Post by bad guy™ on Oct 12, 2013 2:12:25 GMT -5
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Revolution was quite the revelation for me. Heh. See what I did here? I made an ironic funny. Bow to me, bitches.
I will be the first to admit, I was sitting in the back watching on the tube the match between Thunder, Ace, Yukio and Maxx. I wanted to see the crazy f*ck get his bell rung (and if you want to know if I am referring to Blaze or Bennett…ask the owl how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie pop…you may be more likely to get a definitive answer from him), and I wanted to see if we have a potential rising star in Brock Maxx. We most certainly do. He made Ace look like a chump for three quarters of that match. Truthfully, that seems to be the M.O. for Ace. Get his ass kicked and pull a Superman like comeback. Glory whore. </3
Ace is one hell of an underdog though. He has his picture in the dictionary next to that word. He is good, but because of his lack of size in a big mans game, he can be easily man handled. And because of his strong emotion and drive, he can become frustrated and lose focus early on. And yet, after his face gets kicked in enough, it is almost like that jogs his memory and he sends it into another gear beyond that of even my comprehension. Pretty wild to see it in person…even crazier to experience it in the same ring.
But the aftermath of the match was what obviously caused me to sit up in my seat and spit out my bee…I mean Gatorade. Yeah. Hops…I mean lemon flavored Gatorade.
…yeah, you got it. It was when Yukio was sitting in the middle of the ring whining like a little bitch about wanting one more chance. C*nt you are not in the league of half of the people in the Scars and Stripes battle royal, myself included. How on earth to you expect to win the match and face the winner of Scarlett and Trace when you can barely form a coherent sentence anymore? There is a reason why Thunder retired you…just go. The. F*ck. Away. Please. I am begging you. Just…leave. And they say I should not wrestle because of cancer? This guy is further up sh*ts creek than me. There is nothing worse than an old man trying to hang onto youth…who cannot even remember his own name. If he starts wearing skinny jeans and riding a motorcycle for the love of everything I may just burn the arena down. Guy is already delusional as can be thinking he is married to Robin and has a child with her…but it is sadder to see him trying to hold onto his glory days…or lack thereof.
But of course, you all know I am talking about the rather surprising return of one Jon O’Deeves. I thought it was a big deal when he had that fancy, mobster vignette about a year or so saying he was coming back but then never, you know, showed up. But seeing him in person for the first time in almost three years…well…kind of in person, was quite the sight. He looked…different. He looked like he had some fight in his eyes. He was a man hell bent on getting revenge on the men who did him in.
Lucky for me, he has a bigger hard on for Ace than me. I know when he was complaining about Ace saying he only had beef with a couple of guys who were not him he called me out so…I know I am going to have to implode that bridge when I get to it, but for now…I get to sit back and watch Ace and O’Deeves beat the sh*t out of each other and enjoy it. You know, all things considered I love Ace as much as I could a bastard non-blood brother, but I really want to see these two go at it for reals this time. The last time they faced off, it was a completely unmemorable stink match that Ace…won…if you can call it a win. But these two really should have gone at it after we turned our backs on Ace while in Revelation but you know…I WAS just about to talk about sh*tty ownership and booking of matches for the shows…hey, that tied in better that I was expecting for it. SEGUE. F*CK YEAH.
…sorry. Dying makes you appreciate the little wins in life. Like killer segues. Or using giant words in daily conversation. Like grandiloquent. Yeah…I would not f*ck with me on Words with Friends either…you know, if I had friends. I only have Thunder. Pity me. All of you.
…and, before I ruin what was a perfect segue…
You know, people complain about those who are in power right now. Xavier was a piece of sh*t, but he was a competent piece of sh*t. He knew what was best for the WFWF, and while he went about setting the place right in a very…questionable manner, but you know…he still did was in the best interest of the company. Trace is a joke of a human being. He is a joke of an owner. He is a joke of a human being. But at least he has competency…some days. Depends on if he has that squirrel Anders in his ear (or in his crotch…come on now, we all know how he got his job with Trace…and would it really surprise anyone anyways) or not. Wayne was forgettable, which is a good thing in this context because he never really rubbed anyone the wrong way. Thunder was the epitome of a great commissioner but, you know…I may be a bit biased. But I remember my early days here in the WFWF. You want something to bitch about? The Higher Authority is such a strong, powerful name for such a lax and poorly run group trying to operate a multi billion dollar corporation like the WFWF. Rev was a sadistic bible thumper who had lost all grip on reality and CBT was someone who was never fond of the adage ‘Crack is Wack.’ How ironic is it that he died of rabies and not a heavy line? Foaming at the mouth instead of bleeding from the nose. Lulz.
The point is, there could have been worse…there were worse. I have lived worse. Tuning my inner old man, these youngins’ ain’t got no idea how good they got it. When I was a tyke in this business we were still in the Stone Age, no verbal communication…just people going around and pelting each other with bats and rods.
…well really, that was just Schneider going around pelting people with bats and rods. But they were letting him run around with no checks so we might as well have been living in said Stone Age. At least this most recent run, we had Kyzer and Brown around to keep him in check. Yet again, proof that Xavier was not half bad, while the Higher Authority was a bigger joke than me being in a WFWF Championship match.
Hey, and they said self deprecation gets you no where. Heh.
So what am I getting at with this?
Frankly, I have little clue. I am in complete disarray as of late. As I mentioned earlier, this Revolution was truly a revelation for me, though the end point is still unclear to me. I got my pun out of the way regarding O’Deeves coming back…so yeah…that made sense. But I lost this passed week. To Jayson Garrett.
I reiterate my comment from last week with the necessary New Orleans addition. Who dat?
I would be foolish to say it was just some kid who was a flash in the pan. He just got a win over a former…or moreso the rightful WFWF Champion. Clearly now everyone knows ‘who dat.’ I said I would not lose.
I lost.
I said I would not allow myself to become a stepping stone.
I allowed myself to become a stepping stone.
I said I would not allow myself, the rightful WFWF Champion, to be made a fool of on national television by a guy whose name no one could even spell right until a couple of days ago.
I allowed myself, the rightful WFWF Champion, to be made a fool of on national television by a guy whose name no one could even spell right until a couple of days ago.
I am sensing a trend here. I made a lot of false promises last show, almost to the point of gratuitous obnoxification. Hell…I am not even sure if that is a word but if it were it would fit perfectly here. I was made to look the chump to the masses. Hell…I promised to jump off of the arena if I lost and I did not even do that. Maybe I should just do everyone a favor…
Point is, last week really f*cking sucked. Like…yeah. There is no other way to put it. My eloquent wording cannot even be put to good use here. I would have been better off receiving a swift kick in the balls than remembering last week because all it is going to do is drive me deeper into my deep, dark pit of depression.
And then, of course, I get matched against Reverend Shadow right after the kick in the balls. If I did not know any better, I would say Trace has it in for me. Hmph.
I am not ready for, equipped to face or frankly at all interested in facing Rev. And frankly, neither should any of the fans. Sure, on paper this match seems like it could rip the roof off. It could be the main event of Super Brawl. Yeah…maybe five years ago. This match was a dream match for me and for all of the fans of the WFWF. For all of the bitching I have done, am doing, and will continue to do about him and his stint with the Higher Authority, he was the main reason why I was even employed with the WFWF in the first place. He was the man who interested me most in the company, and he was the one who was essentially the person who kept me around and interested in what I was doing here.
Therein lies the problem. This blockbuster matchup? Yeah…the paper does sound good. But you know what would have made this even better? A time machine which could take us back to five years ago, back before I was a walking corpse and Rev lost his fire. Yeah, that is right. I said it. Rev lost his fire.
That is dirty wording around these parts. To say someone lost a step, ok. To say they lost their minds, not a big deal as we all do that eventually. In this business, you say someone is useless, no one bats an eye. Say they lost their fire, everyone loses their minds.
People may say that is a very odd way to think about it, a match sucking because it should have happened sooner. All things get better for those who wait. Not this. Because it took so long to happen this match is bound to suck harder than a woman of the night. I am dying…I am practically decomposing in front of your very eyes. Rev seemingly has no interest in the company as a whole. He is only here as a favor to Trace, and because his only interest now is making others look foolish. But if this match had happened back in the day…back when I was healthy and Rev still had that fire, that drive that made him one of the greatest to ever step foot into the ring…this match could have gone down as one of the best ever. Plain and simple. But as is life, things just tend to not go the way of the good and now this match is forced to survive on name value alone. It must be looked upon as ‘great’ because of the names on the billboard and not the talent in the ring. Such a crying shame.
Nonetheless, this is going to be looked upon as a match for the ages...which peeves me but you know, whatever. Truth be told though, my crown jewel achievement here in the WFWF a few years ago was to face, and defeat, one Reverend Shadow. When I first started, that was my dream. Lo and behold, facing Rev is one of the few things I still have never done in the WFWF. A few years ago, Rev was the top dog in a field being dominated by the likes of him, Schneider, Kyzer and…well…those people from that disaster company whose name I will not allow to spill from my mouth. I have no interest in cleaning it out with soap.
Rev is, was and will always be a very, very sh*tty businessman. For all of the talent he had, you ask him to use that brain in his head which God entrusted to him for anything but devising ways to torture the likes of Johnny Michaels, Schneider, Thunder etcetera…it was like talking to a wall. A very Howie Mandel looking wall. He had very little skill in recruiting new talent. I can name for days the people he brought in under his tutelage…
Cursed Eagle
Pink Floyd
Yeah. Remember those guys? I do. You do not. Hell, I doubt he f*cking remembers.
The only two that came in under his reign with Higher Authority that are still around to this day are me and David. And, really, let us be honest…how successful has HE been? He got the honor of being my brother and being forced to play my bodyguard by Xavier because he needed to make sure I made it to Battleground. Little else has been done by him.
…furthers my point though.
Rev did nothing but make mistakes in hindsight. When dozens came in under him and really only one walked out…that makes him look REALLY bad. Unable to keep things together was his job as CEO, or commissioner…or whatever the hell he was. Kind of reminds me of the girl who has been through a hundred guys. Just…a terrible track. Whereas I was the sole true survivor of his…disaster. That makes me look the better man, which…I mean, I already knew that I was but I like confirmation of things I already know sometimes. Weird, I know.
I came out looking strong. He came out of it looking…well…still looking like Howie Mandel.
Oh, and while I have everyone on the horn regarding stupid decisions by Reverend Shadow…remember the Holocaust? No? Funny. Neither did I. I kind of remember the name, but everything else was kind of like white noise…and for good reason, apparently. While sitting here trying to figure out ways to continue to convince you that Reverend Shadow is a mental asshat, I did a little digging from before I was brought to the WFWF. Apparently he was in a flash-in-the-pan stable that was essentially useless throughout most of its existence, only to gain some serious steam towards the end of its life and yet somehow manage to fall flat (shocker) at the very end. Listen to these absolutely star-studded names he was aligned with.
Kronic
Black Widow
Vivica
Trent Draven
Cecil Caster
Remember my comment about Jayson Garrett? Instead of going the Louisiana route, I shall do the Queen City route.
Who dey?
The only name I recognize there is that of Kronic…you know, the guy who had all of the potential in the world to be something fantastic, but wound up being a mega flop? The same guy who always managed to wrangle title matches and then subsequently chickened out before the matches and disappeared for a handful of months at a time? Yeah, that guy.
Quit the star studded list, aye?
I wish I could say that the team I was a part of won the tag titles like Holocaust…but considering the tag division has been a joke for a long time now…maybe it is better to keep those belts off of my waist. But the stable I had, compared to Shadows…my God, the difference in talent.
Ace Bennett
Jon O’Deeves
Aaron Ashton
Just LOOK at those names. For starters, Bennett and O’Deeves are still active in the company, something that cannot be said for ANYONE in Revs little clan of vegans, women and unknowns. When Ashton came into the company, he took the place by storm, almost immediately winning the tag team championships (lulz) with Johnny Michaels. He made it farther than me in the Tag Team Tournament, claiming gold at the end of the road. Impressive, even if it was just for those crummy titles. Had he not been brutally murdered on screen by Schneider, I imagine he would probably be in the WFWF Championship picture by now, if not champion. There may be some bad blood between he and I, but I know talent when I see it. I never discredited him that.
Jon O’Deeves is a multi time WFWF National Champion with one mega bad attitude. When O’Deeves won his first National Championship…I got to see it live and in person, being the ever impartial referee.
…ok…so I rigged that match so David Williams would not win. But look at what O’Deeves did on his own? After he lost it to Bishop, he turned around and regained it in spectacular fashion, and the best part? He did it without the help of ANYONE. He did it all on his own. Quite the accomplishment, knocking off Joe Bishop. Not something a ton of people can say. You beat someone that makes Trace Demon of all people sweat like a bird on Thanksgiving, you know you are something special. And while he is making it his mission in life to end me and Ace, you know, again…I cannot begrudge talent when I see it.
And speaking of Ace, we have our coup de gras of Revelation. The only person to get close to my level, the level of rightful WFWF Champion. Michael Kyzer. David Brennan. Drakz. Three of the biggest names to ever step foot inside of a WFWF ring. What does he have in common with those three men? He earned their respect. They may be the King, Queen and Jack Daniels of Douchebaggery in the WFWF, but they were the be all end all here in the WFWF, the two former for longer than just about anyone. Ace Bennett has gone to war with Thunder, Kyzer, Schneider, Michaels, Raider, Demon…only to come out scarred, battered…but standing strong on his own two feet ready to keep going. Six hall of famers who have done EVERYTHING in the WFWF. In my book, Ace Bennett became a Hall of Famer because of surviving that alone.
So on one hand, we have the choices of Reverend Shadow, leading him to side with people whose names are less memorable than the next track on a Skrillex tape, and my choices…which have caused me to align with three of the most talented men to ever step foot in a WFWF ring…something should be said about that. Rev sided with people that made him look great because he was the shiniest sh*t in a pile of steamers. I sided with people that helped me look great because we as a cohesive unit looked great.
Reverend Shadow: The Best of the Worst
Shawn Malakai: The Best of the Best
See. Know. Believe.
There is another side to Rev though, one that I am completely unable to dis. Well…that is a lie. But it is a side of him that I actually have SOME respect for.
Way back in the olden days, when I first started out in this company and the stadium was still being lit by candlelight, I looked up to Rev as an in ring competitor. I know. Surprising, right? Me, Shawn Malakai, the dying man of a thousand egos actually looked up to someone. Rev…he was dark. He was mysterious. He was everything you ever wanted to like, but you just HAD to hate. His terrible business acumen aside, he knew what he was doing inside that ring. He stood out because of his talent and his persona. I looked forward to watching his matches, seeing a strong showing from him humiliating yet another poor soul who crossed the path of a vengeful Reverend, and subsequently giving them a Bible Thump for their troubles.
Yeah, I remember the Bible thump. He was shoving God into peoples faces, literally, way before I made it cool.
I remember when he entered into his feud with Schneider over the WFWF Championship. Schneider was the King of Gore. A moniker that was self given, but duly earned. The man likes putting meat hooks and spikes into people, but back in the days of Rev being relevant, Schneider had an unhealthy obsession with barbed wire…and in particular, goating someone into a barbed wire rope…something until my recent match with Tommy Staxx I was unable to fully appreciate the intensity of. But even before I could fully appreciate it, I remember sitting in the locker room watching the match on the tube, much like this passed week, being excited to see what was about to happen. But instead of sitting there wondering how a new guy was going to do, I was wondering if Schneider or Rev were going to lose limbs. In both instances, I was extremely excited.
Rev lost. I think most people were expecting that. Schneider was on fire and had every advantage in the world on his side. But Rev, in that moment, earned something he probably never cared about and still does not to this day. My respect for him as a competitor. He fought hard, and even in a loss, he made me realize he truly is a talent, even if he is slightly moronic.
…what happened to this Rev? Where did he go? Where did he run off to? The Reverend Shadow of old was such a f*cking badass in the ring. He was willing to do anything he had to. He had talent. Skill. Cunning. Finesse. Integrity. He no longer has any of those. His skill has been lost to the sands of time, looking good in the ring only because of the fear people have of what his name USED TO MEAN.
IT MEANS NOTHING NOW.
Rev is no longer cunning. When it looks like he is getting into the head of his opponent, chances are the other person has so much on their mind aside from Rev, who is becoming one of the worlds biggest pushovers, which enables him to take advantage of their distraction. Ask Cam Nitta. Poor little Asian has a girl in the hospital or something. Not that I care or feel any sort of sympathy for him, try losing a child then complain. But still, I can see where someone can get distracted, which enables your opponent to look better than they truly are.
YOU ARE NO GOOD.
Rev no longer has finesse. He is old as sh*t. Hell, so am I. Finesse is overrated anyways. At least I have brute strength to rely on.
YOU ARE WEAK.
Rev has the integrity equal to zero in the numerator in a math problem. 0. Rev went from being a freelancing, mega badass who just f*cked up whoever he wanted because he wanted to, fighting with Schneider because it brought a sense of life into him, bleeding…and he turned into the thing I used to be, hated myself for being and transformed myself out of being. Rev is now nothing more than a lackey, a whipping boy…the bitch to Trace Demon. Trace needs a body? Rev. Trace needs a bully? Rev. I know the feeling…feels like you were just put into a hottie tottie outfit with a matching pink hat and bent over, right, Rev? How are you enjoying that feeling? I hated it, personally.
…and that is the difference between Rev and myself. Rev is still living, but he is falling. He is going backwards. I am dying, but I am still fighting. I am going forward. He is regressing, I am progressing. Do not try to deny it, Rev. You have gone from the badass wrestler with the stupid choices to the bitch of the establishment, deciding to allow yourself to stupidly become the slave of Trace.
The Horror of old is dead.
The Malakai of now is dying.
But at least I made the decision to die with my soul in my own possession.
The Rev of old is dead.
His soul had been mislead.
Traces lies caused Rev a major swelled head.
His choices will cause him dread.
Because I will end his suffering now.
I know you all wonder how.
Just wait till the show I say to thou.
But to finish him off, I vow.
Your old talent and bad decisions have lead to this. It has forced me so show how crazy I am, using terrible poetry, and moreso to want to end a former idol of mine, because your bad decisions have killed you…and I do not want to see someone I used to look up to fall into the pits of hell any further than you are, Rev. You sold your soul to the Demon…you made a bad choice.
Shocker. I guess somethings just never change.
I changed my mind. I do have drive and reason to fight in this match. There is no hope to return Revs soul to him…so…I guess I will do everyone, including him, a favor and just disposing of what is left of a fellow walking corpse like me.
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