WFWF Knuckles Up in Boston - Results!

Alecia Matthews: ... Facing her colleagues. ... F***ing weird is what it is... Is visibly startled by being informed she's live, then turns toward us. .... Welcome back, everyone! Once again we apologize for... Alecia shrugs. ... Whatever... that is...


Kurt Burton: I LIKE VOID! ITS PROVOCATIVE!


Matthew Werner: It is a little strange it seems to be able to... hijack the entire broadcast feed... Kind of spooky implications. Like if they can do it, couldn't anyone... He pauses, feeling Alecia's "do you really want to plant that seed in these fans' minds?" look. ... On second thought, no they couldn't and I'm sure it's just a part of the show.


Alecia Matthews: ... Alecia gives Werner a half-hearted nod of approval, then turns back toward us. ... Well, anyway, as we noted earlier tonight, we will be simulcasting live to our broadcast colleagues in Philadelphia for the Scars and Stripes press conference featuring the two competitors in our World Heavyweight Championship main event; EBR, and the champion, Josh Dean. Let's check in now with Stacy Grey who is in Philadephia. Stacy?


A dual screen comes up with Alecia Matthews and crew on one side, Stacy Grey and a ruckus audience of fans outside the building on the other.


Alecia Matthews: Stacy, Can you hear us?


Stacy Grey: I can hear you, but it has been a night full of energy here in Philadelphia, Alecia. I've been here since earlier today to cover the contract signing, and I've managed to talk a few fans to get their predictions on the Josh Dean and EBR title match. I'm going to talk to a couple more before the festivities get underway.


Stacy begins to walk around and stops a twenty something, scrawny man with an oversized Jimi Hendrix T-shirt on.


Stacy Grey: Excuse me, sir, Stacy Grey for WFWF, and I'd like to get your prediction on the WFWF World Heavyweight Championship match between Josh Dean and EBR.


Jimi Hendrix Guy: Josh Dean is a great athlete, but EBR has been in every scenario. I'm going EBR.


Stacy Grey: Thank you. Ok, let's go get another prediction.


Stacy continues to walk the room, searching for another person to interview.


Kurt Burton: HEY STACY! what's the overall vibe from the JERK-BRONIS in attendance? Anybody giving Josh Dean a chance?


Stacy Grey: There are a contingent of fans that feel Josh will retain, Kurt. But I'd be remiss if I didn't point out that this crowd leans much more strongly towards EBR. But that's just the general temperature of the room, let's hear what these two gentlemen think. Excuse me, gentlemen.


Stacy's next two interviewees are a couple men in their early thirties. One man is smartly dressed and a little more clean cut. His friend, on the other hand, is a greasy, balding fellow with a pony tail in the back.


Stacy Grey: Stacy Grey for WFWF and I want to get your opinions on the World Heavyweight Championship match at Scars and Stripes.


Preppy Guy: EBR all the way.


Greaseball: You're out of your mind, dude. EBR has no idea what's about to hit him. The champ, Josh Dean, all day!


Stacy Grey: Thank you guys. As you can see, it isn't a clear cut decision... Stacy holds her hand up to her earpiece. ... I'm getting word that WFWF President Bobby Abadi is ready to get things started inside the building.


Alecia Matthews: Excellent, thank you, Stacy!


Stacy Grey: ... Stacy nods courteously. ... I'll see you guys again in Philly!


Alecia Matthews: No doubt! Alright, let's go to President Abadi.


Stacy's end of the split screen transitions to a feed inside of the building just as Bobby Abadi is walking on to the stage. The crowd quiets down as he stops at the podium in the center of the stage.


Bobby Abadi: ALLLRIIIGHT! Welcome everyone right here in PPPHHHIIIILLLLY!!


Gotta love the cheap pop.


Bobby Abadi: I love it! So tonight, we have a very special event that is running on a simulcast with Knuckles Up In BAWWWSTUNN... Bobby pauses to allow space for his attempt at a comedic impression of a Boston accent to land. It does not. ... Hah... Clears throat. ... Anyway... we're going to have a press conference and officially sign the contract to make the WFWF World Heavyweight Championship match between the champion, "The Architect" Josh Dean...


The crowd gives a strong, but mixed reaction for the champ.


Bobby Abadi: And the challenger, the WFWF Legend, EBR!


The crowd explodes into a near unanimous roar of applause.


Bobby Abadi: So let's get this party started! Introducing to you guys first, he is the REIGNING, DEFENDING, UNDISPUTED WFWF HEAYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD! "THE ARCHITECT" JOSH DEAN!


"I got a song filled with sh*t for the strong willed
When the world gives you a raw deal
Set you off 'til you
Scream, "piss off, screw you"
When it talks to you like you don't belong
Or tells you you're in the wrong field
When something's in your mitochondrial
'Cause it latched on to you, like"


As the beat to Venom by Eminem kicks in, the crowd reaction goes to a very palpable mixed reaction as the champ comes out onto the stage. He has his trademark black hoodie over head head and the WFWF Championship draped over his shoulder. He turns slightly to face the crowd. Josh flips the hood off his head and methodically raises the WFWF Championship over head head as the crowd responds in kind. He lowers the title back onto his shoulder and walks around the table to his seat. Josh rests the WFWF Championship on the table and takes his seat.


Bobby Abadi: AAAAANNNDD HIS OPPONENT, a man who needs no introduction at all. He is a WFWF Legend!


The media crowd shows even more signs of life. The crowd in attendance explodes with cheers when they hear...


-=BUCKSHOT!=-


Bobby Abadi: GIVE IT UP FOR!


"Made Ya Look" by Nas kicks into full gear and rips through the loud speakers.


Bobby Abadi: E!


The crowd echoes along.


Bobby Abadi: B!


The crowd by this point is in unision.


Bobby Abadi: RRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!


The WFWF Legend gets an enormous reception as he comes out onto the stage, waving at all the fans and media personnel in attendance. Josh remains seated and as stoic as ever as EBR shakes hands with Bobby Abadi and takes his seat on the opposite side of the podium from Josh. The champion, the challenger, the closest they have been to each other since the Ascension Press Conference.


Bobby Abadi: Excellent! Well, we'll be taking questions shortly... but first, I want to talk a little bit about how our television deal with the Outdoor Adventure Network came together...


Perhaps sensing this is going to be a while, the split screen closes leaving us with only our esteemed announce team in Boston.


Alecia Matthews: Well, We will head back to Philadelphia in just a few, short minutes to see some of the questions the media has for the WFWF Champion Josh Dean and his challenger EBR!


Matthew Werner: But before that, when we return from break we'll be seeing POISON square off against his POISON's Rules Open Challenge Opponent... Ripp Jackson!


And, as such, we fade once again to commercial break!

We return from commercial to yet another WFWF Rumble Rewind!





Following our friendly lil' orange graphic, we transition to a graphic indicating we will be showcasing the fifth and, to date, final WFWF Rumble from 2013!



WFWF Scars and Stripes V
December 15th, 2013


The graphic transitions... you know we've done a lot of these by now, let's mix things up. STAR WIPE from the graphic...





... To The High Horror himself, Shawn Malakai, booting poor Dex off of the apron and to the ringside mats below!


Alecia Matthews: Final four!


From there we cut to a series of individual shots of that final four; Shawn Malakai, Thunder, Ace Bennett, and Solomon Crow. Malakai, Thunder, and Bennett scope out a recovering Crow in the corner and work in tandem via tossing Shawn Malakai from under his arms into the corner. Weee! We then transition to moments later, via a star wipe, to Thunder... characteristically... betraying his friend, Shawn Malakai, and delivering an Impaler DDT! Star wipe to moments later with Thunder uppercutting an outraged Ace Bennett. I already did the Mortal Kombat uppercut gif joke once so... moving on. We star wipe to Bennett, Thunder, and Malakai getting into a shoving match. A stable turning out to deduce, in the throws of a battle royal, that it's every person for themselves? How unheard of! Star wipe to Malakai punching Thunder then, as it's described in the results, he "lifts up the lifeless body of Thunder and tosses it into the corner."





Star wipe to Crow blasting Malakai in the back of the head! He proceeds to grab ahold of the large man and tries tossing him over however Ace Bennett grabs ahold of Malakai's leg, for some reason, and Malakai has also managed to hook Thunder's arm. Bennett then hooks Crow's arm (I'm just recounting what it says, guys.) and in a feat that would appear to defy every single law of nature... with maybe the exception of entropy... all four men, interlocked, manage to utilize their combined strength to throw all four of their damn selves over the top rope and to the floor!


Cameron Stone: What the hell did we just see?


Tabitha Owens: Who lost? Who won?


We star wipe to and between a number of replays showing, in fact, somehow, all eight feet from all four men landed on the floor at ringside at exactly the same time.





Look I made fun of myself for being a vampire and having Sean wear leather pants, I get to tease. Nevertheless, the WFWF Rumble has resulted in a tie. Star wipe to the four men at ringside, each responding to this inexplicable turn of events in their own way. Crow is laughing, Thunder is shocked, Bennett in disbelief, Malakai aloof. Star wipe to Shawn Malakai choke slamming Thunder through the announce table!





Finally, we star wipe to individual shots of the four winners of the Rumble; Thunder laying unconscious in the wreckage, Shawn Malakai standing very having chokeslammed Thunder-like, Ace Bennett, that rascal, and Crow.


Cameron Stone: Holy... what?


Hwat indeed. STAR WIPE!

Upon returning to the live feed, we cut to the stage to see several of the model, French landmarks from Alex Sean's entrance last week once again on the side of the stage; Though they are all visibly damaged looking as if they were smuggled out haphazardly in a poorly planned caper. Suddenly, the 1812 Overture crescendos throughout the gymnasium speakers, the sound vibrating throughout!


Daehyun Moon: The following contest is schedule for one fallllllll! Introducing first, from the South. Of. France. Weighing in at two hundred and forty-five pounds.... NAAAAAPPPPOOOOLLLLEEEOOOOONNNNNN... WEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIISSSSSGAAAARRRBBBBEERRRRRRRR!


Complete no sell from Daehyun. What a class act.


Alecia Matthews: Gotta lova Daehyun Moon and his enthusiasm.


Kurt Burton: UGH! ONCE AGAIN WITH FRANCE! I BROUGHT SOME FREEDOM FRIES JUST IN CASE!


As Burton's end of the announce feed is filled with the sound of him going to town on some freedom fries, the alleged Gold Glove boxer, Napoleon Weisgarber, shadowboxes through the curtain, raising his arms while skipping in place, showing off that fancy footwork.


Matthew Werner: Napoleon is fresh off a disappointing defeat at the hands of Alex Sean. You can only imagine the fire and determination that The Don is going to bring to this match.


Alecia Matthews: ...You kidding?


We hear the audible sound of Werner tapping his cue card as Napoleon makes his way to the ring. He can’t help but admire his good-looks and flexes in the louvre model. The Don from the Hexagon enters the ring and shadowboxes in the corner as the lights dim. After a few moments, haunting, choir voices emerge from the speakers following a barrage of drums.


"Oh, I'll never kill myself to save my soul
I was gone, but how was I to know?
I didn't come this far to sink so low
I'm finally holding on to letting go
I'll never kill myself to save my soul
I'm finally holding on to letting go
I'm finally holding on to letting gooooooooooooooo!!!"


The banging of the drums is metallic, causing an audible bang through the arena like shotgun blasts and the guitar rips through the speakers causing the arena to tremble.


Daehyun Moon: And his opponent... from Indianapolis, Indiana... weighing in at 220 pounds... he is the current reigning, undisputed WFWF Vanguard Champion... Johnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnny Massssssssssssson!


From the behind the curtain comes Johnny Mason with his trademark black hoodie in white and blue trunks, black kneepads and white boots with his initials embedded into them. He stalls atop the entrance ramp for a bit to take in the crowd reaction before raising the Vanguard Championship above his head, which causes the crowd to become frenzied!


Alecia Matthews: Listen to this reaction for the champion!


Matthew Werner: No doubt Boston is strongly in favor of Johnny Mason.


Alecia Matthews: I have to admit I'm a little surprised, these past months have involved a lot of suspicion regarding his motives against Mesh.


Kurt Burton: OF COURSE FELICIA SUPPORTS HER FELLOW WOMAN. YOU ARE A MISANTHROPE.


Alecia Matthews: Please make sure you know what words mean before you use them as insults, you pillock.


Kurt Burton: What did she call me, Wien?


Matthew Werner: A man with an IQ of a lima bean.


Kurt Burton: LIMA BEANS ARE COOL. EVERYONE LIKE LIMA BEANS! JYEAH!


Once inside the squared circle, Mason climbs onto the turnbuckle and veers his head to look at everyone in attendance for tonight’s event before raising the Vanguard Championship above his head again. He removes his hoodie and throws it into the crowd. With both opponents in the ring, the bell tolls and this match is underway! Napoleon continues to shadowbox, causing the ring to shake. Mason, on the other hand waits patiently in the corner.


Matthew Werner: Not a lot of...


Suddenly, Mason springs into action, bolting towards Napoleon!


Matthew Werner: ... Nevermind...


Mason wastes no time in going for his patnered running knee to the skull but, surprisingly, like truly surprisingly, Weisgarber ducks the coming blow! As Mason turns to face him, Napoleon wags his finger indicating that he will not receive that maneuver in his current place of residence.





Then, for some reason, Napoleon climbs the turnbuckle and celebrates!


Alecia Matthews: Well, this match has officially lasted longer than their match two years ago.


As soon as Napoleon leaps off the top, Mason charges him again, only this time, Mason’s knee connects with the back of Napoleon’s head sending him tumbling lifelessly to the canvas.


Alecia Matthews: Aannnnnnnd that's gonna about do it...


Kurt Burton: ... With a mouth full of freedom fries. ... mmmm rrmmm bruhhh brororo... Audible swallow. ... And that's why I'll never be allowed back in France! Facist pigs!


Johnny Mason wastes no time leaping atop the fallen Napoleon Weisgarber and securing a pin which, unsurprisingly, yields a three! Johnny Mason has won!


Daehyun Moon: Here is your winner... Johnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnny Massssssssssssson!


Referee Dante Colle raises The Icebreaker’s arm in victory, slinging the Vanguard Championship over his shoulder.


Matthew Werner: That was a very impressive performance from Johnny Mason.


Alecia Matthews: There's no doubt Mason has had the pieces for a long time, the way he just looked, he might be finally starting to put it all together.


Suddenly, an edited version of "Groundbreaker" by Mohamed Ragab plays, causing a surge within the crowd as the beats immediately drops! Mason looks pissed. Mesh emerges from behind the curtain and does her song and dance, giving the fans what they paid their hard-earned money for. High-fives and hugs for the Good Vibe Tribe.


Kurt Burton: Business is about to pick up here, BAYBAY!


Alecia Matthews: Mesh did seem to indicate at Loaded that she intends to squash this... whatever you want to call it.


Kurt Burton: And you believed the little crazy haunted fairy girl? Okay then.


As soon as she makes eye contact with the world champion awaiting her in the ring, her demeanor changes. That once beaming smile turns into a frown. She enters the ring and the two opponents for Scars and Stripes share the ring before their big match. Mason doesn’t take his eyes off her. Not after last time. Mesh mouths words to the champion which aren’t picked up on camera. Mason mouths words back and doesn’t look too amused. Amidst the verbal exchange, Mesh holds her hand out in another attempt to show respect to her future opponent.


Matthew Werner: Well look at that!


Kurt Burton: DON'T BE SO SURE! She's probably got one of those... hand buzzer... things... clowns use. Yeah! She's like a damned devious CLOWN GIRL!


Alecia Matthews: Is that so?


Kurt Burton: I REALLY DON'T TRUST CLOWNS, FELICIA!


Mason scoffs, walking past her, heading towards the ropes to leave. The crowd cheers, Mason has given Mesh the benefit of the doubt on numerous occasions and it appears the fans in Boston appreciate him drawing a line in the sand.


Alecia Matthews: Statement made. Wow!


Matthew Werner: You know... Even giving everyone the benefit of the doubt, can you blame Mason here?


Kurt Burton: EXACTLY! SEE FELICIA! WE MEN ALWAYS STICK TOGETHER.


Matthew Werner: ... That wasn't really what I was...


Alecia Matthews: Oh no no, I get it, really.


Matthew Werner: No I was just...


Alecia Matthews: You've said enough, Captain Patriarchy.


As Mason steps through the ropes, the cameraman catches Mesh, snarling. She grabs and tugs at her gray hair. The crowd watches on, confused. Mesh then abruptly approaches Mason and shoves him!


Kurt Burton: SEE!? I TOLD YOU!


Alecia Matthews: Oh Mesh...


The crowd all groan, a synchronous buzz of oohs and ahhs. Mason stays on the floor for a few moments, stunned, then gets up and reenters the ring, only to shove Mesh back!


Kurt Burton: FINALLY! LET'S GET A TASTE OF WHAT’S TO COME AT SCARS AND STRIPES!


More vocalization from both competitors as the shoves continue. Mason shoves Mesh so hard that she falls backwards. The crowd cheers! The referee holds Mason back as the two wrestlers continue to shout at each other.


Matthew Werner: This is getting pretty out of control...


Mason obliges but Mesh continues shouting at him! As Mason's focus centers on the official, Mesh suddenly rips the WFWF Vanguard Championship out of his hands and, just as suddenly, cracks him across the face, connecting predominantly with the edge of the belt, sending Johnny Mason careening to the canvas!


Alecia Matthews: WHAT?!


The crowd, slowly realizing the totality of what they have just seen, begins to turn on Mesh, letting their disapproval know with boos.


Alecia Matthews: Mesh! What are you doing?!


Mesh looks distraught, dropping the belt in a sheer panic. Her face looks like she has no idea what she has just done. A streak of blood pours from the side of Mason’s head as it drips onto his championship belt. She mouths more words at Mason, only this time her demeanor implies that she’s remorseful and apologetic.


Kurt Burton: Fabiani's right, this b*** is crazy!


Matthew Werner: I mean to be fair we've seen a lot worse from a lot of different people on this roster.


Alecia Matthews: You're not wrong but... it's Mesh! She's always been... good spirited and... kind.


Suddenly, Mesh’s demeanor changes again. She stomps the mat and tugs at her hair again before fleeing the ring and through the hostile crowd.


Alecia Matthews: ... But I guess... people change.


Kurt Burton: How about we focus on how EVERYBODY... including YOU TWO JERKBRONIS... owe Johnny Mason a frickin' apology! Mesh is the one who refused HIS handshake, Mesh is the one who attacked him in D.C., and Mesh is the one who just sliced him like a damn New York Pizza right here in Boston!


We see Johnny Mason beginning to stir in the background of the shot; The WFWF Vanguard Championship in the foreground adorned in his blood.


Alecia Matthews: ... Sigh. ... Well... When you're right, you're right. We do all owe Johnny Mason something of an apology and... as for Mesh...


Matthew Werner: It's a tough business. It doesn't always bring out the best in people.


Alecia Matthews: Right. In any event, it appears Bobby has finished his speech on the noble Wood Bison and the press is asking questions to the headliners for Scars and Stripes. Let's take it over to Philadelphia.

With Alecia's cue, we return to the press conference simulcast to a lingering shot of a contemplative EBR.


EBR: Hrm... the first one, Rocky Balboa... and then 3... no, no ...4. 4.


He nods his head in satisfaction as the room claps, dazzled.


EBR: That was a great question, by the way.


The person who asked said question feels extra validated as we gradually pans out, showing Bobby Abadi seated at the middle of the table with EBR to his right, both carrying enthusiastic smiles. To the left of them is Josh Dean, the World Heavyweight Championship placed directly in front of him and a blank look on his face.


"This question is also for EBR ... were you to win at Scars & Stripes..."


Josh remains expressionless.


"... you’d set the record for longest gap between a title reign at 11 years, while also setting the record for most years from your first and most recent WFWF Championship at a remarkable 19 years."


The room again claps.





The man asking the question feels studious because of EBR’s observation.


"Is that something you’ve thought about?"


EBR: Yes, it reminds me that I am very, very old.


Everyone laughs at EBR’s self-deprecating and welcoming nature.





EBR: I mean ... it’s something that I’m aware of but it’s also something I won’t truly appreciate until I"m retired and I look back at the entire journey and think "oh wow, it’s been a real wild ride". That’s something to think about in the future and I’m sure I will, but I’m more focused on living in the now. We all have to live in the now, otherwise, are we actually even living?


The room nods. Very deep stuff. Very philosophical.


"EBR ... you’ve competed at one previous Scars & Stripes event, and you hold a most impressive undefeated record in the Rumble match."


The room again claps.





"Do you have any advice for any of your fellow wrestlers who will be competing in the Rumble? Maybe some tips?"


EBR: That’s a tough question, but a very good one.


The man asking it feels much better as a person.


EBR: I guess what I would say is ... everyone’s looking to throw you over the top rope, right? So basically ... you just have to be aware of that and if it looks like someone is going to try and do that, they probably are going to try and do that so ... don’t ... let them do that. And then ... do it to them. Eventually, when that happens enough times ... you will win the match.


The group of reporters take notes as the next question is asked.


"EBR, you’ve become known not just for your wrestling prowess but your interest, if not devotion, to philanthropic causes. How do you find the time to balance both your career and making the world a better place?"


EBR: When you’re as fortunate to be in a position as I’ve been in I sort of think you owe it yourself and to society at large to try and give back anyway you can. I’ve recently been doing some work with the humane society...


The room "awwwws" at the idea of EBR with puppies.


EBR: And it’s just ... it’s just so gratifying, you know? To be a part of something bigger than yourself it’s ... it’s really amazing.


"On that subject, what is your take on TITUS!? There’s been a steady rise in canine fatalities ever since he arrived in the WFWF."


EBR: I think we all have to understand that TITUS! is from a different universe than our own, so to attempt to shame him for the way he and his people conduct themselves or function as a society is, quite frankly, wrong and very hurtful. We should be respectful of his kind of people and try to learn from them, by talking and listening. Be curious, not judgemental.


The crowd claps because he’s so accepting and non-prejudice.


EBR: As far as the dogs go ... that’s a tragedy, no doubt about it but, keep in mind that TITUS!’s presence has led to the WFWF getting a sponsorship with the Animal Legal Defense Fund. So really ... through TITUS!, we’ve helped raise awareness to the plight of animals and hopefully we can help elicit more change for our furry friends. It really shows how sometimes even the worst things can bring about the best outcomes, you know?


The crowd claps because when phrased as beautifully as that, they do know.


EBR: Thanks for that question.


"No, EBR ... thank you for changing lives."


EBR modestly blushes.





"EBR ... what are your thoughts on your opponent?"


He turns towards Josh Dean who remains stone-faced and just generally like ... above it all.


EBR: Oh I think he’s great. He’s the best in the WFWF for a reason and at Scars & Stripes you’re going to see two men going to war, but in a very respectful and tactful way. I admire Josh very much as both a competitor and as a man and I can’t wait to compete against someone of his caliber. To be the best you gotta beat the best, and that’s Josh over here.


The crowd claps at his show of sportsmanship.


"So it’s safe to say you’re ready to face Josh Dean?"


EBR: I’ll be ready, no doubt. Gonna have to be. That’s the only way I’ll ever be the Heavyweight Champion, unless Josh just lets me take the belt or something.


Jokingly, EBR leans over and pantomimes taking the belt as the room laughs.


EBR: Haha ... I’m just joking. Just joshing with ‘ya.


The crowd "ooohs!" once they get it and then clap at his wordplay.


"Hi, this question is for the World Heavyweight Champion, Josh Dean."


Josh stares blankly, awaiting said question.


"... Is it going to be difficult competing against such a charming and wonderful man?"





Slowly, Josh turns his head to his right and looks at EBR. Slowly, he moves his head up and then down as he scans his future opponent. Nonchalantly, he leans into the microphone in front of him.


Josh Dean: ... No.


There’s a brief silence over the room, followed by us transitioning back to Boston and, more specifically, to the announce team of Matthews, Werner, and Burton!

Alecia Matthews: Well folks... As WFWF President Bobby Abadi noted earlier, we all are very... distraught... over what happened to Poppy Yates last week. As he also noted, Trace Demon has been fined and suspended.


Kurt Burton: That son of a b**** deserves a lot worse, as far as I'm concerned!


Alecia Matthews: ... I don't disagree. Well, unfortunately... Alecia sighs. ... We've received word that Trace Demon has... purchased time... during the next commercial break. We don't know what he's going to say, what he's going to show. We also have no ability to prevent this ad from airing. All I can say is, on behalf of the WFWF, absolutely nothing that man says, in any way, reflects this company, and I think I can speak for the three of us when I say it does not reflect us personally either.


Kurt Burton: Amen.


Alecia Matthews: We'll be back after this break.


We fade to commercial to the somber faces of our announce team.

Upon returning live to the Case Gymnasium in Boston, MA, we are greeted by the... sizable... presence of Steve the Crier standing on stage!





Steve the Crier: FAIR CITIZENS OF BOSTON!!! PLEASE RISE TO YOUR FEET, DISPLAY THE APPROPRIATE GENUFLECTION AND WELCOME OUR GLORIOUS SOVEREIGN... THE SOON TO BE RECORD SETTING AND BREAKING KING OF THE WFWF RUMBLE...





Steve the Crier: D....G....X!!!


The Boston faithful give a respectful roar for the industry legend as a male choir raises their noble voices in song signifying the arrival of the WFWF’s Lord. And Savior. There is no litter as emerging first from the back, clad in her noble golden mask and corset with her Art Deco Roman footwear is the imposing form of Aurora, Champion to the Sovereign. Her Amazonian stature towers above humble Steve the Crier as she glares out to the fans.


Alecia Matthews: Well as we just witnessed in our final WFWF Rumble Rewind, Wayne McGurk holds one of the numerous records which DGX wishes to take for himself.


Kurt Burton: Did you see the part where I jumped off of Wayne's arms and took down EBR and Johnny Valentine BY MYSELF!?


Alecia Matthews: That is... one... interpretation of events... In any event, DGX has a long road ahead of him come September 11th at Scars and Stripes.


Emerging behind Aurora’s vanguard comes the Sovereign, escorted by a shorter blond woman in similar attire who looks oddly like a younger version of Carmen on his right arm and a slightly taller but still shorter than Aurora Latina woman on his left arm. DGX is of course resplendent as the Sovereign, clad in his lion head shoulder pommels and white golden trimmed cloak. He is clad in his Anaheim Ducks style trunks and kickpads however today the ensemble is complimented by a Tom Brady New England Patriots jersey. The nod from one GOAT to another draws an understandably mixed reaction however at least because the team is correct it’s mostly positive. Of course, the golden wreath of rulership cements his status as leader of these lands!


Matthew Werner: I'll say this; DGX is a man who does what he says he'll do. He said he would defeat Trace Demon, and he did that.


Kurt Burton: That's true. He also said you were Wien and, here you are, being Wien.


Matthew Werner: Wien isn't... an adjective... I can be...?


Kurt Burton: You're right. You can't become Wien, Wien is not a state of being. Wien... just is. And you are.


Alecia Matthews: That was deep.


Kurt Burton: Thank you.


DGX allows himself to be escorted down to the ring by his entourage. Aurora and the as yet unnamed Latina woman both climb to the apron and enter the ring before sitting one aside on the ropes as DGX gracefully makes his way to the apron holding the hand of Younger Carmen (also ostensibly to be named at a later time) before allowing her to enter the ring before him before at least stepping through the ropes himself. The music softly cuts off as Steve the Crier walks to ropes near to the commentary booth. DGX for his part holds his hand aloft and waves regally to the fine fans of Boston.


Steve the Crier: THE SOVEREIGN WISHES TO SPEAK ON THE GLORIOUS RUMBLE AND HIS GREAT DEEDS TO COME! TO THAT END WE HEREBY SUMMON CITIZEN...UH...


He looks to the commentary booth. Kurt Burton helpfully holds up a sign with "Wien" written on it in black magic marker and an arrow pointing to his left at Werner.


Steve the Crier: AH YES! CITIZEN WIEN TO THE RING.


With a heavy sign of exasperation Matthew Werner takes off his headset and picks up a microphone on his way to the ring. He enters the ring with no assistance nor pomp as DGX smiles at him and nods in a friendly but still imperious fashion.


Matthew Werner: So..uh...my Lord, the Rumble is coming up and you’ve certainly set large goals for it! But with the field filling out and more and more intense competition do you feel the task is more daunting now than previously?


DGX: Well Wern, I definitely think the field has filled with very impressive competition however Wern I am a man of competition and accomplishment. I don’t shrink from a challenge; I rise to meet it! I look forward to going toe to toe, face to face with the best WFWF has to offer! The Meshes! The Shuggys! The Alex Seans! Hell, I’m still holding out hope Drakz himself will be a surprise entrant!


There’s a cry from the crowd at the mention of Drakz. Dude is still over AF. Plus, DGX versus Drakz has been spoiling the pants of many a WFWF fan’s dream matches for many years now!


Matthew Werner: Well certainly the roster of the Rumble is filling out nicely but I can’t help but notice you omitted a name there. After his actions last week he’s suspended until the Rumble but I wanted to get your reaction to Trace Demon’s actions last week.


There’s a loud cacophony of jeers that ring out from the fans. Turns out brutalizing women isn’t the most popular activity in 2022. Go figure.


DGX: I suppose I could tell you his actions against ring announcer Poppy Yates were cowardly, pathetic, reprehensible, punkish. Ultimately, I think I’ll just wrap that all up succinctly and just tell you it was very Trace Demon.


The crowd "awwws" this shout of disrespect!


Matthew Werner: Well Trace and you certainly had a pitched battle at He’ll Kick You Apart, He’ll Kick You Apart! That you narrowly won! Are you not worried he’ll be seeking retribution for that loss in the Rumble?


DGX: Not at all. Everyone should be seeking to get at me in that match. At least if they want to have a hope of winning it. If Trace gets his hackles up and wishes to clash with the Sovereign again I have more for him. Unfortunately for him, I’m not a ninety-pound girl so...that goes about as well for him as you’d expect.


DGX nods his head dismissively. He’s said all he wants to say on that. Werner takes the hint; he really is quite good at ring announcer interviewing you know?


Matthew Werner: Well D...


Steve the Crier: THAT’S LORD DGX CITIZEN WIEN! SPEAK WITH RESPECT!


Matthew Werner: I’m...like right here...


Werner looks at the ruffled and offended features in the large jowls of Steve the Crier’s countenance before having his gaze drawn more urgently to the narrowing steel blue eyes of the towering Aurora.


Matthew Werner: Right. Sorry. Lord DGX, great Sovereign of the WFWF and uhhh...savior of the industry? What do you make of Alex Sean being in the Rumble also.


DGX: An excellent question. I have not spent much time with my old friend and ally Alex Sean since his re-emergence on this tour however I have known him for many years. He is a man in turmoil right now, unsure of who he is and who he wishes to be. That’s manifested in some early struggles however I have complete faith my former partner will round into form when the lights are bright.


DGX nods affirmingly this time. Rated X solidarity represent.


Matthew Werner: Right...well...


DGX: Wern, what’s up with you man?


Matthew Werner: What do you mean?


DGX: You seem, I dunno...forlorn or something.


Steve the Crier: IF I MAY SIRE, HE LOOKS RATHER...DOUR!


DGX: You do Wern. You look dour. Why are you dour?


The crowd pops and begins to chant...


Boston: CHEER UP WIENER! Clap clap, clap-clap-clap! ... CHEER UP WIENER! Clap clap, clap-clap-clap! ...


Kurt Burton: This is excellent.


Matthew Werner: Look I’m not dour I just...I don’t like being treated...I dunno, like a joke.


The crowd boos. DGX holds up his hands to the audience to quiet them.


DGX: Wern, you’re looking at this whole thing wrong. No one thinks you’re a joke. Nah this, this is the public finally acknowledging your charisma, talent and ability!


The crowd pops for this. Another chant begins...


Boston: WE LOVE WIENER!! WE LOVE WIENER!! WE LOVE WIENER!!


DGX grins his trademark lopsided sh** eating grin and holds his arm out to the audience.


DGX: See? They love ya man. But you know what, I will prove it! I will bestow upon you a great gift Wern! An honor previously unbestowed!


DGX makes his way over to Steve the Crier and Young Carmen. He whispers a few things to Young Carmen who casts a skeptical look at Werner before saying something back to DGX. Exchanges continue until affirmations are exchanged and then both Young Carmen and DGX nod to Steve the Crier.


Steve the Crier: CITIZEN WIEN! YOUR SOVEREIGN HAS SEEN FIT TO BESTOW UPON YOU A GREAT HONOR...KNEEL BEFORE YOUR SOVEREIGN....


Matthew Werner: Sorry come again?


Steve the Crier: YOUR SOVEREIGN HAS BID YOU TO KNEEL CITIZEN WIEN!


Matthew Werner: Again you don't need to yell, I’m right here...


Steve the Crier: KNEEL SIR!


Werner looks incredulously at the the large toga clad man, and then to the equally opulently dressed DGX. The large, Amazonian frame of Aurora, Champion to the Sovereign tilts her head while staring the seriousness of daggers before stepping towards him. Quickly Werner drops to a knee...


Steve the Crier: CITIZEN WIEN, YOUR SOVEREIGN DGX HONORS AND RESPECTS YOUR GREAT ACHIEVEMENTS IN THE WORLD OF WRESTLING JOURNALISM AND RECOGNIZES YOU AS ONE OF IT’S MOST STALWART SENTINALS! SO FROM THIS DAY IT SHALL BE KNOWN THAT YOU ARE NO LONGER MERELY CITIZEN WIEN, YOU ARE NOW WIEN SQUIRE TO THE SOVEREIGN LORD DGX!


Latina woman and Young Carmen both applaud as Werner looks mostly confused by this before looking to DGX. The Sovereign smiles warmly to his new Squire and bids him rise. Werner stands while keeping a still wary on the imposing Aurora.


Werner steps forwards and accepts the handshake from DGX before whatever Napoleon’s music is interrupts this touching and monumental moment.


Napoleon Weisgarber stomps onto the stage, microphone in hand!


Napoleon Weisgarber: Listen! That...that travesty that occurred earlier tonight with Johnny Mason was BS!


Alecia Matthews: Well the show was pretty much going according to format...


The crowd begins to heckle and berate Napoleon for his loss.


Napoleon Weisgarber: Hey! YOU ALL SHUT UP!!! I’m not going into the Rumble off that injustice! I WON’T DO IT! DGX!!!! You come out here and make a joke of yourself, dressing up like a King or whatever! But we all saw that Trace Demon match! You’re old! Over the hill! I’m going to beat your ass right here tonight! If you got the guts!


Steve the Crier: YOU DARE CHALLENGE THE SOVEREIGN, PEON?!?!?!


Napoleon Weisgarber: Shut your mouth Fatso I ain’t talkin to you! DGX! I kicked your pal Alex Sean’s a**! His boyfriend had to save him or I’d of beaten him!


DGX speaks and his voice is full of intensity!


DGX: How dare you, you punk! You utter and complete joke! You twink sack of crap...STEVE IS NOT FAT! He has glandular issues you peasant and now you’ve just bought yourself the a** kicking of your lifetime! In fact, Squire Wien, put a clock on this! I’m going to add you to the history books right now you louse! Now send me a referee!


DGX furiously throws down the microphone, and his concubines disrobe him of his shoulder pommels and cape. Young Carmen comforts the obviously saddened Steve as DGX waves for Napoleon to make his way down to the ring. He audibly calls Napoleon a "b****" which hastens Napoleon’s descent to the ring!


Alecia Matthews: If at first you don't succeed...


Kurt Burton: Come to the ring and get beaten easily by someone else later?


Alecia Matthews: ... Pretty much... I guess...


A referee enters the ring as Napoleon storms into the squared circle where DGX holds firm! The official quickly gets between DGX and Napoleon to maintain some kind of order. DGX’s court has mostly left the ring, on the outside the large Amazon woman hands Werner an hour glass with sand in it. Werner looks at her and looks confused at the device before quickly realizing expressing confusion to her is likely not the wisest thing to do.


Kurt Burton: That's not the first time Wien didn't know what to do with uh... um... something... a lady...


Alecia Matthews: I believe in you.


Kurt Burton: Uhhh... gave him... to... turn over...


Alecia Matthews: Okkaayy....


Kurt Burton: ... Because he's... a wiener?


Alecia Matthews: What matters is you tried.


In the ring DGX and Napoleon are barely being held apart by the official and the camera microphones pick up some of the back and forth.


Napoleon Weisgarber: I’m gonna tear you apart you a**!


DGX: I’m gonna knock your head off your shoulders you piece of trash!


The referee finally seems to succeed in getting the two apart, DGX backing up willing one or two steps while the flailing Napoleon is moved almost back to the corner. Before DGX unleashes the nuclear option of trash talk, knowing full well what it’ll incite.


DGX: You think you know art? You couldn’t tell a Rembrandt from a Ross!


THAT does it! The level of offense that flashes across the face of Napoleon is such that he can no longer be restrained! He breaks free of the referee casting him aside as he bull rushes headlong...into the boot of the Sovereign as DGX about makes good on his promise of knocking his head off with a Breakdown! The slap of contact that echoes throughout the arena draws an audible cry of sympathy from the audience as Napoleon is down in an instant heap! At ringside Werner fiddles helplessly with the hour glass as the referee calls for the bell!


Alecia Matthews: Well... I...


DGX drops into a cover as the officer is there and judiciously counts the fall with all alacrity! Mere seconds after the bell has chimed it sounds again!


Kurt Burton: That's got to be some kind of record!


Alecia Matthews: .... It's funny you say that...


Werner looks hopelessly at the hour glass in his hand and tilts it, not understand at all how to communicate the time of the match! He’s biffed this! He’s a failure! D just tried to so something nice for him and...a clearing of a throat tears his focus from his despair. Alecia Matthews looks intentionally away from Werner with her cell phone held out in her right hand, the stop watch app displaying a time of 0:04. Werner mouths "thank you" and turns back to the ring as the concubines and Steve have returned to their liege’s side.


Steve the Crier: FAIR CITIZENS OF BOSTON! YOU HAVE NOW WITNESSED HISTORY AT THE HAND OF YOUR BENEVOLENT SOVEREIGN! YOUR HUMBLE CITY CHOSEN AS THE SPOT OF NEW SHORTEST MATCH IN THE ILLUSTRIOUS HISTORY OF THE WFWF! WITH A PALTRY TIME OF A MERE...


Steve looks at Werner. Werner smartly holds up for fingers and nods affirmingly.


Steve the Crier: ...FOUR SECONDS, OUR HERO! OUR CHAMPION! OUR SAVIOR! THE GREAT AND BENEVOLENT LORD DGX DEFEATED THE CAD, THE COWARD, THE LOUSE NAPOLEON WEISGARBER! LADY AURORA, DISPOSE OF THIS MOST IGNOBLE VAGRANT FROM OUR SIRE’S DOMAIN!!!


Aurora walks over to the knocked out cold Napoleon. She reaches down and pulls the unconscious man to his feet before straight gorilla pressing him above her golden-haired head!


Kurt Burton: Hot.


Aurora glides to the ring ropes and casually dumps Napoleon to the floor, the fellow landing with an ignoble thud on the mats below. From behind her mask, she glowers down at him with her task fulfilled!


Steve the Crier: FINE CITIZENS OF BOSTON, THREE CHEERS FOR OUR BELOVED SOVEREIGN! OUR SAVIOR! OUR LORD!! HIP HIP HOOOOORAY!!


As the posse surrounding "The Sovereign" make their exit, we cut back to the announce desk just in time for Matthew Werner to return to his seat.


Alecia Matthews: Well folks... I don't know what to say other than... wow! DGX just set the all-time record for shortest match in the history of the WFWF!


Kurt Burton: That's crazy too because Wien over here actually has the all-time record for shortest match in the bedroom! AYOOOOOOHHHH!


Alecia Matthews: You finally got there!


They high five in front of Werner's crestfallen face.


Matthew Werner: ... Can someone just explain to me what a Squire is?


Alecia Matthews: ... Later... But now, I mean, I gotta say; He said he was gonna beat Trace Demon, he did it. He comes out here tonight to address these fans in Boston, sets a record! I think, at this point, DGX has to be the sure-fire favorite to win this year's WFWF Rumble.


Kurt Burton: WHATEVER FELICIA! He's still entering at numero uno which means he's probably going to losero soon-oh, if you catch my drift.


Alecia Matthews: Suppose I asked you to explain... your drift. Could you?


Kurt Burton: Could you?


They lock eyes intensely.


Kurt Burton: Damn are we gonna...


Alecia Matthews: Jesus... no...


Kurt Burton: Oh... sorry...


Alecia Matthews: You should be. You mighta just secured me my retirement plan! ... Alecia turns back toward us. ... Well folks, that's it for us here in Boston. We'll see you all in Philadelphia for Scars and Stripes! But before that, let's go back to the city of brotherly love as EBR and Josh Dean face off for the first time! Goodnight folks!


Kurt Burton: PEACE!


Matthew Werner: ... Is a squire a bad thing?

As announced by Alecia Matthews, we fade back to the aforementioned press conference between EBR and Josh Dean, EBR finishing up his answer.


EBR: ... So yeah, the important thing is to have the mind/muscle connection and remember that your goal is to never just move the weight, it’s to essentially flex the muscle and the weight or resistance band is just along the ride. You’re looking for quality, controlled reps each and every time. Never compromise that, and check your ego at the weight rack because if all you’re trying to do is move the heaviest amount of weight?





The group of reporters clap as EBR finishes. Once the applause ends, Bobby Abadi leans to his microphone.


Bobby Abadi: Well folks, that just about wraps it up for us. We've had a lot of good questions and some even better answers!



The camera focuses on EBR.



Bobby Abadi: Now, if it’s alright with you guys ... Turning his head towards EBR and then to World Heavyweight Champion Josh Dean cause he was talking about them if you weren’t sure ... you guys ready to sign on the dotted line!?


Abadi asks in a tone that screams finger guns. He’s still relatively new to this. Let’s cut him slack.


EBR: Sure thing.


Rising from his seat, EBR walks around the table and heads to the front of the stage while Josh Dean very slowly pushes his chair back and takes his time to do the same. In front of them is a small table with a large, likely ceremonial contract place atop it; The gigantic, feather pen being somewhat of a give-away. The challenger grabs the pen, dipping it in the inkwell, and poses with the writing utensil to a collection of "ooohs" and "ahhs" before signing his name to the paper! The press cheer, the fans outside cheer, people are pro-EBR, no doubt about it. At around this point, Josh Dean arrives at the table, the World Heavyweight Championship slung over his shoulder as both men meet face-to-face for the first time. EBR politely offers him the pen in his hand, however Josh Dean, barely registering the challenger, reaches into the jar on the table to grab a separate pen. He dips in the inkwell and, just like that, has signed the dotted line.


Bobby Abadi: Ladies and gentlemen ... EBR and Josh Dean ... THIS ONE'S OFFICIAL!


Several camera phones flicker in time for both combatants to now stare eye-to-eye. A warm smile is spread across EBR’s face as he outstretches his hand, met only by the cold, emotionless glare from the World Heavyweight Champion. Several seconds pass before EBR loses the smile and drops his handshake attempt, both continuing to gaze at one another with Josh Dean’s expression never changing. After several more moments, EBR breaks eye contact, looking out towards the media members and emitting a slight chuckle while Josh Dean’s line of sight never wavers. Eventually, Bobby speaks into the microphone again.


Bobby Abadi: Put your hands together for the Scars & Stripes main event!! YEEEAHIT’SGONNABEACLASSIC!!!


With the crowd clapping in response and/or agreement with Bobby Abadi, EBR gradually begins to back away while politely waving towards the media members before he escorts himself off of the stage. The entire time, Josh Dean’s eyes never leave his sight. The flickering of lights illuminate their faces, but it isn't a requirement to see clearly that Josh Dean is not coming to Scars and Stripes to be the face of a company, to put on a show, or to be liked. Josh Dean is coming to Philadelphia on September 11th to fight. Based on EBR's look, he appears to, for the first time, fully realize it. We fade to black, then to the WFWF logo.