The glamour of the rock star jet setters has long faded. It‘s not all airports and TV cameras. Driving all night, working all day.. It’s a hard life. I don’t know how these guys do it without being completely haggard. After being on the road for one week, I went back to Percy’s house and just crashed. But Percy, who did pretty much the same stuff I did, was out working the whole time I was catching up on sleep. It makes me feel lazy.[/b]
Turn left in point five miles
The monotone of this GPS is enough to drive me insane. She insistently pipes in, even when she has no new directions. Phil seems to have blocked it out completely, not even pausing mid sentence when she begins to talk. Percy listens to it fairly closely, but I guess that’s why he’s driving, and why we always make it to our destination. We pull up to a giant steel building. There’s rust all over the sides of the building, broken glass in the parking lot. We pull to the side of the building and Percy stops the car. One by one, we file out of the car.[/b]
Get your work out clothes.
I thought we were going to the gym?
This is the gym.
Now, I may be mistaken, but this looks like an old run down factory. From the dirty steel walls, to the giant garage doors, to the loading bay that’s clearly labeled “loading bay”. I grab my bags anyways and follow Percy and Phil up a ramp. Percy fiddles with his keys momentarily before finding the key he wants, opening the rusted lock of this building. As the steel door swings open, I get my first look at this building. It’s big and wide.. But there really isn’t much happening in it. Towards the back of the building, there’s a ring. Everything in here looks kind of dank and dirty. There’s an odor in the air and I can’t identify it as anything I’ve previously smelled.[/b]
Go change.
Ok, where’s the ladies room?
Does this look like a place with a ladies room? Or even a bathroom at all? Just go over there. Behind those shelves. If Percy looks, I’ll kick him in the stomach.
As reassuring as it is to know Phil would defend my veracity, I do.. But it doesn’t make me any more comfortable dropping my pants in a building like this, in front of two guys. I make my way over to the shelving area and get out my gym clothes. I peel off my top. I quickly throw my work out shirt on. Now for the hard part.. I pull down my pants.. I set them aside and throw on my work out shorts. I walk back over to Phil and Percy with my tennis shoes and gym socks in hand. I look for somewhere to sit down to put them on, but I realize the best spot was over by the shelves. I take a seat on the ground, pulling off my boots and putting on my tennis shoes. I hop back to my feet.[/b]
Your ass is dirty.
WHAT? Why? I didn’t change in front of you! You didn’t see anything!
Your ass is dirty, from the floor.
Misunderstood that one.. I brush the dirt off of my butt as best as I can. It’s comforting to know that as soon as I stood up, Phil took a glance of my buttocks.
Stretch out. You’re going to work today.
As instructed, I stretch my legs, bending over and grabbing my toes to get my abs stretched out, and my arms too. I can feel Percy’s eyes staring at me. It’s really kind of creepy. Like a gym teacher, who just stands and watches.. Except I’m legal to touch.. Not that he’s going to be touching.. I have to get over this phobia. I get stretched out. Phil has already made his way over to the ring.[/b]
Get in the ring.
I climb to the apron, then into the ring.[/b]
Run the ropes.
I start to run. I hit the ropes the first time, the far ropes, and the cables send a stinging sensation up my back. I run back and hit the ropes near Phil. It’s like being hit with a whip as I hit these ropes. I’m not fully trusting these ropes to catch my weight, so I’m not hitting them with full force.[/b]
Run harder. This is a sprint. Sprint back and forth.
I hit the ropes harder on my next impact. I’m running at full force now, but I still don’t hit the ropes with full force. I have no idea how long this ring has been standing, but considering the grim on the canvas, I’m guessing it’s been here a while. Back and forth I run. Back and forth. It feels like I’ve been running for days already. My legs ache. My back is already killing me from these ropes whipping me in the back.[/b]
RUN! HARDER! I WANT TO SEE THOSE F**KING ROPES BOUNCE! HARDER!
Phil had been riding me like this all afternoon. I really wish it was the laid back guy who takes naps and eats animal crackers who was training me. I don’t see the point of running back and forth and to and fro in this dirty danky ring. I don’t see the point in all the screaming. I really don’t know why Percy is here at all.[/color]
HIT THOSE F**KING ROPES. DO NOT PAUSE. HIT THEM AS HARD AS YOU CAN!
Please stop screaming. I’m right here. It’s a small gym. You don’t need to scream. I’m ehhhh I’m running. I’ve been running for ten minutes.
And now you’re going to be running for another ten minutes. You’re running, but you’re NOT F**KING DOING WHAT I SAID! HIT THOSE GOD DAMN ROPES!
I think if he had a whistle, he’d be blowing it insistently. I’m kind of glad he doesn’t have a whistle. At least yelling, he makes some sort of sense. I can feel the welts on my back without even touching them. These ropes aren’t made for bouncing on. They are just steel cable. I kind of have to question my decision to come to Phil for training. This is rough. But, to get to the top, you’ve got to make sacrifices.. [/b]
Drop to your back
I stop running and do as I’m told, dropping to my back. My head bangs the mat kind of hard.[/b]
Up.
I get to my feet, but I’m woozily.[/b]
Drop to your back.
I drop again, and again, my head bangs the mat. This is wood with a thin layer of padding and a dirty fabric canvas. It really does not feel good to have my head hitting it over and over.[/b]
Up.
How many times am I going to have to do this?
Until you figure out how to do it right. Drop.
I drop backwards again. This time I land mostly on my spine. It hurts like hell, but at least my head didn’t hit the canvas. Maybe that’s what he means by doing it right?[/b]
Up..
I scramble back to my feet.[/b]
Down.
I drop down, and my damn head smacks the canvas again. Percy is my savior. He‘s seen enough and stands up.[/b]
Oh for f**k’s sake Phil.. Are you trying to scramble her brains before she even has a match? Kylie, tuck your chin when you fall. Otherwise, your head is just going to keep bouncing like a basketball. And the way you’re falling.. Your brain will be scrambled in about two matches..
Did I put you in charge of this training course?
No, but there’s no sense in her getting hurt..
It’s a learning lesson. The definition of insanity is repeating the same process over and over and expecting different results. Kylie, you aren’t insane, are you?
From the mat, I whine out an answer
No.
Then explain to me why you kept doing the same back bump over and over. Explain to me why, when you were hurting yourself, you kept doing the same thing and expecting something different to happen. Get up, and get out here. I want to tell you a story.
I roll to my feet and out of the ring.[/b]
When I was a kid.. I had this dog. This dog had dry skin on her ass. She’d sit and chew her ass for hours at a time if you let her, to the point that she was hurting herself, from chewing. From biting herself. And she’d sit there and yelp in pain, as she chewed on her ass. We Used to have to put a blanket over her, so she couldn’t bite herself. When we did this, she’d go to sleep. And she had no pain. Now any man or beast with the slightest reasoning would know, when you eliminate one variable and the pain stops, that variable is clearly what’s causing the pain. But not that dog. The next day, she’d bite her ass until she whimpered in pain the exact same way. You know what we did with that dog?
No..
We shot her. Because a creature that doesn’t know better than to constantly be hurting itself hasn’t got the right to live.
You killed your own dog? Why? That’s so cruel!
Because the dog didn’t have the sense not to hurt herself. Just like you in there. You hit the ropes in a way that hurts you, rather than figuring out a way to hit them without killing yourself. You take back bumps and let your head smack the canvas over and over. You’re just like that dog. Learn to solve your problems. Learn deductive reasoning. Because without it, you may as well call that money you gave me a charitable donation, walk out that door right now, and catch the nearest plane back home, because you’re just wasting mine and your time.
I’ll.. Work on it?
Carter Contra. This name doesn’t mean anything to me. I’m familiar with the contra video games. But not Carter Contra. But with someone returning to the WFWF after an extended leave of absence, there’s a certain unpredictability about them. I know a thing or two about this.. About disappearing for a time.. Then reappearing.. Most guys when they do it have all sorts of ring rust.. They have trouble getting back into their grove.. And as history has shown us, when most “veterans” return, they return for one or two matches, and then disappear where ever they had went originally.
My return has went exactly as I planned it. I have a couple more notches that need to be taken care of, for my plan to be fulfilled. But I think I’ve lived up to my reputation of not conforming to the social norm of mediocrity. Who, after disappearing for several years, can say they went on the killing spree I have? Everyone from Lightening and Luke Collins to Trace Demon and Thunder.. Calvin Lee and Zmaster to Cameron Stone and Johnny Albright. Experience really doesn’t matter. When you step up to the plate, with Phillip Schneider, you’re stepping up to the ass kicking of a lifetime. And at the end of the night, you chalk up a mark to the loss column.
Carter Contra, I have to apologize to you. This is no way to return to the WFWF. To a loss. To a humiliating ass kicking. But you see, you’ve walked into the killing fields. You’ve walked into the path of destruction that no man or beast can escape from. None has, and none will. Because to let someone escape, to survive.. Would be failure. Failure, to me, is unacceptable. Not in the WFWF. Not this time. I’ve paid my dues. I’ve worked my way to the top. I spent three years of my life here before in tag teams and mid card acts.. Now it is my time to shine. There are no allies. There are no friends. There are no distractions. Everyone is open game. Everyone that steps up to the plate will be knocked out. Carter, I hope you understand, that this is nothing personal. That if it was up to me, I would have put you with someone else on the roster. I would have tossed you in the battle royal. This week I would have kicked Thunder’s ass again. I would have beat down Trace Demon again. But unfortunately, you were what was put in my path. Call it fate. Call it destiny. But when the ending credits roll, there’ll be a chapter written in the book of the return of Carter Contra. In short, it will spell out your defeat.[/b]
7_xx_11
2011_12: The Saga of the Dog with the Itchy Ass
RE: Carter Contra
Are we there yet?
Almost.
We‘ve been driving for hours now. The glamour of the rock star jet setters has long faded. It‘s not all airports and TV cameras. Driving all night, working all day.. It’s a hard life. I don’t know how these guys do it without being completely haggard. After being on the road for one week, I went back to Percy’s house and just crashed. But Percy, who did pretty much the same stuff I did, was out working the whole time I was catching up on sleep. It makes me feel lazy.[/b]
Turn left in point five miles
The monotone of this GPS is enough to drive me insane. She insistently pipes in, even when she has no new directions. Phil seems to have blocked it out completely, not even pausing mid sentence when she begins to talk. Percy listens to it fairly closely, but I guess that’s why he’s driving, and why we always make it to our destination. We pull up to a giant steel building. There’s rust all over the sides of the building, broken glass in the parking lot. We pull to the side of the building and Percy stops the car. One by one, we file out of the car.[/b]
Get your work out clothes.
I thought we were going to the gym?
This is the gym.
Now, I may be mistaken, but this looks like an old run down factory. From the dirty steel walls, to the giant garage doors, to the loading bay that’s clearly labeled “loading bay”. I grab my bags anyways and follow Percy and Phil up a ramp. Percy fiddles with his keys momentarily before finding the key he wants, opening the rusted lock of this building. As the steel door swings open, I get my first look at this building. It’s big and wide.. But there really isn’t much happening in it. Towards the back of the building, there’s a ring. Everything in here looks kind of dank and dirty. There’s an odor in the air and I can’t identify it as anything I’ve previously smelled.[/b]
Go change.
Ok, where’s the ladies room?
Does this look like a place with a ladies room? Or even a bathroom at all? Just go over there. Behind those shelves. If Percy looks, I’ll kick him in the stomach.
As reassuring as it is to know Phil would defend my veracity, I do.. But it doesn’t make me any more comfortable dropping my pants in a building like this, in front of two guys. I make my way over to the shelving area and get out my gym clothes. I peel off my top. I quickly throw my work out shirt on. Now for the hard part.. I pull down my pants.. I set them aside and throw on my work out shorts. I walk back over to Phil and Percy with my tennis shoes and gym socks in hand. I look for somewhere to sit down to put them on, but I realize the best spot was over by the shelves. I take a seat on the ground, pulling off my boots and putting on my tennis shoes. I hop back to my feet.[/b]
Your ass is dirty.
WHAT? Why? I didn’t change in front of you! You didn’t see anything!
Your ass is dirty, from the floor.
Misunderstood that one.. I brush the dirt off of my butt as best as I can. It’s comforting to know that as soon as I stood up, Phil took a glance of my buttocks.
Stretch out. You’re going to work today.
As instructed, I stretch my legs, bending over and grabbing my toes to get my abs stretched out, and my arms too. I can feel Percy’s eyes staring at me. It’s really kind of creepy. Like a gym teacher, who just stands and watches.. Except I’m legal to touch.. Not that he’s going to be touching.. I have to get over this phobia. I get stretched out. Phil has already made his way over to the ring.[/b]
Get in the ring.
I climb to the apron, then into the ring.[/b]
Run the ropes.
I start to run. I hit the ropes the first time, the far ropes, and the cables send a stinging sensation up my back. I run back and hit the ropes near Phil. It’s like being hit with a whip as I hit these ropes. I’m not fully trusting these ropes to catch my weight, so I’m not hitting them with full force.[/b]
Run harder. This is a sprint. Sprint back and forth.
I hit the ropes harder on my next impact. I’m running at full force now, but I still don’t hit the ropes with full force. I have no idea how long this ring has been standing, but considering the grim on the canvas, I’m guessing it’s been here a while. Back and forth I run. Back and forth. It feels like I’ve been running for days already. My legs ache. My back is already killing me from these ropes whipping me in the back.[/b]
RUN! HARDER! I WANT TO SEE THOSE F**KING ROPES BOUNCE! HARDER!
Phil had been riding me like this all afternoon. I really wish it was the laid back guy who takes naps and eats animal crackers who was training me. I don’t see the point of running back and forth and to and fro in this dirty danky ring. I don’t see the point in all the screaming. I really don’t know why Percy is here at all.[/color]
HIT THOSE F**KING ROPES. DO NOT PAUSE. HIT THEM AS HARD AS YOU CAN!
Please stop screaming. I’m right here. It’s a small gym. You don’t need to scream. I’m ehhhh I’m running. I’ve been running for ten minutes.
And now you’re going to be running for another ten minutes. You’re running, but you’re NOT F**KING DOING WHAT I SAID! HIT THOSE GOD DAMN ROPES!
I think if he had a whistle, he’d be blowing it insistently. I’m kind of glad he doesn’t have a whistle. At least yelling, he makes some sort of sense. I can feel the welts on my back without even touching them. These ropes aren’t made for bouncing on. They are just steel cable. I kind of have to question my decision to come to Phil for training. This is rough. But, to get to the top, you’ve got to make sacrifices.. [/b]
Drop to your back
I stop running and do as I’m told, dropping to my back. My head bangs the mat kind of hard.[/b]
Up.
I get to my feet, but I’m woozily.[/b]
Drop to your back.
I drop again, and again, my head bangs the mat. This is wood with a thin layer of padding and a dirty fabric canvas. It really does not feel good to have my head hitting it over and over.[/b]
Up.
How many times am I going to have to do this?
Until you figure out how to do it right. Drop.
I drop backwards again. This time I land mostly on my spine. It hurts like hell, but at least my head didn’t hit the canvas. Maybe that’s what he means by doing it right?[/b]
Up..
I scramble back to my feet.[/b]
Down.
I drop down, and my damn head smacks the canvas again. Percy is my savior. He‘s seen enough and stands up.[/b]
Oh for f**k’s sake Phil.. Are you trying to scramble her brains before she even has a match? Kylie, tuck your chin when you fall. Otherwise, your head is just going to keep bouncing like a basketball. And the way you’re falling.. Your brain will be scrambled in about two matches..
Did I put you in charge of this training course?
No, but there’s no sense in her getting hurt..
It’s a learning lesson. The definition of insanity is repeating the same process over and over and expecting different results. Kylie, you aren’t insane, are you?
From the mat, I whine out an answer
No.
Then explain to me why you kept doing the same back bump over and over. Explain to me why, when you were hurting yourself, you kept doing the same thing and expecting something different to happen. Get up, and get out here. I want to tell you a story.
I roll to my feet and out of the ring.[/b]
When I was a kid.. I had this dog. This dog had dry skin on her ass. She’d sit and chew her ass for hours at a time if you let her, to the point that she was hurting herself, from chewing. From biting herself. And she’d sit there and yelp in pain, as she chewed on her ass. We Used to have to put a blanket over her, so she couldn’t bite herself. When we did this, she’d go to sleep. And she had no pain. Now any man or beast with the slightest reasoning would know, when you eliminate one variable and the pain stops, that variable is clearly what’s causing the pain. But not that dog. The next day, she’d bite her ass until she whimpered in pain the exact same way. You know what we did with that dog?
No..
We shot her. Because a creature that doesn’t know better than to constantly be hurting itself hasn’t got the right to live.
You killed your own dog? Why? That’s so cruel!
Because the dog didn’t have the sense not to hurt herself. Just like you in there. You hit the ropes in a way that hurts you, rather than figuring out a way to hit them without killing yourself. You take back bumps and let your head smack the canvas over and over. You’re just like that dog. Learn to solve your problems. Learn deductive reasoning. Because without it, you may as well call that money you gave me a charitable donation, walk out that door right now, and catch the nearest plane back home, because you’re just wasting mine and your time.
I’ll.. Work on it?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Carter Contra. This name doesn’t mean anything to me. I’m familiar with the contra video games. But not Carter Contra. But with someone returning to the WFWF after an extended leave of absence, there’s a certain unpredictability about them. I know a thing or two about this.. About disappearing for a time.. Then reappearing.. Most guys when they do it have all sorts of ring rust.. They have trouble getting back into their grove.. And as history has shown us, when most “veterans” return, they return for one or two matches, and then disappear where ever they had went originally.
My return has went exactly as I planned it. I have a couple more notches that need to be taken care of, for my plan to be fulfilled. But I think I’ve lived up to my reputation of not conforming to the social norm of mediocrity. Who, after disappearing for several years, can say they went on the killing spree I have? Everyone from Lightening and Luke Collins to Trace Demon and Thunder.. Calvin Lee and Zmaster to Cameron Stone and Johnny Albright. Experience really doesn’t matter. When you step up to the plate, with Phillip Schneider, you’re stepping up to the ass kicking of a lifetime. And at the end of the night, you chalk up a mark to the loss column.
Carter Contra, I have to apologize to you. This is no way to return to the WFWF. To a loss. To a humiliating ass kicking. But you see, you’ve walked into the killing fields. You’ve walked into the path of destruction that no man or beast can escape from. None has, and none will. Because to let someone escape, to survive.. Would be failure. Failure, to me, is unacceptable. Not in the WFWF. Not this time. I’ve paid my dues. I’ve worked my way to the top. I spent three years of my life here before in tag teams and mid card acts.. Now it is my time to shine. There are no allies. There are no friends. There are no distractions. Everyone is open game. Everyone that steps up to the plate will be knocked out. Carter, I hope you understand, that this is nothing personal. That if it was up to me, I would have put you with someone else on the roster. I would have tossed you in the battle royal. This week I would have kicked Thunder’s ass again. I would have beat down Trace Demon again. But unfortunately, you were what was put in my path. Call it fate. Call it destiny. But when the ending credits roll, there’ll be a chapter written in the book of the return of Carter Contra. In short, it will spell out your defeat.[/b]
