Post by Ace Bennett on Oct 27, 2013 21:47:08 GMT -5
Goku, Protector of Earth, Saiyan warrior, and the victor of many great battles. Brought to Earth with the purpose of destroying it when he was just a young boy, a crash landing and subsequent head injury allowed Goku to take the side of Earth's inferior human race, as he became the sole protector of the planet Earth. After the defeat of the demon Majin Buu, Earth became to know a time of peace that it hadn't witnessed since before the arrival of the Saiyan warrior. Seriously, the dude has brought countless villains to this planet just for some smooth orange balls that grant wishes. And now, none of these evil villains know to mess with Earth because of the presence of Goku. Despite all of that, Goku still trains and trains, awaiting an ever more powerful enemy to test his endless might. On the island of the Turtle Hermit he trains, a vacation away from his overbearing wife Chi-Chi. Goku now trains with his best friend Krillin in a friendly sparring match that lasted for three episodes. However, due to the fact that Krillin sucks, one punch from Goku sends the short bald man flying into the ocean. I know he's not bald at this point, but it's funnier to think that he is.
Master Roshi: Now now boys, don't you think it's time for a break? You've been training for hours! I've made you guys a snack!
Goku: A snack! Oh boy, I'm starving!
Goku charges into the lone shack on the very small island. Literally, the single room shack takes up about half of the island. As he sits down in the dining room, Goku takes the generous portion of the meal that Roshi placed for himself and his two guests. And when I say generous, I mean, he took about 90 percent of the food and left the rest for Roshi and Krillin. Goku quickly devours his portion before Roshi and Krillin enter the room. As Goku's former master and training partner enter the room, they find Goku, fork and knife still in hand, looking on at the empty plates in front of him.
Goku: More please!
Krillin and Roshi collapse to the ground in typical anime fashion, displaying their exasperation towards the overzealous Goku. However, in a flash, the three men are all in the living room talking about their former battles. Roshi and Krillin, having been pretty much irrelevant since the Namek Saga, have much less to say than Goku. However, they are soon joined by their friends Tien, Yamcha, and Chiaotzu, who with the exception of Tien, have even less to say.
Yamcha: Hey, remember when the creator of Krillin's wife plowed his hands through my chest as if I were made of paper?
The whole room laughs except for Yamcha, who cringes and puts his hands over his chest where the scar of that traumatic even is surely located.
Yamcha: Or how about the time when that plant human guy latched onto me and exploded, killing me?
Even more laughter. Yamcha's face is getting angry.
Goku: Boy, you suck Yamcha.
He couldn't really reply. He does suck. The conversation continues, with pretty lame quests of waterfall training at Tien's secret headquarters. Until all of a sudden Goku gets a telepathic message from his Otherworld training, King Kai.
King Kai: Goku! You must beware! A new enemy approaches, one who threatens the Earth's most important of facilities. The facility of logic.
Goku: King Kai, is that you!
King Kai: Yes Goku, and now you must heed my warning. Listen, as your newest enemy has the ability to break logic in ways the human mind can't fathom. You are the only one capable of stopping him.
And with that, we cut to one of our villain's earliest crimes against logic. The city of Pewter located in the Kanto region. Ash Ketchum has caught a grand total three Pokemon, all of which are weak to the attacks of the Pokemon of the gym leader he is about to challenge. Despite this fact, Ash still decides to challenge Brock's Pokemon gym, a rock type gym, using the electric type Pikachu and flying type Pidgeotto. Entering the gym with full confidence, Ash challenges Brock. In a battle which Pikachu's electric type moves nor Pidgeotto's flying type moves should affect Brock's ground/rock type Geodudee or Onix and a battle which should've been over in literally two moves, Ash uses his power to defy logic and defeats Brock after a sprinkler systems decides to go off.
King Kai: So you see Goku, Ash is a major threat to Earth's system of logic. On a daily basis, he defies logic. Whether it be by not fully evolving his Pokemon, or going into battle with Pokemon that should clearly be at a disadvantage typewise and still coming out victorious, Ash Ketchum and his power of using horrible logic must be stopped at any and all costs before it's too late. The very sanity of Earth is at stake. You have one year to train before his arrival in your region.
Goku: Wait....what's a Polka Man?
King Kai: It's a monster that humans enslave and force to take part in glorified cock fights in order to acheive glory in underground leagues. Quite frankly, it's a disturbing practice that I am surprised hasn't been outlawed.
Goku: Are these Polka Men powerful?
King Kai: Uhhh, yes Goku, they are very powerful.
Goku: Great! I better go train then! I'll see you guys later!
Goku flies out the door and out of sight before giving the other men in the room a chance as to so much as speak. Little did Goku know, King Kai was transmitting to him and only him so it appeared as if though he were having a very intense conversation with himself.
Yamcha: .....so, how about Vegeta stealing my girlfriend and having kids with her?
Yamcha curls into a ball and starts crying as the rest of the crew continues to laugh at Yamcha's misfortune.
We return to Goku flying through the sky as he is suddenly stopped by four men.
Goku: Yay! Relevant characters!
Goku halts as he comes within sight of Piccolo, Gohan, Vegeta, and Trunks. The four men all have serious faces.
Piccolo: What's wrong Goku, we sensed your energy moving at a great speed and knew something is wrong.
Gohan: Tell us dad! We are going to help you!
Goku: I don't know, but it sounds bad. Some 10 year old kid is capturing powerful monsters, making horrible decisions when he battles with them, and then still coming away victorious.
Vegeta: WHAT!?!? THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE!?!?!?!? I'M THE PRINCE OF ALLLLL SAIYANS! DON'T YOU FORGET THAT KAKAROT!
Goku: I won't. And it's not supposed to make sense, at least that's what King Kai tells me. And that's why we have to stop him.
Trunks: So what you're saying is that this kid can win battles even though he essentially sucks as a trainer?
Goku: That's exactly what I'm saying Trunks. And King Kai said we only have a year to prepare for him to arrive. So I say we go to Kami's lookout and train until we are ready to face him head on.
Vegeta: ALRIGHT LET'S GO KAKAROT! I WILL NOT ALLOW YOU TO BECOME MORE POWERFUL THAN ME!
Gohan: Does he scream all the time?
Trunks: Yeah, that's kind of his thing.
Gohan: Gotcha.
On that note, the group all flies to Kami's lookout and over the course of 15 episodes, the group trains for the arrival of Ash Ketchum to the region that they live in. As we see shots of the relevant characters come in, we find that with only two days left before Ash is to arrive in the region, Goku is inexplicably taken away from the scene that the battle is going to take place at, leaving Gohan, Piccolo, Trunks, and Vegeta to fight Ash Ketchum alone as Goku rushes back. This always happens, so we'll say the excuse this time is that Goku is going to Korin's place to get Senzu Beans for the battle and it's going to take Goku at least a few hours longer than it should.
On the day of the battle, our heroes have no idea what to expect without Goku at their side. As they wait on Kami's lookout, they all of a sudden feel a regular person's energy floating towards them. That is when, on the back of a Butterfree, Ash Ketchum appears on Kami's Lookout, ready to battle.
Gohan: What! That thing shouldn't be able to support that kid's weight!
Ash Ketchum: My name's Ash Ketchum! And I'm gonna be a Pokemon master! I'm here to challenge your gym so I can go to the Pokemon League and inevitably lose in the second round!
Vegeta: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOU PUNY HUMAN! YOU DARE CHALLENGE THE PRINCE OF ALL SAIYANS?!?!?!?
Ash Ketchum: That's right! I challenge you.
Vegeta: YOUR MISTAKE KID! NO ONE DARES CHALLENGE I, THE PRINCE OF ALL SAIYANS!
Trunks: What are you the prince of, dad?
Vegeta:THE PRINCE OF ALL SAIYANS!
Trunks: What?
Vegeta: I'M THE PRINCE OF ALL SAIYANS!
Ash Ketchum: Well, you may be the Prince of all Say Annes, but I've been 10 for 15 years! I challenge you to a battle! Go! Magikarp.
Defying logic, as always, Ash lets loose a Pokemon that he has never even caught. Spinning in a circle and doing a dance move reminiscent of the Ginyu Force, Ash throws a Pokeball, unleashing a floppy fish Pokemon that doesn't look like it could hurt a fly.
Vegeta: HAH, THIS IS HOW YOU CHALLENGE THE PRINCE OF ALL SAIYANS?!?! I WILL MAKE YOU WISH THIS DAY NEVER CAME!
Vegeta charges at the Magikarp with the speed of a bullet shooting out of a gun.
Ash Ketchum: Magikarp use Splash Attack!
The Magikarp jumps up in the air just as Vegeta is about to make his move, unsuspecting, the fish comes down and causes a large explosion right on top of Vegeta's head. On impact, Vegeta is incinerated into dust, killed on impact. When the dust settles, everyone looks on in awe, as a move that is supposed to do absolutely no damage and have no effect whatsoever has just killed one of Earth's most powerful warriors.
Trunks: Father!!!! Bu-bu-bu, that doesn't even make sense!
Gohan: Don't worry Trunks, after we've defeated this guy, we'll wish your father back with the Dragon Balls for the fourteenth time.
Trunks: Phew, that's a relief. It's not like we've bypassed the rules that one can only be wished back to life once on several occasions now or anything like that.
Ash runs up to Magikarp and hugs it, victorious in its battle.
Ash Ketchum: Alright! You did it! Way to go!
Ash returns the powerful Magikarp back to it's ball and looks at his remaining three opponents, Trunks, Gohan, and Piccolo. Keep in mind, all three of these guys got some sort of powerup during the training montage earlier in this piece that made them more powerful than they have ever been before. Ash unleashes three Pokeballs, one containing a small blue turtle called Squirtle, one a small green dinosaur called Bulbasaur, and one a small red lizard called Charmander. All not fully evolved. All relatively weak compared to their fellow combatants. All most likely to win due to Ash Ketchum's breaking of logic.
Ash Ketchum: Chamander! Squirtle! Bulbasaur! Get them!
What ensues is a battle that would surely last at least ten episodes. Piccolo, Trunks, and Gohan all do whatever is in their power to hold off the amazing logic breaking of Ash Ketchum while they await the arrival of their last hope Goku. During the battle, the three unevolved Pokemon, while completely inferior to Gohan, Trunks, and Piccolo, get the upper hand and beat the three men within an inch of their lives.
Piccolo: Goku.....please.....hurry.....
That line was spouted off a few times as Goku is preoccupied with whatever he is doing despite the fact that he can surely sense the trouble that his allies are in. However, it appears as all hope is not lost, as Piccolo, Trunks, and Gohan get the upper hand for half of one episode. However, the other half of that episode, Ash's Charmander inexplicably evolves into Charmeleon, becoming much more powerful, leaving our heroes once again on the defensive.
The battle rages, and just when it appears that all hope is lost, just as all of the energy of Piccolo, Trunks, and Gohan has been expelled, and just as Charmeleon is about to unleash it's finishing blow upon Gohan, Goku arrives at the nick of time, sending the finishing blow in a different direction with the stroke of a hand and saving his eldest son. Then, with one clean blow, Ace vaporizes Bulbasaur as he is clearly the least popular of the starters even though he is obviously a million times cooler. Squritle then fires a powerful blast of water at Goku, which he simply powers through and puts a finishing blow on the Squirtle, leaving Ash with only one Pokemon.
Ash Ketchum: That isn't even his final form.
As if on cue, Ash's Charmeleon evolves into the winged Charizard. While it evolved, Goku administered the Senzu Beans to his allies and heard the news about Vegeta.
Goku: Ash Ketchum, I've had enough of your not making any sense! Your time ends now! You will never EVER be a Polka Man master after what you did to Vegeta and the rest of my friends! It's about time logic kicked you right in the face!
Ash Ketchum: Not if Charizard has anything to say about that!
And with that, the saga comes to an end. What? Did you think that you were actually going to get closure with the main villain in one saga? Pfft, it took like three to kill Frieza. The next saga will take place on WFWF Celebrity Fight Club in a match that surely will not end until at least Superbrawl. Who will come out on top? Logic says Goku, but we all know that Ash Ketchum isn't exactly one to follow logic.
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So yeah, really half assed this just so I could get something up. Thought it was fun to write though.
