Post by jesterslaugh on Mar 5, 2007 21:20:54 GMT -5
I watch the smoke slowly curl towards the ceiling as I exhale. It reaches the ceiling slowly and settles there like a sick cloud, dark and ominous, the only thing that could make it more complete would be bolts of lightning striking down from it, I enjoy my fantasy.
Dr. Lindell: Dane, are you listening to a word I say.
His voice brings me back to reality, I slowly bring my eyes down from the cloud on the ceiling and look around. This office where I have spent so many hours of my life, he never changes it. The disgusting moth eaten Persian rug, that I would bet all the money I have ever made that its a fake, hanging on the wall, the walls behind the rug a bland egg white, coupled with an equally bland beige rug. Him behind his large oaken desk covered in photos of his family, his degree in an expensive looking frame on the wall right behind him, as if to remind me that he is “smarter” than me. I lean back in the leather chair where I always sit and take another long drag from my cigarette.
Dr. Lindell: I know Dane that you do not enjoy coming to these meetings with me every other week. But Dane I am here to help you, and I would like to see you get better, but Dane I need to know what you want from these meetings.
I give a slight smile as many wonderful thoughts of taking that diploma off the wall and bashing him in the head with it over and over, but I of course keep these thoughts to myself, since its them that got me here in the first place. So instead I muster the biggest, most heartfelt sigh I can muster and look right into his eyes and say
I want to get better, and I want your help
I watch his little beady eyes light up as I utter these words, as I try and hold back from vomiting. Sometimes I wonder if I will be able to keep the charade going long enough this time to be able to stop wasting my life in these places.
Dr. Lindell: Dane now you have to be serious about this, this time.
Dr. Lindell I have never been more serious about this.
A smile slowly crosses his big, fat face. He has never ceased to repulse me, his double chins, always sweating as if he just ran a mile. I can see his pit stains through his black sports coat, I take another long drag on my cigarette, and try to stop the thoughts of jumping across the desk and strangling him to death with his tie. Today its an revolting chartreuse with black diagonal stripes through it. I realize suddenly that he is intently staring at me. I quickly nod my head and he leans back in his chair with the satisfied look of a man who just won the lottery, his bulbous belly stretches the seems of his shirt and I’m prepared to dodge a button if it pops off.
Dr. Lindell: Dane I feel we have made a lot of progress today, and admitting that it was your fault is a big first step
My blood instantly boils as I hear these words exit his lips, I try to keep control of my face as the smile on his broadens showing his coffee stained incisors. I slowly begin to stand up.
Dr. Lindell: Dane we still have another forty-five minutes, why don’t you sit back down and we will see how many walls we can break down today.
The anger has dried my mouth out, and its taking every muscle I have to stop myself from destroying everything in the office.
I’m feeling a little weird after this, so I think I’m just going to head out for the day let me get my head wrapped around it all.
Dr. Lindell: That might be a good idea, after what we have done here today it might be good for you to spend sometime with your own thoughts…..Oh my doesn’t that hurt.
I look to where he is pointing and realize my cigarette has burned through the filter and the hot coals are burning my fingers, I lift my hand and place it on his desk and drop the cigarette butt. I turn around quickly, the blood still boiling in my veins. I grab my coat from the rack by the door and open the door.
Sorry about the cigarette.
Dr. Lindell: Oh don’t worry about it, I’ll see you in….
I don’t hear the last words as I slam the door behind me and quickly make my way through the lobby and out the front door. The minute the door closes behind me I quickly light another cigarette and inhale deeply letting the chemicals invade my lungs, I begin to calm down as I begin my slow walk back to my apartment. I begin to think how I could change my situation and I slowly remember my chance. I begin to laugh slightly as I keep walking.
I’m down to my last chance, this tournament is my final place to show that I am a man, that I am a winner, to finally start writing some of the wrongs in my past. With the money I can get from the contract I can finally change the records I can turn back the clock and win back my life and dignity. This all means one thing. Possessed Child, you stand no chance. I’m going to be fighting for more than just a ticket to the next round of this tournament. I’m fighting for my life, my sanity, and my past, and that makes me very dangerous, and you can throw whatever you want at me, but I am walking out of this thing a winner. I am going to get the contract and reclaim my life.
I suddenly realized I had been saying all these things outloud.
Maybe I do need that counseling
I take another drag from my cigarette and keep walking.
Fin[/I]
Dr. Lindell: Dane, are you listening to a word I say.
His voice brings me back to reality, I slowly bring my eyes down from the cloud on the ceiling and look around. This office where I have spent so many hours of my life, he never changes it. The disgusting moth eaten Persian rug, that I would bet all the money I have ever made that its a fake, hanging on the wall, the walls behind the rug a bland egg white, coupled with an equally bland beige rug. Him behind his large oaken desk covered in photos of his family, his degree in an expensive looking frame on the wall right behind him, as if to remind me that he is “smarter” than me. I lean back in the leather chair where I always sit and take another long drag from my cigarette.
Dr. Lindell: I know Dane that you do not enjoy coming to these meetings with me every other week. But Dane I am here to help you, and I would like to see you get better, but Dane I need to know what you want from these meetings.
I give a slight smile as many wonderful thoughts of taking that diploma off the wall and bashing him in the head with it over and over, but I of course keep these thoughts to myself, since its them that got me here in the first place. So instead I muster the biggest, most heartfelt sigh I can muster and look right into his eyes and say
I want to get better, and I want your help
I watch his little beady eyes light up as I utter these words, as I try and hold back from vomiting. Sometimes I wonder if I will be able to keep the charade going long enough this time to be able to stop wasting my life in these places.
Dr. Lindell: Dane now you have to be serious about this, this time.
Dr. Lindell I have never been more serious about this.
A smile slowly crosses his big, fat face. He has never ceased to repulse me, his double chins, always sweating as if he just ran a mile. I can see his pit stains through his black sports coat, I take another long drag on my cigarette, and try to stop the thoughts of jumping across the desk and strangling him to death with his tie. Today its an revolting chartreuse with black diagonal stripes through it. I realize suddenly that he is intently staring at me. I quickly nod my head and he leans back in his chair with the satisfied look of a man who just won the lottery, his bulbous belly stretches the seems of his shirt and I’m prepared to dodge a button if it pops off.
Dr. Lindell: Dane I feel we have made a lot of progress today, and admitting that it was your fault is a big first step
My blood instantly boils as I hear these words exit his lips, I try to keep control of my face as the smile on his broadens showing his coffee stained incisors. I slowly begin to stand up.
Dr. Lindell: Dane we still have another forty-five minutes, why don’t you sit back down and we will see how many walls we can break down today.
The anger has dried my mouth out, and its taking every muscle I have to stop myself from destroying everything in the office.
I’m feeling a little weird after this, so I think I’m just going to head out for the day let me get my head wrapped around it all.
Dr. Lindell: That might be a good idea, after what we have done here today it might be good for you to spend sometime with your own thoughts…..Oh my doesn’t that hurt.
I look to where he is pointing and realize my cigarette has burned through the filter and the hot coals are burning my fingers, I lift my hand and place it on his desk and drop the cigarette butt. I turn around quickly, the blood still boiling in my veins. I grab my coat from the rack by the door and open the door.
Sorry about the cigarette.
Dr. Lindell: Oh don’t worry about it, I’ll see you in….
I don’t hear the last words as I slam the door behind me and quickly make my way through the lobby and out the front door. The minute the door closes behind me I quickly light another cigarette and inhale deeply letting the chemicals invade my lungs, I begin to calm down as I begin my slow walk back to my apartment. I begin to think how I could change my situation and I slowly remember my chance. I begin to laugh slightly as I keep walking.
I’m down to my last chance, this tournament is my final place to show that I am a man, that I am a winner, to finally start writing some of the wrongs in my past. With the money I can get from the contract I can finally change the records I can turn back the clock and win back my life and dignity. This all means one thing. Possessed Child, you stand no chance. I’m going to be fighting for more than just a ticket to the next round of this tournament. I’m fighting for my life, my sanity, and my past, and that makes me very dangerous, and you can throw whatever you want at me, but I am walking out of this thing a winner. I am going to get the contract and reclaim my life.
I suddenly realized I had been saying all these things outloud.
Maybe I do need that counseling
I take another drag from my cigarette and keep walking.
Fin[/I]
