Post by That 80s Guy on Aug 23, 2013 2:28:33 GMT -5
--
So sitting in a dialysis chair, I have a lot of time to think up of the weirdest stuff. So earlier today, I thought about what it would be like if Celebrity Deathmatch revived again in 2013, and what kind of matches we would get. Here's just some of the ideas I had...
Bring back Jim Thornton to voice Johnny Gomez and Chris Edgerly to voice Nick Diamond (since the original voicer of Nick Diamond died in '08).
Michael Buffer could voice himself again as the ring announcer, and since Mills Lane is retired, Steve Wilkos could be the new referee and voice himself.
Quinton "Rampage" Jackson vs. Quinton Tarantino
(notes: Rampage would be all-business, trying to attack Tarantino, but Tarantino would be his traditional "beatnik"-like character he tends to portray in his own movies, talking smack about George Lucus, Scorsassi, Zemeckis, ect. Rampage eventually catches him and ground & pounds - the entire time, Tarantino's face is getting bruised up while he's still analyzing other directors... until he's pounded dead and Rampage wins)
--
Kim Kardashian vs. Kourtney Kardashian vs. Khloe Kardashian - 3 Way Dance
(notes: stereotypical 3 sisters arguing in the ring, hair pulling, cat fight drama... when Kris Jenner does a run in and whips all 3 of her daughters, claiming to be the BIGGEST, BADDEST B*T*H on reality TV!. No contest)
--
John "The Duke" Wayne vs. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson
(notes: Rock doing a variety of his old school catchphrases, while John Wayne's infamous way of talking does a lot of western-esque trash talking, throughout the fight. Actually a decent back and forth contest, both bloodied up. But Rock does the Rock Bottom, followed by the People's Elbow - when longtime C.D. regular Stone Cold does a run-in, kicks Rock in the gut and Stuns him! The Duke crawls over Rock for the win! After the match, Stone Cold shares his beers with John Wayne, only to give him a stunner. Austin downs his beers over the bodies of Rock and Duke.)
--
Lindsey Lohan vs. Amanda Bynes
(notes: Both of them looking like complete addicts with bags under their eyes and more pale than usual, a half-assed cat fight that sees Amanda pull out a bong and shoves it up Lindsey's backside and tosses her out of the ring, with the final trash talking line, "Put that in your pipe and Smoke it!". Amanda Bynes declared winner).
--
Connan O'Brien vs. Jay Leno
(notes: Doc is cheering Jay on from ringside, while Andy is cheering Connan on from the opposite side of the ring. Typical C.D. style match
where Connan tells Jay he's going to do to him what he should've done the day he was cancelled from NBC... has a mic lowered from the ceiling, wraps it around Jay's neck and sends Jay up to the rafters, where the mic cord breaks and Jay comes crashing down in the middle of the ring, blood splat forming the NBC Peacock logo (credit Bill Hicks for that one). Connan is declared the winner and remaining champion of late night talk show hosts).
--
Robin Thicke vs. Alan Thicke
(notes: Father/Son bickering... when Robin has the upper hand or executes a move, "Blurred Lines" is playing in the background, but when Alan is in control of the fight, the theme from "Growing Pains" is what's heard in the background. I haven't thought of a finish for this... any ideas might help.
--
Eva Longoria vs. Eva Mendez - Special Guest Referee: Sophia Vergara
(notes: Sophia is in one of those low-cut ref tops Jacqueline or Trish used to wear in the WWE, only Sophia's chest is very exaggerated ha. Both Evas are smacktalking about eachother's movies while they're battling, claiming to be the leading latino starlet - Sophia compliments each of them, like a middle party. Again, I haven't come up with a finish for this one, ideas are welcome).
--
Jennifer Aniston vs. Angelina Jolie
(notes: You can pretty much picture how Jennifer would be the aggressor right off the bat, while Angelina would be playing it cool. Brad Pit eventually runs in, not knowing who to side with... When Angelina rips off her own breasts and shoves them down Aniston's throat, choking her to death and gagging on the ground while Brad and Angie celebrate the victory. Yes, this is in reference to Angie's double Mastectomy a few months ago).
--
Seth Rogan vs. Jonah Hill
(notes: I haven't thought it would be played out, but it somehow winds up with Jonah sitting on Seth, crushing him, FTW).
--
Justin Beiber vs. Honey Boo Boo
(notes: Beiber can't believe he has to fight a little girl, who winds up running circles around him, giving him nut-shots every chance she gets, biting his ankles, slapping his a$$, and hitting him with a barrage of her catch phrases. Don't have a finished figured out, but ideas welcomed).
--
Charlie Sheen vs. Ashton Kutcher
(notes: Jon Cryer and that fat kid from the show, are both sitting ringside with that fat red headed lady from the show too. There are so many avenues this match could go, Charlie could have a comeback spot and credit his Tiger Blood for it, or Ashton could pull out that camera he's been endorsing and use that as a weapon. But "Wild Thing" eventually gets the upper-hand and conquers Kelso. Sheen declared the winner).
----------------------------
Idk, if it was made into a 2hr PPV or special on MTV (or MTV2), would you watch it? What other kinds of matches do you think would work for a newely revised Celebrity Deathmatch?
So sitting in a dialysis chair, I have a lot of time to think up of the weirdest stuff. So earlier today, I thought about what it would be like if Celebrity Deathmatch revived again in 2013, and what kind of matches we would get. Here's just some of the ideas I had...
Bring back Jim Thornton to voice Johnny Gomez and Chris Edgerly to voice Nick Diamond (since the original voicer of Nick Diamond died in '08).
Michael Buffer could voice himself again as the ring announcer, and since Mills Lane is retired, Steve Wilkos could be the new referee and voice himself.
Quinton "Rampage" Jackson vs. Quinton Tarantino
(notes: Rampage would be all-business, trying to attack Tarantino, but Tarantino would be his traditional "beatnik"-like character he tends to portray in his own movies, talking smack about George Lucus, Scorsassi, Zemeckis, ect. Rampage eventually catches him and ground & pounds - the entire time, Tarantino's face is getting bruised up while he's still analyzing other directors... until he's pounded dead and Rampage wins)
--
Kim Kardashian vs. Kourtney Kardashian vs. Khloe Kardashian - 3 Way Dance
(notes: stereotypical 3 sisters arguing in the ring, hair pulling, cat fight drama... when Kris Jenner does a run in and whips all 3 of her daughters, claiming to be the BIGGEST, BADDEST B*T*H on reality TV!. No contest)
--
John "The Duke" Wayne vs. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson
(notes: Rock doing a variety of his old school catchphrases, while John Wayne's infamous way of talking does a lot of western-esque trash talking, throughout the fight. Actually a decent back and forth contest, both bloodied up. But Rock does the Rock Bottom, followed by the People's Elbow - when longtime C.D. regular Stone Cold does a run-in, kicks Rock in the gut and Stuns him! The Duke crawls over Rock for the win! After the match, Stone Cold shares his beers with John Wayne, only to give him a stunner. Austin downs his beers over the bodies of Rock and Duke.)
--
Lindsey Lohan vs. Amanda Bynes
(notes: Both of them looking like complete addicts with bags under their eyes and more pale than usual, a half-assed cat fight that sees Amanda pull out a bong and shoves it up Lindsey's backside and tosses her out of the ring, with the final trash talking line, "Put that in your pipe and Smoke it!". Amanda Bynes declared winner).
--
Connan O'Brien vs. Jay Leno
(notes: Doc is cheering Jay on from ringside, while Andy is cheering Connan on from the opposite side of the ring. Typical C.D. style match
where Connan tells Jay he's going to do to him what he should've done the day he was cancelled from NBC... has a mic lowered from the ceiling, wraps it around Jay's neck and sends Jay up to the rafters, where the mic cord breaks and Jay comes crashing down in the middle of the ring, blood splat forming the NBC Peacock logo (credit Bill Hicks for that one). Connan is declared the winner and remaining champion of late night talk show hosts).
--
Robin Thicke vs. Alan Thicke
(notes: Father/Son bickering... when Robin has the upper hand or executes a move, "Blurred Lines" is playing in the background, but when Alan is in control of the fight, the theme from "Growing Pains" is what's heard in the background. I haven't thought of a finish for this... any ideas might help.
--
Eva Longoria vs. Eva Mendez - Special Guest Referee: Sophia Vergara
(notes: Sophia is in one of those low-cut ref tops Jacqueline or Trish used to wear in the WWE, only Sophia's chest is very exaggerated ha. Both Evas are smacktalking about eachother's movies while they're battling, claiming to be the leading latino starlet - Sophia compliments each of them, like a middle party. Again, I haven't come up with a finish for this one, ideas are welcome).
--
Jennifer Aniston vs. Angelina Jolie
(notes: You can pretty much picture how Jennifer would be the aggressor right off the bat, while Angelina would be playing it cool. Brad Pit eventually runs in, not knowing who to side with... When Angelina rips off her own breasts and shoves them down Aniston's throat, choking her to death and gagging on the ground while Brad and Angie celebrate the victory. Yes, this is in reference to Angie's double Mastectomy a few months ago).
--
Seth Rogan vs. Jonah Hill
(notes: I haven't thought it would be played out, but it somehow winds up with Jonah sitting on Seth, crushing him, FTW).
--
Justin Beiber vs. Honey Boo Boo
(notes: Beiber can't believe he has to fight a little girl, who winds up running circles around him, giving him nut-shots every chance she gets, biting his ankles, slapping his a$$, and hitting him with a barrage of her catch phrases. Don't have a finished figured out, but ideas welcomed).
--
Charlie Sheen vs. Ashton Kutcher
(notes: Jon Cryer and that fat kid from the show, are both sitting ringside with that fat red headed lady from the show too. There are so many avenues this match could go, Charlie could have a comeback spot and credit his Tiger Blood for it, or Ashton could pull out that camera he's been endorsing and use that as a weapon. But "Wild Thing" eventually gets the upper-hand and conquers Kelso. Sheen declared the winner).
----------------------------
Idk, if it was made into a 2hr PPV or special on MTV (or MTV2), would you watch it? What other kinds of matches do you think would work for a newely revised Celebrity Deathmatch?
