End Game: Jon Gotch

I got a couple of giggles out of this, namely the "Needs to Retire" bit about Blaze. Funny story about that. He actually did retire a few years ago until I, as owner, asked him to come back. Now he's still cooking.

All in all, it's obvious you're someone who's going to be having fun here. A few things to watch out for:

Don't mention a cameraman in your RPs. Kind of an unwritten rule, but it's assumed we're just reading your RP as if we're a passive observer watching from a distance.

Also, avoid real life wrestler references. The only wrestlers that exist in the WFWF world are those who have wrestled or currently wrestle in the WFWF.

Neither of these are major issues, but it's best to just nip it now so you don't develop a habit later.

The diaogue's generic, but well written. Don't take offense to the generic bit. EVERYONE is like that their first RP. "I'm the best, the rest! I'm the man!" It's the go to. At least you wrote it coherently which is more than I can say for some new writers.

In the future, maybe give Gotch a confidant. Someone other than the camera man he can talk to about sh*t. A long term secondary character.

Second, try out some description. What you had at the beginning: "The cameraman walked in. The cameraman was looking for Gotch. Gotch saw the cameraman looking for him." Try making that sound more fluid. Instead of all of the sentence breaks, try expanding the description. Opening descriptions can really set the mood and tone of the piece and there are few things more important to a piece than anything else. Would Twilight (bad example but deal with it) make any sense without Meyers dark and dreary outlook set up? Nah. Keep that in mind. Doesn't have to be dark and dreary, was just my example.

Stick it out. You've got a fun first match. You're facing a Hall of Famer and a comedic guy who just managed to somehow beat one of the best writers in the entire place. Win or lose, stick it out and constantly listen to advice. Go read other RPs on here by Drakz, Michael Kyzer, Bismo Funyuns (Brennan/Kirkbride) and The Death of Drakz (Schneider). They are top notch writers with four extremely different styles. You'll learn a few things.

Welcome brah.

I was just to happy, and I had to get my rp out.

Shawn and Schneider pretty well covered all of the talking points I had. That being said bro, I think you got potential. Not sure how much fedding you've done prior to this, but even though it's pretty bare bones it's still written well. Schneider covered that the pay per view is when everybody brings their A game, as a lot of times it's the big blow off of the angle's they're running. For you, I think you had an opportunity to sneak up on your opponents here by having a certain unknown factor about the character. Yukio has a very long history here, and McMann has enough stuff out now that you could've really picked at, while they wouldn't have much on Gotch which would give you an advantage. The lack of description I think really hurt the overall quality, but that is a pretty easy fix once you develop the style that you feel most comfortable writing. The big thing that Schneider and I agree on is having a strong gimmick or personality is a good start and you've got that going for you right now by showcasing that old school hard nose mentality. Just absorb as much information as you can from reading different people and the feedback you recieve and trying to apply it to your writing and you'll see improvements quickly.

As most of it's been covered already by the other guys I'll simply highlight things they've said that I think are the most important and need focus.

What bad guy™ said about your description is very true. You used the word cameraman four times in as many lines at the start of this RP. I've always found repetition of words to come off as very lazy and it ruins the flow of what I'm reading. Not to say don't do it if you're doing it on purpose, as some kind of stylistic thing, but in this instance I know that wasn't the case.

Work on crafting a talking style for Gotch as this was very generic, but as everyone has said that's to be expected when you're just starting out. With time you'll get a real grasp on Gotch and be able to write about any subject knowing how he would word it. Make sure it comes off as natural.

One final thing is the jumping between scenes here was unnecessary for such a short RP. You could have made all of your points in a single scene and it wouldn't have felt so chop and change.

Welcome man, and I look forward to seeing how you get on here.