Freakin' Sweet Wrestling! A backyard EWR diary.

You're misunderstanding me. I'm going to be serious about running it and updating. The things that are not going to be serious are the characters and storylines.

Anyway:

FSW UPDATE!!!!

According to a press release by FSW head booker and publicist Erik Dickash, delivered in the most functional and powerful way of advertising possible (Read: he left flyers on all the cars in the nearby parking lots) the card for the FSW's first event: FSW Battle Action Damage (FSW BAD for short). The exciting card will consist of the following matches:

FSW WORLD TITLE MATCH!!! Bling Bling Bertram Vs. The Nuisance

THE FORCES OF ULTIMATE GOOD TEAM UP!!! Hatman and Sasuke McKeelHaul Vs. JAND and T.P. Williams

AN AMAZING ALLITERATION ALTERCATION!!! Kevin Kinnison Vs. Grant Gains

THESE GUYS ARE FIGHTING TOO!!! The 1337 Squad (ph33r and h4X0rZ) Vs. Cyrus Meez and....Cyrus Meez

AND THESE GUYS WILL BE PROBABLY BE DOING SOMETHING!!! Also appearing: Blavid Dane, Jon Cena, and Overlord Oblivion, plus a few more!

Be sure to come see our show, located in lovely and beautiful Erik's Backyard! Bring your friends!! FOR GOD'S SAKE, BRING YOUR FRIENDS!!!!

What's wrong with doing a humorous diary?

Who made you the be-all, end-all of diary writing? I'll have you know that I already read part of your diary on this board, and frankly, I've read more interesting things from my mom's second grade class.

I've been writing diaries for about 3 years now. Instead of just saying, "Person A faces Person B and Person A wins with his finisher in this much time," I like to add a bit of detail to make it...you know....interesting to read.

I've got this diary going on another board, and though I've only done one card so far, I've gotten rave reviews.

So yeah, I'm going to post this diary here. If you don't like it, don't read it, and get back to your stat sheets.

^Indeed.

Why not, you know, copy and past the link?

SEGMENT 5: Jimmy Thompson Vs. Vesuvius The Mighty

Thompson looks like he needs new pants as he steps into the ring with the 7'4" Vesuvius. Thompson spends most of the match running away from Vesuvius, who looks ready to kill him, but Vesuvius finally catches him with a hard lariat. Thompson looks to be out cold as Vesuvius stands over him. Vesuvius suddenly looks remorseful and kneels down to check Thompson's pulse, apologizing the whole time. Vesuvius looks around for someone to help Thompson, but finds no one. Vesuvius tells Thompson that he is going to find him some medical attention, and leaves the ring. The ref has no choice but to count Vesuvius out, and despite the fact that he doesn't look like one, Thompson is officially declared the winner. Thompson finally comes to, realizes he won the match and therefore gets his papers back, and starts to leave, but Rick Blinder comes out and tells Thompson that he isn't going anywhere. Blinder grabs Thompson and gives him an atomic wedgie, then hooks Thompson's underwear to a nearby flagpole and hoists him up the pole.

WINNER (By countout): Jimmy Thompson
Vesuvius The Mighty is losing overness because of his weak gimmick.
Crowd Reaction: 14%
Match Quality: 34%
Overall Rating: 21%

SEGMENT 6: Blavid Dane's Hall of Mirrors

There is a puff of smoke in the ring, and when it dissipates....nothing happens. Then Blavid Dane slides into the ring and plays it off as if he just appeared there in the smoke. Dane performs some horribly botched card tricks for the audience, then says that he is here to interview John Cena! The small amount of fans in the crowd start going wild, as Dane runs to the back to get Cena. The crowd's emotions switch from elated to disappointed as Dane comes out with Jon Cena, a cardboard cutout of John Cena. Dane brings Jon into the ring and conducts a very one-sided interview with him, saying that he is reading his mind to get the answers. Dane says that Jon Cena is talking about how he will make his way up to the top of FSW and become the new World Champion. Somehow, the crowd ends up loving this, and chants for Cena until the neighbors poke their heads out of their windows and tell them to quiet down.

Blavid Dane gained 3 points of overness from this segment. Jon Cena gained 1 point of overness from this segment.
Overall Rating: 43%

SEGMENT 7: Hatman and Sasuke McKeelHaul Vs. JAND and T.P.Williams

Hatman enters the arena by swinging in on a rope made of yarn from some dismantled wool hats, while Sasuke enters in a wooden ship painted completely black. T.P. enters holding his trademark plunger with the Canadian Maple Leaf painted on it, and JAND comes down with a mask, but then takes it off to reveal horrible burn marks on his face, which are gone by the time he enters the ring. Hatman seems nearly invincible as he takes on JAND, but a clothesline knocks his hat off. From there on in, Hatman's power seems to be almost completely gone, as JAND dominates him. Suddenly, the lights go off (No big difference, being as this is an outside arena and it's daytime), and a voiceover starts taunting JAND. Hatman uses this opportunity to tag McKeelHaul in. T.P. tags himself in, and sets McKeelHaul up for the Canadian Declogger. About a third of the way through the execution of the move (Roughly three minutes in), McKeelHaul manages to power out of it. McKeelHaul puts T.P. down with the Swashbuckle Suplex, then locks in his submission finisher, the Shuriken Lock, for the tapout victory. Hatman recovers his hat and the two celebrate, but JAND summons lightning from the sky, almost hitting the two. Distracted, Hatman and McKeelHaul are easy pickings for T.P. and JAND. JAND hits the Rombstond on Hatman, while T.P. starts executing the Canadian Declogger on McKeelHaul. JAND leaves, and Hatman recovers after about 5 minutes, giving him plenty of time to stop T.P. from finishing the move on McKeelHaul.

WINNERS: Hatman and Sasuke McKeelHaul
T.P. Williams is losing overness because of his weak gimmick. Sasuke McKeelHaul is losing overness because of his weak gimmick.
Crowd Reaction: 17%
Match Quality: 35%
Overall Rating: 23%

SEGMENT 8: The House of Oblivion

Overlord Oblivion enters the arena, trying to look all intimidating. He enters the ring and takes a microphone.

Oblivion: Welcome, everyone, to the House of Oblivion! I am Overlord Oblivion, the darkest, most evil member of the FSW roster, and I am here to begin a reign of terror and fear across the FSW arena! All will tremble before my dark powers, of which I received from the Dark Lord Beelzebub himself! I will take on ANYONE who wishes to accept my challenge in order to prove my absolute dominance!

(Just then, a homeless bum walks into the arena)

Bum: Heyyy...anyone got a quarter?

Oblivion: YOU!! How dare you interrupt my demonic tirade!! Enter the ring now, and face my wrath!!

(The bum enters the ring. He is holding a bottle of wine and looks very confused)

Bum: You got a quarter for me, buddy?

Oblivion: The only quarter you'll be seeing is no quarter, when I utterly destroy you! Now give me that wine bottle and let's get this started!

(Oblivion grabs the wine bottle from the bum's hand. A sudden furor enters the bum's eyes, and he pounces on Oblivion, beating the holy hell out of him while he screams and begs for him to stop. The bum lays Oblivion out with a Death Valley Driver-like move, then takes the bottle)

Bum: Don't mess with mah hooch!

(The bum then leaves the arena)

Overlord Oblivion gained 1 point of overness from this segment.
Overall Rating: 22%

MAIN EVENT: FSW WORLD TITLE MATCH: The Nuisance Vs. Bling Bling Bertram

Bertram enters to the sounds of "Purple Pills" by D-12 and Eminem, while Nuisance charges to the ring accompanied by a generic (And pretty crappy) hard rock beat. The majority of the match sees Nuisance running around like a wildman, while Bertram tries to bring him down but can't seem to do so. Nuisance is far too hopped up on pills to even feel the pain right now. Nuisance has Bertram set up for his finisher, the Running Hug, when Bertram pulls out one of his diamond-encrusted necklaces. Nuisance is distracted by the shiny object, giving Bertram time to grab him and hit him with the Thug Life Suplex. Bertram pins Nuisance, and we have our first FSW World Champion! Bertram celebrates his tainted victory, playing loud hip-hop music and dedicating his victory to "the brothaz who ain't here no' mo'."

WINNER (New FSW World Champion): Bling Bling Bertram
The FSW World title has gained in image. Bling Bling Bertram is losing overness because of his weak gimmick.
Crowd Reaction: 19%
Match Quality: 40%
Overall Rating: 26%

OVERALL RATING: 27%

No, it's cool. It was...actually sorta maybe almost kinda good, but a piece of advice, if your ratings pull that crapty, don't post them.