Post by Rated R on Jan 18, 2014 15:12:42 GMT -5
Andrew Dohle: I really don’t think this is a good idea.
Andrew Dohle is not a healthy man, but you would find it difficult to tell that from an initial glance. His problem lies not in the field of illness or disease, nor does he have any kind of mental difficulties. He’s not a liar or a sociopath, he’s not an adulterer or a racist, if you were to meet Andrew on any given day you would think without a shadow of a doubt that he was absolutely fine. You would, however, be wrong. Andrew Dohle is an alcoholic, or at least, a recovering one.
Trace Demon: For the better part of the past seven months Andrew you have been my sponsor and as much as I would like to deny this you have, at times, been of some help when it comes to fighting my urges. Now would you please let me return the favour?
Andrew Dohle: I helped you via conversation, reassurance, that kind of stuff. I didn’t come round to your house and put a drink in front of you.
Trace Demon: You got your methods, I’ve got mine. You told me you were having trouble, feared a relapse. I’m your sponsor, this is me helping.
Andrew Dohle: You don’t help an addict by putting a drink in their hand.
It’s not your traditional approach, but it was the one that Trace Demon had taken. Andrew, who unfortunately had agreed to be Trace Demon’s sponsor with no idea who he was or just how much trouble he could be (though you’d have thought the fact that his name is Trace Demon would be a bit of a clue), had called him up several days ago. He’d been struggling since his wife left him for their young rich Italian neighbour. Trace didn’t have much of an opinion on it, the neighbour was considerably better looking and made more money so actually his opinion was that she’d kinda done the smart thing. Anyway, Andrew had problems, he’d nearly relapsed and he’d called Trace for help and Trace’s idea of help was to buy some really expensive whiskey and put it right down in front of him.
Sure, it’s unconventional, but this is Trace Demon we’re talking about. You’d be disappointed if he just came round and chatted about feelings and crap.
Trace Demon: No, you don’t help an addict by putting a drink in their hand, but I’m not you, I don’t **** foot around like you and everybody else, I do things the direct way. That’s why Alexa is still with me and your wife is with Paulo.
Andrew Dohle: That’s a low blow, and his name isn’t Paulo.
Trace Demon: He’s Italian isn’t he?
Andrew Dohle: That’s kind of racist.
Trace Demon: No, it’s stereotyping, or maybe it is racist. Doesn’t matter, I neither know or care. Just drink it so we can get this over with.
Andrew Dohle: I’m not going to drink it.
His tone says the complete opposite. Unlike most addicts that Trace has met, himself included, Andrew isn’t particularly good at lying or hiding his cravings. The guy’s earnest, too nice for his own good if anything, definitely not the type of man that you’d associate with Trace Demon. That’s why he chose him of course, though Andrew doesn’t know that, it’s no good to have a sponsor who’s going to go off the deep end and drag you down with him, you want one you can rely on to be traditionally boring and predictable.
Trace Demon: Drink the damn drink.
Andrew Dohle: No!
Trace Demon: You want to drink, you’ve spent twenty minutes telling me how you want to drink and now I’ve got you a drink, a nice drink at that, and you turn it down. That’s just rude, you’re being so rude right now.
Andrew Dohle: I’m not going to drink because…
He pauses dramatically.
Trace Demon: Don’t pause dramatically, that’s my thing.
But he was doing so well.
Trace Demon: Don’t encourage him.
Sorry.
Trace Demon: Why won’t you drink it?
Andrew Dohle: Because you’ll judge me.
Trace Demon: And there you go, there’s the reason why I didn’t come here and just speak to you. Talking doesn’t work, not for people like you. If I’d have just spoken to you then you’d have left here feeling better but the moment something got you down you’d get weak and forget all the talking and you’d have a drink anyway. The only thing that works for men like you is the fear of being judged, you’re so caught up with what people think of you, how they see you, you care more about that judgment than you do about getting trashed. Sometimes guys like you have to be reminded of that, sometimes you get forget the fear.
There’s a moment of silence, one instigated by Trace Demon because he’s arrogant and has to take credit for everything dramatic. Even the narration.
Andrew Dohle: That was a terrible pep talk.
Trace Demon: But it did the job, didn’t it? You’re ashamed of your addiction again, that’s what’s going to keep you going for at least another week.
Andrew Dohle: And after that?
Trace Demon: I’ll shame and embarrass you for your problems all over again, it’s something I’ve got a lot of experience in what with all the has-beens and no-hopers I beat on every time I go to work. I mean have you ever heard of Jayson Garrett or Chase Landon?
Andrew Dohle: No, but that’s-
Trace Demon: Exactly, no-hopers.
Awkward pause before Andrew brings up the question we’re all wondering right about now.
Andrew Dohle: What was your point.
Trace Demon: That they’re as hopeless as you are obviously, hasn’t this entire thing been some kind of metaphor? Why are you looking at me like I’m crazy? Oh it doesn’t matter, I still don’t care, just remember, be terribly ashamed of yourself and know that if you drink I’ll totally judge you. I’ll give you this really horrible be disappointed in yourself expression and everything. See, I’m doing it right now.
He is and I feel horribly ashamed of myself even though I’m not the one he’s doing it to. That’s how you know it’s a good one.
Andrew Dohle: So wait; if you don’t think the talking works… do you meet with me so you can feel judged… by me?
Trace Demon: Oh god no, do I look like the kind of man who cares what other people think about him? Is this the crimson hair of a man who even thinks about other people when he wakes up? Let me answer for you… nope. I’ve got no shame, no fear, I don’t give a damn what anybody else thinks. I do things because I feel like it and it doesn’t matter what that does to anybody else because I’m so good at getting away with it.
Andrew Dohle: Then why?
Trace Demon: Because when I meet with you I get to remind myself what a real loser looks like, and then I tell myself that if I drink or start popping pills again then I’ll turn out just like you. And turning out just like you is by far the best reminder of why I don’t drink because there is actually one person who
Andrew Dohle: You’re joking right? Tell me you’re joking. Trace, where are you going? Trace! I thought you were staying for food? Paulo taught me how to make an awesome bolognaise!
That right there… that’s almost enough to make even me quit drinking.
< *** >
Jason Anders: I told you this was going to happen.
Jason Anders, Trace Demon’s legal advisor and the current general manager of the WFWF, sounded way too happy about being right. Sure, it was something of an achievement to be able to say I told you so to Trace Demon but that didn’t mean he had to be so jubilant about the whole thing. Especially this kind of thing.
Trace Demon: You did not.
Jason Anders: I told you that if you kept acting this way then the sponsors were going to do something about it, now they are. You can’t just expect them to sit back and watch their stock plummet because they’re involved with a company whose owner violently attacks, manipulates and abuses his employees.
Trace Demon: I’m a wrestler, that’s kind of my job.
Jason Anders: Yes, your job is to wrestle, and they can just about handle that. They can even handle when you play mind games with a nineteen year old girl in the name of wrestling, they don’t like it but they can handle it. What they can’t handle is the thought that you’re booking yourself into advantageous matches, it makes them look bad, it makes you look bad.
Trace Demon: I just booked myself into a six way for my title, how is that advantageous.
Well we could mention how Trace has beaten, embarrassed and humiliated almost everyone else in the match on at least one occasion but that’d be a low blow if they happened to hear it, right?
Jason Anders: Look, it doesn’t matter what you think, fact of the matter is they sponsors are moving to restrict your role as owner to strictly behind the scenes decisions. Basically, they want to stop you booking matches.
Trace Demon: You as well.
Jason Anders: Wait what? Give that to me.
Trace throws the papers across the office to Anders, the WFWF janitor (who is still more popular than Yukio Blaze despite the beard and body odour… and no, I didn’t just describe Yukio) probably being pretty thankful that they stapled it together. Anders immediately begins looking through, spotting the small print that specifies neither Trace Demon, Jason Anders or anyone that Trace picks gets to book matches anytime in the near future.
Jason Anders: Son of a b***h.
Trace Demon: Not much fun when blowhards try to take everything you’ve worked for away from you, is it?
Jason Anders: What have I done to deserve this?
Trace Demon: You’re guilty by association man. The sponsors want to appoint their own general manager, that’s mental right? That’s not the normal thing to do, people can’t just demand you vacate your role as owner and insert themselves in there instead. That’s a real dick move.
No double meaning in there at all, not at all. *whistles discreetly*.
Jason Anders: Well it says here they’ll appoint an independent general manager, proven to be capable of making hard decisions and who has shown an unfaltering dedication to fair play. Did that sound as boring to you as it did to me?
Trace Demon: Totally, and you’re meant to be the reasonable one around here. I mean I’d still be owner, right?
Jason Anders: Yeah, but only when it comes to the actual business side of things, signing wrestlers, finances, all that stuff you hate. You wouldn’t be allowed to book matches anymore.
Trace mulls it over, knowing that this is no easy decision, at least not for a megalomaniac like him.
Jason Anders: So what are we going to do? If we cave in then you’ve got to start taking orders from someone else again, you’ll put the actual booking back in their hands. If you don’t then we lose the sponsors, our biggest sponsors might I add.
Trace Demon: How long?
Jason Anders: How long until what?
Trace Demon: If we said no, how long would it be until the company is flat broke? How long could we keep going?
Jason Anders: We could find new sponsors but at the fraction of the profit, definitely not with the same kind of scope as we’ve got now. We’d have to make cutbacks, we couldn’t run things anywhere near the same level we do now. It’d take months, maybe longer, to get anywhere near the same level we’re at now.
Trace takes this in, he knows that nobody else believed him when he said it but he really did have the best interests of the WFWF in mind when he took it over, he wanted to take it to new heights and that was one thing he has certainly done. Did you see Revolution, what about Scars & Stripes? Hell, all the way back to Battleground. These were some of the best shows in years and it was because of what he’d done. The sponsors didn’t seem to realize this, they seemed to think that this was all about him, that he was a blight on the company.
Those idiots could think what they want, they didn’t have the first clue about running the WFWF. But he wasn’t going to drag it down because of his own hubris, not with a mind like his.
Trace Demon: I guess it’s time.
Jason Anders: Time for what?
Trace Demon: To do the unthinkable.
Jason Anders: You don’t mean-
Trace Demon: Yes.
Jason Anders: My god.
Trace Demon: I know. I’m going-
Jason Anders: Don’t say it.
Trace Demon: I’m going-
Jason Anders: Please don’t say it.
Trace Demon: I’m going…
Dramatic pause, because he’s the master of them.
Trace Demon: To do the sensible thing.
< *** >
This was not sensible.
Trace Demon: Look Thunder, I brought you here because we need to talk.
No response, god knows why. The man just stood there, his former friend, the one man involved in this ridiculous six man match that he actually respected. Absolutely no response. He just stands in the middle of the office and doesn’t say a word. Kinda creepy if you ask me, but then you’d be creepy too if you looked like him.
Trace Demon: Fine, don’t say anything, I’ll do all the talking, I was always the voice of this team anyway.
He takes a deep breath, preparing himself.
Trace Demon: I never was much good at confession Thunder but here goes, I know I left you high and dry after that whole Shadow Conglomerate business. After they sold up and I lost my power and you lost your usefulness I just kinda left you behind and you… well you floundered and you kept on floundering. I’d like to say it broke my heart to watch you fall so far but I’ll be honest I didn’t really pay all that much attention. Always been a bit conceited that way, care only about myself, you know, all that crap that people always say about me.
Thunder remains silent, just keeps on staring and creeping Trace out.
Trace Demon: You know what, you not talking is too weird for me, if you don’t mind I’m just going to do your bit of the conversation.
No objections. Trace puts on his best Thunder impression, which sounds more like a trucker with cancer than the mildly charismatic professional wrestler it’s meant to sound like.
”Thunder”: I was real sad when you left me behind Trace.
Trace Demon: I know Thunder, I know, you were never the same, can’t be helped now though, all I can do is apologize… except I’m not really sorry, and I’m not in the habit of lying unless I’ve got to.
”Thunder”: Well that’s mighty honest of you, I appreciate it.
The ease at which Trace switches from one voice to the other is somewhat creepy, though not entirely unexpected considering it was only a matter of time before he went off the deep end and did something serial killer-esque.
Trace Demon: Thank you, but I’m not here for your appreciation, I’m here to make sure there’s no bad blood between us. I need you to know that I didn’t abandon you out of anger, or hate or anything at all, I just… stopped caring, and that’s not a slight on your character Thunder, it’s just the kind of man I am. People, well I just don’t much care for them so I only keep them around as long as I need something from them and after that they’re welcome to walk away, all I know is that I won’t stick around a second longer than I have to.
”Thunder”: But we were such a good team together Trace, we even won the tag titles, we could have been something special.
Trace Demon: I agree, we were a good team because I’m one hell of a wrestler and you’re… equally somewhat as nearly decent. But I’m not made for tag teams, I’m a man who has to stand on his own two feet and I know you struggle with that idea. Last time you had to stand on your own two feet… well you failed and got into another tag team with another guy who was just as bad and hopeless as you became. But now you’re back and you’re better than ever! You won the Scars & Stripes battle royal! You finally got rid of the dead weight dragging you down, you’ve got the chance to lose a great match to me at Superbrawl.
”Thunder”: Those are all great things.
Trace Demon: Exactly! You’re in a great place Thunder, which is why I know when we step into that ring at Revolution against Chase Keenan and Landon Donovan-
”Thunder”: That’s not their names.
Trace Demon: Don’t care, I’ll learn them later when I need to slam them with some awesome diatribe.
”Thunder”: Right on.
Right on.
Trace Demon: So like I was saying, when we step in that ring I want you to know I’ve got your back and I know you’ve got mine, because we’re the only two men in this whole Superbrawl match who deserve to be there. I respect you and you respect me and together were…
Trace pauses and stares into Thunder’s cold, dead cardboard eyes.
Trace Demon: Ah f**k it, I’m just gonna kick their asses myself.
Yes… this cardboard cut-out of Thunder wasn’t doing anything for him. He couldn’t be dealing with practice speeches anyway; he had big grand gestures to make and violent monologues to spit out. He didn’t have time to speak to a cardboard Thunder, he didn’t have time to speak to the real Thunder, he didn’t have time for any of them. The only person that mattered was the champion, and right now the champion had to make a choice.
< *** >
In history many great stands have taken place against oppressive and unfair regimes. Men and women have held their heads high and rebelled against the totalitarian state that has restricted their civil liberties and rights to live a free and prosperous life. These men and women are heroes, putting their own safety at risk with the knowledge that even if they change nothing at least they tried, and at least they got their message across. These stands are what make humanity great.
This… is not one of those stands.
Trace Demon: I concede.
Bald Sponsor Dude: Wait what?
This understandably came as a surprise to the men and women sitting in the room, each of whom represented one of the WFWF’s bigger sponsors. All in all there were five different sponsors represented in this office and each of them were threatening to pull their publicity, and more importantly their lovely, lovely money from the WFWF. Since Trace Demon never took the time to learn their names we figured we didn’t need to bother either. Hence we’ll only call them by their most distinguishable feature because you know, what else is there to do?
Trace Demon: I concede, I give up, I surrender, I admit defeat, I hold my hands up, I wave the white flag. How many other versions do you want?
Red headed hipster weirdo: We were pretty sure we’d have to convince you.
With that hair and those hot topic clothes, no chance. Dude, you shouldn’t be working for a soft drink company, you should be getting baked on a beach in Cali, ironically of course.
Trace Demon: That’s because you’re all idiots who thought that you could convince me in the first place. I’m not doing this because you asked, I’m doing it because… well actually yeah I’m doing it because you asked, but not because you threatened, got it?
White Afro Jack: Not really.
Trace Demon: Sigh, and I say that out loud because I feel like you’re all so stupid you won’t actually understand the importance of an actual sigh. Here’s the deal, I agree to step back from match making, you get in someone who knows what they’re doing and I continue to take this company to new heights behind the scenes and you can do absolutely nothing about it. Also, you have to stop being little b*****s whenever I mutilate some poor idiot in a wrestling ring because it’s kind of my job. Those are my conditions.
White Afro Jack: I’m pretty sure those were our conditions.
Frogger: Except for the b*****s part, we definitely did not include that.
Everyone knows that every great professional wrestling contract includes at least one use of the term b***h. It’s a real thing, look it up. Did you look it up? That means you’re an idiot.
Trace Demon: No, those are definitely my conditions, and either you agree to them or I walk out and fill your car with bees and watch to see who can do the best Nicholas Cage impression.
The answer of course is none of them, nobody can truly capture the greatness that is Nicholas Cage.
Doctor Octopus crossed with Shaft: I think we all agree.
They all nod in agreement like they’re some secret cabal of super villains which I suppose they are, being representatives of big business and all.
Doctor Octopus crossed with Shaft: But let us warn you Trace, if you threaten u-
Trace Demon: Seriously, you finish that sentence and there will be bees in all of your cars. I’ve already got the bees.
White Afro Jack: We’re tr-
Trace Demon: They’re big bees.
Frogger: Tr-
Trace Demon: With stingers.
Red Headed Hipster weirdo: B-
Trace Demon: Don’t make me mention the spiders.
They all go quiet, mutually agreeing that there’s really no arguing with Trace when he goes off on one like this. Either that or they’re scared of spiders. Probably the spiders.
Trace Demon: I’m glad we all agree, but I’ll be watching you all, and the bees will be ready.
Trace makes his exit, leaving a palpable fear and mild confusion behind, and heads out into the corridor where Jason Anders awaits anxiously. The moment he sees Trace’s face he knows what colossal event just took place.
Jason Anders: You threatened them with the bees, didn’t you?
Trace Demon: Sometimes you’ve got to fight sponsors with radioactive bees. It’s a thing.
Jason Anders: It’s not a thing.
Trace Demon: Totally a thing.
The two are about to engage in a stereotypically comedic back and forth about radioactive bees, probably throwing in a superpower joke just for the giggles, you know, the usual stuff that you’re all used to by now, when their attention is taken by a woman. She’ll be important later on, we promise, but for now because we’ve got to be all mysterious we’ll just call her “the woman”. Real original we know but we’re still trying to figure out when we became a hive mind and started calling ourselves in the third person despite there only being one of us so cut us a break.
”The Woman”: Hello Trace.
She says it in passing, just enough for the pair of them to get a look at the black haired, tattooed and pierced beauty who could turn an angel to Satanism with a bat of the eyelashes. She continues walking, right on into the office full of odd looking sponsor representatives.
Jason Anders: Who was that?
A grin grows across Trace’s lips, not a smirk, an actual grin.
Trace Demon: I’ve got a feeling she’s the reason things are about to get very, very interesting.
< *** >
I pay no heed to the passage of time. It matters little to me, while it seems to matter greatly to others. From the moment this tag team match was announced all of the attention has been put on mine and Thunder’s history. As a team, as cohorts, as WFWF Tag Team Champions. It seems that to you all this match matters because we are teaming once again but under circumstances much more tenuous than in the past. You people seem to think that simply because we teamed together once upon a time that there is more to this match than there is actually is. You want to think that this match is all about how we’ll work together based on our history, about whether we still have the golden touch that we had as a team all those years ago. You want to get all nostalgic about it, when the truth is there is nothing more to this match than the obvious… the WFWF World Heavyweight Championship.
The past doesn’t matter, the past never matters, the present is the only thing that affects the way the world works and it’s the only thing that has any bearing on this match. Forget about WFWF Tag Team Champions Trace Demon and Thunder, those men are long gone now. Think only of WFWF World Heavyweight Champion Trace Demon and the rightful challenger Thunder. Yes, rightful challenger. I watched the battle royal and I told you all that only one of the four men called victor truly deserved this match against me at Superbrawl. I said I’d hold my tongue because I didn’t want to cause a stir but now that I don’t have to concern myself with appeasing sponsors I’ve decided I don’t have to keep my mouth shut. Thunder, in my eyes you won that battle royal, you were the only man in there who put on a performance worthy of being called the number one contender. So here we stand side by side as equals, the best in the world against the only man worthy of challenging him. If that doesn’t scare the rookies opposite us I don’t know what will.
Because it should scare you Garrett, and you Chase. You should both fear what we are capable of doing and of what we will do to you to prove ourselves ahead of Superbrawl. Because that’s what this is about, it’s about Superbrawl. You two are nobodies, complete non-entities to us, you’re a stepping stone for us to show our dominance, to show why we’re the true stars of Superbrawl. Garrett, you’re a rich kid with nothing to back it up, a loud mouth who likes the sound of his own voice. Guess what, I like the sound of my own voice as well but at least when I speak people give a crap what I’ve got to say. When I speak people listen, when you speak… well it’s like the chirping of a cricket. Chase, I don’t even know what to say about you, you’re like a bad Joe Bishop tribute act with a rat thrown in to add to the creepiness factor. And guess what, Joe Bishop’s creepy enough as it is, you seen his hair? You two don’t matter, you’re nobodies, thrown together because people like to have something to laugh at, because people like to see a freak show even if they deny it. You two satisfy the curiosity, you answer the question of what happens when you throw two freaks into the ring with two stars.
But I already know the answer – a bloodbath.
And that is what it’s going to be. I’m going to walk into that ring with my sole intention being to tear you apart, to spill your blood and make sure everybody remembers exactly what I’m capable of. And I do it knowing full well that Thunder intends to do the exact same thing. For me this isn’t about the past, for Thunder it isn’t about the past. For us it’s about the present, it’s about sending a message right here, right now that come Supebrawl… we are the only ones that matter.
Andrew Dohle is not a healthy man, but you would find it difficult to tell that from an initial glance. His problem lies not in the field of illness or disease, nor does he have any kind of mental difficulties. He’s not a liar or a sociopath, he’s not an adulterer or a racist, if you were to meet Andrew on any given day you would think without a shadow of a doubt that he was absolutely fine. You would, however, be wrong. Andrew Dohle is an alcoholic, or at least, a recovering one.
Trace Demon: For the better part of the past seven months Andrew you have been my sponsor and as much as I would like to deny this you have, at times, been of some help when it comes to fighting my urges. Now would you please let me return the favour?
Andrew Dohle: I helped you via conversation, reassurance, that kind of stuff. I didn’t come round to your house and put a drink in front of you.
Trace Demon: You got your methods, I’ve got mine. You told me you were having trouble, feared a relapse. I’m your sponsor, this is me helping.
Andrew Dohle: You don’t help an addict by putting a drink in their hand.
It’s not your traditional approach, but it was the one that Trace Demon had taken. Andrew, who unfortunately had agreed to be Trace Demon’s sponsor with no idea who he was or just how much trouble he could be (though you’d have thought the fact that his name is Trace Demon would be a bit of a clue), had called him up several days ago. He’d been struggling since his wife left him for their young rich Italian neighbour. Trace didn’t have much of an opinion on it, the neighbour was considerably better looking and made more money so actually his opinion was that she’d kinda done the smart thing. Anyway, Andrew had problems, he’d nearly relapsed and he’d called Trace for help and Trace’s idea of help was to buy some really expensive whiskey and put it right down in front of him.
Sure, it’s unconventional, but this is Trace Demon we’re talking about. You’d be disappointed if he just came round and chatted about feelings and crap.
Trace Demon: No, you don’t help an addict by putting a drink in their hand, but I’m not you, I don’t **** foot around like you and everybody else, I do things the direct way. That’s why Alexa is still with me and your wife is with Paulo.
Andrew Dohle: That’s a low blow, and his name isn’t Paulo.
Trace Demon: He’s Italian isn’t he?
Andrew Dohle: That’s kind of racist.
Trace Demon: No, it’s stereotyping, or maybe it is racist. Doesn’t matter, I neither know or care. Just drink it so we can get this over with.
Andrew Dohle: I’m not going to drink it.
His tone says the complete opposite. Unlike most addicts that Trace has met, himself included, Andrew isn’t particularly good at lying or hiding his cravings. The guy’s earnest, too nice for his own good if anything, definitely not the type of man that you’d associate with Trace Demon. That’s why he chose him of course, though Andrew doesn’t know that, it’s no good to have a sponsor who’s going to go off the deep end and drag you down with him, you want one you can rely on to be traditionally boring and predictable.
Trace Demon: Drink the damn drink.
Andrew Dohle: No!
Trace Demon: You want to drink, you’ve spent twenty minutes telling me how you want to drink and now I’ve got you a drink, a nice drink at that, and you turn it down. That’s just rude, you’re being so rude right now.
Andrew Dohle: I’m not going to drink because…
He pauses dramatically.
Trace Demon: Don’t pause dramatically, that’s my thing.
But he was doing so well.
Trace Demon: Don’t encourage him.
Sorry.
Trace Demon: Why won’t you drink it?
Andrew Dohle: Because you’ll judge me.
Trace Demon: And there you go, there’s the reason why I didn’t come here and just speak to you. Talking doesn’t work, not for people like you. If I’d have just spoken to you then you’d have left here feeling better but the moment something got you down you’d get weak and forget all the talking and you’d have a drink anyway. The only thing that works for men like you is the fear of being judged, you’re so caught up with what people think of you, how they see you, you care more about that judgment than you do about getting trashed. Sometimes guys like you have to be reminded of that, sometimes you get forget the fear.
There’s a moment of silence, one instigated by Trace Demon because he’s arrogant and has to take credit for everything dramatic. Even the narration.
Andrew Dohle: That was a terrible pep talk.
Trace Demon: But it did the job, didn’t it? You’re ashamed of your addiction again, that’s what’s going to keep you going for at least another week.
Andrew Dohle: And after that?
Trace Demon: I’ll shame and embarrass you for your problems all over again, it’s something I’ve got a lot of experience in what with all the has-beens and no-hopers I beat on every time I go to work. I mean have you ever heard of Jayson Garrett or Chase Landon?
Andrew Dohle: No, but that’s-
Trace Demon: Exactly, no-hopers.
Awkward pause before Andrew brings up the question we’re all wondering right about now.
Andrew Dohle: What was your point.
Trace Demon: That they’re as hopeless as you are obviously, hasn’t this entire thing been some kind of metaphor? Why are you looking at me like I’m crazy? Oh it doesn’t matter, I still don’t care, just remember, be terribly ashamed of yourself and know that if you drink I’ll totally judge you. I’ll give you this really horrible be disappointed in yourself expression and everything. See, I’m doing it right now.
He is and I feel horribly ashamed of myself even though I’m not the one he’s doing it to. That’s how you know it’s a good one.
Andrew Dohle: So wait; if you don’t think the talking works… do you meet with me so you can feel judged… by me?
Trace Demon: Oh god no, do I look like the kind of man who cares what other people think about him? Is this the crimson hair of a man who even thinks about other people when he wakes up? Let me answer for you… nope. I’ve got no shame, no fear, I don’t give a damn what anybody else thinks. I do things because I feel like it and it doesn’t matter what that does to anybody else because I’m so good at getting away with it.
Andrew Dohle: Then why?
Trace Demon: Because when I meet with you I get to remind myself what a real loser looks like, and then I tell myself that if I drink or start popping pills again then I’ll turn out just like you. And turning out just like you is by far the best reminder of why I don’t drink because there is actually one person who
Andrew Dohle: You’re joking right? Tell me you’re joking. Trace, where are you going? Trace! I thought you were staying for food? Paulo taught me how to make an awesome bolognaise!
That right there… that’s almost enough to make even me quit drinking.
< *** >
Jason Anders: I told you this was going to happen.
Jason Anders, Trace Demon’s legal advisor and the current general manager of the WFWF, sounded way too happy about being right. Sure, it was something of an achievement to be able to say I told you so to Trace Demon but that didn’t mean he had to be so jubilant about the whole thing. Especially this kind of thing.
Trace Demon: You did not.
Jason Anders: I told you that if you kept acting this way then the sponsors were going to do something about it, now they are. You can’t just expect them to sit back and watch their stock plummet because they’re involved with a company whose owner violently attacks, manipulates and abuses his employees.
Trace Demon: I’m a wrestler, that’s kind of my job.
Jason Anders: Yes, your job is to wrestle, and they can just about handle that. They can even handle when you play mind games with a nineteen year old girl in the name of wrestling, they don’t like it but they can handle it. What they can’t handle is the thought that you’re booking yourself into advantageous matches, it makes them look bad, it makes you look bad.
Trace Demon: I just booked myself into a six way for my title, how is that advantageous.
Well we could mention how Trace has beaten, embarrassed and humiliated almost everyone else in the match on at least one occasion but that’d be a low blow if they happened to hear it, right?
Jason Anders: Look, it doesn’t matter what you think, fact of the matter is they sponsors are moving to restrict your role as owner to strictly behind the scenes decisions. Basically, they want to stop you booking matches.
Trace Demon: You as well.
Jason Anders: Wait what? Give that to me.
Trace throws the papers across the office to Anders, the WFWF janitor (who is still more popular than Yukio Blaze despite the beard and body odour… and no, I didn’t just describe Yukio) probably being pretty thankful that they stapled it together. Anders immediately begins looking through, spotting the small print that specifies neither Trace Demon, Jason Anders or anyone that Trace picks gets to book matches anytime in the near future.
Jason Anders: Son of a b***h.
Trace Demon: Not much fun when blowhards try to take everything you’ve worked for away from you, is it?
Jason Anders: What have I done to deserve this?
Trace Demon: You’re guilty by association man. The sponsors want to appoint their own general manager, that’s mental right? That’s not the normal thing to do, people can’t just demand you vacate your role as owner and insert themselves in there instead. That’s a real dick move.
No double meaning in there at all, not at all. *whistles discreetly*.
Jason Anders: Well it says here they’ll appoint an independent general manager, proven to be capable of making hard decisions and who has shown an unfaltering dedication to fair play. Did that sound as boring to you as it did to me?
Trace Demon: Totally, and you’re meant to be the reasonable one around here. I mean I’d still be owner, right?
Jason Anders: Yeah, but only when it comes to the actual business side of things, signing wrestlers, finances, all that stuff you hate. You wouldn’t be allowed to book matches anymore.
Trace mulls it over, knowing that this is no easy decision, at least not for a megalomaniac like him.
Jason Anders: So what are we going to do? If we cave in then you’ve got to start taking orders from someone else again, you’ll put the actual booking back in their hands. If you don’t then we lose the sponsors, our biggest sponsors might I add.
Trace Demon: How long?
Jason Anders: How long until what?
Trace Demon: If we said no, how long would it be until the company is flat broke? How long could we keep going?
Jason Anders: We could find new sponsors but at the fraction of the profit, definitely not with the same kind of scope as we’ve got now. We’d have to make cutbacks, we couldn’t run things anywhere near the same level we do now. It’d take months, maybe longer, to get anywhere near the same level we’re at now.
Trace takes this in, he knows that nobody else believed him when he said it but he really did have the best interests of the WFWF in mind when he took it over, he wanted to take it to new heights and that was one thing he has certainly done. Did you see Revolution, what about Scars & Stripes? Hell, all the way back to Battleground. These were some of the best shows in years and it was because of what he’d done. The sponsors didn’t seem to realize this, they seemed to think that this was all about him, that he was a blight on the company.
Those idiots could think what they want, they didn’t have the first clue about running the WFWF. But he wasn’t going to drag it down because of his own hubris, not with a mind like his.
Trace Demon: I guess it’s time.
Jason Anders: Time for what?
Trace Demon: To do the unthinkable.
Jason Anders: You don’t mean-
Trace Demon: Yes.
Jason Anders: My god.
Trace Demon: I know. I’m going-
Jason Anders: Don’t say it.
Trace Demon: I’m going-
Jason Anders: Please don’t say it.
Trace Demon: I’m going…
Dramatic pause, because he’s the master of them.
Trace Demon: To do the sensible thing.
< *** >
This was not sensible.
Trace Demon: Look Thunder, I brought you here because we need to talk.
No response, god knows why. The man just stood there, his former friend, the one man involved in this ridiculous six man match that he actually respected. Absolutely no response. He just stands in the middle of the office and doesn’t say a word. Kinda creepy if you ask me, but then you’d be creepy too if you looked like him.
Trace Demon: Fine, don’t say anything, I’ll do all the talking, I was always the voice of this team anyway.
He takes a deep breath, preparing himself.
Trace Demon: I never was much good at confession Thunder but here goes, I know I left you high and dry after that whole Shadow Conglomerate business. After they sold up and I lost my power and you lost your usefulness I just kinda left you behind and you… well you floundered and you kept on floundering. I’d like to say it broke my heart to watch you fall so far but I’ll be honest I didn’t really pay all that much attention. Always been a bit conceited that way, care only about myself, you know, all that crap that people always say about me.
Thunder remains silent, just keeps on staring and creeping Trace out.
Trace Demon: You know what, you not talking is too weird for me, if you don’t mind I’m just going to do your bit of the conversation.
No objections. Trace puts on his best Thunder impression, which sounds more like a trucker with cancer than the mildly charismatic professional wrestler it’s meant to sound like.
”Thunder”: I was real sad when you left me behind Trace.
Trace Demon: I know Thunder, I know, you were never the same, can’t be helped now though, all I can do is apologize… except I’m not really sorry, and I’m not in the habit of lying unless I’ve got to.
”Thunder”: Well that’s mighty honest of you, I appreciate it.
The ease at which Trace switches from one voice to the other is somewhat creepy, though not entirely unexpected considering it was only a matter of time before he went off the deep end and did something serial killer-esque.
Trace Demon: Thank you, but I’m not here for your appreciation, I’m here to make sure there’s no bad blood between us. I need you to know that I didn’t abandon you out of anger, or hate or anything at all, I just… stopped caring, and that’s not a slight on your character Thunder, it’s just the kind of man I am. People, well I just don’t much care for them so I only keep them around as long as I need something from them and after that they’re welcome to walk away, all I know is that I won’t stick around a second longer than I have to.
”Thunder”: But we were such a good team together Trace, we even won the tag titles, we could have been something special.
Trace Demon: I agree, we were a good team because I’m one hell of a wrestler and you’re… equally somewhat as nearly decent. But I’m not made for tag teams, I’m a man who has to stand on his own two feet and I know you struggle with that idea. Last time you had to stand on your own two feet… well you failed and got into another tag team with another guy who was just as bad and hopeless as you became. But now you’re back and you’re better than ever! You won the Scars & Stripes battle royal! You finally got rid of the dead weight dragging you down, you’ve got the chance to lose a great match to me at Superbrawl.
”Thunder”: Those are all great things.
Trace Demon: Exactly! You’re in a great place Thunder, which is why I know when we step into that ring at Revolution against Chase Keenan and Landon Donovan-
”Thunder”: That’s not their names.
Trace Demon: Don’t care, I’ll learn them later when I need to slam them with some awesome diatribe.
”Thunder”: Right on.
Right on.
Trace Demon: So like I was saying, when we step in that ring I want you to know I’ve got your back and I know you’ve got mine, because we’re the only two men in this whole Superbrawl match who deserve to be there. I respect you and you respect me and together were…
Trace pauses and stares into Thunder’s cold, dead cardboard eyes.
Trace Demon: Ah f**k it, I’m just gonna kick their asses myself.
Yes… this cardboard cut-out of Thunder wasn’t doing anything for him. He couldn’t be dealing with practice speeches anyway; he had big grand gestures to make and violent monologues to spit out. He didn’t have time to speak to a cardboard Thunder, he didn’t have time to speak to the real Thunder, he didn’t have time for any of them. The only person that mattered was the champion, and right now the champion had to make a choice.
< *** >
In history many great stands have taken place against oppressive and unfair regimes. Men and women have held their heads high and rebelled against the totalitarian state that has restricted their civil liberties and rights to live a free and prosperous life. These men and women are heroes, putting their own safety at risk with the knowledge that even if they change nothing at least they tried, and at least they got their message across. These stands are what make humanity great.
This… is not one of those stands.
Trace Demon: I concede.
Bald Sponsor Dude: Wait what?
This understandably came as a surprise to the men and women sitting in the room, each of whom represented one of the WFWF’s bigger sponsors. All in all there were five different sponsors represented in this office and each of them were threatening to pull their publicity, and more importantly their lovely, lovely money from the WFWF. Since Trace Demon never took the time to learn their names we figured we didn’t need to bother either. Hence we’ll only call them by their most distinguishable feature because you know, what else is there to do?
Trace Demon: I concede, I give up, I surrender, I admit defeat, I hold my hands up, I wave the white flag. How many other versions do you want?
Red headed hipster weirdo: We were pretty sure we’d have to convince you.
With that hair and those hot topic clothes, no chance. Dude, you shouldn’t be working for a soft drink company, you should be getting baked on a beach in Cali, ironically of course.
Trace Demon: That’s because you’re all idiots who thought that you could convince me in the first place. I’m not doing this because you asked, I’m doing it because… well actually yeah I’m doing it because you asked, but not because you threatened, got it?
White Afro Jack: Not really.
Trace Demon: Sigh, and I say that out loud because I feel like you’re all so stupid you won’t actually understand the importance of an actual sigh. Here’s the deal, I agree to step back from match making, you get in someone who knows what they’re doing and I continue to take this company to new heights behind the scenes and you can do absolutely nothing about it. Also, you have to stop being little b*****s whenever I mutilate some poor idiot in a wrestling ring because it’s kind of my job. Those are my conditions.
White Afro Jack: I’m pretty sure those were our conditions.
Frogger: Except for the b*****s part, we definitely did not include that.
Everyone knows that every great professional wrestling contract includes at least one use of the term b***h. It’s a real thing, look it up. Did you look it up? That means you’re an idiot.
Trace Demon: No, those are definitely my conditions, and either you agree to them or I walk out and fill your car with bees and watch to see who can do the best Nicholas Cage impression.
The answer of course is none of them, nobody can truly capture the greatness that is Nicholas Cage.
Doctor Octopus crossed with Shaft: I think we all agree.
They all nod in agreement like they’re some secret cabal of super villains which I suppose they are, being representatives of big business and all.
Doctor Octopus crossed with Shaft: But let us warn you Trace, if you threaten u-
Trace Demon: Seriously, you finish that sentence and there will be bees in all of your cars. I’ve already got the bees.
White Afro Jack: We’re tr-
Trace Demon: They’re big bees.
Frogger: Tr-
Trace Demon: With stingers.
Red Headed Hipster weirdo: B-
Trace Demon: Don’t make me mention the spiders.
They all go quiet, mutually agreeing that there’s really no arguing with Trace when he goes off on one like this. Either that or they’re scared of spiders. Probably the spiders.
Trace Demon: I’m glad we all agree, but I’ll be watching you all, and the bees will be ready.
Trace makes his exit, leaving a palpable fear and mild confusion behind, and heads out into the corridor where Jason Anders awaits anxiously. The moment he sees Trace’s face he knows what colossal event just took place.
Jason Anders: You threatened them with the bees, didn’t you?
Trace Demon: Sometimes you’ve got to fight sponsors with radioactive bees. It’s a thing.
Jason Anders: It’s not a thing.
Trace Demon: Totally a thing.
The two are about to engage in a stereotypically comedic back and forth about radioactive bees, probably throwing in a superpower joke just for the giggles, you know, the usual stuff that you’re all used to by now, when their attention is taken by a woman. She’ll be important later on, we promise, but for now because we’ve got to be all mysterious we’ll just call her “the woman”. Real original we know but we’re still trying to figure out when we became a hive mind and started calling ourselves in the third person despite there only being one of us so cut us a break.
”The Woman”: Hello Trace.
She says it in passing, just enough for the pair of them to get a look at the black haired, tattooed and pierced beauty who could turn an angel to Satanism with a bat of the eyelashes. She continues walking, right on into the office full of odd looking sponsor representatives.
Jason Anders: Who was that?
A grin grows across Trace’s lips, not a smirk, an actual grin.
Trace Demon: I’ve got a feeling she’s the reason things are about to get very, very interesting.
< *** >
I pay no heed to the passage of time. It matters little to me, while it seems to matter greatly to others. From the moment this tag team match was announced all of the attention has been put on mine and Thunder’s history. As a team, as cohorts, as WFWF Tag Team Champions. It seems that to you all this match matters because we are teaming once again but under circumstances much more tenuous than in the past. You people seem to think that simply because we teamed together once upon a time that there is more to this match than there is actually is. You want to think that this match is all about how we’ll work together based on our history, about whether we still have the golden touch that we had as a team all those years ago. You want to get all nostalgic about it, when the truth is there is nothing more to this match than the obvious… the WFWF World Heavyweight Championship.
The past doesn’t matter, the past never matters, the present is the only thing that affects the way the world works and it’s the only thing that has any bearing on this match. Forget about WFWF Tag Team Champions Trace Demon and Thunder, those men are long gone now. Think only of WFWF World Heavyweight Champion Trace Demon and the rightful challenger Thunder. Yes, rightful challenger. I watched the battle royal and I told you all that only one of the four men called victor truly deserved this match against me at Superbrawl. I said I’d hold my tongue because I didn’t want to cause a stir but now that I don’t have to concern myself with appeasing sponsors I’ve decided I don’t have to keep my mouth shut. Thunder, in my eyes you won that battle royal, you were the only man in there who put on a performance worthy of being called the number one contender. So here we stand side by side as equals, the best in the world against the only man worthy of challenging him. If that doesn’t scare the rookies opposite us I don’t know what will.
Because it should scare you Garrett, and you Chase. You should both fear what we are capable of doing and of what we will do to you to prove ourselves ahead of Superbrawl. Because that’s what this is about, it’s about Superbrawl. You two are nobodies, complete non-entities to us, you’re a stepping stone for us to show our dominance, to show why we’re the true stars of Superbrawl. Garrett, you’re a rich kid with nothing to back it up, a loud mouth who likes the sound of his own voice. Guess what, I like the sound of my own voice as well but at least when I speak people give a crap what I’ve got to say. When I speak people listen, when you speak… well it’s like the chirping of a cricket. Chase, I don’t even know what to say about you, you’re like a bad Joe Bishop tribute act with a rat thrown in to add to the creepiness factor. And guess what, Joe Bishop’s creepy enough as it is, you seen his hair? You two don’t matter, you’re nobodies, thrown together because people like to have something to laugh at, because people like to see a freak show even if they deny it. You two satisfy the curiosity, you answer the question of what happens when you throw two freaks into the ring with two stars.
But I already know the answer – a bloodbath.
And that is what it’s going to be. I’m going to walk into that ring with my sole intention being to tear you apart, to spill your blood and make sure everybody remembers exactly what I’m capable of. And I do it knowing full well that Thunder intends to do the exact same thing. For me this isn’t about the past, for Thunder it isn’t about the past. For us it’s about the present, it’s about sending a message right here, right now that come Supebrawl… we are the only ones that matter.
