Exodus RP: Withdrawal

KingSlayer
Mid-Carder

Joined on: Nov 30, 2015 23:00:33 GMT -5
Posts: 231

Exodus RP: Withdrawal Jun 26, 2016 23:20:32 GMT -5

Post by KingSlayer on Jun 26, 2016 23:20:32 GMT -5

Withdrawal
Exodus RP
Vass "The Slayer"

Trigger Warning : Drugs, coarse language.

Her voice keeps playing over and over in my head.

"When are you gonna stop running from your problems Vass?"

I sit up and throw my blanket aside.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. As much as I hate to admit it, my mother was right. My entire life, I've been running from the past. It's time to make a change.

The only light source in the church is the moonlight glaring through the window.

Grabbing a match out of my pocket, I strike it against the box and throw it into a pile of crumpled newspapers.

"I wish I had some ing electricity."

The papers soon ignite and illuminate the church. The walls are painted a vibrant orange.

My mother used to personify loving, she really cared about me. My father's death got to all of us, but her the worst. She has become a stranger. The person I saw that day wasn't the mother I grew up with. She lost herself.

I did too.

Life hasn't been completely crappy though. For the first time in years I've been able to afford food. I can't stress enough how good it feels to have a full stomach.

I guess I just have to wait now. It looks like things are finally starting to turn around.

The only thing keeping me completely sane at this point is wrestling. It may have took me a little longer than expected, but I found what I was destined to do. Whenever I have any free time, I'm training. I even hung up a sandbag to the rafters as a makeshift punching bag. Nothing is gonna stop me from getting to the top. Trevor Wolf sure the hell couldn't. And neither the hell is Future.

The WFWF at this point, is all that I have. I've spent almost my entire life to get to where I'm going. So some super hero thinks he's going to come up and try to take it from me? Who the hell does this green motherer think he is? You go against everything I stand for. Wrestling has been in my family for decades.

You're the reason people don't take wrestling seriously. I don't care if you're in a hall of fame and I don't care if you were WFWF champion! Title or not, this caped crusader is gonna be slain.

I crawl over to my backpack and shuffle it back toward my bedroll. The pungent smell of death in almost unbearable. It gets stronger as I pull out a syringe and place

it next to me.

I really wish I could quit this crap.

I heave a sigh and rest my eyes on the belt lying upon the neighboring pew.

A car door opens and shuts outside the church.

"Oh crap." I whisper to myself.

Who the hell could that be?

I swiftly hop to my feet and run toward my backback.

*SLAM*

The door falls and smashes on to the floorboard.

I climb out a smashed window and clutch the other side of the wall.

My brain was a mess. I froze. I didn't know what to do or what to think.

"He must have just left." The man told himself.

I can hear my blood pumping.

"He's not here."

Then static.

"Copy that."

Cops? What the hell!

I sneak below the next window and make a run for the woods...

It's gonna be a bad few weeks.

I decided not to go back to the church. The cops must have taken my things anyways, it's not worth the risk. Just when I think everything's going to get better, life

seems to me over again. I have no idea who called the police on me. All I know is they should be glad I don't.

I've lost myself in an endless plane of trees and dirt. I couldn't grab much before I left, but I did grab a few essentials... If you call a gas station lighter and

the clothes on my back essentials. I don't even have a blanket and I'm stuck in a god damn forest.
But worst of all, I forgot my dope. I haven't been able to sleep at all. During nights I lie awake staring at the moon. Freezing. Burning. Itching all over.
Don't even get me started on the headaches. Maybe this is a good thing though; to quit cold turkey. I've tried before, but the pain is damn near unbearable. The difference is, this time I don't have a choice.

All I've been able to do for however long I've been here is think. Think about everything that's pissing me off. My mom, The future, the cops at the church. I'm going
to go insane.

"It's gonna get better."

I like to remind myself every time my thinking gets out of hand.

I stare out into the never-ending trees. A bright light catches my eye from a far.

"What the hell is that?"

Then suddenly, the worst pain I have ever felt in my entire life.

I let out a piercing shriek and clutch my head. The pain is inexplicable. I've never felt anything like this in my entire life.

The light from the forest gets nearer and nearer. I can't look away. I can't move anything.

Through the brightness I can make out a figure. The figure of a man.

As he gets closer I realize who it is.

Standing right infront of me, dressed in black and pink tights is my father. And on his shoulder, The WFWF championship.

I try to talk, but nothing comes out.

He grabs the title and hands it to me.

I pass out.

Last Edit: Jun 27, 2016 14:59:04 GMT -5 by KingSlayer

RIP Glenn Webb... You will be greatly missed.

WWF Sim Fed
Superstar

Joined on: Feb 16, 2008 0:09:32 GMT -5
Posts: 724

Exodus RP: Withdrawal Jun 27, 2016 9:29:51 GMT -5 KingSlayer likes this

Post by WWF Sim Fed on Jun 27, 2016 9:29:51 GMT -5

I don't know too much about the WFWF and their storylines but I read this roleplay and it was really good. Your style of roleplaying is unique. Your story kept me wanting to read more with the voices in his head, the drug addiction and then back to reality with escaping from the police. I'll continue reading your roleplays for sure.

wwfsim.angelfire.com/
WWF Sim Fed Royal Rumble PPV This Sunday January 29

KingSlayer Mid-Carder Joined on: Nov 30, 2015 23:00:33 GMT -5 Posts: 231	Exodus RP: Withdrawal Jun 27, 2016 11:31:43 GMT -5 Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Back to Top Post by KingSlayer on Jun 27, 2016 11:31:43 GMT -5 Thank you very much!
	RIP Glenn Webb... You will be greatly missed.

King Richius
WF Mod

Sports Hub Mod

Dread it. Run from it. Destiny arrives all the same. And now, it's here. Or should I say, I am.

Joined on: Oct 12, 2012 15:28:13 GMT -5
Posts: 14,465

Exodus RP: Withdrawal Jun 27, 2016 11:44:21 GMT -5 KingSlayer likes this

Post by King Richius on Jun 27, 2016 11:44:21 GMT -5

Just gonna reiterate what I said last time. I like your style and the story you are telling. I just wish there was little more to each episode. It's like what Walking Dead did with the series of shorts about the people on the plane. Each week you got a quick tease that was entertaining yet ultimately unfulfilling unless you waited until they had all aired and then binge watched them back to back.

King Richius

Cats rule!

The WFWF E-Fed - where creative writers become the wrestle they always wanted to be!

WFWF International Champion (1x)
2016 WFWF Rookie of the Year

The Future
WF Hall of Famer

Lookin' real jacked, baby. . .

Joined on: Feb 18, 2002 1:36:50 GMT -5
Posts: 22,080

Exodus RP: Withdrawal Jun 27, 2016 20:57:35 GMT -5 KingSlayer likes this

Post by The Future on Jun 27, 2016 20:57:35 GMT -5

Your style is refreshing. It's dark. It's messed up as all hell, but it's really something that sets you apart.

Your use of images works really well to set the tone (visually).

Your 'direct monologue' seemed a bit short to me, in that you didn't have much to say about the actual coming match but it really established your character and furthered his journey in a really dramatic way. I'd try to focus more on developing a rivalry with the opponent in the next RP so that it gives you an edge.

Word choice is very concise, precise and sharp, though. I'm interested to know more about Vass' father & how he plays into both his addiction and his trying to live up to his legacy.

jdfranchise
Main Eventer

Joined on: Mar 8, 2014 5:07:58 GMT -5
Posts: 1,296

Exodus RP: Withdrawal Jun 30, 2016 15:45:29 GMT -5 via mobile KingSlayer likes this

Post by jdfranchise on Jun 30, 2016 15:45:29 GMT -5

Future pretty much covered my talking points bro, in that I think what hurts the overall product is that there isn't much on Future but a couple barbs. You showing the ability to craft a dark and compelling story makes me think that you will bring that part of your writing up to par with the rest. I'm a sucker for properly used language throughout the course of an rp, and I think you've got that part down pretty well. I love how dark and vague these rp's are, and it's almost as if you're writing them in vignette format (again something else I love) and nailing it. Find a way to relay it back to the match though and you have the goods to really start making some noise.

WFWF Accomplishments
2x WFWF World Heavyweight Champion (Current)
1X WFWF International Champion
2X WFWF Tag Team Champion
14th WFWF Triple Crown Winner
2007 WFWF New Breed Tournament Winner

Dex
Main Eventer

Joined on: Jul 23, 2013 16:26:19 GMT -5
Posts: 1,141

Exodus RP: Withdrawal Jul 4, 2016 18:45:35 GMT -5 KingSlayer likes this

Post by Dex on Jul 4, 2016 18:45:35 GMT -5

I dig your style, it reminds me of my earlier pieces. You have an advantage in that it breaks from the traditional nature of RP'ing on here. It's something that is unique, and you can really delve into to create a voice unlike any other here in the fed. I understand the process of withholding information, and slowly feeding it to the readers, but I feel like we need to start getting larger portions to truly get more out of the pieces. I want to understand more and learn more of the character, so that I can not only empathize with his situation, but cheer for him. I would have also preferred if you mentioned more about Future and took a bit more time to deconstruct your opponent.

Rated R
WF Legend

Joined on: Aug 14, 2006 8:05:03 GMT -5
Posts: 6,111

Exodus RP: Withdrawal Jul 5, 2016 5:02:56 GMT -5 via mobile KingSlayer likes this

Post by Rated R on Jul 5, 2016 5:02:56 GMT -5

I liked this and I wouldn't listen too much about the length, yes at some point you'll naturally start to write longer pieces as you move up the card and onto more story driven matches but for now I think you're doing just fine with the amount of content you're including. I'd much rather be left wanting that bit more than ending up bored because a piece is needlessly long.

The only thing really I would have liked more of is, as has been mentioned, content about your opponent. You dropped some short stuff in there about the match and the WFWF but I feel like you could have done a little bit more on that to push this up a level. You're in a really interesting position where you can use the money Vass will be making from the WFWF and explore how that affects his life in terms of the homelessness and the drugs, something that often gets overlooked by most people.

I like your writing style, though keep an eye on your tenses, I noticed at last one line that was past tense when it should have been present, but overall this was a really good piece and you're improving show by show which is great to see. Keep it up.