Post by jdfranchise on Mar 16, 2014 19:04:58 GMT -5
It’s been a long time since Josh Dean has had to think about wrestling. Two years to be exact since his last match in FCW. This is where he went after his longtime home, BQWA, had closed its doors in March 2011. He was finding much needed momentum after an initial struggle with adjusting to another promotion. He was hitting fire at the right time, including gaining a pinfall victory over former World Champion Eric Michaels. However, while attempting a suicide dive against Bubba Anthony and Crowley one night in January 2012 on an episode of Anarchy, a move that Josh had hit to perfection thousands of times, one miscalculation, one split second instance signified the end of one of the most exciting superstars in wrestling history… only he didn't know that at the time.
And that’s why they call it high risk.
He didn’t know that the crack pot team of FCW doctors would misdiagnose him and then subsequently misinform him that he would be able to return in a few short months. “It’s just a broken collarbone, three to four months tops.” they said to the at the time 26 year old Hall of Fame recipient. That was fine to him until one day about a month after the diagnosis had been made he lost feeling in his left arm. He had been injured before, but this was different. A second opinion with Dr. Youngblood confirmed that his C4 and C5 vertebrae needed to be fused from the incident. In an instant, three months just went to a year if not longer. Maybe never again. He was lucky that there was still a shred of hope of a return.
And that wasn’t even what turned his life upside down. It wasn't even the part when six months had went by and FCW closed its doors due to mismanagement. He was still getting paid his guaranteed buyout, so money wasn't going to be the issue. It wasn't even during his rehabilitation when he blew his knee out, though that played a role in the tough decisions he had to make eventually. He had already saved up millions from his time in BQWA and this check coming in was just more to play with. No, Josh at this point looked at the different options in his life, ones potentially not involving wrestling. A nest egg in the event that wrestling companies around the globe felt a little skittish about bringing in a guy fresh off spinal fusion surgery and reconstructive knee surgery, no matter how good his name value and reputation were for the bottom line. Why sign an expensive guy when it might be two years before he even wrestled? How long would they be able to have him once he was cleared? Did he even really need to… did he even want to do this anymore?
That’s why on June 18, 2012, in front of a press conference of 35 people, Josh Dean announced his retirement from professional wrestling. Just the way he wanted. No fancy celebrations and tributes. No retirement tours. With twelve years as a professional and a name and status that would leave him set for life to his credit; he had accomplished everything he had ever dreamed of doing on his own terms.
For the first time in a very long time, Josh was at peace with the thought of leaving that spotlight he had grown up in front of. He was ready to move on with his life.
Then he met her.
Nikki Brown.
She would later become his wife, but before that Nikki was a very vital part in Josh making another transition in his life. The transition from being a celebrity to a normal guy. The transition from being gone for a month at a time to being home every night without fail. The transition from being a bachelor to a husband and a father. He still remembers the first time he met her at the coffee shop just outside the city. July 20, 2012, the first day running his new business, a scouting agency for athletes. He stopped to get coffee for the people in the office that he hired. But she stopped him, and damn she was a woman of class. The type of woman that you take home to mom, well that is if mom was alive. He could remember all the little details, the way she smelled like vanilla, her dark blonde hair flowing in the light breeze of a July morning when she walked in that white summer dress. Her light blue eyes caught his for the first time and he was hooked. He almost didn't ask her out because he was so intimidated by her beauty, but the smile that still melts him to this day melted his heart for the first time and the rest just became a blur. When he met her son Drake soon after, he knew that this was the life he wanted to have all along, which came a little closer to fruition when they got married on July 4, 2013 in a little beach ceremony on the coastline in Savannah. His former tag team partner, Jason Storm, was his best man. He knew something was different because Josh was so happy that the idea of wrestling never once crossed his mind or his lips. He had the life that wrestling couldn't provide. The first time he held his son Hunter on December 1, 2013 only strengthened the love he had for his new family. That’s how his life turned around, and providing for them became the priority.
Wrestling was just a thing of the past. A way to make the life that he now enjoys possible.
*********
When I broke my neck, I don’t want to say that I was already considering retiring. But the thought was creeping in my head because of the damage I've taken over my career. What’s fun about getting a CT Scan or an Impact Test after getting a concussion from chair shot by a green rookie because management wanted you to see “if he had the goods”. What’s glorious about falling off a ladder twenty feet high through a table, because my back sure as sh*t didn't care for feeling like it had just been T-Boned by a semi. 2011 wasn't a banner year for me, but I knew that I was back on the rise to the top, where I knew I belonged.
I’ve had a hard life, and this lifestyle just made it harder. I have no family because of where I grew up and the kind of things that went down there. Wrestling was originally an outlet to release that pain by inflicting it on the sorry son of a b*tch who drew me as an opponent that night. I was good at it and made a lot of money doing it. But that’s not the life that I live now because I didn't like the kind of person I was becoming. Nikki saved my life, and of course blowing my knee out in rehab made it easier to walk away. She and the kids are the only family I have and the only ones I care about. Even though I almost immediately reconsidered the decision to step away, I knew it was for the best because they don’t need to live that life. My job is to be her husband and the boys’ father, to not only provide but to protect them from that life.
They say we’re trained athletes, and that we are. I, probably more than anyone else, know what sacrifices it takes to be at the top of your game physically and mentally. But this life takes so much out of you because of the physicality. The fact that I went most of my career without a severe injury was something I took pride in, and I used it to break my opponents down because I knew that I was the best athlete they would ever see. That I was the best wrestler that they would ever see. That I could take the best beating they could dish out and still come back to do something breathtaking. It was like I was a cyborg.
Maybe in hindsight, breaking my neck was the best thing that could happened to me. To remind me that as resilient as I am, as tough and athletic as I am, I’m still human.
I have always been a man of faith, and I think that God had a plan for me when I didn't end up paralyzed from that dive. Maybe it was done by design to show me that there was something else out there for me. I’ve always trusted in his direction, even when my actions didn't show it. That’s what lead me to her, and that I’m grateful for. I've lived my dream and it didn’t kill me or maim me to the point that I can’t enjoy the life I have right now, with a beautiful wife and two wonderful kids who love and depend on me daily. A feeling that even 100,000 people chanting your name can’t give.
********
February 19, 2014
Atlanta, Georgia
He opened the front door to his luxurious mansion at the same time he does every day now. He undoes the buttons on his light blue dress shirt as he walks through the foyer and through the formal dining room to the right. Suddenly, he is attracted by the savory smell of chicken wafting as it is being prepared in the large open faced kitchen just down the short hallway past the exquisite social room. His eyes light up as he sees Nikki tickling baby Hunter, whose bouncer seat is on the counter top.
Josh: Honey! I’m home!
Baby Hunter flails his arms and kicks his legs in his bouncer seat as he sees Nikki run over and wrap her arms around her husband’s neck, giving him a big welcome home kiss. Josh lifts her and spins her around a couple of times before he sits her down. Nikki turns and goes back to cooking the veggies and chicken that they will be having for dinner this evening. Josh undoes the neat pony tail that his hair is in and lets his hair flow freely.
Nikki: How was your day, babe?
Josh: Not bad. Had some potential clients stop by. With draft season in full swing, I got a lot of NFL prospects trying to find an agent that will get them the best deal. Looks like this year could end up better than last year’s quota.
Nikki: Any notable prospects on the schedule?
Nikki helped Josh at the agency when he first opened it, right as they started getting serious .And Josh really enjoyed having her in the office. She was driven, organized, and friendly to the rest of the staff. Of course having her in the office had its own advantages to boost Josh’s morale. But when she got pregnant with Hunter, Nikki decided that it would be better if she took the time to be a stay at home mom. Of course he was supportive, hell business was good. It’s not like they didn’t have money stored back, either. There was no reason for her to work period, but she did anyway because she liked staying busy almost as much as she liked being around Josh. Sometimes to help Josh in preparation, she would keep up on little things like statistics and combine results. She is a good wife, and he knew it. He really hit the jackpot with her.
Josh: I’m supposed to be speaking Manziel and Teddy Bridgewater tomorrow. Bridgewater will probably come by in the morning. Manziel is a diva so he’ll show up whenever the hell he feels like it. Sammy Watkins is scheduled Friday. Then next week I have mostly guys going in the second and third rounds coming in. But next Friday I have Jedevean Clowney coming in. So pretty good lineup of guys coming in looking for representation. But enough about work, how was your day?
Nikki: Well, I got the oven cleaned and now I’m working on dinner. Hunter rolled for the first time today and just got up from his nap a little bit before you got home.
Baby Hunter cracks a smile and continues to move in his bouncer seat. He lets out a little squeak and Josh walks over to his son and picks him up out of the seat and gives him a kiss on his forehead before putting him in his right arm.
Josh: Did you roll today, bub?
Hunter blows bubbles at Josh before opening his mouth and sticking his fist in it. At three months old, Hunter is a bright young boy that is in awe of his daily surroundings, and developing quite the personality. Just the other day, he picked up his stuffed animal and threw it at Drake, his older brother and Nikki’s first son. It seems like yesterday that he was born. Now he’s teething. Josh switches his grip and is now holding him in his left arm.
Josh: Damn he’s getting big. Speaking of the boys, where’s Drake? I wanted to see how his day at school went.
Nikki: He’s upstairs somewhere. He might be playing video games. He came in, kissed me and his brother then ran upstairs.
Josh: Cool. Well I’m going to put this guy back in his bouncer so he can help mommy cook dinner. I’ll go check on him.
Josh places baby Hunter back in the bouncer and gives his wife a kiss on her forehead before out of the back side of the kitchen toward the backside stairs leading toward the upstairs area. As he reaches the second floor of his home he walks toward the master bedroom, where he sees the pull down stairs leading to the attic resting on the floor. Josh walks around and scales the stairs toward the walking room attic. Surveying the area, he spots Drake looking through some old knick knacks in the corner. Or at least that’s what he thought before the shine of his Hall of Fame plaque shines from the sunlight entering through the attic’s window. Nikki already knew about his past, but Josh has left that part of his life a secret from Drake. At eight years old, he is looking for a hero. And sure a professional wrestler is a fun person to watch, but a role model not so much. Drake is completely unaware of Josh entering the attic.
Josh: Whatcha doin, bub?
Drake snaps his head around as he sits the Hall of Fame plaque on the floor.
Drake: Nothing, just exploring. Hey dad, when did you get this?
Josh: Are you talking about that thing by your leg. I can’t really tell what it is. Let me take a look at it.
Drake picks up the plaque and holds it up. A hit of nostalgia comes over Josh, remembering for a brief moment when he received that plaque. This was probably the last time he truly enjoyed wrestling, and maybe it was for a selfish reason. After all, it was the ultimate recognition. The recognition that it took ten years in the business to receive. Many men go much longer in their careers without receiving that kind of recognition. Could it be entitlement? Maybe, but probably more like feeling as though he deserved it because of what he put himself through to earn it. Drake puts the plaque down gently, turning to face Josh with a look of wonderment in his eyes. Could it be possible that the high regard that Drake already holds him in be increased?
Drake: So what’s this? Did you wrestle?
Being not wanting to lie to Drake, Josh tries to prepare himself to speak about his past life in a way that wouldn't crush the young boy’s perception of the business.
Josh: I used to bub. Long time ago. And that is more or less a Lifetime Achievement Award that was given to me in 2010 before I retired.
Drake: Why’d you retire?
It was the question that Josh knew that Drake would ask if and when he saw the wrestling memorabilia from Josh’s career. He could feel the tension mounting in his fused neck as he tries to rub the back of it to alleviate the pain. The hardest part is telling him the sordid truth about that lifestyle, the constant travel, injuries, politics. Sometimes connecting with a child is difficult because of the way they live vicariously through their heroes. Ever since Josh met Nikki on that fateful day, all he’s wanted to be was a good role model for Drake since his father, Nikki’s ex-husband, is barley involved in his life. This was an outlet they could connect with, even if is against his better judgment. Drake would often times emulate what he saw on TV, which always brought joy to Josh’s heart, even if it was a painful reminder. So what do you do when you don’t want to crush a little boy’s dream? You tell them part of the truth, but not all of it.
Josh: Do you remember when I first met you right after Mommy and I got together. I was in that neck brace and on crutches and Mommy told you that I had been in a car accident.
Drake nods his head.
Josh: Well, I was in an accident, but not the kind you normally think of. I got those injuries wrestling before I met Mommy. I broke my neck in a match and that brace was because I had surgery. The crutches were because I blew my knee out in rehab.
Drake: Oh. Well would you ever come out of retirement?
Josh: Bub, even if I wanted to, I couldn't. Doctors won’t clear me.
Ok, this time he’s lying through his teeth, considering that Dr. Youngblood cleared him to return to wrestling six months ago. Some things are better left unsaid.
Josh: Remember ,it was an accident in the ring, but it still worried them because they didn't want me to end up paralyzed. And I like not being that way because I get have fun with you and your brother. I mean, If I ended up paralyzed I couldn't do this!
Josh grabs Drake and lifts him up off the floor and wraps him up in a big bearhug. Drake starts laughing as Josh spins him around multiple times. The laughter that he wanted both of his boys to enjoy. Finally Josh puts him down.
Drake: I love you dad. I really wish the doctors would clear you to go back to wrestling. I bet you were awesome!
Josh: I was pretty good, or at least someone thought I was pretty good. That’s how you get one of those plaques.
Drake: Hey dad, if you don’t end up going back to wrestling, can you teach me how?
Josh: Maybe one day bub. Maybe one day. But I will tell you the first secret to being a good pro wrestler is eating healthy and taking care of your body and speaking of which, Mommy has dinner almost ready. So go get washed up and let’s eat.
They walk toward the pull-down ladder that leads out of the attic. Josh climbs down first and waits for Drake to make his descent. Drake gets halfway down before jumping off and joining Josh as they embark on a lovely family evening.
*********
I hate lying to my kids. I hate enabling that youthful delusion that wrestling is nothing but showmanship and grandeur. But what else was I to do? Drake is a curious kid who wants to try everything and anything. And maybe when he’s a little older, I’ll explain the reasons to him about why I really retired. Why I gave up the celebrity status and TV deals? Why I gave up the one thing that I was good at for so much of my life? In due time, I’ll tell them both the truth, but for right now he doesn't need to know about this life and I’ll keep him from it as long as I can. I want both of my sons to experience things I never got to experience and they won’t be able to do that if they’re involved with this business.
In all reality, I retired from wrestling because frankly I didn't need it anymore. I didn't need the sleepless nights driving to another town. I didn't need unappreciative douchebags for bosses who took advantage of the most talented guy on the roster also being the guy that worked the hardest. I didn't need the fame and stature because I got it on my own, without the PR machine of whatever company I was at because they were too busy wasting money and precious time hyping up the next flavor of the month. I didn't the money because I had it, and I really didn't need the ing buddy politics that made me absolutely sick to come to work some days!
Wrestling is almost like a marriage because of how much time is spent in the business. Your whole life is on the road, in those arenas. The boys in the locker room almost become your dysfunctional family, except your family is willing to come out and tell you straight up that they will undercut you if they have to. Not in this world. Friends looking to turn the knife when you’re not looking. That ring is like your home, just so long as you can keep going out there night after night. But when you can’t it’s like being kicked out of your own home by your wife because she found another man. Your worst nightmare come true. After twelve years of this terribly one sided, volatile, fickle marriage, I was at my wits’ end with it! I spent my whole adult life and even years before doing this craft and while the money was good, I still felt empty. January 14, 2012 was the best thing that could ever happened to me because it showed me that truth. When I broke my neck, wrestling wasn't there for me.
Wrestling didn't want me.
Well You wrestling!
I don’t need you anymore.
But you need me.
And that’s why they call it high risk.
He didn’t know that the crack pot team of FCW doctors would misdiagnose him and then subsequently misinform him that he would be able to return in a few short months. “It’s just a broken collarbone, three to four months tops.” they said to the at the time 26 year old Hall of Fame recipient. That was fine to him until one day about a month after the diagnosis had been made he lost feeling in his left arm. He had been injured before, but this was different. A second opinion with Dr. Youngblood confirmed that his C4 and C5 vertebrae needed to be fused from the incident. In an instant, three months just went to a year if not longer. Maybe never again. He was lucky that there was still a shred of hope of a return.
And that wasn’t even what turned his life upside down. It wasn't even the part when six months had went by and FCW closed its doors due to mismanagement. He was still getting paid his guaranteed buyout, so money wasn't going to be the issue. It wasn't even during his rehabilitation when he blew his knee out, though that played a role in the tough decisions he had to make eventually. He had already saved up millions from his time in BQWA and this check coming in was just more to play with. No, Josh at this point looked at the different options in his life, ones potentially not involving wrestling. A nest egg in the event that wrestling companies around the globe felt a little skittish about bringing in a guy fresh off spinal fusion surgery and reconstructive knee surgery, no matter how good his name value and reputation were for the bottom line. Why sign an expensive guy when it might be two years before he even wrestled? How long would they be able to have him once he was cleared? Did he even really need to… did he even want to do this anymore?
That’s why on June 18, 2012, in front of a press conference of 35 people, Josh Dean announced his retirement from professional wrestling. Just the way he wanted. No fancy celebrations and tributes. No retirement tours. With twelve years as a professional and a name and status that would leave him set for life to his credit; he had accomplished everything he had ever dreamed of doing on his own terms.
For the first time in a very long time, Josh was at peace with the thought of leaving that spotlight he had grown up in front of. He was ready to move on with his life.
Then he met her.
Nikki Brown.
She would later become his wife, but before that Nikki was a very vital part in Josh making another transition in his life. The transition from being a celebrity to a normal guy. The transition from being gone for a month at a time to being home every night without fail. The transition from being a bachelor to a husband and a father. He still remembers the first time he met her at the coffee shop just outside the city. July 20, 2012, the first day running his new business, a scouting agency for athletes. He stopped to get coffee for the people in the office that he hired. But she stopped him, and damn she was a woman of class. The type of woman that you take home to mom, well that is if mom was alive. He could remember all the little details, the way she smelled like vanilla, her dark blonde hair flowing in the light breeze of a July morning when she walked in that white summer dress. Her light blue eyes caught his for the first time and he was hooked. He almost didn't ask her out because he was so intimidated by her beauty, but the smile that still melts him to this day melted his heart for the first time and the rest just became a blur. When he met her son Drake soon after, he knew that this was the life he wanted to have all along, which came a little closer to fruition when they got married on July 4, 2013 in a little beach ceremony on the coastline in Savannah. His former tag team partner, Jason Storm, was his best man. He knew something was different because Josh was so happy that the idea of wrestling never once crossed his mind or his lips. He had the life that wrestling couldn't provide. The first time he held his son Hunter on December 1, 2013 only strengthened the love he had for his new family. That’s how his life turned around, and providing for them became the priority.
Wrestling was just a thing of the past. A way to make the life that he now enjoys possible.
*********
When I broke my neck, I don’t want to say that I was already considering retiring. But the thought was creeping in my head because of the damage I've taken over my career. What’s fun about getting a CT Scan or an Impact Test after getting a concussion from chair shot by a green rookie because management wanted you to see “if he had the goods”. What’s glorious about falling off a ladder twenty feet high through a table, because my back sure as sh*t didn't care for feeling like it had just been T-Boned by a semi. 2011 wasn't a banner year for me, but I knew that I was back on the rise to the top, where I knew I belonged.
I’ve had a hard life, and this lifestyle just made it harder. I have no family because of where I grew up and the kind of things that went down there. Wrestling was originally an outlet to release that pain by inflicting it on the sorry son of a b*tch who drew me as an opponent that night. I was good at it and made a lot of money doing it. But that’s not the life that I live now because I didn't like the kind of person I was becoming. Nikki saved my life, and of course blowing my knee out in rehab made it easier to walk away. She and the kids are the only family I have and the only ones I care about. Even though I almost immediately reconsidered the decision to step away, I knew it was for the best because they don’t need to live that life. My job is to be her husband and the boys’ father, to not only provide but to protect them from that life.
They say we’re trained athletes, and that we are. I, probably more than anyone else, know what sacrifices it takes to be at the top of your game physically and mentally. But this life takes so much out of you because of the physicality. The fact that I went most of my career without a severe injury was something I took pride in, and I used it to break my opponents down because I knew that I was the best athlete they would ever see. That I was the best wrestler that they would ever see. That I could take the best beating they could dish out and still come back to do something breathtaking. It was like I was a cyborg.
Maybe in hindsight, breaking my neck was the best thing that could happened to me. To remind me that as resilient as I am, as tough and athletic as I am, I’m still human.
I have always been a man of faith, and I think that God had a plan for me when I didn't end up paralyzed from that dive. Maybe it was done by design to show me that there was something else out there for me. I’ve always trusted in his direction, even when my actions didn't show it. That’s what lead me to her, and that I’m grateful for. I've lived my dream and it didn’t kill me or maim me to the point that I can’t enjoy the life I have right now, with a beautiful wife and two wonderful kids who love and depend on me daily. A feeling that even 100,000 people chanting your name can’t give.
********
February 19, 2014
Atlanta, Georgia
He opened the front door to his luxurious mansion at the same time he does every day now. He undoes the buttons on his light blue dress shirt as he walks through the foyer and through the formal dining room to the right. Suddenly, he is attracted by the savory smell of chicken wafting as it is being prepared in the large open faced kitchen just down the short hallway past the exquisite social room. His eyes light up as he sees Nikki tickling baby Hunter, whose bouncer seat is on the counter top.
Josh: Honey! I’m home!
Baby Hunter flails his arms and kicks his legs in his bouncer seat as he sees Nikki run over and wrap her arms around her husband’s neck, giving him a big welcome home kiss. Josh lifts her and spins her around a couple of times before he sits her down. Nikki turns and goes back to cooking the veggies and chicken that they will be having for dinner this evening. Josh undoes the neat pony tail that his hair is in and lets his hair flow freely.
Nikki: How was your day, babe?
Josh: Not bad. Had some potential clients stop by. With draft season in full swing, I got a lot of NFL prospects trying to find an agent that will get them the best deal. Looks like this year could end up better than last year’s quota.
Nikki: Any notable prospects on the schedule?
Nikki helped Josh at the agency when he first opened it, right as they started getting serious .And Josh really enjoyed having her in the office. She was driven, organized, and friendly to the rest of the staff. Of course having her in the office had its own advantages to boost Josh’s morale. But when she got pregnant with Hunter, Nikki decided that it would be better if she took the time to be a stay at home mom. Of course he was supportive, hell business was good. It’s not like they didn’t have money stored back, either. There was no reason for her to work period, but she did anyway because she liked staying busy almost as much as she liked being around Josh. Sometimes to help Josh in preparation, she would keep up on little things like statistics and combine results. She is a good wife, and he knew it. He really hit the jackpot with her.
Josh: I’m supposed to be speaking Manziel and Teddy Bridgewater tomorrow. Bridgewater will probably come by in the morning. Manziel is a diva so he’ll show up whenever the hell he feels like it. Sammy Watkins is scheduled Friday. Then next week I have mostly guys going in the second and third rounds coming in. But next Friday I have Jedevean Clowney coming in. So pretty good lineup of guys coming in looking for representation. But enough about work, how was your day?
Nikki: Well, I got the oven cleaned and now I’m working on dinner. Hunter rolled for the first time today and just got up from his nap a little bit before you got home.
Baby Hunter cracks a smile and continues to move in his bouncer seat. He lets out a little squeak and Josh walks over to his son and picks him up out of the seat and gives him a kiss on his forehead before putting him in his right arm.
Josh: Did you roll today, bub?
Hunter blows bubbles at Josh before opening his mouth and sticking his fist in it. At three months old, Hunter is a bright young boy that is in awe of his daily surroundings, and developing quite the personality. Just the other day, he picked up his stuffed animal and threw it at Drake, his older brother and Nikki’s first son. It seems like yesterday that he was born. Now he’s teething. Josh switches his grip and is now holding him in his left arm.
Josh: Damn he’s getting big. Speaking of the boys, where’s Drake? I wanted to see how his day at school went.
Nikki: He’s upstairs somewhere. He might be playing video games. He came in, kissed me and his brother then ran upstairs.
Josh: Cool. Well I’m going to put this guy back in his bouncer so he can help mommy cook dinner. I’ll go check on him.
Josh places baby Hunter back in the bouncer and gives his wife a kiss on her forehead before out of the back side of the kitchen toward the backside stairs leading toward the upstairs area. As he reaches the second floor of his home he walks toward the master bedroom, where he sees the pull down stairs leading to the attic resting on the floor. Josh walks around and scales the stairs toward the walking room attic. Surveying the area, he spots Drake looking through some old knick knacks in the corner. Or at least that’s what he thought before the shine of his Hall of Fame plaque shines from the sunlight entering through the attic’s window. Nikki already knew about his past, but Josh has left that part of his life a secret from Drake. At eight years old, he is looking for a hero. And sure a professional wrestler is a fun person to watch, but a role model not so much. Drake is completely unaware of Josh entering the attic.
Josh: Whatcha doin, bub?
Drake snaps his head around as he sits the Hall of Fame plaque on the floor.
Drake: Nothing, just exploring. Hey dad, when did you get this?
Josh: Are you talking about that thing by your leg. I can’t really tell what it is. Let me take a look at it.
Drake picks up the plaque and holds it up. A hit of nostalgia comes over Josh, remembering for a brief moment when he received that plaque. This was probably the last time he truly enjoyed wrestling, and maybe it was for a selfish reason. After all, it was the ultimate recognition. The recognition that it took ten years in the business to receive. Many men go much longer in their careers without receiving that kind of recognition. Could it be entitlement? Maybe, but probably more like feeling as though he deserved it because of what he put himself through to earn it. Drake puts the plaque down gently, turning to face Josh with a look of wonderment in his eyes. Could it be possible that the high regard that Drake already holds him in be increased?
Drake: So what’s this? Did you wrestle?
Being not wanting to lie to Drake, Josh tries to prepare himself to speak about his past life in a way that wouldn't crush the young boy’s perception of the business.
Josh: I used to bub. Long time ago. And that is more or less a Lifetime Achievement Award that was given to me in 2010 before I retired.
Drake: Why’d you retire?
It was the question that Josh knew that Drake would ask if and when he saw the wrestling memorabilia from Josh’s career. He could feel the tension mounting in his fused neck as he tries to rub the back of it to alleviate the pain. The hardest part is telling him the sordid truth about that lifestyle, the constant travel, injuries, politics. Sometimes connecting with a child is difficult because of the way they live vicariously through their heroes. Ever since Josh met Nikki on that fateful day, all he’s wanted to be was a good role model for Drake since his father, Nikki’s ex-husband, is barley involved in his life. This was an outlet they could connect with, even if is against his better judgment. Drake would often times emulate what he saw on TV, which always brought joy to Josh’s heart, even if it was a painful reminder. So what do you do when you don’t want to crush a little boy’s dream? You tell them part of the truth, but not all of it.
Josh: Do you remember when I first met you right after Mommy and I got together. I was in that neck brace and on crutches and Mommy told you that I had been in a car accident.
Drake nods his head.
Josh: Well, I was in an accident, but not the kind you normally think of. I got those injuries wrestling before I met Mommy. I broke my neck in a match and that brace was because I had surgery. The crutches were because I blew my knee out in rehab.
Drake: Oh. Well would you ever come out of retirement?
Josh: Bub, even if I wanted to, I couldn't. Doctors won’t clear me.
Ok, this time he’s lying through his teeth, considering that Dr. Youngblood cleared him to return to wrestling six months ago. Some things are better left unsaid.
Josh: Remember ,it was an accident in the ring, but it still worried them because they didn't want me to end up paralyzed. And I like not being that way because I get have fun with you and your brother. I mean, If I ended up paralyzed I couldn't do this!
Josh grabs Drake and lifts him up off the floor and wraps him up in a big bearhug. Drake starts laughing as Josh spins him around multiple times. The laughter that he wanted both of his boys to enjoy. Finally Josh puts him down.
Drake: I love you dad. I really wish the doctors would clear you to go back to wrestling. I bet you were awesome!
Josh: I was pretty good, or at least someone thought I was pretty good. That’s how you get one of those plaques.
Drake: Hey dad, if you don’t end up going back to wrestling, can you teach me how?
Josh: Maybe one day bub. Maybe one day. But I will tell you the first secret to being a good pro wrestler is eating healthy and taking care of your body and speaking of which, Mommy has dinner almost ready. So go get washed up and let’s eat.
They walk toward the pull-down ladder that leads out of the attic. Josh climbs down first and waits for Drake to make his descent. Drake gets halfway down before jumping off and joining Josh as they embark on a lovely family evening.
*********
I hate lying to my kids. I hate enabling that youthful delusion that wrestling is nothing but showmanship and grandeur. But what else was I to do? Drake is a curious kid who wants to try everything and anything. And maybe when he’s a little older, I’ll explain the reasons to him about why I really retired. Why I gave up the celebrity status and TV deals? Why I gave up the one thing that I was good at for so much of my life? In due time, I’ll tell them both the truth, but for right now he doesn't need to know about this life and I’ll keep him from it as long as I can. I want both of my sons to experience things I never got to experience and they won’t be able to do that if they’re involved with this business.
In all reality, I retired from wrestling because frankly I didn't need it anymore. I didn't need the sleepless nights driving to another town. I didn't need unappreciative douchebags for bosses who took advantage of the most talented guy on the roster also being the guy that worked the hardest. I didn't need the fame and stature because I got it on my own, without the PR machine of whatever company I was at because they were too busy wasting money and precious time hyping up the next flavor of the month. I didn't the money because I had it, and I really didn't need the ing buddy politics that made me absolutely sick to come to work some days!
Wrestling is almost like a marriage because of how much time is spent in the business. Your whole life is on the road, in those arenas. The boys in the locker room almost become your dysfunctional family, except your family is willing to come out and tell you straight up that they will undercut you if they have to. Not in this world. Friends looking to turn the knife when you’re not looking. That ring is like your home, just so long as you can keep going out there night after night. But when you can’t it’s like being kicked out of your own home by your wife because she found another man. Your worst nightmare come true. After twelve years of this terribly one sided, volatile, fickle marriage, I was at my wits’ end with it! I spent my whole adult life and even years before doing this craft and while the money was good, I still felt empty. January 14, 2012 was the best thing that could ever happened to me because it showed me that truth. When I broke my neck, wrestling wasn't there for me.
Wrestling didn't want me.
Well You wrestling!
I don’t need you anymore.
But you need me.