Post by Kurt Burton: Script Doctor! on Feb 28, 2007 13:05:40 GMT -5
My blood boils up inside me as I sit in the bar, surrounded by lowlifes, skanks, criminals, you know, my kind of people. The dirty scum of this bar has been vibrating and giggling for about an hour. I know there should be music, I can see the herpes infested denizens dancing, but I can’t hear it. I can’t explain it. I sift through the memories of the day, but I can’t remember doing any drugs. But if I didn’t do any drugs, explain to me why R Lee Emry is staring at me from behind the bar, dressed in his full drill sergant outfit.
Emry: Attention Maggot![/i]
He has been saying that for about the past twenty minutes. He looks so angry, so mean, just like he did in Full Metal Jacket.
Emry: Listen here you sack of donky crap, I said attention![/i]
Kurt: OK.[/i]
Emry: You will reply Yes sir![/i]
I have no idea what is going on, must be a flash back. My first. Probably not my last considering I’ve dropped enough acid to classify a person as legally insane. Flashbacks are just like trips… only worse, so I am going to have to just ride this out.
Kurt: Yes sir.[/i]
Emry: Now that’s better maggot. I understand you are the almighty leader of the Revolution.[/i]
Kurt: I’m not the leader but….[/i]
Emry: I did not ask for your opinion.[/i]
He slams his fist down on the bar so hard I can feel my liver quiver inside my body.
Emry: So you lead this Revolution, but what are you rebelling against! You are the top dogs in your field. You fly high, but there is only one thing that can happen when you fly high. Someone is going to shoot you down boy. And It’s a long fast, painful trip.[/i]
I wonder if he has a point, but I dare not ask him.
Emry: And you sit there in a dumbfounded stupor, probably all the drugs you’ve swallowed. Or the sperm you’ve swallowed. You’re too damn stupid to figure out you got a pair of aces with you in their six.[/i]
Kurt: What are you talking about?[/i]
Suddenly Emry disappears, disintegrating into a million particles flying towards Kurt, they stop, and pull back. They reform in the shape of the Vagrant Danny Vice
Vice: You’re going to pay Burton![/i]
Kurt: Vagrant, I am not in the mood for a little pissant wannabe. You are nothing to me.[/i]
Vice: You’re going to pay![/i]
Kurt: I’m not going to pay for anything. I haven’t done anything to you, but since you and Striker got here, you have done nothing but gun for me and the Revolution. Why? For some make believe sin that occurred in another place at another time. Enough is enough Vice. And if you should make anyone pay, it should be Thunder![/i]
Did I just sell out my compatriot to a figment of my imagination. I must be losing it. I stare at the Mohawk adorned creep and await his response. He laughs, and merely says,
Vice: You’re going to pay right now.[/i]
I can’t take anymore. I spring from my stool, and it crashes behind me. I grab the man by the scruff of his collar.
Kurt: THUNDER IS GOING TO PAY!!! NOT ME!!![/i]
I look at him, but he is no longer the punk, but rather a short chubby man with a bald head, whose face has contorted with rage.
Bartender: You better take that hand and reach into your wallet right now. You are cut off, and I want my money.[/i]
Kurt: Thunder is going to pay for this.[/i]
My heart is still pounding from the fight with my mind. What the hell is wrong with me. I got to get this under control. I assaulted a fictional spectre and by doing so assaulted an actual person. I release my grasp.
Bartender: Who the hell is Thunder? I don’t see no lightning chump, I expect my money right now, or I’m calling the fuzz on you.[/i]
Kurt: DO you know who I am?[/i]
Bartender: NO![/i]
I look over my shoulder, and low and behold, there he is the man of the hour. Thunder, overdressed as always. He confidently strides up to the bar.
Kurt: This…[/i]
The man suddenly turns into a giant Rabbit with fire in his eyes. I’m taken aback as the room glows in silver and gold, disco music blares through my skull.
Kurt: This is the guy. He’s paying for it all. Right?[/i]
Thunder: Well, I…[/i]
Bartender: So you’re this “Thunder” guy right?[/i]
Thunder: Yeah.[/i]
Bartender: Your little buddy here has had a little too much to drink, as I’m sure you can tell. I had to stop serving him, because not only is he way too drunk for his own good, but he wouldn’t pay. He kept screaming “Thunder will pay for my drinks!” over and over. So right now I want my money.[/i]
Thunder: I don’t really care how much he owes you, so I’ll just give something.[/i]
Thunder pulls some bills out of his suit pocket and hands it to the bartender.
Bartender: Listen here, rich boy. You better give me more than that.[/i]
Kurt: Don’t you talk to…to my friend like that. I’ll…I’ll… Shove a carrot up your giant Rabbit ass.[/i]
They both look at me condescendingly, as though they could not understand what I had just said.
Thunder: I think it’s best if we just leave. What do you think, Kurt?[/i]
Kurt: Sure. This guy was being a real…real jerk.[/i]
Thunder: Want me to take you home?[/i]
Kurt: No. Food.[/i]
Thunder: What do you mean?[/i]
Kurt: Food! Now![/i]
Thunder: I really don’t think you’re in good enough condition to be anywhere right now, but I’ll get you something. There’s a restaurant right across the street. We’ll go there now. Okay?[/i]
I excidetly motion my approval and dart out the door. I can barely keep my feet on the ground, like I am being lifted up, full of hot air or something. I’m beginning to float now. Oh crap, I’m going to go real high, I’ve got to do something. A railing. If I grab the railing, then I can’t blow away. My hand grasps it, and appears to meld into the railing. I am one with the metal, and the metal is one with me.
Thunder: Don’t touch that. It’s not stable at all.[/i]
Kurt: Don’t tell me what to do! You…you’re not my mother. [/i]
I turn and look at him. He is now a short fat sixty year old woman. Maybe he is my mother. I continue to pull myself down. I can see the restaurant it calls my name. I have to reach it, but the wind is picking up, I’m about to float away. Oh no. I feel a hand on my back, and suddenly, I pop from the pressure. I land on my feet. I look around. I see the street, nothing but little balls of light streaming across the distance. Good, no cars. I step out into the street when suddenly, I fall on my ass.
Thunder: What in God’s name is wrong with you?[/i]
Kurt: I was crossing the street.[/i]
Thunder: Let’s go now since the traffic has died down. Stay close to me.[/i]
Kurt: Yeah, yeah. We’d be over there already if you let me cross.[/i]
He grabs my arm. He escorts me across the street like some condescending little bitch. He doesn’t realize nothing’s going to hit me. Didn’t he see me float just a minute ago. Suddenly a voice rings out in my head.
Hostess: Welcome. I can seat you two right now.[/i]
I look around. Sports Banners, arcade machines from this era, Wow. This place is posh. She picks up two menus from the desk and seats us at a table in the front of the restaurant. The place is around half full. But then I see the downfall of the restaurant. Liquid chairs. They move and splash in constant motion. I try to grab hold of one. My hand feels incredibly numb, must be frigid liquid chairs. Finally, I have a grasp, and plant my self in the seat. I look up. A giant steak is before me. I stare at the mighty huge morsel of meat.
Steak: Is your friend okay?[/i]
Thunder: He should be fine. I don’t think we’ll need a menu.[/i]
Steak: Okay. What you like to drink?[/i]
Kurt: Beer.[/i]
Thunder: We’ll have water.[/i]
Steak: And what would you like to eat?[/i]
Kurt: Are you on the menu?[/i]
Thunder: You’ll have to excuse my friend. He can be a little crude at times. We’ll both have hamburgers.[/i]
The steak disappears from view.
Thunder: From now on, don’t talk.[/i]
Kurt: I’ll do whatever the hell I want to do. We…we need to have a very serious talk about that, that thing that’s coming up this week. You know, where we fight for the uh…[/i]
Thunder: You mean the Tag Title Match?[/i]
Kurt: Yeah, that’s it.[/i]
He begins talking, but the bobble head figure of my close friend Thunder can only make the Wa-Wa sound from Charlie Brown. Poor bobble head. I’m sure it has a hard life, with its head all bouncing all over the place, and it’s inability to speak.
Suddenly a voice blares through my head.
Don’t say a word, I can hear your thoughts.[/i]
I think out loud to it.
what do you want?[/i]
You are in danger! Danger of the new… Phenomenon.[/i]
Suddenly, three weird creatures with googly eyes pop out from under the table and hum
Do Doo-de do do!
I think back to the voice.
Phenomenon?[/i]
The creatures hum.
Do do do do.
The voice replies
Phenomenon.[/i]
Do do de do do de do do do do do.
Suddenly the entire room burst into flames. Women and children cried as the flesh burnt clean from their bones.
Kurt: Holy Crap, is that the New Phenomenon?[/i]
Sort of. Just instead of flames, its more like high risk maneuvers and stuff.[/i]
Kurt: How the hell can I fight that? I mean, come on![/i]
Just remember you have faced much worse. Remember.[/i]
My entire life moves in Rewind as I am transported back about five months ago. I feel a lot better, probably because I haven’t fought Obo yet. I am in a bar, seated across from Manny C. He looks gittery, nervous. I’ll have to talk to him.
Kurt: I’m…I’m not worried. I trust you Manny and I know that we’ll win that tables match at Scars & Stripes. Those belts are ours Manny, and not even the Black Ninja can stop us.[/i]
Manny opens his mouth to speak, but I cover up his mouth with my hand.
Kurt: You don’t need to speak Manny. I know, I know. You’re gonna say that it won’t be that easy. But I know better. I trust you and I trust…who the hell is that other guy?[/i]
He tries to speak again, but once again I cut him off.
Kurt: No, don’t tell me. I’ll get it eventually.[/i]
I look to my side as I deep below echoes throught the room. There he is. Freaking Jabba the Hutt. Laughing at me.
Jaba: You are f*cked up man, there is no way you can win those tag team titles.[/i]
Kurt: Shut up you fat bitch.[/i]
I rise from my chair to confront him. He slithers over to me. I begin to read him the riot act in his own language, I don’t speak Hutt, but it sounds right. Suddenly A group of Nazi gorillas take his flank. I look to Manny, See if he has my back.
Manny: I think it’s best if we leave.[/i]
Kurt: Manny, you are a smart man. Let’s go.[/i]
I begin to walk away, but suddenly, the entire world is black. I can't see where the hell I'm going.
END CONSCIOUSNESS[/b]
Emry: Attention Maggot![/i]
He has been saying that for about the past twenty minutes. He looks so angry, so mean, just like he did in Full Metal Jacket.
Emry: Listen here you sack of donky crap, I said attention![/i]
Kurt: OK.[/i]
Emry: You will reply Yes sir![/i]
I have no idea what is going on, must be a flash back. My first. Probably not my last considering I’ve dropped enough acid to classify a person as legally insane. Flashbacks are just like trips… only worse, so I am going to have to just ride this out.
Kurt: Yes sir.[/i]
Emry: Now that’s better maggot. I understand you are the almighty leader of the Revolution.[/i]
Kurt: I’m not the leader but….[/i]
Emry: I did not ask for your opinion.[/i]
He slams his fist down on the bar so hard I can feel my liver quiver inside my body.
Emry: So you lead this Revolution, but what are you rebelling against! You are the top dogs in your field. You fly high, but there is only one thing that can happen when you fly high. Someone is going to shoot you down boy. And It’s a long fast, painful trip.[/i]
I wonder if he has a point, but I dare not ask him.
Emry: And you sit there in a dumbfounded stupor, probably all the drugs you’ve swallowed. Or the sperm you’ve swallowed. You’re too damn stupid to figure out you got a pair of aces with you in their six.[/i]
Kurt: What are you talking about?[/i]
Suddenly Emry disappears, disintegrating into a million particles flying towards Kurt, they stop, and pull back. They reform in the shape of the Vagrant Danny Vice
Vice: You’re going to pay Burton![/i]
Kurt: Vagrant, I am not in the mood for a little pissant wannabe. You are nothing to me.[/i]
Vice: You’re going to pay![/i]
Kurt: I’m not going to pay for anything. I haven’t done anything to you, but since you and Striker got here, you have done nothing but gun for me and the Revolution. Why? For some make believe sin that occurred in another place at another time. Enough is enough Vice. And if you should make anyone pay, it should be Thunder![/i]
Did I just sell out my compatriot to a figment of my imagination. I must be losing it. I stare at the Mohawk adorned creep and await his response. He laughs, and merely says,
Vice: You’re going to pay right now.[/i]
I can’t take anymore. I spring from my stool, and it crashes behind me. I grab the man by the scruff of his collar.
Kurt: THUNDER IS GOING TO PAY!!! NOT ME!!![/i]
I look at him, but he is no longer the punk, but rather a short chubby man with a bald head, whose face has contorted with rage.
Bartender: You better take that hand and reach into your wallet right now. You are cut off, and I want my money.[/i]
Kurt: Thunder is going to pay for this.[/i]
My heart is still pounding from the fight with my mind. What the hell is wrong with me. I got to get this under control. I assaulted a fictional spectre and by doing so assaulted an actual person. I release my grasp.
Bartender: Who the hell is Thunder? I don’t see no lightning chump, I expect my money right now, or I’m calling the fuzz on you.[/i]
Kurt: DO you know who I am?[/i]
Bartender: NO![/i]
I look over my shoulder, and low and behold, there he is the man of the hour. Thunder, overdressed as always. He confidently strides up to the bar.
Kurt: This…[/i]
The man suddenly turns into a giant Rabbit with fire in his eyes. I’m taken aback as the room glows in silver and gold, disco music blares through my skull.
Kurt: This is the guy. He’s paying for it all. Right?[/i]
Thunder: Well, I…[/i]
Bartender: So you’re this “Thunder” guy right?[/i]
Thunder: Yeah.[/i]
Bartender: Your little buddy here has had a little too much to drink, as I’m sure you can tell. I had to stop serving him, because not only is he way too drunk for his own good, but he wouldn’t pay. He kept screaming “Thunder will pay for my drinks!” over and over. So right now I want my money.[/i]
Thunder: I don’t really care how much he owes you, so I’ll just give something.[/i]
Thunder pulls some bills out of his suit pocket and hands it to the bartender.
Bartender: Listen here, rich boy. You better give me more than that.[/i]
Kurt: Don’t you talk to…to my friend like that. I’ll…I’ll… Shove a carrot up your giant Rabbit ass.[/i]
They both look at me condescendingly, as though they could not understand what I had just said.
Thunder: I think it’s best if we just leave. What do you think, Kurt?[/i]
Kurt: Sure. This guy was being a real…real jerk.[/i]
Thunder: Want me to take you home?[/i]
Kurt: No. Food.[/i]
Thunder: What do you mean?[/i]
Kurt: Food! Now![/i]
Thunder: I really don’t think you’re in good enough condition to be anywhere right now, but I’ll get you something. There’s a restaurant right across the street. We’ll go there now. Okay?[/i]
I excidetly motion my approval and dart out the door. I can barely keep my feet on the ground, like I am being lifted up, full of hot air or something. I’m beginning to float now. Oh crap, I’m going to go real high, I’ve got to do something. A railing. If I grab the railing, then I can’t blow away. My hand grasps it, and appears to meld into the railing. I am one with the metal, and the metal is one with me.
Thunder: Don’t touch that. It’s not stable at all.[/i]
Kurt: Don’t tell me what to do! You…you’re not my mother. [/i]
I turn and look at him. He is now a short fat sixty year old woman. Maybe he is my mother. I continue to pull myself down. I can see the restaurant it calls my name. I have to reach it, but the wind is picking up, I’m about to float away. Oh no. I feel a hand on my back, and suddenly, I pop from the pressure. I land on my feet. I look around. I see the street, nothing but little balls of light streaming across the distance. Good, no cars. I step out into the street when suddenly, I fall on my ass.
Thunder: What in God’s name is wrong with you?[/i]
Kurt: I was crossing the street.[/i]
Thunder: Let’s go now since the traffic has died down. Stay close to me.[/i]
Kurt: Yeah, yeah. We’d be over there already if you let me cross.[/i]
He grabs my arm. He escorts me across the street like some condescending little bitch. He doesn’t realize nothing’s going to hit me. Didn’t he see me float just a minute ago. Suddenly a voice rings out in my head.
Hostess: Welcome. I can seat you two right now.[/i]
I look around. Sports Banners, arcade machines from this era, Wow. This place is posh. She picks up two menus from the desk and seats us at a table in the front of the restaurant. The place is around half full. But then I see the downfall of the restaurant. Liquid chairs. They move and splash in constant motion. I try to grab hold of one. My hand feels incredibly numb, must be frigid liquid chairs. Finally, I have a grasp, and plant my self in the seat. I look up. A giant steak is before me. I stare at the mighty huge morsel of meat.
Steak: Is your friend okay?[/i]
Thunder: He should be fine. I don’t think we’ll need a menu.[/i]
Steak: Okay. What you like to drink?[/i]
Kurt: Beer.[/i]
Thunder: We’ll have water.[/i]
Steak: And what would you like to eat?[/i]
Kurt: Are you on the menu?[/i]
Thunder: You’ll have to excuse my friend. He can be a little crude at times. We’ll both have hamburgers.[/i]
The steak disappears from view.
Thunder: From now on, don’t talk.[/i]
Kurt: I’ll do whatever the hell I want to do. We…we need to have a very serious talk about that, that thing that’s coming up this week. You know, where we fight for the uh…[/i]
Thunder: You mean the Tag Title Match?[/i]
Kurt: Yeah, that’s it.[/i]
He begins talking, but the bobble head figure of my close friend Thunder can only make the Wa-Wa sound from Charlie Brown. Poor bobble head. I’m sure it has a hard life, with its head all bouncing all over the place, and it’s inability to speak.
Suddenly a voice blares through my head.
Don’t say a word, I can hear your thoughts.[/i]
I think out loud to it.
what do you want?[/i]
You are in danger! Danger of the new… Phenomenon.[/i]
Suddenly, three weird creatures with googly eyes pop out from under the table and hum
Do Doo-de do do!
I think back to the voice.
Phenomenon?[/i]
The creatures hum.
Do do do do.
The voice replies
Phenomenon.[/i]
Do do de do do de do do do do do.
Suddenly the entire room burst into flames. Women and children cried as the flesh burnt clean from their bones.
Kurt: Holy Crap, is that the New Phenomenon?[/i]
Sort of. Just instead of flames, its more like high risk maneuvers and stuff.[/i]
Kurt: How the hell can I fight that? I mean, come on![/i]
Just remember you have faced much worse. Remember.[/i]
My entire life moves in Rewind as I am transported back about five months ago. I feel a lot better, probably because I haven’t fought Obo yet. I am in a bar, seated across from Manny C. He looks gittery, nervous. I’ll have to talk to him.
Kurt: I’m…I’m not worried. I trust you Manny and I know that we’ll win that tables match at Scars & Stripes. Those belts are ours Manny, and not even the Black Ninja can stop us.[/i]
Manny opens his mouth to speak, but I cover up his mouth with my hand.
Kurt: You don’t need to speak Manny. I know, I know. You’re gonna say that it won’t be that easy. But I know better. I trust you and I trust…who the hell is that other guy?[/i]
He tries to speak again, but once again I cut him off.
Kurt: No, don’t tell me. I’ll get it eventually.[/i]
I look to my side as I deep below echoes throught the room. There he is. Freaking Jabba the Hutt. Laughing at me.
Jaba: You are f*cked up man, there is no way you can win those tag team titles.[/i]
Kurt: Shut up you fat bitch.[/i]
I rise from my chair to confront him. He slithers over to me. I begin to read him the riot act in his own language, I don’t speak Hutt, but it sounds right. Suddenly A group of Nazi gorillas take his flank. I look to Manny, See if he has my back.
Manny: I think it’s best if we leave.[/i]
Kurt: Manny, you are a smart man. Let’s go.[/i]
I begin to walk away, but suddenly, the entire world is black. I can't see where the hell I'm going.
END CONSCIOUSNESS[/b]
